Title: The Relationship Choice
Text: “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” Matthew 5: 7 (Matthew 18:21-35)
Thesis: Our relationships are righted when we offer forgiveness to those who have hurt us, in the same way that God has forgiven us.
Lenten Series: Life’s Healing Choices
Introduction
In July 2008, Christianity Today magazine's chief editor, David Neff, attended the "Loving God and Neighbor Together" dialogue between Muslims and Christians held at Yale University. While there, he noticed a critical difference between the Christian and Muslim understandings of love, compassion, and mercy. He writes:
The Christian participants had been taught by Jesus that love should be indiscriminate—just as the mercy shown by the Good Samaritan was conditioned on nothing other than the wounded man's need. That may not be the way we generally behave, but it is the way we have learned to think of ourselves. It is the standard against which we measure ourselves.
The Muslim participants startled us Christians by talking about the limits their religion brought to their compassion. Orphans, widows, and others in need through no fault of their own deserve compassion, they said. But in Islamic ethics, there was no obligation to help the person whose drunkenness or gambling or otherwise unwise behavior put them in difficulty.
Reflecting on what I heard those Muslim leaders say, the tension was not between a generous God and a stingy God, as [Japanese theologian] Kosuke Koyama puts it, but between mercy that was defined and conditioned by justice (the Muslim view) and justice that was conditioned and defined by mercy (the Christian view). (David Neff, "A Perfect Pearl," ChristianityToday.com - as a part of The Christian Vision Project)
In other words, in a Muslim culture if a person is undeserving, he does not receive mercy. In a Christian culture an undeserving person receives mercy. In the case of the story of the Good Samaritan from Luke 10:30ff, a man who was foolish enough to take the Jericho Road, knowing that he could get rolled by a bunch of thugs, got what he deserved. He was unwise. Therefore, there was no social obligation for anyone to stop and help the guy when he was in fact, rolled on the Jericho Road.
It’s like that quip we all wish we had the nerve to state when someone finds himself in a crisis and imposes on our good graces to bail them out. I think it goes something like, “Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.” In other words, “you screwed up, not me; therefore you can fix it yourself. I have no obligation to demonstrate mercy or grace when you deserve to be in the fix you are in.”
Mercy is at the very heart of who God is. In Jeremiah 3:12 God declares, “I am merciful!”
Mercy is at the very core of what God expects of his people. One of the Old Testament prophets stated: “He [God] has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8
On an occasion when Jesus had done a kind thing for man on the Sabbath and fell under the scrutiny and criticism of the religious leaders of his day, Jesus said, “I desire mercy, not sacrifice…” Matthew 12:7 Similarly he confronted a group of religious leaders who were scrupulously attending to every jot and tittle of the law, straining at a gnat and swallowing a camel, so to speak, and neglecting the important matters of the law – justice, mercy and faithfulness. Matthew 23:23
In the Christian faith, justice is always defined by mercy and it is a good thing for us that that is the case.
I. When we needed mercy, we received mercy.
“But because of his great love for us, God who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved.” Ephesians 2:4-5
Mercy was the defining description of the Apostle Paul’s personal testimony. “Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy… here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.” I Timothy 1:13, 15-16
In the stories of the lost sheep and the lost coin there is seemingly no offense incurred between the shepherd and the sheep that walked away or the woman and the coin that was misplaced. But in the story of the lost son, the son committed a grievous offense against his father.
Over the years I have come to think that wherever there is a will, there will be a war. Estates and the divvying up of estates is dicey business. And when estates are to be settled and all interested parties are gathered for the reading of the will, there are sometimes shocks and surprises that deeply divide families. But in the case of the lost son, he had the audacity to approach his father and essentially say, “I can’t wait for you to die in order to inherit my share of the estate so I would like for you to give it to me now, so I can get off this farm and have some fun in Vegas.”
His behavior was about as despicable as despicable gets… he was as undeserving as undeserving gets when it comes to mercy. When he came slinking back in utter shame he knew he was a scoundrel and a cad. He knew he had been a terrible son. But rather than be given the justice he deserved, he was shown mercy by the very one he had injured most.
We are all lost sons, so to speak.
“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love… he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:8-12
There is a story told about a mother who came to Napoleon on behalf of her son, who was about to be executed. The mother asked the ruler to issue a pardon, but Napoleon pointed out that it was the man’s second offense and justice demanded his death.
The woman said, “I don’t ask for justice. I’m here to plead for mercy.”
The emperor replied, “But your son doesn’t deserve mercy.”
“Sir,” the mother replied, “it would not be mercy if he deserved it, and mercy is all I ask.” (John Koessler, in a sermon “Blessed Are the Merciful,” PreachingToday.com)
Mercy is not mercy unless it is undeserved… and no one among us deserves the mercy God has demonstrated toward us in Christ.
When we needed mercy, we received mercy.
The logic that follows is this:
II. When we have been shown mercy, we can be merciful toward others.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
“As God’s people… clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:12-13
Sometimes people do really mean things and get by with it… other times people get caught.
This week the CEO of the Tennessee Hospitality Association was fired because “the message he sent as a joke” was received as “unwelcoming.” His e-mail, which compared first lady Michelle Obama to a chimpanzee, was apparently offensive to enough folks that he was fired. His joke was described as “deeply hurtful, appalling and unacceptable.”
Walt Baker apologized saying, “I deeply apologize to anyone who is offended by this action. I hope that those who know me realize that the message was not intended to be malicious or hurtful in any way and can find it in their hearts to forgive me.” (Juanita Cousins and Michael Cass, Michelle Obama, chimp e-mail costs executive Nashville contract, The Tennessean, March 7, 2010)
Joke or no joke, I think I would be offended if someone suggested Bonnie looked like a chimpanzee.
