YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER
EXODUS 20:12
Last Sunday was Mother's Day and in just a few weeks we'll celebrate Father's Day - which are days we set aside to honor our parents. But what does it really mean to honor our Father and Mother? A card...flowers...dinner out...a small gift...
What does honoring mean for adults who are no longer under the care of their parents. How do we - or should we honor parents who were ungodly...abusive...maybe even ones who were never around...having left for no good reason? And why should we honor them in the first place? Does honor mean the same as obey?
We've been looking at the question "What does God expect from ordinary people?" in light of the 10 Commandments...not specific ones to this point but in a broad sense...but today I want to get specific and look at the 5th commandment..."Honor your father and mother" This command tells every child of human parents that their moral duty within the family is to honor those people who gave them a place in the land of the living.
And from this commandment we see that whatever else a person may feel about them...no matter how deep the love or how great the anger...whether we're grateful - or resentful...we are called to respect those who not only gave us existence...but were given to be our primary teachers and guides.
From the day a child is born to the day the parents die...and even after they die...everything in their relationship may change except the moral duty of honor. No child, young or old, should ever dishonor their parents. But what does it really mean to give them honor? Today we are going to look at what this commandment actually requires...why it is given...and finally how this can be obeyed with all the complexities and conflicts of life.
Let's begin with what the Command requires. But to actually get a feel for just what this command says, we need to take a look at what it doesn't say. First..."Honor your father and mother" ignores the warm affection all parents want from their children. It doesn't tell children to be happy about their parents.
It doesn't tell us to like being with our parents on family outings...or to enjoy having them over for dinner...nowhere does it encourage or even mention happy emotional relationships. All it commands - is honor.
Another thing is that the Commandment doesn't tell parents to honor their children. The child's right to respect is nowhere in view. Now, we may agree that children deserve some sort of honor - just by virtue of being a precious human being...but this commandment is not about our worth as individuals. Honor is concerned with family structure...and the role of parents as teachers and leaders in the family.
I think the ancient Hebrew word for honor is very important...it literally means "weightiness." And that simply means that to honor someone you had to respect them as people who carried a great deal of weight in your life. You had to have let them have influence...dignity...and most importantly authority over you.
Now, this command for honoring parents came more or less naturally for Hebrew children because they were raised in a patriarchal system...where the family centered on the oldest living male. And in that system children were not a nuisance or an emotional luxury...they were the link between God's covenant with the past and His salvation of the future.
But even though honor was such an important part of life back then...the O.T. writers could spot outrageous acts of dishonor easier than they could define what honor really was. And they had no mercy on those who would violate a parent's honor.
In Exodus 21: they hand down some harsh punishment for dishonor...v. 15 says, "Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to death.." And in v.17 it says whoever curses his father and mother shall also be put to death. .............We can see it was necessary...
But what does honor really boil down to? Well, honor was a willingness at least to listen to the voice of your parents...those people whom God gave to be their teachers and guides. For Israel, the family was the place where a person learned who he was and what God expected him to do.
And in the family...the father was the designated spokesman. Spokesman for what? What channel to watch...where to go on vacation? No! Look at Deuteronomy 6:6...READ
And in Psalm 78:5 the Lord "decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law for Israel...which he commanded our forefathers to teach to their children." It was the father's role to teach his children the way of the Lord...and the child was to listen.
And the way the child showed respect for the father was by listening...with a mind bent toward believing and obeying. And the honor the child gave was wrapped up mostly in respect for his father's role in the family. And again...we're not necessarily talking about obedience...but respect for roles...or position.
And the child honored the parents long after the parents grew weak and the children grew strong. The parents were to be kept at center stage in family affairs. And they always stood for God before the child...and they never lost their dignity as caretakers and teachers.
Well, times are certainly different...and we've lost nearly all semblance of this type of family lifestyle and structure. But...there are things we can learn that are not bound by time and culture.
Which brings me to the next question...Why Should Children Honor Their Parents?
First, let's take note that we're not asking what a parent needs to do to earn the right to honor...parents have a right to honor simply because they've conceived and cared for a child. But WHY?
AUTHORITY! Now, authority is generally found to be in bad graces today...because it plays on our fears of being manipulated into someone else's control. And what we have in the world today...and I must say that this is also true in Christian homes...is a loss of parental authority.
And this is because life has changed. The Carnegie Council on the Family took a long look at the crisis of the modern family and decided that we should call it quits on the family as being a center for moral and spiritual nurture. Instead, they tell us we should settle for letting the family be a haven for emotional warmth.
In a related report called All Our Children by Kenneth Kenniston, the council says that the old-fashioned, self-sufficient family...where parents could be relied on to teach their kids the most important things in life - is a myth. Our world has become so complex that parents simply are not competent to prepare their children for taking a place in todays society.
