ƒ{ I started this series talking about storms
ƒ{ Today I want to continue that thought
ƒ{ How many have ever seen
"The Perfect Storm"
ƒ{ When two or more storms come together at the same time.
Read Acts 27:14-20, 44
Acts 27:14 (KJV)
But not long after there arose against it a tempestuous wind, called Euroclydon.
Acts 27:17 (KJV)
Which when they had taken up, they used helps, undergirding the ship; and, fearing lest they should fall into the quicksands, strake sail, and so were driven.
ƒ{ Euroclydon = An ancient word meaning
The gathering of southeastern
And northeastern winds
ƒ{ Creating
o Typhoon
o Whirlwind
o Hurricane
ƒ{ Have you ever felt like you're in a eurocyldon?
ƒ{ It's called the Perfect Storm
ƒ{ Its out to destroy your home.
ƒ{ Many times we think in order to survive the Perfect Storm
ƒ{ We must have the Perfect Spouse
THE PERFECT WIFE: - WHAT EVERY MAN EXPECTS
* Always beautiful and cheerful
* Could have married any movie star, but only wanted you
* Beauty that won't run in a rainstorm
* Never sick...only allergic to jewelry and fur coats
* Insists that moving furniture by herself is good for her figure
* Expert in cooking...cleaning...fixing...painting house and keeping quiet (not nagging)
* Hobbies include...mowing the lawn...shoveling snow
* Hates charge cards
* Favorite expression..."What can I do for you dear?"
* Thinks you have an Einstein brain,...and a body like Mr. America
* Wishes you would go out with the boys more often so she can get some more sewing and ironing done.
WHAT HE GETS
* Speaks 140 words per minute with gusts up to 180
* She was once a model for a Totem Pole
* A light eater...as soon as it's light...she eats
* Where there is smoke...there she is 'cooking'
* She lets you know that you only have two faults:
1. Everything you say
2. Everything you do
* No matter what she does with her hair...it always looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory
* If you get lost...open your wallet and she'll find you
THE PERFECT HUSBAND: WHAT EVERY WOMAN WANTS
* He will be a brilliant conversationalist
* Very sensitive...kind...understanding...truly loving
* Very hard working
* Helps around the house
* Loves washing dishes...
* Vacuuming floors...and taking care of the yard
* Someone who helps his wife raise the children
* A man of emotional and physical strength
* A man as smart as Einstein
* And looks like Robert Redford
WHAT SHE GETS
* A man who takes her to the restaurant...someday he may even take her inside
* He doesn't have any ulcers...he gives them
* Anytime he has an idea in his head
* He has the whole thing in a nutshell
* He's known as a miracle worker at home
* It's a miracle that he works at home
* He supports his wife in a manner that she is accustomed
* He's letting her keep her job
* He's such a bore...he even bores you to death giving a compliment
* He has occasional flashes of silence that makes his conversations brilliant
ƒ{ I am not sure we are always prepared for the storm
ƒ{ We know they will come
ƒ{ Bu we are not prepared when they do
ƒ{ Noah had a storm...
o But his family was saved
o Because he built for the things not seen
ƒ{ Not seen...
o When you use theprinciple of faith to build your home
o That means you can't wait for things to get better to act right
o Start acting right when things are still wrong
Many of you remember...
In 1971, singer and songwriter Don McLean
Released a song entitled, "American Pie."
The entire song was a tribute to Buddy Holly
And a commentary on how rock and roll
Changed as a result of Holly's death.
McLean seems to be lamenting the lack of
"dance-able" music in rock and roll during the
early 70s and in part at least attributing that
lack to the absence of Buddy Holly and the
other musicians who died with him.
- Richie Vales (La Bamba)
- The Big Bopped (Chantilly Lace)
McLean believed that Buddy Holly's death was
the single most significant tragedy in the
development and direction of rock and roll.
It was a watershed event.
When holly died, the future of the music died with him.
A death with culture-changing consequences.
ƒ{ I believe a much more significant kind of death with greater consequences...
