HELP, I MARRIED THE WRONG SISTER!
Read: Gen 29:15-31
I. HOW COULD JACOB POSSIBLY MARRY THE WRONG SISTER?
A. Raises Lots Of Questions
1. Was it really that dark at night? / Did she have a bag over her head?
2. Was Jacob simply drunk at the wedding?
B. Custom Practiced During Some Jewish Weddings Today
1. The "bedeken" (the "veiling"), Before wedding ceremony, groom goes to room where bride is sitting, and he covers her face with a veil.
2. Her face remains covered during the entire ceremony.
3. Weird commemoration of event that occurred during Jacob's wedding
C. We May Never Know How He Could Possibly Been So Deceived
But … Possible Lessons/Applications From The “Wrong Sister Soap” Opera
1. What goes around comes around – trickster gets tricked
2. Don’t marry anyone with a bag over their head
D. Lesson/Application I’ve Never Heard Preached Before
1. When 2 people get married, do they really know who they’ve married?
a. husbands, ever wake up and ask, “Who have I married?”
b. wives, ever wake up and ask, “Who have I married?”
2. She is your sister / brother in Christ, but at some point everyone cries
“Help, I married the wrong sister!” / “Help, I married wrong brother!”
II. IN SWEETHEART YOU PLEDGE FOREVER TO, THERE IS INEVITABLY THE “RACHEL DIMENSION” AND THE “LEAH DIMENSION”
A. The Two Dimensions
1. Rachel’s name meant “ewe” – lamb - serene, lovable, gentle, peaceable
a. Rachel is described as the “shapely and beautiful sister" (v. 17)
b. embodies attractive, charming & romantic parts of our spouse
2. Leah – described as “weak-eyed sister” (v. 17) - weakened from tears
a. continuous & exhausting struggle to find love
b. her name meant: "one who is weary"
c. represents elements in our spouse that are more complicated, perplexing and wearisome
d. cultures today, her name means “highly exalted, glad-tidings” and even “house of the rising sun”
e. but for Jacob instead of “good news” – she was “bad news”
-instead of “house of rising sun” – house of “cloudy day”
-instead of “highly exalted” – it was “high maintenance”
B. The Drama At Jacob’s Wedding Occurs In Most Every Wedding / Marriage
1. You think that you are marrying Rachel – perfect girl/guy of your dreams
2. But in reality, you are bound to discover that you also married Leah –
a. anything but your dream pick - very imperfect human being
b. possessing layers of unresolved wounds and tension
c. difficult person - brings you tears and anxiety and heartbreak
3. “Help, I Married The Wrong Sister!”
4. Concrete – Amber, “Oh my God, I’ve married a 2 year old”
III. WHAT TO DO BEFORE YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
A. Don’t Get In Any Hurry – Be friends, disclosure, time, fight & argue
** Successful engagement doesn’t always lead to the wedding altar
B. Four (4) Sure-Fire Ways To Marry The Wrong Sister
1. Pick someone you expect to change after you’re married
a. people do change after their married – usually for the worst
b. if you can’t be happy with them now – don’t get married
c. be on the look-out for someone who is trying to change you
2. Pick someone based on chemistry rather than character
a. chemistry ignites the fire
- you’re “in love” / you had a romp in bed / “test-drive”
- but how’s warranty, service after sale, hold it’s value?
- #1 way to marry wrong sister = pre-marital intercourse
- you’ll get what you want, but won’t want what you get
- physical intimacy clouds the mind, judgment
b. character keeps it burning
3. Pick someone who helps you escape your problems & unhappiness
a. if you’re single and unhappy, you’ll be married & unhappy too
b. marriage doesn’t fix problems, if anything exacerbates them
4. Pick someone who’s “triangulated” – love triangles don’t work
a. “for this cause a person shall leave their father & mother”
b. severance, then permanence
c. triangulated with their parents, their work, drugs, ex, deceased
IV. WHAT TO DO IF YOU’RE ALREADY MARRIED?
A. Wake Up - from the intoxication
1. Jacob may have been drunk, maybe not
2. But each one of us when we get married, drunk with love
a. drunk with love we’ll fall in love with Rachel
b. be careful w/ strong drink of love – blinds you – surprise Leah!
