What Is Jesus Costing You – Part 5
Scriptures: Ephesians 5:1-30
Introduction:
This message will conclude this series. Today we will focus on the last phase of developing a long-term relationship and that is marriage. When I started this series, I focused on the question: “What Is Jesus Costing You?” During each phase of the development of a relationship, there are costs involved. Whether you are getting acquainted, dating, boy/girlfriends, engaged or married, there are costs involved in being in the relationship. When you reach the final stage of marriage, the costs involved far exceed the financial and part-time mental access that you gave earlier in the relationship. When you actually marry someone, the cost involves the releasing of yourself to the other person as the two of you become one. This does not mean that you cease to be you, but it does mean that there are limitations that you now place on yourself voluntarily as you begin to live your life with another person. Let’s start with what Paul wrote about marriage being symbolic of Christ’s relationship with the Church.
I. Marriage Is Like Christ and the Church
This entire series has been building up to this one point: the fullness of our relationship with Christ as seen in the marriage relationship between a man and a woman. I recognize that not all marriages are created equal and that it depends on each individual person to make it work, but the institution of marriage truly defines the relationship that Christ has with each of us – His Church. As we read these Scriptures, I want you to focus on the “non-financial” or material costs associated with marriage and those costs revolve around your emotional and spiritual investment into the marriage.
Ephesians chapter five opens with the following: “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” (Vs. 1-2) The first thing Paul writes as he leads up to the verses comparing marriage to Christ’s relationship to the Church is that we should be imitators of God. To imitate someone means that you follow their example. For a marriage to truly be successful, both individuals must in some way imitate God through their actions. How do we do this? One way of imitating God is to walk in forgiveness and love towards our fellow man. The way that Jesus gave Himself as a sacrifice for us is an example of the way we are to live for the sake of others. The first cost that we must pay in a marriage is to begin to see ourselves as living for the good of someone else. This does not mean that my life now revolves around me living just to please my spouse, but that my heart is aligned to her in such a way that I think of her as I consider my own individual needs, desires and actions. When we make this selfless sacrifice to imitate God, we choose to respond to others not based on our needs, but theirs. This is the first true cost in a marriage relationship, deferring to the needs of someone else versus fulfilling our own needs. As you think about this from a Christian viewpoint, we begin to make real decisions based on our relationship with Christ versus what our flesh desires for us to do. Remember the bracelets with the WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) on them? When we are married to Christ we really consider this and it is not just something we wear as the fad of the week.
Now look down to verse fifteen. “Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of God.” (Vs. 15-21)
In these verses Paul defines the relationship we should have with Christ and with one another. In verses fifteen through seventeen, after emphasizing the contrast between light and darkness in the earlier verses, he turns to the contrast between wisdom and foolishness. The foolish person has no strategy for life and misses opportunities to live for God in this evil environment. The foolish person not only misses opportunities to make wise use of their time, he also does not understand what God’s purposes are for mankind or for Christians. In verse eighteen Paul transitions to the influence of wine versus the Spirit of God. He speaks of not getting drunk with wine but being filled with the Spirit. The verse uses the Greek present tense to indicate that the filling is not just a one-time experience, but a repeated experience. As the occasion requires, the Spirit empowers for worship, service and testimony. What Paul is stating is that just as some drink alcohol and come under its influence, we should come under the influence of the Spirit, not just during Church service, but in every aspect of our lives. These verses point to the building blocks for our relationship with Christ and with each other. When we are married to Christ, we choose to pay whatever it cost to maintain that relationship. We give of ourselves because we know that Christ has given the ultimate of Himself for us. If you were married to someone who you knew would without question give up their life so that you would live, would you not think you had the best of marriages? If you knew that your spouse would give up their life for you without hesitation, then the other “stuff” that we weigh as important would not seem as important.
In the last verse he writes that we should submit to one another. Verse twenty-one leads into verse twenty-two, and yet what is so interesting is that we often start with verse twenty-two when we are talking about marriage, totally leaving out verse twenty-one. To make this point clear, I will read it all together.
“And be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives, be subject to your own husband, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the Church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the Church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” (Vs. 21-24)
If we had not read verse twenty-one, the men would be shouting and praising God that Rodney just told the wives to “be subject” to their husbands. Some translations read that the wife should “submit” to their husbands. The term “subject” in the Greek was originally a military term meaning to arrange the troops in a military fashion under the command of a leader. In non-military use, it was a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility for and carrying a burden. So yes the wife should be subject to, or submit to her husband as unto the Lord meaning that her submission becomes part of her service to Christ. There is one point I do want to make here and it is this, there is not one Scripture instructing the wife to obey her husband that I have been able to find. Wives are not told to obey their husbands, but to submit to them as part of their service to Christ. So from the wife view point, there are times when the marriage will cost the wives their desires as they yield to their husband. There will be times when the marriage will cost the wives their voice as they hold their tongue and follow the lead of their husbands – sometimes even when the husband is making a mistake and is refusing to listen to wise counsel from others. There will be times when the marriage will cost the wives their sleep as they carry the burden of the family because the husband is not able to do it for whatever reason. There will be times when the marriage will cost the wives their ability to dress extremely nice as they make sacrifices for their family. All of these things are done voluntarily because she is subjecting herself to her husband by choice. There is a cost for the wives to be in a marriage with their husbands.
