Ahhh, Dating. Dating makes everybody feel like a dummy at some point or another. You see that girl or guy of your dreams, and you instantly get sweaty palms (or pits), your face turns red, and you got those butterflies in your stomach. You often may not know what to say, or you try and put your best foot forward, and then you say something totally stupid. It’s especially difficult if your meeting someone for the first time. Adam and Eve were the first ever blind date! I bet the first thing he said was “WHOA, MAN!” And thus, she was named, woman. After that, he probably didn’t know what to say, but since they were both naked, he didn’t really have to think of something to say so she’d take her shirt off.
Things have changed quite a bit since then, and over the years, dating has transformed into this who’s who, popularity contest among classmates, friends, co-workers, and celebrities. All of them vying to find and date the right person, and some of them not wanting to get caught, while others flaunt their newly found soul mate like it’s the latest PRADA bag. As if to say, “ooh, look what I’ve got. Isn’t it HOT!”
I guess I wonder sometimes, what is dating like for the average teenager? What’s the whole point of dating? What are some of your thoughts—what is the point of dating? (allow some discussion)
I had some of those same thoughts when I was a teenager. I used to think that you had to be dating someone to be cool. That’s why I got a girlfriend—yeah, I wanted to make out with her, too. But, in reality, I wanted to be considered cool. Tonight, we’re starting a new series on Dating for Dummies. About 10 years ago, I picked up this little book (and I do mean little) because I was having a little trouble finding and dating the right kind of girl. I actually thought it might have tips and tricks to help me in my pursuits. I guess I might have went through a phase like this guy (show napoleon dynamite clip).
If you are remotely like this in some small way, you’re probably wondering who would date you. Like, what kind of skills should you try to acquire before you ask the girl of your dreams out. Like she’s gonna say no if you don’t know how to wield a pair of nunchucks.
So, if you’re ready, I’m going to give you some free advice—my own little dating for dummies that I’ve found from learning things the hard way, from reading a few dating books, and looking into what God’s plan is.
Dating is NOT just a game we play to have fun. Dating is fun, and meant to be enjoyable, but if you’re not dating for some of the right reasons, then pain is in your future. Can you date and avoid pain? Probably not. But, I think the main purpose for dating is to find the kind of person you want to marry. Or better yet, to figure out God’s plan for who He wants you to be with.
Here’s what we do know about God’s plan: God designed man and woman at the beginning of time to be together, to procreate, and to fulfill each other’s needs and desires. He also designed you to have a companion. Genesis 2:18 says, “and God said, ‘it is not good for man to be alone, I will make a companion who will help him.’” So, God doesn’t want you to be alone.
Well, that’s all nice and good, but where do I find the secret formula to figure out who God wants me to be with? I mean, is it hiding in the pages of this incredibly looooong book?!??!? I think if you’re asking these types of questions, then you might be on the right track. If we know that God is the intelligent designer of this universe and he created you and me, and He doesn’t want us to be alone, then it’s only right to think that he’s got some ideas about how to NOT be alone, right?
A problem that most people start off with in dating is just that. They try to do dating, and find the right person based on looks, and personality, and hobbies, and likes and dislikes, but they do all that without considering what God thinks, or what God has to say. If you’re doing that, you’re doing it all WRONG!!!
Dating for Dummies tip # 1: Start with an Intelligent Designer. Think about this for a minute. For many of you, prom is coming up, right? Well, let’s say I was put in charge of making your prom dress. I know, it probably wouldn’t even cross your mind to have me make it, but bear with me. You come to me and you have these amazing drawings or pictures of your ideal dress for prom. (show pic) But what I end up creating after gathering my duct tape and frizzy material might look something like this (ugly dress pic), but a LOT worse. But, if you take that idea for a dress to someone like Dolce and Gabbana or Versace or some incredibly talented designer, then you’re gonna have the best looking dress in the place. It’s kind of like this, when you decide, or your parents decide, you are ready to start dating, you automatically think you know how to find a good mate, and you start dating all these losers and you get your heart broken time after time, because you didn’t take your ideas to the right designer. If God has your best interests in mind, which HE does. Then you’ve got to include him in the dating process.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, says, “9 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. 11 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”
God knows its better to have two than one, but ultimately three is better than two! Solomon uses the illustration here of a triple-braided cord. Rope is used for a lot of stuff—tying stuff together, playing tug-of-war, and lots of other stuff, but the most useful thing a rope is used for is probably climbing. If I’m climbing up the side of a mountain, and I lose my grip, and the only thing between me and the ground is a rope, then I want that thing to be incredibly strong. If that rope only has two strands, then it’s weaker than one that has three strands. God says he wants to be that third strand in the cord, or the rope. He wants to be the part that ties your relationship together. It doesn’t amaze me that 50% of marriages end in divorce if people that are dating aren’t starting with an intelligent designer. Relationships that aren’t designed and founded on God’s principles are destined to fail.
