Introduction.
The Sanctity of Marriage today is under attack from all quarters of society and state, this of course is not something new society and states have often attacked and ignored and imposed their own take on the God given institution of marriage.
Ever since the fall of humanity, people have been doing what seems right in their own eyes. Yet in 21st century Britain we see an ever increasing depravity manifesting itself in the sexual immorality that abounds this society the utter rejection of marriage and the union between one women and one man under God for life.
Marriage in our society is being sidelined, ignored and pillaged and is becoming a Frankenstein monster unrecognisable from Gods perfect design for marriage. Most heterosexual couples today in society live out immoral lives (live together first ~ I did before coming to Christ ~ as Christians we must not get desensitised to the worlds values) many consider marriage as an afterthought and if you do get married and your unhappy , just jump ship.
Homosexuality is seen as viable alternative relationship today and many gay right activists are continuing to lobby parliament to seek equality in the context of marriage under God in a Church setting, wanting more than just civil partnerships, despite living out lives in contradiction to God’s Word. (Rom 1:26-27,1Cor 6:9 lev.18:22). In such an immoral environment Christians need a very clear and robust doctrine on Marriage and will come under increasing attack, but we must be faithful always to scripture and to God. Sadly Christians too fail in marriage for one reason or another ~ and when we do we must realise that our God is a God of Grace and forgiveness, when we come in the beauty of brokenness, he can restore our relationship with Him. Let’s read the article
Marriage 1689 Baptist confession of faith. Article 25. Marriage
1. Marriage is to be between one man and one woman. It is not lawful for any man to have more than one wife, nor for any woman to have more than one husband, at the same time. (a)
a. Gen 2:24 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.,
a. Matt 19:5-6 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'[a]? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
2. Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife(a), for the increase of mankind with a legitimate issue, and for preventing uncleanness (b).
a. Gen 2. 18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
b. Gen 1: 28 God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."
3. It is lawful for all sorts of people to marry if they are able with judgement to give their consent (a). But it is the duty of Christians to marry in the Lord (b), and therefore those who profess the true religion should not marry with infidels or idolaters. Nor should those who are godly be unequally yoked by marrying with those who are wicked in their life or who maintain heretical teaching condemned to judgement. (C)
a. Heb 13.4 Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral
b. 39A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.
c. 2Cor 6:14 14Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (Neh13:25-27).
4. Marriage ought not to be within the degrees of consanguinity or affinity forbidden in the Word (a), nor can such incestuous marriages ever be made lawful by any law of man or consent of parties so that such persons may live together as man and wife (b).
a. Lev 18. Unlawful sexual relationships 1 Cor 5:1It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that does not occur even among pagans: A man has his father's wife.
b. Mark 6:18 For John had been saying to Herod, "It is not lawful for you to have your brother's wife."
Let’s simply look at a God’s design for Marriage
1. Somebody once said in regard to marriage said “man is incomplete until he is married and then he is finished !”
But seriously man is really incomplete until he is married for we are relational beings and as such we desire intimate relationships with each other. But rather than being finished he is completed (male and female) men and women in marriage bring oneness, this is God’s intention from the very begining.
We see that before Eve came on the creation scene that despite all that God had created, God declares 18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." And so the search for a helper begins, it is commenced by God bringing all the living creatures to Adam to be named, also here the search begins v20 but for Adam no suitable helper was found.
The point the scriptures are getting across here is not that God was somehow perplexed and searching high and low for an answer to His problem. The scriptures are making the point that Adam is different that in some way he is incomplete at this moment alone.
(a) Made in the image of God (1: 26), This is the unique difference between human beings to the animal kingdom ( we are not evolved creatures ~ from a lower life form ~ God made all the animals according to their kind (1: 24-25) And that includes the first human Adam. Whose kind is so much different, made in the image of the triune God. This is why no suitable helper was found here. Adam was unlike the animals, made in the image of God.
(b) Relational: Adam unlike the animals, was in relationship with God, he communed with God ~ still a human trait today. (Animals are not) they might form relationships according to their kinds, but its nothing like a human relationship. God Himself is in relationship, He is three yet One, a relational being, within Himself. And when Adam was given Eve there were two within the mystical union of marriage the two would become One flesh in relationship together. He hasn’t made us to live in isolation but in relationship to Him ~ community in relationships ~ and in marriage.
(Gen 2:23-24) 23 The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
for she was taken out of man."
(c) Marriage union completeness: Here we see Gods marriage act, a mystical union of Adam and Eve together although two becoming One, Eve taken out of the side of Adam, bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh, a helper called Woman, for she was taken out of man. No longer alone, incomplete but in relationship together, and complete, God has provided a helper where Adam is deficient, a women who complement Adam has been divinely given, before Adam was incomplete but now he is complete. And here sets the pattern for marriage still today 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
(d) This union alone enables this married couple to be fruitful and increase in number (1:28). This would have never materialised if God had created another man for Adam. No, God created woman for man, not man for man in relationship, if that was ever God’s intended purpose the population of 6 billion and counting would not have existed, they may have been no fall, for Eve took the fruit, but there would have been no growing community, that can enter into relationship with one another and God. So the marriage union that God has called us too can only ever be of that of woman and man in the sight of God.