...is happening right before our eyes
...it's the crash and death of marriage and family
3 THINGS TO CONSIDER
I. The Hurt of Divorce
II. The Hindrance of Marriage
III. The Helps for the Home
I. The Hurt of Divorce
1. The Economic Consequences
* 67% of first time marriages will end in divorce by the 4th year
* Not here to criticize.
* It's a financial killer
o Four people are legally involved in a divorce:
1. Two Lawyers
2. One Husband
3. One Wife
o Two win financially...two don't...guess the two!
* The average cost of divorce is $16,000
* A recent survey states that women and children take a 73% decline in standard of living
* Only 14% of all divorce settlements include alimony
* Only 44% award child support
* Only 2% of divorced mothers receive more than $5,000 a year in support.
2. Lower View of God's Ability
* We begin to doubt God's ability
* Think He's not able to fix the problem
* We say that God can do Anything ...Ephesians 3:20
* We tell the world that God can do anything...except...
3. Divorce Sets a Precedent for Other Divorces in the Family
* If you divorce...the chances of your children also having a divorce become greater.
* 89% of the people that accept divorce do so because someone in their family is divorced.
* It lowers the standard
* It's not just you...it's your kid's success
* Set them up for success
* Look at the Children America is raising
* I don't want to lower the standard
* I don't care how much Bible / if we don't live it / our kids won't accept it!
4. The Health Cost
* Finances get tight and we sometimes have too much month at the end of our money!
* Solution: Spend less or make more
* Three classes of people:
1. Haves
2. Have nots
3. Have not paid for what they have
* Herman & Mary
o Mary's family had money
o Herman's family didn't have money
o When they got married she had a tendency to brag to the fact that she had all the money
o She said, "You know Herman, if it wasn't for me, we wouldn't have this nice car,
o ...nice house
o ...nice furniture
o ...nice entertainment center
o Herman said, "Mary, if it hadn't been for you and your money, I wouldn't be here
5. Pride
* Peter Marshall who used to be the Chaplain of the Senate prayed this prayer:
"Lord, when we are wrong, make us easy to change.
When we are right, make us easy to live with."
* Have you ever known you were wrong and just couldn't admit it?
* Learning to say sorry to spouse and kids
* It teaches kids a lot
* Saying sorry unloads the gun
* Men: We are most guilty of this
* It gets harder the longer you wait
* Husband's driving and we're lost...
o She knows
o We know
o Neighbors know
o God knows!
* Why men should apologize first...
* ...love wife as Christ loved the Church
* Temper is what gets us in trouble
* Pride is what keeps us there...Mark Twain
6. Unreal Expectations
* Newlyweds...got married
* The groom said, "Honey, now that we are married, I want to point out some defects in your life."
* She said, "Not at all sweetheart, it was those defects that kept me from getting a better husband."
* Don't expect your mate to make you happy
7. Lack of Intimacy
* In-to-me-see
* Intimacy: Real
Warm, close, vulnerable
Transparent
* Share: Hopes
Dreams
Fears
Frustrations
INGREDIENTS FOR INTIMACY
* Other mindedness: Putting spouse first
* Approachability: Talk
* Trust: The problem with affairs is that we destroy trust
And trust is the glue...the foundation
* Desire
* Time
8. Boring
* Dating...life isn't boring
* Why is married life?
* Because in dating we planned to have a good time
* Dating should never stop
* Now you just hope it will happen
* Plan for fun!
o It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark
* Don't take a trip...make a trip
* Put some effort
* It's easy for some to be boring
* Plan in marriage like you do for work
* Get excited!
9. Spiritual Disobedience
* Christians should have better marriages than unbelievers (stats)
* We have God's Word
* Holy Spirit to fill us
* Jesus to forgive us
* Christian marriages don't seem to be much stronger
* Biblical principles that are safety
* The difference isn't whether or not we have problems...
* ...it's how we handle the winds of adversity
* Don't be unequally yoked:
o I Ken, a Christian
o Shouldn't marry (date) a non-Christian
* Those who go against the grain of God's will
* Should not complain when they get splinters
* See ye first the Kingdom of God
10. Selfishness
* Dating...giving mindset
* Marriage...getting mindset
* Two characteristics of maturity in marriage...
