Life is going way too fast…I’m halfway to one hundred and am now officially “over the hill.” This year is my 25th college class reunion, Emily is graduating from college, Lydia is graduating from high school, Beth and I are celebrating our 25th anniversary this summer, and today is my 50th birthday. On top of all that, I received my AARP Membership in the mail on Monday! A man can’t get any more mid-life than where I am right now. All I need now is my cherry red convertible.
For some reason people love to give advice to those who celebrate their half-century birthday. Here are some wise words from John Paul Getty that I’m trying to hold on to: “Age doesn’t matter, unless you are cheese.” Well, since I am a cheese head, I guess age does matter.
I’ve lived long enough now to have experienced a lot of changes over the decades. Here are some differences between the 60s and today.
Then: Long hair
Now: Longing for hair
Then: Acid rock
Now: Acid reflux
Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint
Now: Getting a new hip joint
Then: Rolling Stones
Now: Kidney stones
Someone has said that you know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there. Did you know that someone turns 50 every six seconds in our country and people over 50 make up 43% of all U.S. households? There are actually some perks that come with being 50.
* Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
* Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
* You sing along with elevator music.
* Things you buy now won’t wear out.
* You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room.
My foray into the 50s has not been easy. When I renewed my Driver’s License recently, one of the workers looked at my date of birth and said, “I didn’t know you were that old!”
I want to share some personal lessons that I have been learning that I trust will also be pastoral in nature. My aim is to give glory to God, not just talk about myself. Here then are some reflections and ruminations on half a century of sinning.
1. I want to live in the moment more than I do. My brother-in-law Mark gave away two of his daughters in marriage within seven months of each other. After his second daughter got married, he was standing in the foyer at the church contemplating what had just happened. I went up to him and gave him a hug and heard him say these words, “I’m overwhelmed but I’m trying to live in the moment and enjoy this.”
It’s time for me to live in the moment and not always be so eager to get to the next event or activity. Listen to these words from Psalm 39:4-5: “Show me, O Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man’s life is but a breath.”
2. Since I’m on the home stretch, I want to sprint to the finish line. I don’t want to coast in comfortable Christianity. Instead, I want to live each day as if it could be my last. Psalm 90:12: “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” While Numbers 8:25 states that the Levites should no longer work when they hit their fifth decade: “but at the age of fifty, they must retire from their regular service and work no longer,” I plan to preach until I can’t physically do so.
I was reading in the Book of Joshua this week and came across these words in 13:1: “When Joshua was old and well advanced in years, the Lord said to him, ‘You are very old, and there are still very large areas of land to be taken over.’” Joshua was between 90 and 100 when the Lord told him this.
That reminds me of Caleb, who at 85 demonstrated that he was not content to spend the remainder of his life in the recliner. Check out Joshua 14:12: “Now give me this hill country that the Lord promised me that day. You yourself heard then that the Anakites were there and their cities were large and fortified, but, the Lord helping me, I will drive them out just as he said.”
I am so humbled by the determination and devotion I see in so many of our missionaries. From Dave Spangler, who has taken multiple trips to bring help to Haiti to Roger and Maggie Bruehl, who in their recent letter, made mention of some changes taking place within Campus Crusade. They ended their letter this way: “And pray for us personally, that we can be, do and model what the Lord desires in the midst. There is so much work that needs to be done. We desire to work moment by moment in the power of the Holy Spirit. Pray that we can focus on what is important and that the Lord will meet the needs of our heart. We are so privileged to serve Him, wherever He places us.”
3. My salvation is still sweet and my freedom is fresh. I don’t ever want to forget God’s grace when He saved me from my sins in 1979. God is the bondage-breaker and is in the business of setting people free from their sins. 2 Corinthians 3:17: “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”
So many people today are living in bondage to addictions. I’d like to ask Roy Koenig to come up so I can ask him a few questions.
* Can you tell us a little about your past struggles?
* How has the Lord brought you freedom?
* Why should men come to the upcoming men’s breakfast this Saturday at 7:30 a.m.?
4. I love being married to my best friend. I am living proof of the truth found in Proverbs 18:22: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” I don’t always do the best job in gift-giving so my daughters often help me out. This past Valentine’s Day I did everything on my own and when I gave Beth a card and some roses, Megan leaned over to Becca during dinner and I overheard her question, “Who picked out the card for him?” Becca showed some confidence in me when she replied, “He knows how to pick out his own card.” I then turned to Beth and asked: “Why doesn’t Megan think I can pick out some gifts for you?” To which Beth replied, “Think of your track record.”
