“How Can I Forgive THAT?”
Example of Joseph?
March 14, 2010
Introduction
I’m going to do something that preaching teachers tell you to never do: go right into the material.
We’ve got a lot of ground to cover, and I won’t even have time to review what I talked about last week, so if you missed it you’ll have to go the website and listen to it and you can download the note-taking guide.
God: We’re going to look at various things that happened to Joseph in the book of Genesis as we look at the issue of “how” to forgive.
And listen – I know that some of you have been hurt so badly you can’t talk about it in front of other people, but I’m asking you to hang on with me, because I believe God wants to bring some healing to you.
We start in Genesis 37 –
Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers…and he brought their father a bad report about them. Now Israel (Jacob) loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him. When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.
Okay, Joseph was “favorite son.” And that was bad enough, because it caused his brothers to hate him.
Later in this chapter, we find Joseph telling his family that he has dreams about them bowing down to him.
Now, if God gives you a dream like that, be careful how you talk about it, okay? Because it can come across like arrogance, and that’s how his family took it.
Because of this, they plotted to kill him, but then decided to sell him in slavery instead.
* Joseph was hated and mistreated by his family.
Some of you know what that’s all about, don’t you?
Some of you have been hurt by the people you love the most, and while they didn’t try to kill you or sell you into slavery, they have hurt you terribly and your heart and soul is scarred.
Joseph can relate to that.
Then Joseph gets sold to a guy named Potiphar, who has a wife with a wandering eye in Chapter 39 –
Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, (Some of you are going, “Now THAT I can relate too…No you can’t…) 7 and after a while his master's wife took notice of Joseph and said, "Come to bed with me!" 8 But he refused.
You’ve heard the saying, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” right?
Some of you are probably going, “No kidding – I’ve been sleeping on the couch for six weeks, man.”
Well, Joseph’s about to find that out in a big way.
11 One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. 12 She caught him by his cloak and said, "Come to bed with me!" But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.
16 She kept his cloak beside her until his master came home. 17 Then she told him this story: "That Hebrew slave you brought us came to me to make sport of me. 18 But as soon as I screamed for help, he left his cloak beside me and ran out of the house."
19 When his master heard the story his wife told him, saying, "This is how your slave treated me," he burned with anger. 20 Joseph's master took him and put him in prison, the place where the king's prisoners were confined.
* Joseph was unjustly accused and punished for something he didn’t do.
Anyone here relate to that? No fun, is it?
It happens all the time.
So Joseph is put into prison. And it’s important to notice that Genesis goes on to mention that Joseph didn’t just sit around, nursing a grudge against his brothers and plotting revenge on Potiphar’s wife.
The Bible says that he went to work right there in the prison, and just like when he was working for Potiphar, he did everything well and he actually put in charge of all the other prisoners.
In chapter 40 we come across another interesting episode that happened while he was in prison.
Two of his fellow prisoners had dreams, and Joseph finds out about it, and God gives him the interpretation of their dreams. It’s great news for one, and horrible news for the other.
And at the end of the interpretation for the one who’s about to be restored to the Pharaoh’s favor, Joseph says, “Look, man – when you’re back, put in a good word with Pharaoh for me, okay? Cool. Fist bump.”
(Pharaoh) restored the chief cupbearer to his position, so that he once again put the cup into Pharaoh's hand…however, he did not remember Joseph; he forgot him.
Check out this next verse –
When two full years had passed, Pharaoh had a dream.
* Forgotten by someone he had done a favor for.
I have a confession to make: I like to read “Annie’s Mailbox” in the newspaper
And a lot of times the letter goes something like this: “I did this for them and they’ve ignored me. Should I cut them off completely and maybe see if I can hire a hit man to take them out?”
I’ve had bad days, but I’ve never been imprisoned for something I didn’t do, then promised to have something done about it and then forgotten about.
That would be a bad day, don’t you think?
Joseph didn’t just have a bad day, he had a bad 14 years.
Now if Joseph was like a lot of people, and maybe like some of us here today, he would sit around, being angry, bitter, hating, wanting revenge or wanting God to bring some hurt on this person, wanting bad things to happen to that person or rejoicing when bad things happen to that person (“serves him right…”).
Right? If anyone had a right to be bitter and vengeful, it would be this guy. Because for 14 years he had been mistreated both by perfect strangers and by people in his own family.
But Joseph had something that we need so desperately if we’re going to be people who can forgive, and we see it in chapter 45.
