Don't Forget the Small Stuff
Wildwind Community Church
David Flowers
August 16, 2009
There's a popular book called Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, which says that most of the stuff that bugs us in life doesn't really matter - in the scheme of things it's not that important. Obviously there's truth in that. We sure do get worked up and stressed out and uptight over things that really aren't that important. That person you're holding a grudge against after all this time - it's small stuff. Get over it and move on. Life's too short for that. Whether or not you get that promotion -- relax. It's not the most important thing in the world. It's small stuff compared to what really matters. The amount of money you have in the bank? Small stuff -- perhaps REALLY small! It's good for us to be reminded that we shouldn't sweat the small stuff.
But I realized recently that most of the things that actually DO matter in life are seemingly small things too. That 20 minutes you have available to you right now, where you can either send email or spend it with your kids before bedtime -- seems like small stuff. But it's small stuff you shouldn't forget. Two hours where you could get a sitter for the kids and hang out with your spouse next weekend -- only two hours. Pretty small stuff. But it's small stuff you should definitely not forget. That time you have with your kid on the way to the doctor's office -- just a few minutes. But it's time where you can connect, express real concern, let them know you're there for them. Small stuff, but stuff you shouldn't forget. See, most of the stuff that stresses us out in life is small stuff and we shouldn't sweat it. But most of the stuff that really matters - that determines who we're becoming every day - that's small stuff too at the time, and we shouldn't forget it.
I want to talk to you this morning about the value of some of those moments in life that might seem unimportant at the time. It's safe to say that the biggest impact you will make in this world will come from what you choose to do with the small stuff. Learning which small stuff not to sweat and which small stuff not to forget, in fact, is one of the most important challenges we face in our lives.
Psalms 39:4 (NLT)
4 “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is.
We live every moment in this reality. The reality that our days are numbered. I might not live until the end of this sermon. But we never think about that, do we? Don't we come to church every week expecting to hear all of the sermon? We certainly don't think about how I might not finish it -- or about how one of us might check out before I get done. Or on the way home. Or resting and watching TV tonight. The more "or's" I give you, the more likely you are to feel depressed, because we don't like to think that death is a constant and present reality in our lives at every single second of the day. And because we don't like to think about it, we live in denial, with a constant shield up between ourselves and the reality of what is to come. And that's the reason why death is the thing that everyone knows is coming that still manages to shock us every time.
I went to college with a guy named John Mobley. I knew John, but we hung out in different crowds and were not really friends. But I had kind of kept up with him on Facebook a little bit. Tuesday evening John ran out of gas on the highway and was walking to a gas station, when a car ran into him at 65 miles per hour. John checked out Tuesday night. Time ran out. He didn't know that when he left his house that morning. He didn't know it when he left work that day. He didn't know it when he ran out of gas, or got out of his car to start walking. In fact, in his case there's a chance he NEVER knew it. The next day I heard the news and went to his Facebook page. There was no, "See ya later everybody - I'm punching out now." It was similar to when someone dies and you go to into their home or workshop or bedroom the next day. Their presence seems to haunt the place still.
I read recently an author who said, "One day you're going to die and when you do, there will be things you're in the middle of that get left unfinished. Projects you're doing that will never get done. Important things to you that will be left hanging." Often we think about the person who dies at an old age and wraps up their life, writes a will, and has their house in order. But often this is not what happens. Often we are snatched away in an instant.
Our time on earth is brief. Our days are numbered and our lives are fleeting -- which means draining away. Now this can either depress us, or it can impress upon us the urgency of the moments we have before us. Are you spending your time, or are you investing it? A good investment is one that returns a lot more than what you put into it. A bad investment is one that has little or no return, so you put out the investment and get nothing back.
I have chosen this scripture text this morning because there's a positive message in it. The message is not, "Lord, remind me how brief my life is so that I can spend it in the bedroom in fear, with the covers over my head." The message is, "Lord, remind me how brief my life is so that I can live according to the reality that I do not have unlimited time - I must make my impact now. I must make the small moments matter. I must not waste time. My days are numbered. My life is fleeing away. Therefore I must not sweat the small stuff that doesn't matter, and I must not forget the small stuff that makes life worth living."
Life comes down to small moments. A few weeks ago I spoke to the biggest crowd of my life. I don't know exactly what attendance was that morning, but I would say 700 or 800 people. It was exhilarating. It was inspiring. It felt absolutely amazing, in that way that moments feel when you have worked toward them and dreamed about them for years and then they finally happen and you can't believe it's actually happening now. But 14 hours later it was just me and Christy - alone together in our room. Just like every night. The biggest days and the smallest days - the days that register big on the scale of importance and many that will be lost to memory forever -- they all finish the same way. That woman and me together in that little room, just the two of us. Which matters more, the big moment I had that day, or the little moment that ended it? Which matters more, the big moment I had that day, or the thousand little moments of study and sermon prep and relationship building that prepared me for that day? And which matters more - the big moments that might follow from that opportunity, or the thousands of little moments that will most certainly continue to come?
I love the image of Billy Crystal or Jon Stewart hosting the Oscar Awards. Between 40 and 60 million people tune in to watch the Oscars each year and that will be the single biggest gig any entertainer will ever get. But a few hours later they'll be offstage, at home, in a quiet house or apartment, surrounded by a few people they care about most. Which do you think matters more - the biggest moment of their lives or the little moments with the people they love? And don't forget -- that huge moment of hosting the Oscars depends on a thousand smaller choices made in smaller moments . Which role should I take? Should I tape this special for HBO? Should I become a comedian or an accountant? Should I do this audition? The small stuff is what makes the big stuff possible. And the small stuff is what really matters. It's in the small stuff that we leave the impact we are going to leave.
