How We Talk
Part 1 – It’s a Matter of the Heart
April 11, 2010
Luke 6:43-45
NOTE: THE ME/WE/GOD/YOU/WE FORMAT IS FROM ANDY STANLEY'S BOOK, "COMMUNICATING FOR A CHANGE."
Me/We:
When researching this message I came across a quote that says we spend 10 years of our lives speaking.
I don’t know how accurate that is, but I don’t think that there is any denying that if we were to take all the time we talk each day and add it all up, it would be pretty significant, right?
So I would think that it’s pretty important that we look at how we talk and what’s behind how we talk.
Scripture is filled with references about how we speak – how we speak to God and how we speak to other people.
And over these next four Sundays, including today, I’m going to talk very directly about stuff, and some of you aren’t going to like it.
Now, my hope is that you will hear a lot of encouragement as well. This isn’t meant to be a series where you just get beat up, because while Scripture is full of encouragement about how to speak well, and we’re going to cover some of that as well.
But honestly, folks, all of us need to look (or hear) how we talk and examine what’s behind it.
And let me tell you something: You can’t see the big mirror that’s right up here. As I’m speaking to you I’m also talking to myself. This isn’t you – it’s us.
I’m as guilty of any of you here today of saying things that should not have been said, or of saying things that needed to be said, but could have been said differently or in a different setting.
So while I’m speaking, please understand that I’m talking to myself as much as anybody, okay? I’m not picking on you.
But let me also say something else: if you are feeling picked on, it’s probably not me doing it. I’m guessing that it’s the Holy Spirit speaking you.
And I would suggest you listen to that, and ask Him to do His thing in your life, whatever that is.
But let me ask you this:
Have you ever met a person who all they do is speak negatively?
You say, “I just started going to this doctor in town.” And they say, “Oh, I can’t stand that guy. He’s a lousy doctor. He did this or that…”
Or you say, “I’m thinking of trying out that eating place over on Main.”
And they say, “Oh, don’t go there. We went there and I was sick for a week.”
Or you say, “I just met so and so the other day.” And they say, “I can’t stand that person. I don’t have anything good to say about that person.”
I’ve heard all those things, and you know what’s really sad? I’ve heard Christians say all those things.
They never have anything good to say about anybody or anything.
Or they lie or whatever.
And think about it: if they have any friends, what kind of friends do they have? Usually it’s more people just like them.
Birds of a feather flock together, right?
On the other hand, I’ve heard lots of people – Christians and non-Christians – who are really positive people.
They’re cheerful in how they talk about people, experiences, and whatever.
It’s not that they deny that there are some things that go wrong in life, and even tragedy.
But they understand that dwelling on that stuff and holding onto them does no good and can only serve to bring them down and keep them from seeing the possibility of God bringing something good out of all that.
So how can deal with this? How can we become people who speak in ways that are good and not bad?
God: It’s waaaaayyy more than just training ourselves to speak right or in ways that help people see us as nice people.
Jesus touches as the root of how we speak in our Scripture passage for today.
Luke 6:43-45 (p. 730) –
43 "No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. 44 Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. 45 The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.
You’ve all heard the phrase, “You are what you eat.”
(Don’t say to the person next to you, “Obviously Pastor has been eating a lot of turkey and nuts lately…”)
It’s true that our physical bodies reflect our eating patterns.
It’s just as true that our mouths reflect our heart.
So we could just as easily say what I believe Jesus is saying. And this is the point I want to drive home today…
You are what you speak.
You ever thought about that before?
If you’re speech is full of negativity and you can’t find something good to say about somebody or something, then it’s not just your mouth – it’s your heart. It’s who you are. You are a negative person overall.
If you gossip – you talk about other people behind their back, or you spread “prayer requests” about people, then you don’t just gossip. You are a gossip.
Think about it. You may not do those things all the time, but you do it often enough that if someone were to describe you when you weren’t around, this would come up.
You’ve got a reputation as a gossip, a liar, a negative person.
On the other hand, maybe you’ve got a reputation as a positive person, someone who always has something good to say about someone and never says anything bad about people, someone who is truthful and doesn’t gossip.