All kidding aside, Beth has been a great support to me when I struggle. Most recently, on a day when I was feeling down, she reminded me of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up…Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
5. I love having four daughters and am determined to pass along a legacy of faith to them. One of my favorite things to do is to have special daddy/daughter dates with each of them. I especially love seeing how Beth’s personality, character and faith are being formed in them. I pray that the truth of Psalm 71:18 will be lived out in their lives: “Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.” Recently I’ve been pondering what it must have been like for a man in the Bible who had four daughters. Acts 21:9 says of Philip that “he had four unmarried daughters who prophesied.” I pray not that our daughters will prophesy but that they will be saturated with Scripture and able to share it with those around them.
Check out these weighty words from the will of Patrick Henry: “I have now disposed of all my property to my family. There is one thing more I wish I could give them and that is faith in Jesus Christ. If they had that and I had not given them one shilling, they would be rich, and if I had not given them that and I had given them all the world, they would be poor indeed.”
The faith formation of my family is of utmost importance. I pray that the truth of Malachi 4:6 will be evident in my life as a father, and in every dad in this congregation: “He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers.”
6. I love this church. I echo Paul’s applause for the church in Thessalonica when he wrote these words of affirmation in 1 Thessalonians 1:2-3: “We always thank God for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers. We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.” I loved the attitude, mood and love that were demonstrated at our recent business meeting. One of my favorite things is to watch how so many of you serve, invite your friends (Easter’s coming!) and exhibit the Christ-centered life as you live out our mission statement which is to “connect people to Jesus and equip them to be growing and faithful followers.”
7. I enjoyed taking a break from preaching but will never stop proclaiming God’s Word. Shortly after I became a Christian I discovered a verse in the Book of Jeremiah that has become my “life verse.” It’s from Jeremiah 20:9: “But if I say ‘I will not remember Him or speak anymore in His name, then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire shut up in my bones; and I am weary of holding it in, and I cannot endure it.’”
Didn’t Pastor Jeff and Pastor Dick do a great job preaching these past weeks? I was able to attend a discipleship class on prayer while not preaching and really benefited from Colin Duncan’s teaching. I loved hearing the pages of Bibles turning and was struck by the depth of devotion, the level of knowledge of others in the class, and the eagerness to learn. By the way, this class, along with the other discipleship classes, will be posted on the website soon! Related to this, our next sermon series will be on prayer from John 17. I’ve entitled it, “What Jesus Wants for You.” It would be helpful if you could read this chapter several times before next Sunday. In one of our classes, one woman quoted something from one of Pastor Jeff’s sermons. I turned to her and said, “So you do listen to the sermons.” Without batting an eye she said, “Well, I do listen to Pastor Jeff.”
I had a similar reaction on Monday when I was at the Rec Center and walked into the workout room where I told Marilyn Hoke that I would be back in the pulpit today. Her reaction was quick: “Oh, no!” I then walked back to the front desk and told Margaret what Marilyn had said, hoping for some comfort and encouragement because I knew she received our sermons by email. Showing that there’s no respect for the clergy, she laughed and said, “Maybe you’re going to have to be more concise and not go on for an hour.”
8. I may now be officially old but I want to always think young. I don’t want to become a cranky old man (some of you think I already am). I want to be like the older people in Psalm 92:14: “They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green.” I refuse to be so locked in to the past that I can’t see what God wants to do in the present. We’re cautioned against this in Ecclesiastes 7:10: “Do not say, ‘Why were the old days better than these?’ For it is not wise to ask such questions.”
I told Beth recently that I wasn’t going to do something because I had never done it before. She gave me an interesting response: “Well, that might be true for your first 50 years but it’s time to do things differently for the next 50!” I want us as a church to think of ways to proclaim relevant messages to the millennials and be willing to change our programs where needed so that we see a Faith at Home movement permeate PBC. The Apostle Paul never lost sight of this as evidenced in 1 Corinthians 9:22-23: “I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.”
9. Its normal to live with some lamenting. I was personally challenged about a month ago when I listened to an Old Testament professor teach verse-by-verse through Psalm 73. He said something like this: “Shepherds often struggle but the sheep don’t know about it. Pastors, don’t be so concerned with image management and instead allow yourself to lament when you’re going through difficult days.”