1. Generous -- giving
2. Forgiving -- forgive children, forgive spouse
* Number one characteristic in a mature person is that they find more satisfaction in giving
* Before marriage: give...give...give
* Other mindset
I. CONSEQUENCES OF DIVORCE
ƒ{ Divorce is deceptive
ƒ{ Legally it is a simple event
ƒ{ Psychologically it is a chain
ƒ{ Sometimes a never ending chain of events...relocations and shifting relationships strong through time
ƒ{ I've lived through divorce
1. A Damaged Testimony
ƒ{ Now there are as many Christians as non-Christians getting divorced.
ƒ{ We are making a statement to the world that says Jesus doesn't make a difference
„X If you do / not any difference
ƒ{ The Bible makes it clear - Christians are to live as not to make others stumble
ƒ{ We need to bring the Glory to God / Raise the standard
2. Divorce Increases the Tendency Toward a Pattern of Failure
ƒ{ Not an absolute / commitment / convenience
ƒ{ For a pattern of failure
ƒ{ There is a tendency that says...if you can't succeed in life's most primary and significant institution...you probably won't succeed in the lesser areas of your life either.
ƒ{ Unresolved relationships
ƒ{ It doesn't have to be this way
3. Divorce Sets a Precedent for Other Divorces in the Family
ƒ{ If you divorce...the chances of your children also having a divorce become greater
ƒ{ 89% of the people that accept divorce do so because someone in their family is divorced.
ƒ{ We need to stand for purity
ƒ{ It lowers the standard
ƒ{ It's just not you...it's your kid's success
ƒ{ Look at the children America is raising
ƒ{ Set them up for success
ƒ{ I don't want to lower the standard
ƒ{ I don't care how much Bible / if we don't live it
ƒ{ Our kids won't accept it.
4. The Health Cost
ƒ{ A recent study of divorced males between 35 and 65
ƒ{ The death rate for these divorced males is 130% higher
ƒ{ Than men who are married
ƒ{ The stress
ƒ{ And men think marriage is stressful!!???
5. The Cost of a New Marriage
ƒ{ There are ghosts that come out of the last marriage
ƒ{ Money...alimony...debt...comparison
ƒ{ We usually just carry the problem to the next marriage
ƒ{ Stop carrying problem to the next marriage
ƒ{ Marriage is the problem
ƒ{ The goal is not to find the right person
ƒ{ The goals is to be the right person
6. The Negative Effect on the Children
ƒ{ No one should be allowed to get married unless they can prove they can stay together
ƒ{ Every 24 hours, 3000 children see their parents' divorce
ƒ{ Divorced children:
* 1,629 are put into adult jail
* 3,228 run away
* 1,512 drop out of school
* 7,742 every 24 hours, become sexually active
ƒ{ Divorce shatters stability in the minds of kids
ƒ{ Divorce forces children to take sides
* Mistrust
* Bitterness
ƒ{ If you are the child of a divorced parent, I have some guidelines:
1. Don't blame yourself -- you didn't cause the problem
2. Don't be a mediator, he said, she said
* Grow up mom and dad
3. Realize that divorce is wrong...
* ...but not un-redeemable
4. God loves and forgives
* Do the same
* Accept new mate
5. Honor your parents
* Not if they do a good job
* Just honor your wrong and right parent
CONCLUSION:
10 COMMANDMENTS FOR MAKING A MARRIAGE
1. Make commitment, not feelings, the foundation of your marriage
2. Learn to draw a large circle of love...unconditional love
He drew a circle that shut me out
Heretic...rebel...a thing to pout
But love and I had the wit
To win, we drew a circle that took him in
3. Continually say positive things to your spouse
4. Never go to bed angry with each other
- How many are mad: "God, get a hold of Patti's heart!"
5. Forgive your spouse
6. Visualize what your lives can be together --like when you were dating
7. Consider what God wants
8. Humble yourself before your mate
- My great victories...Honey, I'm stupid
9. Don't give up
10. Pray together always