Here we find Joseph’s brothers coming to Egypt to get food because the famine in Egypt was actually all over the place, including the country where his family was.
And so, after all these years, his brothers appear before him and they don’t recognize him.
3 Joseph said to his brothers, "I am Joseph! Is my father still living?" But his brothers were not able to answer him, because they were terrified at his presence.
4 Then Joseph said to his brothers, "Come close to me." When they had done so, he said, "I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! 5 And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. 6 For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will not be plowing and reaping. 7 But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.
8 "So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God.”
What helped him be able to get through 14 years of mistreatment and imprisonment with a heart of forgiveness instead of vengeance?
Folks, it’s so important that you catch this, because it’ll help you deal with the hurts and help you forgive those who have hurt you: Joseph was able to grab the eternal perspective.
He was able to see beyond his circumstances and all the undeserved hurt to see that God Himself had been part of it all the time.
I think that oftentimes the reason we can’t forgive someone who’s hurt us is because we think that God is totally on the outside and that He’s powerless to do anything about it.
We might not think that deliberately, but it’s in the back of our minds.
I’m going to talk about this more later, but believe me folks, God is not unaware, and God is not powerless to work in you and through your circumstances.
You: So let’s talk about “how” to forgive for a while.
And just to cover all my bases here, I want to show you another command of Scripture about our need to forgive:
Colossians 3:13 –
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Forgiveness isn’t really a “process,” but here are six things you can keep in mind as you think about forgiving someone.
So here we go. The first thing you need to do is to…
1. Start by thanking Jesus for obtaining forgiveness for YOU.
Remember, you don’t deserve forgiveness any more than the person you need to forgive.
We talked about that last week. It’s not fair for you to be forgiven. It’s only because of God’s grace and mercy and love for you that you have forgiveness through the unfair death of Jesus on your behalf.
And when you start to become more grateful for what God has done for you through Christ, you will find it easier to forgive those who hurt you.
2. Decide if it’s really a “sin” that you need to forgive.
Some people just get offended easily.
Someone says or does something that hurts your feelings and you’re all upset and think that you’ve been sinned against.
But let me ask you: does the Bible call that thing sin, or is it just that you feel hurt because you’re skin is too thin?
Folks, let me tell you – that’s where I was for a lot of years. People would say something to me or do something to me and I’d be hurt, even if they didn’t mean to hurt me.
I had to learn that some things just aren’t sin. They hurt, but that doesn’t mean they sinned against me.
And the thing I had to learn was that I just needed to suck it up and get a thicker skin.
There was nothing to forgive on my part – but I had to ask God’s forgiveness for being bitter about it.
Some of you need to do the same thing.
3. Release your “rights” regarding the offense.
(This is from Biblical Counseling Keys, by June Hunt)
This is going to be the toughest thing for some of you.
This implies that you need...
—To release your right to hear "I'm sorry"
—To release your right to be bitter
—To release your right to get even
Romans 12:17 –
"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody."
Debra took some notes one time regarding some of this stuff. I don’t remember where she got this, but she put some of the notes in my folder that I use to collect the information for these messages, and here are a couple things that really struck me and I think God will use to minister to you today:
There is a God who will eventually make everything right.
Remember that vengeance should have fallen on you. But it fell on Christ instead.
—To release your right to dwell on the offense
—To release your right to hold on to the offense
—To release your right to keep bringing up the offense
I’m going to come back to that one here a little later. But for now let’s look at…
4. Pray for the person who has hurt you.
Matthew 5:44-45 –
“Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven.”
And don’t pray, “God, strike them down!” You’re supposed to pray for them, not against them, okay?
Pray that God would heal them of whatever it is that caused them to hurt you, and if they don’t know Christ, that He would save them.
I know it’s not easy. But Jesus says we’re supposed to do it anyway.
5. Continue to forgive when the memories return.
Oftentimes, and especially if the hurt is big, that memory keeps coming back to us.
I mentioned last week that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, because nothing in Scripture supports that, and the fact of the matter is that some hurts are just too huge to just forget.
But we don’t have to dwell on the hurts of the past that we’ve forgiven.
The enemy, Satan, is the one who drudges up memories for the sake of getting you to hurt and hate.
Oftentimes I have had to say, even out loud at times, “I have forgiven that – and I forgive it again. God help me to keep forgiving that.”
You may have to do that, too.
And here’s the last way to help in your forgiving of other people, and that is to…
6. Like Joseph, grab the eternal perspective.
“God sent me here.”
Now let me say something here:
Joseph’s recognition of God’s plan didn’t come right away, did it?
