Have you ever watched those movies, usually war movies when a young couple falls deeply in love and wants to be married, but off the guy goes to war promising to come back to her, and she promises to faithfully wait for him no matter what?
Then she hears that he’s missing or killed and eventually ends up marrying someone else, usually a friend of the guy who didn’t come back, only to find that after they have their life all settled, the missing soldier that she loved miraculously returns to find her with someone else, and now she’s committed to her new husband and this great love is all for naught.
Our story is kind of like that today. There is a promise that we desperately want to hold on to, but as time passes with no results we don’t believe that the miracle promise will happen, so we go and do our own thing only to be disappointed and find that the promise was good after all, but we lost the opportunity to receive it. Fortunately in our story with God, he gives second and third chances, but we’re taking a big risk when we don’t wait for God’s promises to be fulfilled.
We just hear about this amazing covenant that God makes with Abraham in chapter 15. He tells Abraham, and I’m assuming Abraham told his wife Sarah, that his offspring will be as many as the stars, and him and God go through this big ceremony to cement the covenant.
Now the very next thing we hear at the beginning of chapter 16 is “Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had born him no children.” Trouble’s coming. We don’t know exactly how long it was between the covenant in chapter 15 and the events of our chapter today, but it was definitely less than ten years, and we are going to see that Sarai’s impatience and Abraham’s weakness causes:
I. A Fractured Home (vv 1-6)
And it begins with:
A. The Condition of Sarai (v. 1a)
Let’s assume that it was 10 years since the Lord made the covenant with Abraham, and Sarah is still barren after these 10 years in Canaan. Why is this, probably because God likes to do things in such a way that there is no doubt he is behind it, and he wants us to persevere in faith.
I suppose you can’t blame the seventy-something Sarah for wondering if God’s promise wasn’t going to be fulfilled.
So, according to:
B. The Custom of the Culture (vv 1b-2a)
Sarai gets her Egyptian servant Hagar and says, Abram, God is obviously not following through so why don’t you take my servant as your wife and it will at least be the next best thing to me having a child for you. Now this is an acceptable cultural practice at the time in a very sinful culture, but it’s not acceptable in God’s eyes. They chose the culture over God’s promise, again.
Here though, is the most important part of this scenario:
C. The Consent of Abram (v. 2b)
Abram didn’t take any leadership, he didn’t choose to wait and do what’s right, and show faith in God’s promise. He just says “Yes Dear.” Again, hard to blame old Abram, here he is an old man being tempted and given permission from his own wife to sleep with a younger woman. Again we see the incredible power of sexual temptation to lead especially men, into sin.
Looks a lot like what happened with Adam and Eve going against God’s design and Adam allowing his wife to lead the show, when God had given him that responsibility.
Now this is a touchy subject, because men, of course we should always listen to our wives opinions and ideas, but the Bible is very clear that we are to be the spiritual leaders in the family. We see in Genesis so far that the two times the men don’t stand up for God’s will and take the lead, that the human family gets fractured, and now Abram’s family is in trouble.
God has given husbands the authority to be the spiritual leaders in the home, and wives are to submit to that authority as they submit to Christ, even when they think their husband may be wrong. Now this is spiritual authority, not whether the in laws should come for Christmas dinner, or what their wife should wear.
But in spiritual matters, when the will of God needs to be considered, God wants the husband to take charge and the wife to submit. And I’m sorry to say that many men have abdicated this responsibility under the pressure of our culture, and many women are terrified to let their husbands take charge because the men have not trained themselves in spiritual matters very well.
Now in order to do this, the man should also be the most spiritually trained and dedicated to the word of God, and often this is not the case today. Many men have abused their authority in areas they had no right to, and I think the lack of biblical spiritual knowledge, and couple’s disobedience to God’s design, have been major factors in the destruction of marriages and families. Not a surprise considering we are going against God’s design.
Men, Jesus came as one of us, to show us how to live, he gave us spiritual authority in the home, like he had, not as a dictator, but as a servant, as one who was completely dedicated to following the Lord, who said we should love our wives like he loves the church.
We are to be responsible for our family following the Lord. Adam and Abram abdicated that responsibility in these two occasions and look at the consequences.
