Darrell Loomis was a truck driver. Each week he hauled goods from Cincinnati to Atlanta. Joe’s Diner was his favorite eating spot on the route. Darrell always stopped for meals at Joe’s.
One summer afternoon, Darrell parked his truck and walked into the diner. Sitting down in his favorite seat—the third counter stool—he ordered the usual—hot meat loaf sandwich, mashed potatoes, and iced tea. In the distance came a roar and a cloud of dust, followed by the arrival into the parking lot of twelve members of a motorcycle gang, riding Harley-Davidsons with extended forks. These were fine bikes, quite a sight to see as the gang parked them next to Darrell’s Peterbilt truck and set down the kickstands.
As the gang stomped into the diner, the leader immediately spotted Darrell. “Well, who is this little sissy at the counter?” he sneered. Darrell merely remained silent and continued eating his lunch. Forming a semicircle around Darrell, the gang members started snapping their fingers in rhythmic cadence. Unperturbed, Darrell just sat and ate his lunch. One of the gang members picked up Darrell’s iced tea and poured it over his head. The others watched, still snapping their fingers in unison. With his napkin Darrell quietly dried his face, but said nothing. Another gang member picked up Darrell’s mashed potatoes and stuck a handful into Darrell’s ear, wiping his hand on Darrell’s back. Darrell remained calm and didn’t respond. He simply continued to eat his lunch.
Although the gang continued to harass and taunt Darrell, he never responded to any of it. Even when Darrell finished his lunch, he only stood up, turned to Joe, and silently paid his bill. He left the diner without saying a word.
The leader of the gang laughed and said to Joe, “What a wimp! That guy sure ain’t much of a man!”
Joe, looking out the window of the diner said, “No, and he ain’t much of a driver either. He just ran over twelve Harleys.”
Over the past couple of weeks, you guys had the opportunity to write down what you would like Adam and I to talk about here on Wednesday nights. Well, over the next three weeks, we’ll be looking at some of your suggestions together, before we jump into a series on the most desired sermon topic-Revelation. One of you listed the question-someone teases me all the time (24/7)-what do I do?
Well, tonight we’re going to look at that in a lesson I’m titling The Big Tease: How to Overcome Bullying. By show of hands, how many of you have ever been picked on, made fun of, teased, or bullied by someone else? Now, how many of you having been picked on, made fun of, teased, or bullied were done so by someone who called themselves your friends? Now, by show of hands, how many of you have picked on someone, made fun of someone, teased someone, or bullied someone?
I hope that we can see that many of us are in the same boat here when it comes to bullying, and being made fun of. Many of us have been the butt of some awful jokes, and some of us have actually been the creator of those jokes. It’s plain to see, though, that sticks and stones may break your bones, but words often will hurt more than we think.
When I was in junior high, I was a chubby kid, and I did very well in school, and I didn’t have many friends. The friends I had were usually the other smart kids. So, on this particular year, my parents wanted to throw my brother and I a birthday party with our friends. So, we gave invitations to some of the popular kids in our class, and not to our smart, nerdy friends. The big day came, and we were all set to eat pizza at Pizza Hut for our birthday party. They had balloons, and had set out spots at the table for the amount of kids that we had invited. We had our superman theme or whatever it was, with plates and cups, and the time had come for all the kids to show up. So we waited. Mom and Dad, my brother and I, and all of our imaginary friends. No one else showed up to our birthday party. We invited people we thought were cool, but those people were actually ones that made fun of us. You could probably imagine how embarrassed my brother and I were, in a full restaurant with our table set up for a big party, and no one shows up.
I was made fun of for being chubby. I was made fun of for being smart. I was made fun of for not having many friends. I know how it feels to be picked on. I even had my lunch money taken by kids bigger than me. I know how it feels. It hurts, and if you’re not careful it can cause you to become very self-conscious, and have low self esteem.
So, how do we deal with being teased, made fun of, bullied, and picked on?
1. Recognize it’s not your fault. If you are being bullied or picked on, and you know that you haven’t offended someone, then it’s NOT your fault. Bullies and teasers tend to tease for a few reasons:
a. They are trying to get attention, either from you, or others.
b. They are trying to make themselves feel better.
c. They are trying to gain control over others.
There are lots of other reasons why people may pick on others, but if you understand that it’s not your fault, you can then begin to tell yourself who God says you are. Being bullied is not an indication of who you are. Just because someone picks on you and says that you’re a nerd, or you’re too chubby, or you’re no good at something, that doesn’t mean that it’s true. The Bible says in Psalms 139:14 that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” God has tons of good things to say about you. Things that you can believe and know are true.
2. Choose to Believe what God says about you, not what bullies do.
If you start believing the lies of someone who picks on you, then the tendency will be to walk around defeated and depressed. If you’ve been picked on your whole life, then you’ve got to start disregarding what people have been saying and believe what God has been saying. You need to get in His word, His love letter to you, and understand and know what he says you are.