c. you will also get your Leah
3. When you wake up – surprise – easy to go back to bottle of intoxication
a. live in a land of illusions - pretend Leah isn’t there, but she is
b. at some point must wake up, sober up, and face the illusions
c. otherwise continually fighting over the same stupid stuff
B. Look Up
1. You will look up: (a) a divorce attorney; or (b) the Father above
2. Eccl 5:4-6 When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; For He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed. Better not to vow than to vow and not pay. Do not let your mouth cause your flesh to sin, nor say before the messenger of God that it was an error. Why should God be angry at your excuse and destroy the work of your hands?
3. Everyone has their excuse, their justification – “it was an error”
a. what if later “come out of the closet” / secret child molester?
b. you can choose any extreme example
c. we’re talking us – normal course of every marriage
4. In the normal course of every marriage
a. there’s going to be the Rachel & Leah side in husband & wife
b. how are you going to deal with it
c. first, wake up
d. second, look up
5. Romans 5:8 – God demonstrated his love for us in that while we were yet sinners (unlovable) Christ died for us
a. in the same way God loved you while you were yet unlovable, you can love your spouse
b. it’s a love triangle
– God / thru Christ / to you
-- God / thru You / to your spouse
6. In dealing with the Leah parts of your spouse – you have a choice
a. nag, complain, fight – that will just entrench them all the more
b. or you can do something else – let me show you…
C. Throw up
1. Eph 5:25-28 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word . . .
a. husbands you are called to love wives as Christ loved church
b. Christ loved us unconditionally – the good & the bad
c. we’re called to not just to love & marry the good, but also ugly
2. You may say, “it’s killing me” – that’s the point!
a. loving both Leah and Rachel will bring you tears, pain
b. inner crucifixion – causes you to “throw up”
c. “throw up your hands” – I’m dying here – GOOD!!!!
3. See, there’s a “Leah” part in you too - that’s ugly – ego, pride
a. as that part in you begins to die out
b. Leah dimension of your spouse, more than the Rachel, was meant for your soul
4. Part of your spouse you despise the most, is part God can use the most
a. to break you down, cleanse you of ego & pride, transform you!
b. to help you become spiritual person you are capable of being
c. to challenge you, cause you to grow up
d. Leah contributed much more to Jacob than Rachel did
a. Rachel – 2 kids – later became 2 tribes
b. Maids – 4 kids – later became 4 tribes
c. Leah – 6 kids – later became majority of tribes
d. God can use Leah part of your spouse to make hugest positive spiritual difference in your life
e. don’t run from the challenge, run toward it!
5. It can actually begin to transform your spouse
a. that’s what unconditional love does
b. you can’t change her
c. but you can change yourself – take responsibility for yourself
d. by changing yourself, you may begin to see changes in her
6. Loving her in this way can actually intensify God’s sanctifying work in her
- she becomes more sanctified, cleansed, washed
- Leah parts in her become less intense, more sanctified
- change happens - God transforms marriage
7. Zig Zigler: If you feel you married the wrong person - treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. It is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person.
V. THE SECRET BEHIND THE “BEDEKEN” (VEILING)
A. In Our Culture, The Groom Removes The Veil
1. No secrets, everything exposed, total joining
2. I want to know everything about you
3. Problem – that’s a process that should begin long before the wedding – and long before the engagement
4. Friends – talk out everything, argue, see pretty & ugly
5. Discover not just the Rachel side, but the Leah side
6. Long before things get too serious, take off the veils, the masks
7. Granted, learning your spouse is a forever project
B. In Jewish Culture, The Groom Puts The Veil On This Bride
1. Essentially saying something very meaningful
2. I will love and respect not only the girl / guy of my dreams but also the girl / guy of my nightmares
3. I will love and respect not only the you which is presented visibly but also the you that is still concealed from me and might emerge later
4. I am committed not just to the “Rachel” in you, but also to the “Leah” in you
VI. PRAYER
