What Is Jesus Costing You? Part 4
Scriptures: Matt. 28:19-20; James 5:14-15; Ezek. 18:23-24; Heb. 6:4-6
Introduction:
The last time I stood before you I discussed the third stage of developing a long term relationship. The 3rd stage consisted of the individuals becoming boy/girlfriends. As you may recall from the sermon or from your personal experience, this step requires that both parties agree to make a commitment to one another. This commitment centers on the decision that each person will give their focus and attention to that one person only until the relationship ends.
This morning we will examine the fourth phase. This phase involves the couple making the decision to be united hopefully for life. This decisions results in the couple getting engaged. The engagement phase of the relationship can be compared to a contract negotiation between two parties. During this phase the couple began to make decisions to determine how the relationship will move forward after the actual marriage ceremony takes place. As you would expect, the costs greatly increase, but that is not what I want to focus on this morning. I want to shift your attention to the negotiations that takes place during this phase versus the actual costs that are incurred in this relationship.
I. First Step Negotiations
How many of you have ever watched HGTV where they have engaged couples purchasing their first homes? I have seen several shows where couples were close to their wedding date and decided to purchase their first home prior to the wedding so that after the ceremony they would have their own place to come back to. I enjoy watching the interactions between the two individuals as you can see that they are trying to work out the partnership. Because this is a TV show, some of it might be scripted, but there are times when you can really see the negotiations between the couple start to break down. One may want a home with three bedrooms while the other must have a finished basement and four bedrooms. Both are so set on what they want that at times they are unwilling to bend and the search continues until they find something that will give both of them what they want. This is what happens also within the actual relationship. When you get engaged you begin to sort out responsibility and accountability lines.
Shortly after a couple gets engaged, they begin to establish boundaries for how decisions will be made. For example, they decide who will have the final say based on any given situation and the importance to the person. Most men do not care what color their wives want to paint certain rooms in the house while most wives do not care what type of lawnmower the husband buys to mow the yard. If something falls within their realm of responsibility, they have the authority within reason to make whatever decision they need to in order to fulfill their share of the responsibility. These interactions are decided upon during the engagement phase as the couple talks through how they want to interact with each other on crucial decisions that must be made. The key here is coming into agreement about the responsibility and the authority needed to carry out those responsibilities. Once these decisions are made they begin to operate in their specified roles after the wedding.
When Nikki and I were first married, her first job was in the home mortgage lending business. Her knowledge and understanding of that business gave us an advantage whenever we have purchased a home. Nikki is the one who reviews the contracts and literally tells me where to sign based on what the contract says. She is the one who reviews the financial data to ensure there are no hidden fees within the loan package. When we purchased one of our homes, the lending agent was talking to me as if I was the only authority figure making the decision. When I turned to Nikki and gave the contract to her to review and she began to talk his language with the questions she was asking him, he realized one that she knew what she was talking about and then it dawned on him that he had blown it with her. I just sat there smiling as she made him sweat. I did not feel weak or “unmanly” because in this area Nikki was the expert and I needed her. There is no telling what we would have gotten into if I had relied on my knowledge and power as the man of the house. The opposite is true when we purchase cars, that is my area and she sits back and let me work my magic – sometimes to her dismay.
These “areas of agreement” begin to develop during the engagement phase of the relationship and are perfected once the marriage takes place. Now think about this spiritually as it relates to our relationship with Christ? Are there similar negotiations that take place between us and Christ pertaining to who is responsible for what? Absolutely there are. Let’s review a couple of Scriptures.
“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20
Whose responsibility is it to go out into the world to reach the lost? It is our responsibility and we have been given the authority that we need to carry it out. Jesus is not coming back to the earth to win souls; we took on that responsibility when we entered into a long-term relationship with Him.
“Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the Church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him.” James 5:14-15
Whose responsibility is it to pray for the sick? It is our responsibility. Jesus is not coming down from heaven to lay His hands on the sick so that they may be healed. He has given that authority to us to lay hands on the sick. Now whose responsibility is it to actually heal the person that is prayed for? With our faithful prayer, Jesus takes over and He provides the healing. Are you seeing this? These boundaries were established when we accepted Christ, we just need to know what is our responsibility and what is Christ’s responsibility. Let’s look at one more Scripture.
“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? Matthew 6:25-26
Most of the things we worry about pertain to something in this life. Before we entered into a long-term relationship with Christ, it was our responsibility to worry about every situation and do our best to handle them. Well during the engagement phase, Christ negotiated with us a plan where He will take on all of that and we no longer have to deal with it. Our worrying about our situation and not allowing Christ to fulfill His role in the relationship is the same as me buying a house and not allowing Nikki, who was our resident expert, to participate in the purchase. This would not make sense in the natural yet we try and make it make sense spiritually. During our engagement phase with Christ, He let us know that if we unite with Him we will no longer have to worry about anything – just have faith. Peter reminds us of this fact when he said “Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares about you.” 1 Peter 5:7
During the engagement phase of the relationship, we begin to establish guiding principles as to how we will operate with one another. These guiding principles are subject to change as the need arises, but for the most part, they are pretty set once the two people agree to them. Some of the guiding principles for the relationship are set by society (i.e. the man is supposed to be the bread winner; or it the wife’s job to take care of the house.) Although society may set such guidelines, it is up to each couple to determine if they want to follow them or make their own based on what is best for them. The engagement phase is about negotiations and the establishment of guiding principles for how the relationship will operate. Besides negotiating about guiding principles, there is also one additional negotiation that takes place in some relationship. These negotiations become a legally enforced contract that both parties agree to prior to the marriage ceremony. This contract is called a prenuptial agreement.
II. The Prenuptial Agreement
For years I have thought of prenuptial agreements as a “just in case contract” that protects someone “when” the relationship ends. I always thought that if you had one of these in place it was as if you were planning for a separation long before you ever said “I do.” Today I am not 100% sure this is an accurate assessment for every marriage. There are wolves out there in sheep’s clothing trying to lure an innocent sheep in for the slaughter. Today there is a legitimate concern for protecting one’s assets when you are marrying someone that you truly do not know. I truly believe that if a person marries the person God has for them that a prenuptial agreement would not be necessary. However, even though I carry that belief, I also understand that a person’s real commitment to Christ is being tested greatly everyday and being in a marriage adds to the test. Sometimes good people who love each other cannot seem to find a way to stay together and the marriage ends. But more often than not, many marry before they even know the person and have been taken advantaged of because they did not have a prenuptial agreement.
The prenuptial agreement is about the protection of assets that each party had prior to getting married. It is designed to protect each person just in case the relationship did not work out for whatever reason. There are four general or main purposes for a prenuptial agreement. The first is to protect the pre-marriage assets of the individual(s) should the relationship end in divorce. The second purpose is to protect a person (the one without the majority of the pre-marriage assets) should the one with the assets decide to divorce them without cause. (For example, the prenuptial agreement may state that should the one with the pre-marriage assets commits adultery, their spouse would get so much money if they divorced.) The third purpose is to ensure that the spouse who had no assets will not profit should they play a role in the demise of their spouse with the assets. In other words a spouse could not inherit a fortune if they in any way, shape, form or fashion had any part in the death of their spouse. The fourth purpose is to protect a person’s assets should the person they marry have unpaid debts and legal garnishments that someone could come after if they pooled their money together after the wedding. All fifty states in the U.S. accept and honors prenuptial agreements if they are drafted and filed correctly.