It seems that in this ever increasing age of political correctness we have to be increasingly sensitive to what may be offensive to others. And if you are a reader of Ask Amy or any other advice columnists you know that people are terribly edgy and easily hurt and offended and prone to carry a grudge. Hurts between people tend to fester into pockets of infected interpersonal relationships if they are not forgiven. So putting justice and fairness aside – I think the burden of mercy falls on the Christian to be the bigger person because if anyone understands what it means to receive mercy… Christians do.
On more than one occasion, the Obamas have been wonderful examples in demonstrating mercy and forgiveness. In September of last year, during his speech to Congress, Joe Wilson, Congressman from South Carolina took exception to something the president said and in an unprecedented moment of incivility “spontaneously” shouted out, “You lie!” (Peter Hamby and Deidre Walsh, Joe Wilson says outburst spontaneous, CNNPolitics.com, September 10, 2009)
Congressman Wilson promptly apologized and in a news conference the following day, President Obama publically accepted his apology and stated, “We all make mistakes.”
When we come to realize that we all make mistakes and that we have all received mercy… we can act mercifully.
Our text says, “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” But what about when we are not merciful?
III. When we are unforgiving toward others we become the unforgiven ourselves, i.e., the unmerciful will not receive mercy.
Jesus taught, “If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:12, 14-15
And in the story of the Unmerciful Servant he makes the case ever so clear… “Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured until, until he should pay back what he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” Matthew 18:33-35 (21-35)
The teaching of Jesus and in particular the story of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18 is one of the most troubling passages in scripture. The assumption is, as I suggested in the previous point, those who have received mercy can and do then extend that same mercy to others. So, some would say that the person who is not merciful or who cannot demonstrate mercy has never received the mercy of God in Christ Jesus. So, they are in essence not followers of Christ. Those who have received mercy can be merciful and will be shown mercy. But the unmerciful will not receive mercy because they have never received it and consequently cannot give it.
But if the details of the story matter, the unmerciful servant had in fact been the recipient of mercy but then failed to be merciful in a case that was disproportionately minor when compared to the mercy he had been shown.
He himself had been forgiven a huge debt of say, a hundred thousand dollars. But then when someone who owed him one hundred dollars he could not repay, he refused to have mercy and had the debtor thrown into debtor’s prison until he could pay him the one hundred dollars. When the master, who had forgiven the servant one hundred thousand dollars heard that that same servant had then refused to be merciful to the tune of one hundred dollars… he withdrew his mercy and imputed justice on the unmerciful servant.
This is Jesus’ explanation of that story: “Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured until, until he should pay back what he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive you brother from your heart.” Matthew 18:33-35
This is not some isolated teaching in the New Testament: In Matthew 5:7, Jesus taught in our text that mercy is shown the merciful. In Matthew 6:14-15 he said, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sin, your heavenly Father will not forgive you.” In Mark 11:25 Jesus said, “But when you are praying, first forgive anyone that you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins too.” Luke 6:37 says, “Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. Stop criticizing others, for it will all come back to you. If you forgive others, you will be forgiven.” And James wrote, “For there will be no mercy for you if you have not been merciful to others. But if you have been merciful, then God’s mercy toward you will win out over his judgment against you.” James 2:13
When I was a growing up my Dad liked to watch the Friday Night Fights on TV. And I remember the summer after I graduated from high school when Rubin “Hurricane” Carter was wrongly convicted of murder. Later, his innocence was proven and after sixteen years, he was released from prison.
There are many, many injustices and injurious things that happen in our relationships with others. Most are matters of injured feelings or insults or slights but occasionally we have a Rosalind Williams who has to sit through the trial of the man accused of the senseless murder of her son or a “Hurricane” Carter who sits in a prison cell for sixteen years serving time for a murder he never committed. And when things like that happen, be they lesser or greater, what do we do?
Rubin “Hurricane” Carter says of his experience, “After all that has been said and done – the fact that most of the productive years of my life, have been stolen; the fact that I was deprived of seeing my children grow up – wouldn’t you think that I had the right to be bitter? Wouldn’t anyone under those circumstances have a right to be bitter?
“In fact, it would be very easy to bitter… but if I’ve learned nothing else in my life, I’ve learned that bitterness only consumes the vessel that contains it. And for me to permit bitterness to control or to infect my life in any way whatsoever would be to allow those who imprisoned me to take even more than the 22 years they’ve already taken.” (James S. Hirsch, Hurricane: The Miraculous Journey of Rubin Carter (Boston/New York: Houghton Mifflin, 2000), p. 310)
“Hurricane” Carter found release and freedom when he decided to respond to that terrible injustice with mercy rather than the sometimes bitter pill of justice.
Conclusion
The mercy Jesus described in Matthew 5:7 is the mercy of a person who does not just sympathize with another person but makes the effort to get inside the other person’s skin until he or she sees with their eyes, thinks with their mind and feels with their feelings. (William Barclay, The Gospel of Matthew, P. 103)
There is an old French saying to the effect that: “To know all is to forgive all.”
C.S. Lewis said, “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because god has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”
Letting go of resentment and anger and bitterness and hurt and offense isn’t easy but it is not impossible.
Sometimes we have to do something symbolic to reinforce what we are dong inwardly. In my heart I may wish to forgive someone so as a way of demonstrating that inner act, I might write that person’s name on a piece of paper and nail it to a cross declaring the offense forgiven and covered by the death of Christ. Some might find it helpful to express your resentment in writing and then crumple it up and throw it away or burn it praying, “As God has forgiven me, I choose to forgive you.” And then let it go. Let him go. Let her go. Let them go. Let the debt go.
Jesus wants us to be blessed persons and we become blessed persons when we make the Relationship Choice by offering forgiveness to those who have hurt us – in the same way that God has forgiven us.