Well, because of this sin we see:
D. The Conception of Hagar (vv 3-4a)
Indeed Hagar becomes pregnant and it doesn’t take long until we hear about:
E. The Contempt of Hagar (v. 4b)
Because Sarai can’t conceive, as soon as Hagar finds out she’s pregnant she “rubs it in” to Sarai. Look at that, we have a spousal rivalry in this polygamist marriage, NO KIDDING!
Now we hear:
F. The Complaint of Sarai (v. 5)
Look what Sarai says in verse 5, and I’m sorry, but men can you relate to this? Sarai gets jealous and blames Abram for having a child with Hagar. It was Sarai’s idea but she loses her objectivity because she’s hurt and angry and blames just like Eve did. Guys have you ever fallen into this trap.
“Wait a minute honey, you said I could do this”, “Yeah but you should love me enough to know that that’s not really what I meant.” Women, men take things way more literally than you do, especially if it sounds like permission, so watch out what you give permission for.
But again men, this is really Abram’s fault. He needed to say no to this crazy idea. Just because our wife might have a crazy idea that we might enjoy, doesn’t mean we should do it. Remember there are two different ways in which our wives will say, “Sure you can go golfing honey.” But one of them is gonna bring a world of pain if we do go. We need to be very perceptive with our wives.
Seriously, I have spent time counselling so many couples where there has been infidelity, and the cheater should never be excused. But the truth is that it is never just the cheater’s fault, something wasn’t right in the relationship, and both people are usually somewhat to blame. Again, probably because men and women have different needs, but neither understands the other’s needs because there different.
Now in verse 6 we have:
G. The Concession of Abram (v. 6a)
Again he doesn’t step up and take the lead, and again we see something that is so typical. He just says, “it’s your servant do what you want with her”. Well, beware the wrath of a scornful woman. Cliche, I know, but cliche’s came from somewhere. Abram was given an opportunity to make up for his previous mistake, but blows it again because he doesn’t want to be bothered.
“Wife, you take care of the family stuff, I have more important things to do.” That attitude is wrong and it’s way too common for us men. God didn’t call her to lead the family but to be our helper in leading. But in order to lead we need to be Godly, we need to know His word, and stand up for His word or she won’t trust us to lead properly, I wouldn’t. She needs to have faith in us as she has faith in Christ. That is a huge responsibility.
Now Abram allows:
H. The Cruelty of Sarai (v. 6b)
Sarai deals harshly with Hagar. What does that mean? We can only imagine what this looked like, but the Hebrew word used here means to browbeat, or to make another person depressed. Her pain was caused by her own failure to believe God, and she turned her pain onto another person by giving Hagar a very harsh talking to. Remember this was for following her master’s orders. Hagar didn’t just decide to sleep with Abram without Sarai’s consent. In essence she was forced.
Have you ever done that, been mad at yourself for something you did, but you blame and take it out on someone else?
Of course this leads to:
I. The Collapse of Relationships (v. 6c)
Hagar fled and not only does this give her distance from Sarai, but it also takes her away from Abram, who at the very least probably wants to take of her, after all she is carrying what would be his first child, and possibly the promised son. I have a feeling Abram was not pleased with what Sarai did, and now all the relationships are strained.
After all this nonsense, and Hagar fleeing into the wilderness pregnant with nothing, as always, in comes:
II. A Faithful God (vv 7-12) and
A. His Compassion is Great (vv 7-8)
For everyone. Imagine this poor woman. She faithfully serves Sarai for years, follows a very difficult command to lay with her husband, and now gets the boot while pregnant. But God comes to those who are poor and grieving. He comes to this lonely Egyptian woman at the spring on the way to Shur, which shows that she was on her way back home to Egypt.
Then the angel of the Lord asks here where she came from and where she’s going, again as if he doesn’t know, and she tells him she is fleeing from her mistress. Interesting how the Lord often asks people in Scripture what He already knows, there’s something about saying things out loud when we’re having problems that God knows is healing.
In verse 9 we see that:
B. His Direction is Clear (v. 9)
God is compassionate but he doesn’t let us off the hook without taking responsibility for our part, and he commands her to own her part of the problem. Even in the New Testament slaves are commanded to submit to their masters.
