Text: 1 Corinthians 13:4b-5a, Title: The Hallmarks of Love 2, Date/Place: NRBC, 2/28/10, AM
A. Opening illustration: Her fiancé was called into the army, so their wedding had to be postponed. At the Battle of the Wilderness he was severely wounded. His bride-to-be, not knowing of his condition, read and reread his letters, counting the days until he would return. Suddenly the letters stopped coming. In an unfamiliar handwriting. It read, "There has been another terrible battle. It is very difficult for me to tell you this, but I have lost both my arms. I cannot write myself. So a friend is writing this letter for me. While you are as dear to me as ever, I feel I should release you from the obligation of our engagement." Instead, the young woman took the next train and went directly to the place her loved one was being cared for. On arrival she found a sympathetic captain who gave her directions to her soldier's cot. Tearfully, she searched for him. The moment she saw the young man, she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. "I will never give you up!" she cried. "These hands of mine will help you. I will take care of you." Also quote on p. 171 of Biblical Eldership
B. Background to passage: Paul continues in his list of defining qualities of Christian love. Four more verbs indicate things that love is not. Reminder: agape love is defined as an unconditional, self-sacrificing, and highly valuing love.
C. Main thought: We will look at the next three hallmarks of genuine Christian love
A. Love is not proud (v. 4)
1. These two verbs work together to bring about a single idea. The first of these words means to brag or boast about oneself publicly to the point of bubbling over. It is the outward manifestation of the second word, which means an inner attitude of self-exaltation. Literally it means to be inflated, or full of ourselves. The connotation is an unrealistic persuasion about one’s own importance due to a failure to see oneself as a sinner saved by the shear grace of God. The main concern of pride is self. Bragging and boasting builds up self. Love builds up others. This is exactly what was going on in the church in Corinth. Many wanted to see themselves as more important, more spiritual, more whatever than the rest. And it displayed itself in personal agendas and self-centeredness in church business and function and fellowship, promoting division and bringing judgment to the congregation, and individuals in the congregation.
2. Pro 16:18, 13:10, 27:2, 1 Cor 4:6-8, 10, 18, Jer 9:23-24, John 1:27, 3:30, Phil 2:5-6
3. Illustration: The trouble with some self-made men is that they worship their creator. When personalized license plates were introduced in Illinois, the Department of Motor Vehicles received over 1,000 requests for the number "1". The state official whose job it was to approve requests said, "I am not about to assign it to someone and disappoint a thousand people." What was his solution? He assigned the number to himself. A little boy and a little girl were riding a mechanical horse in a shopping mall. The little boy, who was riding in front, turned to the little girl and said, "If one of us would get off, there would be more room for me." The next animal the lion met was a zebra. He pounced on it and roared, "Who is king of the jungle?" "You are, O mighty lion." So the lion let him go. The lion next met an elephant and asked the same question. The elephant grabbed the lion, twirled him around the threw him 50 feet. The lion picked himself up and huffed, "Just because you don't know the answer is no reason to get so rough. “Pride is big-headed, love is big-hearted.” -JM. Jerry Pipes the other day when I met him, introduced himself as Jerry.
4. Pride in our relationships causes us never to be wrong, never to be teachable, never to consider other perspectives, never able to have a conversation from different viewpoints, never to say “I’m sorry.” Fights with spouses. Pride causes us to think more highly of ourselves than we should, therefore less of others. Pride tells us that we deserve more or better. Pride causes us not to listen to our spouses, friends, and family’s advice; because we think that we always know the best way to do everything. Pride causes us to be nit picking with every detail of every project in our relationships. If we do not get an accurate picture of ourselves, we will never rid ourselves of pride, and we will destroy all our relationships with it. Remember that everything good thing about us has been given to us by God, and empowered by His grace, therefore we are nothing without Him-John 15:5. Not only does pride cut us off from others, but pride cuts us off from seeking God and receiving His favor-Psa 10:4, James 4:6. Do you talk about yourself a lot? Do you feel the need to tell everyone about you, and dominate all conversations about you? Do you compare yourself with others, always tallying up who is the best?
B. Love is not rude (v. 5)
1. The word is translated “unbecomingly,” “unseemly,” and “rude.” The contrast defines the opposition between on one side courtesy, good taste, good public manners, and propriety, and on the other side thoughtless pursuit of the immediate wishes of the self regardless of the conventions and courtesies of interpersonal life. The idea behind this is that love is tactful or proper in its expression. It is very cautious and careful in how it presents itself in word and deed out of concern for others. It is careful not to disgrace, mistreat, or embarrass, even though it may be necessary to deal with some hard issues. It chooses words carefully, time carefully, and chooses its battles carefully. Again the idea is thinking of others higher than yourself. This is dealing with relationships in particular. When teaching the Word, sometimes there is a need to be brutally clear. Remember not all love is pleasant.