And Christian's have bought in to that too. So many today shuffle their children around from expert to expert.......and now the chief business of parents is to provide emotional support...and most of the time that is nothing more than appeasing them...and letting them build their lives on anything but a biblical foundation. Many Christian parents have no authority of their own....because they have no strong biblical foundation of their own.
But parents can't give up authority without robbing their children...and society...of strengths that neither one can do without. Because the first thing a child loses in a home without authority is a strong sense of his own identity. And I see that in so many kids right here in this church.
We become strong individuals when we spend our childhood in a strong family...one that will not just mouth something they've heard...but teach by example as well as word. The fact that suicide is now the 2nd most common cause of adolescent deaths in the U.S. is at least partly related to the loss of authority in the home.
And another thing...the loss of authority within the family will affect a child's ability to live with authority in society. Parents who give strong and directed leadership teach their children to live with and recognize true authority.
So often parents will come to me so concerned and upset that their children are getting into trouble...going the way of the world...doing whatever... And most of the time I hear them say, but I tried to teach them right. I brought them to church.... I'm a Christian - why is God letting this happen?
But so often...not always, but often...the truth is that the kids learned what they were taught...or actually what they weren't taught. We average about 14 or 15 in Bible study each week...and most of you are somewhere else teaching your kids - by example - that an hour a week is enough.
You've abdicated your authority as that child's teacher and guide. "Do what I say, don't do what I do" will reap a harvest you'll live to regret - for all eternity. And when your child comes up with all their lame excuses for their lack of desire to serve God...see if they aren't just as pitiful as your lame excuses for not fulfilling your commitment to God and His word. Now, that may be hard...but its true.
But to understand this whole concept of authority we need to see exactly what it is and where it comes from. We experience authority all the time. When a policeman stops traffic for whatever reason...when the boss says we need to increase production by 10%...when the Sergeant says, "Forward, march."
Authority is someone's assumption that he or she has the power and the right to lead us and tell us what to do, or what to think. Authority is the legitimate power to prevail over other people's will. But what gives any person the right to use power of any kind over another person?
And I hear Christian parents ask this all the time..."Do I have the right to make my kids do something they really don't want to do?" Well, from a biblical viewpoint - you've been given not only the right, but the obligation. And that authority comes from God.
And Jesus was a perfect illustration of what it means to have authority. Jesus had the legitimate power to change people's souls...to redirect their lives...to lead them to a new world. Now, He never wore a badge or had a military escort...but still He claimed all authority...an authority given to Him by God.
But what convinced people of Jesus' authority? People saw, and heard, and felt something in Jesus that made them believe He was a legitimate power. They recognized His right to be the power in their lives because they saw the healing, saving purpose in His power.
He used power over them to heal...not to demand. He cured their diseases and asked nothing from them. He claimed to be Lord, yet used His lordship to free them. So what it amounted to was that His authority was the authority of a servant...a servant of God.
And that is the same authority parents have been given - by God... to use Christ's example of servanthood and use the power given us to teach, train, love, heal, and free our children to be able to serve God as He has chosen them to do. To be the kind of example that they will desire to follow.
For a child to learn to honor his or her parents is to learn to respect the moral authority God has given to those parents. But parents have a calling - not just to feed and clothe their kids...or to protect them from the hardships of life. Parents are called to share with them their deepest beliefs about God and His will for the human family.
And it is their fulfillment of this right that makes them worthy of respect. And if they forfeit their calling - whether by default...or fear...or laziness - the loss of honor is their own fault. And that's what many have done...even many here today.
It's not enough to try to get your kids to believe what our church believes...or to send them here hoping someone will teach them enough to make them turn out reasonably well. You are to teach...influence...guide...and persuade them about what you believe about the core matters of life.
The sad fact is that the commitment you see in your kids will often reflect the same commitment you have taught them by example. Ever wonder why it can be such a struggle to get them up and ready to go to church...
Well. Let's finish up. How do we honor parents in the conflicts of life? Our moral responsibility is to find the right way to honor our parents within the reality of our conflicts...
And the heart of this really falls back on the context of the original commandments of God. Who were they given to? To the Egyptians who served any number of Gods...to the Canaanites... They were given to God's people...those who were called to follow His leading and direction...those who had a relationship with God.
But it was based on respect for authority...authority that was given by God to the people who brought a life into this world and were charged with bringing that person up in the ways of God. And honor was given to those who carried out that task. And it was something that God expected...of everyone.
And I think the key to this commandment is not in strict obedience to the demands of those in authority over us...just for obedience sake. It is a respect for God's design for family structure.
We will not always be under the care of our parents...and we have choices to make that will go against the will or advice of our parents...but honor is the respect we give them because they were given the responsibility of being our teacher and guide. It is respect for God's order for the family.
As we respect and submit to God and His plan for us in the family structure...we will better understand the call to honor those who gave us life.