They hear it in your speech, and they conclude that that’s who you are as a person.
You can’t help it – it’s who you are, for good or bad.
“Well, I don’t do that all the time. How can you say that this is who I am, and not just what I do?”
Folks, I’m not talking about the occasional case of gossip or negativity or even lying. Everyone in this room has been guilty of that stuff at one time or another.
I’m talking about the fact that a person is characterized by how they speak.
And they come to the conclusion Jesus speaks of – that what you say is a reflection of who you are in your heart.
A gossip doesn’t always gossip. A liar isn’t always lying. A negative person isn’t always negative.
But they do it enough that that it is part of their character. It’s part of who they are, and unless God does something radical in their hearts, that’s the way they will stay.
And folks, that’s not only a sad state of affairs, it’s completely and totally contrary to the way we are supposed to be and speak as people who call themselves Christians.
Jesus says in this passage that a tree is recognized by its fruit.
You don’t get grapes off an apple tree. You get apples on an apple tree.
In the same way, we can’t speak, at least not on a consistent basis, contrary to the condition of our heart.
We simply can’t help it.
Look back at what Jesus says in this passage:
The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart the mouth speaks.
Folks, we can’t help it. It’s the way we’re made.
If we are a person filled with good things in our heart, our mouth will speak good things.
If we are filled with bad things, then that’s what comes out of our mouth.
Why is this whole topic of our speech so important?
Because it reflects not only our heart, but it reflects Christ in us.
I think what Jesus is saying is that He wants us to be a good reflection of who He is and not a bad reflection of someone He’s not.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: we reflect Jesus to the world around us. The question is whether that reflection is good and accurate or whether it’s bad and inaccurate.
As it affects our speech, let me ask you:
Would you want anything to do with a Jesus that gossips, lies, slanders, and puts people down all the time?
“Wait a minute, Pastor. Jesus doesn’t do any of that stuff.”
I know. But if you call yourself a Christian but you’re doing these things, what are you telling people? That Jesus is okay with all this stuff.
Here is one of the toughest questions you will ever ask someone to answer for you:
“What does my speech say about my heart?” What does my speech say about me, especially at work and home?
I say especially at work and home because that’s when we’re not playing a part like many of us do when we’re out in public.
What does my speech say about my heart?
And listen – you can’t ask yourself that. You need to ask someone who will be brutally and yet lovingly honest with you. Usually that’s your spouse.
And spouse, be gracious about how you respond, okay? If you’re just looking to jump all over your spouse about whatever it is, then you’ll throw cold water on the deal and it’ll take that much longer for your spouse to work on that issue, and also for your spouse to trust you enough to ask you something like that again.
I asked Debra this last night about me while we were out on our date at Culver’s. Her response was, “We shouldn’t talk about this right here.”
So the minute I got into the van on our way out of the parking lot, I asked her again.
And you know what? I learned some things about myself that were hard to hear.
I’m not going to tell you what she said, because I don’t want folks saying, “Amen,” okay?
I was tempted to ask her if there was a certain time period these things started appearing, thinking that maybe it was a particularly hard time in my life or whatever.
But then I got to thinking that if I knew what triggered some of that, I might use that as an excuse.
And excuses are like armpits – everybody’s got a couple and they usually stink.
Some of you can probably guess what she said because you’ve interacted with me away from church.
Debra was upfront and honest in what she said, but she was gracious in how she said it. It made it easier to say.
Some of you are thinking, “I can’t wait to get home and tell my spouse what I think about their speech.”
Yes, you can. Don’t get anxious to do that, okay?
You are what you speak.
You: Let’s move on and talk about some things we can do to move on so that we can have a heart that overflows good instead of bad.
But a quick disclaimer: in doing this stuff, you’re not doing anything. All you’re doing is getting yourself in a position for God to do something in you.
Got it? Okay.
Psalm 19:14 (read this aloud with me) –
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
David saw the connection between our words and our heart
1. Start with filling your heart with God’s Word.
You know what happens when you do that?
You start clearing out the garbage that’s in your heart and you replace it with the good stuff from God and His Word.