It wasn’t until he saw his brothers coming for food that it dawned on him.
And even after he figured it out, that didn’t make everything he’d gone through quit hurting, did it?
But what it did was show him that even our darkest hour can be used by God to bring about good in our lives and in the lives of others.
Romans 8:28 – a verse most of us know and have read, and have even gotten sick of because people have quoted it us – has really helped me. Let’s read it and the following verse, because it sheds light on something.
Most of you have heard verse 28 quoted this way, like it says in the King James Version of the Bible:
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
But most modern translations more accurately translate it this way:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.
Folks, God either brought that trouble or He allowed it. Theologians argue about that all the time, and I don’t have the final answer on it.
But in any case, whether God brought it or he allowed it, God can and will use it for his glory to make us more like Jesus.
Just like He did in the life of Joseph, He does it for you and me.
You may not know what that is for a long time, or you may not know what that is until you’re in heaven with Jesus.
But rely on the fact that nothing that happens to you, good, bad, or ugly, without God being able to use it in your life to make you more like Jesus.
Let’s turn the corner now and take a look at a question that a lot of us wrestle with from time to time: how can I know I’ve forgiven someone?
Again, these aren’t in any particular order, but I think they’re all important in helping us see if we’ve forgiven someone as we should.
1. You can think of them and talk to them without bringing up the past offense.
Proverbs 17:9 –
"He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends."
Most of us have been on the other end of that, haven’t we? “There’s Fred. I wonder if he’ll bring up that thing from 20 years ago again. Man, when is he going to let go of that?”
No one likes to live in fear that old hurts are going to be brought up again. And when you do that, you know what you’re doing?
You’re not going to like this.
When you continually bring up past offenses, you’re doing the work of Satan. Really.
“Satan” means accuser. When you continually bring up the past, you are accusing that person all over again. And you need to stop it. Today.
“But Pastor Brian – I just want them to remember so they don’t do it again.”
It’s not your job to do that. And besides that, they remember – you’ve been throwing it in their face for years. It’s time to drop it and move on. Seriously.
Ask God to help you get to the point where you don’t even think about bringing that up again, and when you’re tempted to do it, the Holy Spirit taps your heart and helps you stop before you do it.
2. You can stop bringing it up to other people.
You know what I just heard? The scraping of a bunch of shoes as you drew your feet back because I just stepped on your toes.
This is so easy to do, and so hard to stop. But if you’ve really forgiven someone, you’ll stop talking about what that person did to you.
At least in situations where the person listening doesn’t need to know.
Obviously I’m not talking about counseling situations and such.
I’m talking about things like, “Hey there goes Freda. Did I ever tell you what she did to me? You won’t believe it, and you need to watch your step or she’ll do it to you if you’re not careful.”
If you can’t stop that, then you need to ask God to help you truly forgive that person and give you the strength to hold your tongue.
That verse in Proverbs isn’t just for face-to-face conversations. It’s for when you’re talking to others as well.
3. You can pray for God’s best for them.
When you can pray that God will bless them, it's hard to hate them. It's hard to hold a grudge.
I think that when you can do that, that’s a sign that God has helped you to really forgive that person.
4. You don’t rejoice if something bad happens to them.
Prov 24:17 (NAS) –
Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles.
You know what? I’m like a lot of you. I love movies where the bad guys get killed.
How many of you have seen “Taken,” with Liam Neeson, about how his daughter is kidnapped to be a sex slave?
Folks, I’ve got a teenage daughter, and I found myself living through Liam Neeson as he tracked down and killed the people responsible.
Okay, I just told you the plot of the movie. Watch it anyway, you’ll like it.
But that’s the movies. In real life, that’s not the way it’s supposed to be.
According to Scripture, we’re supposed to hurt when our enemies get hurt.
Totally not natural, is it? That’s why we need the help of God with this.
We: Folks, let me say something that we have got to get a hold of, because it could mean the difference in where some people spend eternity.
Here’s what I need to say: if the world can’t see us forgiving those who hurt us, how in the world are they going to see the forgiveness Jesus has for them?
If we want to accurately reflect Jesus to a lost and dying world, they need to see us forgiving others like Jesus has forgiven us.
So let’s start – at least start by asking God to help you forgive when you can’t do it on your own. At least start there.
For the rest of us, we need to just do it. Let it go, asking God to help us move on and pray for those who have hurt us.
I know it’s not easy. But God commands it, and He wants to help us do it.
Let’s pray.