In sharing some of my struggles I want to be honest about where I am and true to who God is. I’ve taken great comfort in the psalms recently and have been reminded that more than a third of them contain laments. The word “lament” in Hebrew means to “be dark” and to “be dirty, unattended, in mourning attire” and refers to the dust and dirt gathered from rolling on the ground.
These often neglected psalms are saturated with sighs and suffering. Here’s a sampling:
* Psalm 5:1: “Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing.”
* Psalm 6:3: “My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long?”
* Psalm 10:1 begins rather abruptly: “Why, O LORD, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?” God, you may be powerful and you may be personal, but why can’t I sense your presence right now? The psalmist is expressing his frustration at the supposed aloofness of the Almighty.
* Psalm 13:1-2: “How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?”
* Psalm 22:1: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?”
* Psalm 31:9-10: “Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.”
* Psalm 38:7-11: “My back is filled with searing pain; there is no health in my body. I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart. All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you. My heart pounds, my strength fails me; even the light has gone from my eyes. My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds; my neighbors stay far away.”
* Psalm 42:3, 5, and 9: “My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’ Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? I say to God my Rock, ‘Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?’”
* Psalm 44:23-25: “Awake, O Lord! Why do you sleep? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever. Why do you hide your face and forget our misery and oppression? We are brought down to the dust; our bodies cling to the ground.”
* Psalm 88:9, 18: “My eyes are dim with grief…You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend.”
These “sad” psalms are filled with questions like: “Why? How long? Where are you?” While it’s certainly OK to ask “why” questions, if we stay there we can crash into confusion and despair because we end up demanding answers from God that He has not promised to give us. Remember that the answers Job received to his “why” questions were wrapped up in “Who” – God Almighty Himself is the ultimate answer.
Like many of you, I have been struggling with some health issues. A couple weeks ago I went into Bernardi’s to pick up a carryout order and almost said to the hostess, “Prescription for Bill, please.” My questions really have not been “why” or “where” but have more do with “How long am I going to feel so lousy?”
When tragedy leaves you teetering and tottering, it’s not unspiritual to declare your questions to God. He’s big enough to handle your cries. The longer I pastor the more I’m convinced that everyone is suffering with something. Some of you have been rocked by some pretty tough stuff.
* Maybe a person very close to you has died unexpectedly
* Perhaps you’ve just recently lost your job
* Your marriage is fracturing and you wonder if you’ll stay together
* Your parents’ health is fading fast
* Your children are not living like they should
* Your bills are piled up like mountains on your desk
* You’ve had an accident that has altered the trajectory of your life
* You’ve just received some health news that is not very promising
* Perhaps a close relationship has ruptured
* Maybe your childhood was filled with more abuse than affirmation. By the way, if you need help in this area, we will listen to you and point you toward healing and hope. And, if you are, or have ever, taken advantage of a child in this way, that is unacceptable behavior and you need to come clean about it.
What do you do when you’re faced with an avalanche of agony and you feel like God is playing “hide and seek” with you? I’d like to suggest this morning that it’s OK to declare your doubts and lament about your loss. Some of you think that Christians shouldn’t question God and so you keep your concerns bottled up. Friend, it’s much better to ask God where He’s been than it is to wear your spiritual smiles and act like everything’s going well when you know it isn’t. Follow the prayer paradigm of the psalmists because they will validate and normalize your sadness, hurt, alienation, questions, doubts, anger, confusion and bewilderment. Live in the Psalms of lament. Read them. Pray them. Write them out. Sing them.
Dan Allender writes: “Christians seldom sing in the minor key. We fear the somber; we seem to hold sorrow in low-esteem. We seem predisposed to fear lament as a quick slide into doubt and despair; failing to see that doubt and despair are the dark soil that is necessary to grow confidence and joy…Sadly, we have misunderstood the great value of public and private lament. To lament -- that is to cry out to God with our doubts, our incriminations of Him and others, to bring a complaint against Him -- is the context for surrender…the turning of our heart over to Him, asking for mercy, and receiving His terms for restoration is impossible without battle. To put it simply, it is inconceivable to surrender to God unless there is a prior, declared war against Him…Pain propels the search; anger makes the search a matter of life and death; and confusion opens the door to God’s answers…to sing a lament against God in worship reveals far, far greater trust than to sing a jingle about how happy we are and how much we trust Him…lament cuts through insincerity, strips pretense, and reveals the raw nerve of trust that angrily approaches the throne of grace and then kneels in awed, robust wonder.” (www.leaderu.com)
Holding on to Hope
As we wrap up, allow me to share five anchors that I’ve been holding on to even when things aren’t always real hopeful. Parents, this is good stuff to share with your children at the dinner table this week.