You start filling your heart with truth – and it won’t be so easy to lie about anything or anybody.
You start filling your heart with God’s promises and you find it easier to be positive rather than negative.
You start filling your heart with stories about how Jesus redeemed people and you find it harder to gossip about others – because you start to realize that Jesus worked to redeem you from your imperfections and sins.
Spend some time every day in the Word. Even if it’s only five minutes.
Start in the Psalms or the gospels. Read it.
Think about what you’re reading and how it applies to your life and your situation. Pray about it while you’re reading it, asking God to help you understand and make it real in your life and your situation.
Intentionally spend time in God’s Word so it can fill your heart. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you overflow with the goodness of God’s Word.
You know one of the best ways to do that? Memorize it.
Write some Scripture out on a card that you can carry with you throughout the day, and read it all the time so you can memorize it.
That’s a habit I’m trying to get going again in my own life.
Ask me sometime how I’m doing on that – keep me accountable.
A second thing you can do to help you in this area of gaining a right heart is to…
2. Ask God to do some surgery:
Maybe you need:
> A by-pass.
In heart by-pass surgery, the surgeon takes a blood vessel from another part of your body and redirects blood-flow around the blockage that caused the problem in the first place.
I was reading about this while working on the message, and it said that during the procedure, you’re given a general anesthesia and you’ll be asleep.
And I’m like, “No kidding! I know I wouldn’t want to be awake when you’re cutting into my chest, spreading my skin and ribs, and cutting stuff around my heart.”
I’ve heard some people tell me they watched their surgery (not a by-pass, obviously) on a monitor.
Folks, I would never do that because they usually don’t want the patient vomiting during the procedure. Kinda messes things up a bit, don’t you think?
My point as it relates to our heart and our speech is that we need to ask God to help us redirect ourselves from holding on to only the negative to grabbing hold of the positive stuff.
To help us understand that no matter what happens to us – good, bad, or ugly, God can and will use it for His glory and our benefit.
Another type of bypass would be redirecting some of what you would like to say to being something you should say.
Ask God for a by-pass. Unless, of course, you need…
> A pacemaker.
I’ve never had a pacemaker, but some people in this congregation have.
The idea of a pacemaker is to help your heart keep the right kind of rhythm – neither too slow, nor too fast, given the circumstances.
The idea of a spiritual pacemaker is that God is helping you stay on an even keel so you’re not speaking mainly out of unstable emotions, but rather out of time spent thinking before responding.
A few weeks ago my lovely wife had to tell me that I respond angrily far too quickly and easily when things don’t go my way at home.
So I’ve been praying for God to help me be more even-tempered so that an angry response is no longer my default position switch.
So now I think a while before yelling at my kids. That works a whole lot better!
If you find yourself being too quick to speak and not quick enough to listen, then maybe what you need to do is ask God for a pacemaker in your heart.
But then there’s the most radical of all surgeries, and that is…
> A transplant.
You might need a brand new heart because the habits of your heart regarding your speech have become so ingrained that there is no other way but to ask God to give you a completely new heart that reflects Christ and His love toward people.
You’re looking at yourself and your heart and you know that what you’ve got right now won’t make it.
And you know that you need a heart transplant.
Here’s the good news. God’s in the business of putting new hearts in people. He loves to do it.
He won’t look down on your for asking. I think He’ll say, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time, but I couldn’t until you asked me for it.”
Ask God to do some surgery. Ask the Great Physician to do whatever it takes to make you a person whose heart overflows with good and not evil.
But to do that, you need to come to the point of admitting that you need help in this area.
That’s not easy.
And you also need to understand that both the surgery and the recovery from that surgery can be painful and take some time.
But folks, it’s worth it.
We: Folks, everyone can find room for improvement in the area of how we talk, particularly in how it reflects our heart.
Please don’t walk away today thinking this message doesn’t apply to you. It does. Just like it applies to me.
Have the guts to ask someone to tell you honestly what your speech says about your heart.
Then have the guts to ask God to do some surgery.
You’ll be better for it. And so will those who have to listen to you.
Let’s pray.
