Last week we started our series on Dating for Dummies. If you remember, I told you about a little book that I picked up about 10 years ago, hoping it would hold the key to all my dating nightmares and mistakes. They had made other “for dummies” books that seemed to have all the right answers to all my questions, so I thought I’d give it a shot. What I found in that little book might have worked for some practical purposes—what to wear on a date, where to meet people, how to ask someone out, among other things. One of the best things I learned from this book was that I had to get rid of my pick up lines! I used to use some of the cheesiest lines to get girls. I actually would spend time on the internet looking for good ones to use on girls at my school—some of you are looking around wondering who in here has done that…well, I won’t call you out, but here are a few that I used:
-“Hey, can I have a quarter?” she’d say, “why?”. “Because my mom told me to call home when I found the girl of my dreams.”
_”Did it hurt?—When you fell from heaven?”
- “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”
If you’re wondering whether or not these lines work, or if you’re using your notes sheet to write these down---then you definitely came on a good night, because Dating for Dummies is for YOU!
After I learned from this little book that using pick up lines is never a good idea, things for me started to turn around. We’re gonna get to tonight’s Dating for Dummies tips in just a bit, but first, let’s review what we talked about last week:
You got 3 freebies last week from my years of doing things the right and wrong way: 1. Start with an intelligent Designer---when you realize that God made you and that He loves you, you can know that He’s got somebody out there for you. 2. Make a LIST with your designer. I told you to make a list of all the qualities you want in a future mate. 3. Shift your FOCUS. We talked about how often we’re looking for someone to meet our needs and that’s about it, but when we look at our list, how many of us really measure up? If you want to find the right person, you’ve got to BE the right person.
Tonight, dating for dummies is taking a bit of a shift itself. To date or not to date, is that the question? Some of you want to date because you’re looking for someone to be with, some of you want to date because you’re bored sitting at home, some of you want to date because all of your friends are doing it. Some of you, you just don’t want to end up like this guy—(show trailer from Lars and the real girl).
If any of you end up with a doll for a girlfriend, I’m sure we’ll accept you, but that’d be a little weird!
People date other people because they want to feel good about themselves, they want to be accepted. Everybody wants to be loved, right? Nobody really likes to be lonely. But, is dating the only way to fulfill these needs? Maybe tonight, we can challenge those notions that dating is the way to feel loved and accepted, have fun, and find someone.
Even if we take what we learned last week, I think there’s another way for teenagers to think about dating. Around the time I picked up that little book, “Dating for Dummies,” I had heard of another book, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” This one, I was sure wouldn’t have any answers about how to get a date, but as I was getting serious about my relationship with God, I read it. This book, is one that changed my life. I learned so much about myself, and God, and my ideas on dating. After reading the book I didn’t completely decide to kiss dating goodbye, but I had realized that not dating wasn’t the point. The point was that I was going about the pursuit all wrong up to that point. I had just wanted to date the best looking girls to be popular or look better in front of my friends…I didn’t really care what God wanted for me.
I’m not going to pretend that we can cover all there is to know about God’s desires for your dating life in two little weeks, but I want to cover the important stuff.
Dating for Dummies Tip # 4: Don’t Pursue STUPID love.
When kids are asked about love, here is what they say: When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.
Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.
Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.
I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.
When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.
It’s easy to think that you’re in love when you measure love by the feelings that you get. But love is more than feelings.
Phillipians 1:9-10 says, “This is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ.”
I think Paul is talking about smart love here. Not the kind of love that you think you know. You may think you’re in love when you can’t think of anyone else, or when you spend hours talking on the phone at night, or when your heart jumps when you see that person…but Paul is talking about a different kind of love. He says that smart love is knowing what is best, that smart love helps keep you pure in God’s sight. The message says it like this: “Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush.”
See, people do STUPID things, especially when they think they’re in love. Does love motivate the guy who sleeps with his girlfriend when it’s going to scar her emotionally and physically? Does love motivate the girl who leads a guy on and breaks up with him after she finds someone better? NO! They both are motivated by selfish ambition.
God wants you to pursue the kind of love that helps you know what is best. The kind of love that will keep you pure.
Dating for Dummies Tip # 5: What’s BEST might not be Popular.
You can be sure that deciding to do what’s best in your dating life will NOT be popular. In the world today, where teenagers will do and say whatever it takes to be popular, the choice you make will do just the opposite. I’m going to be brutally honest with you tonight. YOU ARE NOT READY TO DATE!!! You have no business asking for someone’s heart and affections if you can’t back that up with a lifelong commitment.
Anna’s wedding day was finally here. She planned for months and months, and in the small church with her family and friends, she was ready to take the vow’s with her fiancé, David. He gently took her hand and they turned toward the altar. But, as the minister began to lead David and Anna through their vows, the unthinkable happened. A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly to the altar and took David’s other hand. Another girl approached and stood next to the first, followed by another, and another. Soon there was a chain of six girls standing next to David.
Anna felt her lip quivering as tears welled up in her eyes. “is this some kind of joke?” she whispered to David.
“I’m sorry, Anna,” he said, staring at the floor.
“Who are these girls, David? What’s going on?” she gasped.
“They’re girls from my past. Anna, they don’t mean anything to me now…but I’ve given part of my heart to each of them.”
“I thought your heart was mine,” she said.
“It is. It is. Everything that’s left is yours.” A tear rolled Anna’s cheek, and then she woke up.
When Anna woke up she felt betrayed. Then, she wondered how many men would be standing at the altar next to her.
Proverbs 4:23 says to guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. When you are choosing to date, you choose to give your heart and affections to each person you’re with. I don’t think that’s smart love, and it’s definitely not in your best interest to give away little pieces of yourself here and there, and have little to offer that person that God has prepared for you.
Let me tell you what I think could be best in DATING FOR DUMMIES tip # 6: Choose to focus on friendships rather than dating.
Dating tends to isolate people from their friendships. When you start dating someone, not only do you give them part of your heart when you aren’t ready, but you give them ALL of your spare time. Your friendships suffer because of your new girlfriend or boyfriend. Then, 6 months later, your friends wonder where you were. Why make that sacrifice? When you focus on friendships, even with the opposite sex, you get to learn all about them, without the stupid mess of romance getting in the way.
So, tonight, if you’re ready to get serious about this dating thing, then you have to ask yourself a serious question—To date or not to date? Whatever you decide, the freedom is yours. I want to wrap things up with an excerpt from this book. (read part of ch. 7 of I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, pg 103-the room)
Invitation.