Now thinking along these same lines, it is the same with us being in a marriage with Christ. In our marriage with Christ, He is the husband and we are the wife. Therefore, just as it is in the natural, we voluntarily subject ourselves to Him. We submit voluntarily to following Him, even when everything within our flesh desires to do something else. We voluntarily give up some of our rights (meaning the right to do whatever we want to do) in order to be in a good marriage with Christ. When we are constantly battling against Him because we do not want to be subject to Him, the end can be the same as a natural marriage – divorce. Our marriage to Christ comes with the price of submission and this costs us. It cost us our pride. It cost us our anger and unwillingness to forgive. It cost us our freedom to go where we want and do what we want to do. It cost us our ability to think the way we want to think versus taking on the mindset of Christ. These are some of the costs associated with us being married to Christ which are similar to the price a woman might pay to be married to a man. So let’s move to the second part. Remember, the cost the wives pay to be in the marriage is voluntarily. A man can force his wife to submit, but then it becomes slavery. True submission is by choice and that is why God desires that we choose Him of our own freewill. We choose to submit to Christ, voluntarily. In order for any submission to take place, there must be something being received by the person doing the submitting. So let’s examine the man’s role in the marriage which is also Christ’s role in our relationship with Him. We will start with verse twenty-five.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word; that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the Church because we are all members of His body.” (Vs. 25-30)
I stated earlier that in order for the wife to voluntarily submit to her husband, she must be receiving something from the marriage. For us to voluntarily submit to Christ, we must be receiving something from the relationship. So what is it that is being received?
The husband is commanded to love his wife as his own body. When a man puts his clothes on, he wants those clothes to look good on his body. When he works out and attempts to get in shape, it is because he wants his body to look good for others. When he drinks a glass full of milk with his Oreo cookies, it is because he wants his body to look good and according to the commercials – “milk does the body good!” Now imagine what will happen when the man loves his wife as much as he loves himself. Will she not feel it? Will she not see it? Will others not understand it? Could someone else come into the relationship and break them up if he loves her as much as he loves himself? Will he intentionally do things to hurt her if he loves her as much as he loves himself? It is this type of love that the man demonstrates to his wife that encourages the wife to voluntarily submit to him. He does not have to force her at all as he freely gives the love, she freely submits.
Still, it does cost the man to be in a marriage. It cost him some of his freedom to do what ever he wants, whenever he wants because he’s considerate of his wife. It costs him some sleep as he lies beside his wife in the midnight hours because she is not feeling well. It costs him some pride as his friends interpret his love for his wife and their willingness to be in submission to each other as a sign of weakness or him being henpecked. It costs him some of his toys as he chooses to take those funds and set them aside for something that is valuable to his wife versus buying something for himself. It cost him his ability to choose his own clothes as he now dresses according to the fashion style of what is acceptable versus what is comfortable. It might even cost him his life as he stands ready to protect his wife against all dangers. When the husband loves his wife as himself he gladly pays the price without complaint because just as he is giving, he is receiving.
The same also applies to Christ being our husband with one exception. He did die for us. Because of the love He had for us, He chose to become the last sacrifice that would ever be needed for mankind. He chose to give up His life so that we could exist. But it did not stop there. Now He is even busier as He constantly looks out for and protects us. Through the Holy Spirit, He leads us; guides us; encourages us; and ensures that those things that we need we have. He is forever watching over us because He loves us. To be in a marriage with us first cost Him His life. He gave it all and He continues to give.
Conclusion
I started this message several weeks ago with one thing in mind and that was to help us assess where we were in our relationship with Christ as we head into a new year. I wanted us to look at the price we are paying to be in a relationship with Christ. For some the cost is small as they are only acquainted with Christ. For others, because the jury is still out and they are unsure of where the relationship might go, the cost is minimal because they are just in the dating phase of the relationship. Still there are others who are paying a heavier price because they have a commitment to Him but the deal is not sealed yet. They are engaged to Christ, but the marriage and ultimate commitment has not taken place yet. Finally there are those who are paying the full price. You have weighed the costs and have decided that it is worth whatever the costs are to be in a marriage with Christ. You are willing to make the sacrifices. You are willing to walk away from the friends whose current lifestyles are in your past. You are willing to give of your resources so that the ministry can accomplish what you as an individual cannot accomplish alone. You are wiling to change your way of thinking; your way of acting; your responses; your willingness to forgive and everything else that tends to be the opposite of the world’s responses.
Where are you in your relationship with Christ? Are you acquainted with Him? Are you dating Him or are you His boy/girlfriend? Are you engaged to Him or have you made the decision to enter into a marriage with Him? Where you are right now in your relationship with Christ will determine how your year will go this year. It will determine how you will respond to your situations this year. It will determine if you walk in the fullness of faith or in unbelief. If you do not make but one decision this year, find out where you are with your relationship with Christ. Once you know this answer, everything else will begin to work out.
I hope that you have been blessed with this series and have found something within these messages that has enabled you to draw closer to our Lord and Savior. May God bless and keep you is my prayer.