We become who we become in the small moments. No matter how big the big moments might be, we will not leave a legacy as a good person if we were not good in the small moments. In fact, the more amazing we are in the good moments, the more glaring will be our failures in the small ones. As much as I want people when I'm gone to say, "He was a great speaker and teacher and counselor," it will be completely undone if followed by, "too bad he loved his students and congregation more than his wife and children."
Little moments. What are little moments? I define little moments as time out of the spotlight. Times that few people ever see. Your decision to leave the office and come home and have dinner with your family. Your decision to spend 20 minutes in meditation instead of checking Facebook. Your decision to pray instead of worry. Your decision to leave the baby with a sitter and take your spouse on a date. Your decision to leave the dishes in the sink and play a game with your family. Your decision to pick your own kid up after school sometimes when you could easily find someone else to do it. Your decision to attend that concert or athletic event or award ceremony, no matter how long and boring it may be. Your decision to read your Bible instead of watch the news. Your decision to apologize to someone instead of carry a grudge. Your decision to donate the money instead of spending it. Your decision to join a small group instead of going it alone. Your decision to practice your instrument or do your homework instead of blowing it off. Life is made of these small moments. Why do we so often waste them?
We waste them because the positive effect of these moments in our lives is cumulative. The effect of picking your kid up after school is cumulative. It won't show by doing it once. The effect of reading your Bible is cumulative. The effect of saving money and living grudge-free is cumulative. The effect of living in connection to others is cumulative. The effect of being intimate with our spouses is cumulative. The effect of prayer and meditation and filling our minds with God's word is cumulative. Intimacy with God and others grows daily, not in a day.
The other reason we so often miss these small moments is because negative effects are cumulative also. Neglecting to read your Bible for a day will not produce an immediate negative result. Neglecting to meditate for a day will not immediately lead to chaos and anxiety in your life. Neglecting to go to the gym will not immediately leave you breathless when you climb the stairs. Neglecting to join a small group will not immediately lead to feelings of loneliness. Neglecting date night with your spouse will not immediately produce pettiness and arguing and tension. But when we chronically neglect one or more of these areas, we can be assured that negative results are on the way. It's just a matter of time.
That's why it's so easy to make wrong choices in the small moments. It's easy because the small moments are always small. They never seem consequential at the time. But the consequential moments are nearly always the result of a thousand seemingly non-consequential moments that came first. Divorce is pretty consequential, but divorce doesn't happen without a thousand small choices made by both partners that lead up to it. Your kid being alienated from you is pretty consequential, but that moment comes after chronic neglect of a thousand seemingly inconsequential moments that came before it, where choices could have been made and things probably could have been done to keep that from happening. Diagnosis with an STD is pretty consequential, but will come only at the end of a long chain of smaller moments where we make decisions about who to sleep with. Being stuck in a dead-end job is pretty consequential, but usually will happen because we did not respond to smaller moments when we had choices to go to school or serve as an apprentice. Being under a mountain of debt is consequential, and usually we end up there because we did not take seriously our choices about what to do with debt when it was smaller. If your life is worse a year from now that it is today, it will likely be because instead of making decisions in the small moments today and then acting on them, you chose instead to ignore these smaller moments until next year they are much bigger and much harder to face down.
The substance of your life and mine is a series of small moments, punctuated by big moments in between. The big moments will either be consequences for choosing to carelessly spend away the small moments, or rewards for choosing to carefully invest the small moments.
Psalms 39:4 (NLT)
4 “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is.
Remind me so I am an investor, not a spender. Remind me so I do not drain away my life on foolish things that have no value. Remind me so that I focus less on doing things right and more on doing the right things.
I'm teaching an intro to counseling class right now for Spring Arbor University. I always like to tell my students, "There are going to be a lot of times when you can't really help someone with their problem. There will be times when you don't know what to say, or how to help, or what to do. During those times, what do you do?" The answer is "practice your microskills." Microskills are things like summarizing and paraphrasing and clarifying and reflecting feeling and parroting and asking questions and active listening. They are the bedrock of a good counseling relationship. They make people feel heard and valued and understood and no matter how complex a problem is, you have no hope of helping if you don't make a basic connection. So when things are good, do your skills. When things are bad, do your skills. When you're unsure whether things are good or bad, do your skills. If things are bad, faithfully applying your skills may very well help them improve. If things are good, carefully applying your skills can keep them that way. If you stop using these skills when things are going good, things will soon start to go bad.
What if we approached all of life that way? What if we said, "I know that it's better for me to invest time with my kids than to waste it on the computer. I know it's better to date my spouse than it is to go our separate ways. I know it's better to manage my money every day than turn a blind eye and live in falsehood. I know it's better to pray and meditate and read God's Word than it is to be saturated with the chaos of the world. I know it's better to go to the gym than to not go. So whether things seem to be going great with the kids or not, I'm going to practice investing in them. Whether things seem good with my spouse or not, I'm ultimately better off investing in date night. Whether or not things are looking good for us financially, I'm going to manage our money every day. Whether or not I am sensing a connection with God, I'm going to make a habit of meditating and praying and reading God's Word and sitting in silence Whether I feel like it or not, I'm going to exercise today. Whether I feel like it or not, I'm going to make that apology and refuse to live with a grudge."
In other words, practice your skills. Use wisely the time you have. Invest in the small moments, because they are determining who you're becoming. When things are bad, practicing your skills may not always make them better right away, but NOT practicing your skills will almost certainly make them worse. And when things are going good, practicing your skills is the best chance of keeping them that way. And if in any critical life area you simply LACK the skill to do what needs to be done (if you don't know how to connect with your kids, if you don't know how to meditate or pray or read God's Word, or work out, or to date your spouse), then the first priority in your life should be acquiring these skills from somewhere. They are the small stuff that you should never forget.