2. Somebody else once said, “Marriage may be made in Heaven, but they have to be worked out here on earth.” (Gen 2:24-25, 3:1-7 humanities fall).
Of course marriage is Gods design for humanity and so it origins are heavenly, are divine, for He established it. (Gen 2:24-25 ) And in its purest form in the very beginning it was a perfect marriage (25) The man and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame. Speaks of innocence, purity, love towards one another and God.
Many people have this idea, that their marriages will be different that somehow they are going to drive off and live happily ever after into the sunset, but the reality is that all marriages are going to have to be worked at here upon earth if we are to maintain a love for a lifetime for each other and a christian marriage will be no different . Why do I say that?
Post –Fall effects
Because we are living after the fall. Adam & Eve lost their innocence together and their relationship together took on a whole new meaning.
(a) It spoilt the gift of sex (7,10) nakedness became an embarrassment (sex today anything goes, outside, before, as well as outside of marriage –pornography sexual perversions).
(b) It spoiled their relationship with God (8) (how many people casually enter into sex and relationships and are without God).
(c) It spoiled their relationship with one another. sin entered into their lives which not only effected their innocence together and sex but their relationship with God ,but with one another also they became a dysfunctional couple together. Now Adam speaks contemptuously of the Woman God gave to him. Adam blames Eve (12) for the situation, despite Adam negating is responsibilities to lead his wife in the right direction as the head he should of stipulated Gods commandment to them both (2:16-17) For He was with her when he ate the fruit, he should have taken the lead (3:6). Eve has usurped his leadership role (3:16-17) her husband would rule over her. She goes on to blames the serpent (13 ) rather than looking at herself and her own actions.
Not to mention the joy of child birth was lost, as it would become painful (16) and the pleasure of work would become toilsome and hard (17-19) and to cap it all off cast out of the abundant Garden where the tree of life and God dwelt and death came knocking on their door and ours.
So this relationship may well have been made in heaven by God above, but it would have to be worked out together on earth here below from now on.
Application: negative & positive
The negative: As a result all relationships can have these characteristics within them which disrupt our marriages and our relationships, they become fractured and life together becomes complicated and hard and we have to work at staying together in our marriages. That’s why the statistic don’t make for good reading 1-3 of all marriages end in divorce, not to mention the increase in cohabitating couples who may just walk out on one another and even Christian marriages are not immune from divorce.
But Divorce is not Gods original intention listen to Jesus. Matt 19:5-6 5Jesus said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'[a]? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
Jesus also said in regard to divorce (matt.5). 31"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'[a] 32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulterous, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
The positive: How we are to work at our marriages upon earth, the fact is that God has not left us to our own devices. He has sent his Son with power to Save to restore our relationship with Him our marriages and with others. Jesus shows us a more excellent way, the way of love. He has given us his Spirit , that we might walk not in accordance with the flesh, but in the Spirit. With Jesus abiding in the centre of our marriages the dysfunctional behaviour patterns we show towards one another can be eradicated, pain can be removed, forgiveness can be received and love for one another can grow and flourish, despite the fallen conditions that have impacted upon all our lives.
• Charles swindoll wrote in regard to marriage, It takes longer than you planned , it costs more than you expected, it is messier than you anticipated and it requires greater determination than you thought and Brian and Barbra Edwards add but its most wonderfully satisfying and I’ve added with Christ in the centre. (No longer two p22. Day one).
In Christ Marriage is a profound mystery (Eph 5:31-32) (hidden plan of God) is that the original intention of marriage and all marriages in Christ, are to be modelled upon and reflect the forthcoming marriage of Christ to His Church. One day Christ will return for His Bride the Church and she will be prepared for the Lamb (Rev 19:7 21:7) Gods intention for Christian marriage is not to reflect the culture of the day, but Gods original intention Christ & Church.
3. Somebody else once said In regard to our unique roles within marriage is “The man is the head but the women is the neck, and the head goes nowhere without the neck.
• Somebody once wrote a book ‘Men are from Mars and women are from Venus which really speaks about how different men and women really are. I think it stands out the most on the wedding day itself.
• The big day arrives and the husband to be wakes up, relaxes might have a full English breakfast then goes out and has a round of golf with the lads and counts the minutes until he has to be at the altar.
• The wife to be on the other hand wakes up and from the very first moment is panicking. She immediately begins to organize things, making sure that everything is done proper order. In her mind as she travels in the car down to the Church she is repeating everything that she has to do.
• I’ll have to do is go down the aisle, get to the alter and sing a hymn, she repeats this as she make her way down the aisle all I have to do is go down the aisle get to the alter and sing a hymn – she then shortens it into three little words Aisle Alter Hymn, Aisle Alter Hymn and as the vicar begins to welcome everybody she cries out “I’ll alter him!”