2. Eph 4:15, 29, Col 4:6, 2 Cor 10:1,
3. Illustration: He is in the same class as the young girl who went to her priest and confessed her sin of vanity. "What makes you think that?" asked the priest. "Because every morning, when I look into the mirror," she replied, "I think how beautiful I am." "Don't worry" said the priest, "that isn't sin; that's just a mistake." Tell about the time that I chose not to discuss the errors of infant baptism with a new Christian in front of a bunch of church members. Jim Key speaking of a church member who consistently offends everyone coming and going, young and old, visitors and members, by the words that they say. Write emails that you don’t intend to send, then repent of your anger, you don’t discipline your child in public unless abs necessary.
4. We must carefully chose when to have certain discussions so as not to embarrass people. We must be gentle, but firm in our word choice. And this doesn’t mean that we never offend people. Normally when sin is exposed people are going to be offended with even the sweetest of presentations. And the example of Jesus (and most of the prophets) demonstrates that there are times to be harsh, especially with outwardly religious hypocrisy. And generally people can tell when you love them, even if you are harsh. We must resist the temptation to let our passion or anger take over, casting concern for others out the window. A lack of gentleness and grace has a tendency to build up walls between us and those that we love. Proverbs says that an offended brother is like a fortified city. Those of us who have little mercy anyway, must be careful. Erika periodically has to help me remember not to share all my personal opinions in certain settings. This also applies to enemies. We others speak evil of you, do not revile in return. Your kindness may win you an opportunity to witness or keep you from it. Sometimes we just need to learn to keep our mouths shut! You might try writing what you want to say first, then evaluating its graciousness before you say it. And it’s not just speech…Dear Abby is full of all sorts of rude and socially unacceptable behavior, and most of it is between a husbands and wives, and it usually has to do with just being inconsiderate and self-centered. At family gatherings, weddings, funerals, helping with aging parents, birthday parties, etc.
C. Love is not selfish (v. 5)
1. This is the fifth consecutive verb and idea that deals with a specific problem within the church, made clear by earlier passages. “Does not seek its own things” or “insist on having its own way.” hence, is never selfish (REB, Moffatt); is never self-seeking (TCNT); does not pursue selfish aims (O. M. Norlie); is not self-seeking (NIV); does not insist on its own way (NRSV). This may be the exact opposite of agape love. Love does not seek first its own honor, good, or advancement. It is first concerned with the well-being and benefit of another. Self-centeredness is the basic fault of fallen man. It is at the core of our fallen nature. Every sin and vice basically comes from it.
2. 1 Cor 10:24, 33, Phil 2:3-4,
3. Illustration: Once commentator said, “Cure selfishness, and you can replant the Garden of Eden.” You hear it talked about today in phrases like, “finding yourself,” “having some ‘me’ time,” “What’s troubling you?” asked the other. “Look what you’ve done,” he answered. “You’ve given me the little piece and kept the big one for yourself.” “How would you have done it?” the man asked. His friend replied, “If I were serving, I would have given you the big piece.” “Well,” replied the man, “I’ve got it, haven’t I?” “My husband and I have managed to be happy together for 20 years. I guess this is because we’re both in love with the same man.” A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake; I can wait.” Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!” Confession that I don’t always bring her something to drink when they get up. “you can’t stay selfish and stay married and be happy, but again, motivation is key, do it for Jesus,
4. We live in a culture that is very concerned about meeting our needs, and reminds us constantly that if our needs are not getting met, we will be unhealthy. His Needs, Her Needs. In fact is good sometimes not to have needs met, it teaches us humility, dependence, patience, to rely on the One who is reliable, to endure suffering, to live without food, etc. Jesus tells us to fast, Paul says spouses should abstain from sexual relations for a season for prayer and fasting. He ordains that some would be without adequate shelter, food, or life itself. Newsflash 1: Life is not about your needs. We must fight passionately against self-centeredness in our lives. Newsflash 2: IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU! Life is not about you, marriage is not about you, family is not about you, church is not about you. Life is about Jesus, everything is about Jesus. Baseball is about Jesus. Fathers must look out for the best interests of wives and children. Brothers and sisters must look out for the others best interests. How much do you use the pronoun “I” in your conversations? In your plans for the day, how many of them include helping others? How about today, have you served others this morning? Jesus came to be served, and He says to serve one another with His example. In all relationships, if all parties involved are primarily seeking to meet the needs of others, all needs will be met. If I asked you to list the needs of your spouse, your brother/sister, or your friend, could you do it? As with all of these, they can only be done through the Holy Spirit, because you have been born again.
Closing illustration: the puncture-proof tire. If you are driving along with ordinary tires and a nail goes through one of them, whis-s-s, you lose all the air. But a puncture-proof tire is different-if a nail goes through, there is some stuff inside that runs around and stops the hole and the air stays in. The heart of a Christian is like that puncture-proof tire. An ordinary heart may be filled with love, but when someone does something to puncture that heart, all the love runs out and hatred and hard feelings take its place. But a puncture-proof heart is different. It is filled with the Spirit of Christ and when someone, through their words or deeds punctures that heart, immediately the hole is stopped up tight and the love stays in."