So what is it about a prenuptial agreement that causes concern? Well the first thing that comes to mine is trust. If you are the one with the most to lose going into the relationship, would you want some guarantee that the person you are marrying is not just marrying you for your money? You want some assurance that this same person would marry you even if you did not have any assets. The second concern is trust, yes I know trust was the first concern too. If you were marrying someone who had a lot of assets, would you be offended if your fiancée asked you to sign a prenuptial agreement and you read in it that whatever he/she owned before the wedding will remain with them should you divorce? Would you wonder about the person and whether or not they were wondering why you really wanted to marry them? The third concern is longevity of the relationship. Would the signing of the agreement cause one or both party to be so hurt as to carry that into the marriage from day one thus ensuring that the relationship has a better chance of failing than succeeding. These are the thoughts that go through my head. Everyone is taught to protect their possessions from the person who may be marrying them just because they own a home, car and have a nice job. There are so many doubts out there because we marry people without knowing them or if they have any type of commitment to Christ. Let’s take one more step and apply this to our relationship with Christ.
When we accepted Christ, we spiritually signed a prenuptial agreement. In the agreement is one thing – our eternal salvation. No matter what we do while in the relationship, as long we do not fully turn our backs on Him and walk away, there is forgiveness available for us. Jesus is not like we are as we daily cast people off because of what they do to us. He offers complete forgiveness when we repent and ask for it. But, the prenuptial agreement about our salvation is non-negotiable.
When we were saved, we brought nothing but sin into the relationship. We had nothing to offer and much to gain. So in the natural it would make sense that the one who had everything to lose would want a prenuptial agreement. When we accepted Christ, the agreement between us consists of a change in our hearts. We change how we act and how we respond to situations. We change how we walk and how we talk. This is part of becoming a Christian (a good spouse). While we are united with Christ, we receive protection, love, joy, peace and yes, other blessings that can include material things. While the material things are not God’s focus for our lives what we do with them can be beneficial to His kingdom. All of these benefits come through the relationship and naturally you would not expect those same benefits to be available to you if you walked out of the relationship? It is important that we understand this. Our prenuptial agreement with Christ, whether we like it or not, say that should we walk away and not come back, the benefits cease. But the main benefit that Christ is interested in is our salvation. He wants an eternity with us and that is what is on the line through our prenuptial agreement. I have shared these two scriptures with you recently, but I want to remind you once more what the Bible says about our falling away.
“Do I have any pleasure in the death of the wicked,’ declares the Lord God, ‘rather than that he should turn from his ways and live? But when a righteous man turns away from righteousness, commits iniquity and does according to all the abominations that a wicked man does, will he live? All his righteous deeds which he has done will not be remembered for his treachery which he has committed and his sin which he has committed; for them he will die.” Ezekiel 18:23-24
“For in the case of those who have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, it is impossible to renew them again to repentance, since they again crucify to themselves the son of God and put Him to open shame.” Hebrews 6:4-6
Our prenuptial agreement with Christ is different from the ones that exist in our marriages. In our prenuptial with each other, the goal is to protect me and what I have. It is all about my protection and keeping what I have should the person I marry be a wolf in sheep clothing. Now what is amazing with my prenuptial agreement with Christ is that it is still all about me! Christ wrote the prenuptial agreement so that we are discouraged from leaving Him, not so that He can keep something that He had before we came into the picture. He wanted to persuade us through His love that we will be much better off with Him than without Him. This is what is so special about our prenuptial agreement with Him. He did not have Himself in mind when He wrote it; He had each of us in mind.
Are you engaged to Christ? Are you reviewing your commitment to Him to gain an understanding of what His role is in the relationship versus yours? As you evaluate your relationship with Christ, where are you? During the engagement phase of the relationship, you set boundaries for how the relationship will develop and operate. You begin to decide “how” you will come together as one. During this phase we begin to understand truly what Christ’s role is in the relationship and what our role will be. Finally we begin to fully understand what it means to be in a long-term relationship with Him. It is at this point where we begin to be transparent with Christ as He is with us. He already knows everything about us and He still wants to be in a relationship with us. There is nothing He can learn from an internet background check on us that He does not already know. With everything He knows about us He is still offering marriage to us. Have you truly accepted His marriage proposal?
Next week I will close out this series with the final stage, marriage. May God bless and keep you is my prayer.