1. Trust and turmoil are not mutually exclusive. Check out Psalm 116:10: “I believed; therefore I said, ‘I am greatly afflicted.’” Often it’s a strong belief that allows us to say that we’re bummed out. Just because someone is being honest about how horrible they feel, it doesn’t mean that they don’t have faith. In fact, the most faithful are often the most able to describe their afflictions. It’s perfectly normal to live the paradox of pain and promise, of discouragement and delight, of agony and adoration. If you feel stuck in a vortex of faith and struggle, it’s ok because you’re joining a long line of lamenters in the Bible like Job, Jeremiah, David and Habakkuk. God honors honesty.
2. Sometimes there is no resolution in sight and we find ourselves living with lament for a long time. A number of the lament psalms end with statements of faith like Psalm 13:5-6: “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.” But there are other ones that end with agony and a cry for help like Psalm 38:22: “Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.” Sometimes life is filled with confusion, chaos and questions and there are no quick and easy solutions. Remember this: The cry of pain is our deepest acknowledgment that we are not home yet.
3. The Lord may be silent but He’s not absent. This is not original with me but when I heard it I wrote it down quickly because I didn’t want to forget it. Psalm 35:22: “Lord, you have seen this; be not silent. Do not be far from me, O Lord.”
4. God is often at the bottom. Pastor Ray sent this thought to me when I was dealing with some pain and some discouragement. It brought to mind Deuteronomy 33:27, “The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.” One pastor summarized this encounter very well: “God must break us out of our self-dependence so that He can bless us as we cling to Him in our brokenness.” Listen to Lamentations 3:31-33: “For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring grief or affliction to the children of men.”
5. Inner renewal is possible even when the outward is wasting away. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18: “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” I love how James MacDonald defines a trial in his new book called, When Life is Hard: “A trial is a painful circumstance allowed by God to change my conduct and my character.”
A couple weeks ago, a man from one of our previous churches called. I answered the phone and he said, “I heard Brian Bill is ill.” He then prayed for me and finished with this benediction from Numbers 6:24-26: “The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.” That meant the world to me.
50 is the new 50! I’m older than dirt but I’m determined to live for the Lord in every way as He renews me day by day.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a brilliant young pastor and seminary teacher who opposed Adolph Hitler’s policies. In 1943, the Germans arrested Bonhoeffer and put him in prison. He went through a time when he declared his questions, he described his complaints, and as a result, he deepened his commitment to God. After being in prison for two years the Nazis executed him, hanging him on the gallows just days before the Allies swept in to liberate Germany.
About ten weeks after his arrest, Bonhoeffer sent this letter to his parents: “It is Monday, and I was just sitting down to a dinner of turnips and potatoes when a parcel you sent me arrived. Such things give me greater joy than I can say. Although I am utterly convinced that nothing can break the bonds between us, I seem to need some outward token or sign to reassure me. In this way, material things become the vehicles of spiritual realities. I suppose it is rather like the felt need in our religion for sacraments.”
Bonhoeffer knew his parents loved him. Yet he still hungered for that love to be reaffirmed. He needed to be reminded of their love in a tangible way. His package from home served that purpose, and Bonhoeffer saw the Lord’s Supper doing the same. While not a sacrament, it is a significant remembrance. Come, brothers and sisters in Christ, let us partake. A package from home has arrived. Let us eat and drink and be reminded of God’s awesome love for his children. In the midst of our questions and complaints, our loss and lament, we can deepen our commitment to Christ because “He hears the desire of the afflicted, He encourages us, and He listens to our cry.”
God steps into our sin and suffering through the sacrifice of His Son. The Lord’s Supper helps us move from lamenting, “Why me?” to “Why You?” “Why would you enter our evil world? Why would you go through death and separation for me? Why would you do this for me?”
Communion
Mercy Fund
We’re going to close by listening to Sandy Ucherek sing a new song called, “Jesus Draw Me Ever Nearer.” It talks about laboring though the storm and asks that the journey would bring a blessing. The journey itself is not always joyful but the painful process can lead us to praise Him as He draws us ever nearer (www.pontiacbible.org/index.php?/blog/index/).