Dating for Dummies Tip #2: Make a LIST with your Designer.
When I decided to get serious about dating for the right reasons—which some of us haven’t learned yet, I was at a Christian Camp. Actually, this was a year after I surrendered my life to God at the last year’s camp. Usually, I just went to church camp because it was a great way to meet girls, but I didn’t figure on meeting this particular girl. Actually, I can’t remember her name, but I remember one thing I learned from her. When we met, I looked at her Bible, and on the inside of the cover was taped a piece of paper. It was a list, actually. On that list, were her requirements for a husband. It was a list of all the things she was looking for in a guy. After I talked to her for a while, it made me think. If I had a list up to that point, it’d only have one thing on it...MUST BE HOTT!!! Actually, I probably didn’t even care if the girls I hooked up with her even that HOTT. I decided that day to change my dating tactics. I sat down, and made my own list. I actually have this Bible I got 10 years ago when I graduated High School---and I made my list and taped it to the inside. These were my requirements for a wife. I continued to date a lot of girls, and it seemed like all of them didn’t add up to the list. I was friends with a lot of girls, but they never had it all. When I met Jenni, I knew that list could never contain all of the amazing qualities she had. I might as well had started a new list of all the gifts that God blessed me with when I married her.
For me, the list was a stepping stone. It was me starting to imagine what the girl God had for me would be like. Ephesians 3:20(NLT) says, “Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope.” God can do more than you or I can even imagine. If you can think it, then God can beat it! So, when you’re ready to get serious, make your list, and then be prepared to be amazed.
Dating for Dummies Tip # 3: Shift your Focus.
A wise man once said, “if you aim for nothing, you’ll hit it every time.” I think if you’ve got God as your designer, and you’ve made your list, then you’re ready to shift your focus. When we think about dating, we often always think of who might be good for us. Almost like shopping for a new car—what will this thing do for me to make me look better?? I want to challenge you to shift your focus. Have you ever thought that if you are looking for a shiny new car (show pic of lightning mcqueen), that if you look at yourself, you might actually be more like a beat up jillopy of a ride(show mater). If you shift your focus, then you’re probably realizing that you need a bit of work. When you take a look at your list, is it everything you’re not. Do you even measure up?!?! Maybe it’s time for you to Focus on yourself. Guys, Are you a slob when you eat? Do you make rude jokes around girls? Are you only after one thing? Do you only shower when you notice your dog smells better than you? Girls, do you only talk to guys who have nice cars? Does the idea of dating a geek repulse you? Are you afraid to get your hands dirty?
Some of these things might not keep you from getting the person of your dreams, but usually you attract what you are. And if you know there’s some things about you that aren’t right, then you’ve got to get yourself a little makeover. Maybe it’s your attitude, or the way you treat people. Maybe it’s the things you do on a Friday night, or you’ve got to clean up that reputation of yours. Whatever it is, then shift your focus, and get to work. Next week, we’re going to continue our series, but tonight, I want to end with this:
(Invitation)
When I decided to make that list at 18 yrs old, I knew that I’d probably never find someone that measured up if I continued to treat girls the way I did. I had to ask God for a makeover myself. As we’ve talked about some fun stuff tonight, and I gave you a few dating tips for dummies, you may be looking at this last one and realizing it’s never going to work for you without some help. I want to pray for you tonight that you’d be able to let God in on your relationships. If that’s you tonight, that you’ve been trying to do this dating thing all wrong without God’s help and you want him to be your designer, then put your hand up. Or if you know you need a makeover—whether it’s extreme or not, and you’re figuring out only God can help, then raise your hand.
Friends, Jesus did come to save us from ourselves. All of the rotten and no good things we do or have done can be wiped clean if we just ask Jesus to make it right. We like to say if you believe Jesus died for you, admit you’ve messed up, surrender your life to God, and enter into a life of living for him, then you can be made over. If you’re wanting that type of makeover tonight, then now’s the time.