(What God Says About Me sheet) I have 3 pages here of something I printed out of what God says about you. (read a few). You have 3 choices. You can choose to believe what others say about you, choose to believe what your feelings say, or choose to believe what God says.
When you start believing what God says, you will walk around in confidence, and it will make it much easier to deal with what others say, and the final thing is to:
3. Ignore It.
If you start paying attention to the bully or the one who picks on you, and reacting, then you’re letting them win. Don’t show a reaction. Don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing that it has affected you, and possibly they’ll stop. There was a guy on my little league baseball team that was scrawny, and he got made fun of a lot for his size. He ignored them, but something triggered in his mind that said, “I’ll show you!” The next time I saw this kid was in 9th grade. I hadn’t seen him since maybe 5th grade, because he went to a different middle school. When I saw him, he was HUGE! He had committed to lifting weights and getting stronger. He could have benched pressed at least 3 of me. You can guarantee that he was never made fun of, EVER AGAIN!
Now, if it’s a friend, there’s a couple ways you can deal with it.
1. Laugh it off.
I play softball with a group of guys on Tuesday nights, and many of them aren’t Christians, and some of the guys just talk trash the whole time, even to their own team mates. Last night, I had a horrible night, and played awful. I couldn’t get a hit and get on base to save my life, and only made one play the whole night. So, this guy on my team says, “c’mon Gregg, do something different, field the ball!” Now, because I’ve played with him for a while, I know he’s joking—to a degree. But if I didn’t know that it wasn’t a big deal, I could take that very seriously, and let it beat me down. But instead, I laugh it off, or jab back.
2. Confront them.
If there’s a pattern in your friendship, and your friend is always criticizing you or cutting you down, then you’ve got to be a good friend to them and let them know that it bothers you, and you might even be able to cause a change in the pattern of their behavior.
Now, it might not seem that easy to deal with bullies, and usually it’s not. If it’s serious, then you need to get your parents involved, or your teachers, and even your principal.
But what about people who are the bullies, or the teasers? Most of the time, the problem is within us. Jesus had to deal with people who were constantly saying the wrong things.
Matthew 12:33-37 says, “Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. 34 You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.35 The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36 But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. 37 For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”
Jesus is speaking to the Pharisees here. These were the religious leaders of that time, and they continually focused on observing the law, and paid no attention to Jesus. In fact, they didn’t like him, and they were always trying to find ways to catch him messing up. So he’s talking to them in a story. Make a tree good, and it will produce good fruit. He says “a tree is recognized by its fruit.” This is the same way with us. We are that tree, and if a tree produces bad fruit, it’s recognized as being a bad tree. Likewise, if we are constantly saying hurtful things or making fun of people, then it reveals more about who we are. Those words are “our fruit.” The truth is that what you say about someone reveals more about who you are than it does about them. Your words reveal your character. Let’s get back to the story. So, the Pharisees are evil, and Jesus is telling these guys that people can tell that about them. He says, “For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” So, in essence, whatever it is that is in your heart is what you speak about, or from. If there are good things and kind things in your heart, then you will be kind to others. If there are awful things in there, then you’ll be one of those people who is always saying hurtful things and degrading things about people.
Illustration:(Pitchers of Water: Two volunteers need to taste that it is in fact water. Another 2 after that will come up and put the designated substance in the water and mix it in. 2 other volunteers will come up and taste the new water.)
Just like this water is pure before we put those good or awful things into, so it is with your heart. If you put good things into it, then it will be pleasant when its time to take a drink, but on the other hand, if you put those bad things into it, then it ain’t gonna be good. A good man brings out good things, and an evil man brings out evil things. Jesus tells these guys now that they are going to have to give an account for every careless word they said, and the same is true for us. We will have to tell God why we said such things about people, even when we knew it would hurt them.
So, hopefully tonight, you will recognize that words hurt, and people who tease and make fun, and bully will tend to hurt others, and those hurts will last a lifetime if we don’t deal with them effectively. We can deal by recognizing it’s not your fault, by choosing to believe what God says, and by ignoring the teasers. And if it’s your friends, then laugh it off, or confront it. Now, if you are the bully, or the teaser, then you’ve got to deal with the evil that’s inside of you. The evil that has made you what you are. If that’s you, then you may need a new heart. So, here’s the invitation-if you’ve been teased or bullied, then God has come to offer you healing, and proclamations of who He says that you are. If that’s you then go ahead and stand up and repeat these simple phrases:
I am God’s child. I am loved. God has accepted me. His peace guards my heart and life. I am healed, and I am new.
Now, if you’re the one who tends to bully and tease, then you’re in need of forgiveness. If there’s someone in this room who you need to say I’m sorry to, then do it before the night is over. But, God is ready to offer you forgiveness, and the ability to change. Ezekiel 36:26 says, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” If you just take the time to ask, God will give you a new heart. So, let’s just take some silence here for you to do business with God, or with each other.
Prayer.