But seriously what are the biblical roles of men and women in marriage that God requires us to live out in our lives, which will embody this profound mystery of Christ & Church to others.
Key text: Eph5. 22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[b] 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
In a Christian marriage it’s not the women’s role to alter the man, or the man’s role to alter the women. But for Both man and women to be altered by Christ. The Christian couple are to model their marriage upon Christ the man is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her, to the point of sacrifice (25)
Men’s Headship
To the Men we are to be the spiritual head in our marriages (1 Cor 11:3) 3Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. and Eph 5:23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Here is Gods blueprint for leadership in marriage but this pattern is also in our Churches too. 1Tim 2: 11A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. 12I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. Two reasons for mans leadership13For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. And the scriptures clearly teach it.
That’s why you won’t see a woman preacher in this chapel preaching and teaching over men, yes to women and children, it’s not the biblical pattern. To teach and have authority over men, whatever others are doing. Sadly many men have abdicated the responsibility of headship and the authority of scriptures and some women have usurped this headship and as a result marriages and Churches may well be functioning but not as God intended. Some liberals try to justify such a position by quoting (Gal3:28 quote out of context at your peril) 28There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. This is in reference to our salvation in Christ not to our roles in marriage or in the Church.
• Men Sacrificial love (agape) v25He gave himself up for her. (Eph 5:25)
Some of you women at this point your blood might be boiling, but it shouldn’t be, if you are a godly women , you will desire to do the will of God and its your delight to submit to your husband and to your leaders. Why? Because men are not only to be leaders but they are to be lovers, lovers of their wives. The Man is the head but he should never be a dictator he is called to lead with sacrificial love for his wife.
There are different four different Greek words for love in the bible which we experience in marriage and which men are to show above all.
1. Eros –sexual love the one that makes your heart miss a beat.
2. Phileo – friendship type of love.
3. Surgase –the love which binds us as biological families.
4. Agape _- a self giving type of love which looks beyond faults - this is the word Paul uses here.
Christ is our example who gave himself for us, he was willing to lay down his life for ours. Jhn 4:10 this is love not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. A love which loves when you are unloved a love which goes beyond you scatch my back and Ill scratch yours, this is the love we are to show to our wives, its not a feeling, its volitional, it’s a response, it’s a LOVE that acts. It’s the love that God demonstrates: His own love towards us while we were yet sinners christ died for us (Rom 5:6).
Men are prepared to love with this agape love? To put the needs of your wife before your own, to comfort her in her distress, to honour her in her achievements , to care for her in sickness and in health, to provide for her in poverty or riches, to be faithful to her in youth and old age, to love her alone to death do you part. So this rules out a man ruling over women by any sort of tyranny but rules in love and so submission is the natural response.
• There was once a tyrannical husband who demanded that his wife conform to rigid standards of his choosing. She was to do certain things for him as a wife, mother, and homemaker. In time she came to hate her husband as much as she hated his list of rules and regulations. Then, one day he died—mercifully as far as she was concerned. “Some time later, she fell in love with another man and married him. She and her new husband lived on a perpetual honeymoon. Joyfully, she devoted herself to his happiness and welfare. One day she ran across one of the sheets of dos and don’ts her first husband had written for her. To her amazement she found that she was doing for her second husband all the things her first husband had demanded of her, even though her new husband had never once suggested them. She did them as an expression of her love for him and her desire to please him.” I believe this is the spirit of submission Paul envisions in the Christian home.
• [James s. Hewett, illustrations unlimited (Wheaton: Tyndale house publishers, inc., 1988), p. 501].
A women’s role of submission. (Eph.5:22 -24)
In Genesis 2: 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs [a] and closed up the place with flesh.
• Theologian Matthew Henry wrote “The woman was. Not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him , and near his heart to be beloved.”
From this creation account we see that both genders are equally created in God’s image and heirs together to eternal life (Gal3:28-29). In Eph 5:22 a women’s submission spoken of here is for the ultimate health and harmonious working of the marriage relationship.
Submission gets bad press today and the feminine movement see it as a weakness but it’s actually a strength which was demonstrated by Christ himself (who submitted himself to the will of His Father) and demonstrated by the Church (submitting to the will of Christ for the Church) .Hence the woman’s submission becomes a visible parable of her submission to the lord v22, and as the churches submission to Christ.
• Finally marriage is a team sport. Think of a football team: the coach must spend hours scouting, preparing offensive and defensive strategies, finding out the strengths and weaknesses of his own players, and making a game plan in order to take his players to a game, but unless the players submit to his leadership, they will not win. Neither the coach nor the players can be done without, but neither is more or less important than the other- they are a team. And such is the case with marriage.
v24 …… As Christians we submit our lives to the Lord because he loved us and gave himself for us. The Church submits to his headship and so the woman submits to the man’s headship, who in turn the man submits to Christ’s headship.
Aubrey Vaughan www.cbcommunity.co.uk