Now remember these aren’t tortured slaves like the blacks in the southern US. These are servants who are treated quite well, they get paid, and have limited terms after which they are free to go, but many stayed because they had it so good. They sort of became part of the family.
God very simply says, almost as if chastising Hagar a little for leaving, “Return to your mistress and submit to her.” He’s basically saying forgive her, because you looked with contempt upon her when you found out you were pregnant. You’re at least partly to blame for Sarai’s reaction. Going back and forgiving wouldn’t have been easy, but she did play a part in all of this with her own attitude. We have to own our part, and my friends we always have at least a small part.
Then he reveals that:
C. His Provision is Large (v. 10)
God reveals a great blessing to Hagar. She’s blessed because of her connection to Abram through whom all nations will be blessed. Now her descendants are going to be innumerable as well and:
D. His Prediction is Certain (vv 11-12)
Not only does God say she is going to have a baby boy, He describes what he’ll be like. Interesting how many of these children in the Bible are born with a certain character based on what their parents had done in their lives. I wonder if this is part of God’s design to sort of give parents a mirror to look into about themselves.
I know many people who have been healed by watching their own children go through similar things that they did as children. And something I found very interesting is that many parents who went into foster care when children, their children end up in foster care at the same age.
Ishmael (which means God hears), becomes the father of all Arabs. He is going to be an independent leader and will be servant to no one like his mother was, but he will also live a life of hostility. He is the beginning of a culture that has been terrorizing God’s chosen ones ever since.
Though the Lord hears Hagar’s affliction there are also repercussions that are necessary. God is merciful, but he doesn’t necessarily protect us from all the consequences of our own choices.
Ultimately though there is:
III. A Favorable Outcome (vv 13-16)
Let’s have a look at:
A. Hagar’s Response (vv 13-14)
This is perhaps another Christophony as she sees, “Him who looks after me.” She saw Him and worships by marking the spot and calling the well, Beer-lahai-roi meaning “well of the Living One who sees me”. Like Abraham did on many occasions, Hagar has learned what to do after having an encounter with the living God. Worship.
Finally, we again see:
B. Abram’s Responsibility (vv 15-16)
Abram is 86 years old and finally because he gets this son, takes responsibility, and obediently calls his son Ishmael as God commanded.
You wonder if Abram thought this was the promised son because it was another 13 years before the Lord comes and the promised Isaac is finally born as we saw last week. In this chapter he hasn’t heard from God about Isaac yet.
So the birth of Ishmael marks the beginning of the string of promised offspring that ultimately lead through Isaac to the nation of Israel, and through David, ultimately to our Saviour Jesus.
Folks we can’t blame our family for us not having a good life as adults, and especially we can’t say that I’m not a good Christian because of my parents. Jesus Christ himself came through a line of seriously dysfunctional people that God was faithful to, and used to save the world.
Adultery, incest, deceit, murder, and much more, are all in the lines of our biblical heroes, including Jesus, just to show us that our human lineage doesn’t matter, and that anyone can become God’s heir despite their sin and the sin of their parents, if they have faith and follow God. Let’s go the NT and look at Galatians 3 verses 25-29:
But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a guardian, 26for in Christ Jesus you are all sons and daughters of God, through faith. 27For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ.
28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to the promise.
Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit so that he would not be tarnished by the generational sin of his earthly father’s ancestors. Now we can be reborn by His Spirit into the Kingdom of God, and become his sons and daughters without the debt of sin that is inherent in being human. Thank You Lord, for making it so much easier for us.
So how do we respond to what we heard today?
I suggest two things; 1) Men we need to get our acts together in terms of spiritual leadership in the home. That means leading devotions with your family on a very regular basis, if you don’t know how, come see me. It also means making decisions based on what Scriptures say, which of course means being in, and knowing God’s word.
2) We all need to learn to be more patient with God. Surrender and let things happen in God’s timing. Don’t rush to do something that might interfere with God’s plan, let it unfold. That is a huge part of demonstrating faith.
Look at all the mistakes Abram and his family make. But because God made a promise, he stays with them and blesses them. This is about us, God made a promise to us too, and though we screw up, the promise never gets rescinded. We will experience consequences but God will never leave us if we have truly become His. Amen
