What Is Jesus Costing You? Part 2
Scriptures: John 11:2-12
Introduction:
Last week I shared with you the first stage of establishing any relationship and that stage was the getting acquainted stage. During that stage we begin to find out the basics about a person as we determine if this is someone we really think we would want to be in a long term relationship with. Again, I am using a natural process that we are all familiar with to illustrate a spiritual process that we go through as we decide what type of relationship we want with Christ. Paul compared the marriage between a man and a woman to the relationship that Christ has with the Church. If we truly consider this relationship, our relationship with Christ should be like a marriage and that is where we are going with this series. This morning we will examine the second stage which is dating. Again, we are working our way towards the committed relationship of marriage as we focus on that union that we should have with Christ.
II. Dating
After we have gotten acquainted with someone, we come to the point of making the decision of where to go with the relationship. Either we will invest more time to determine if this could be the long term relationship we want or we decide to stop the relationship at this point and just remain acquaintances or friends. If we decide to continue the evaluation, we enter into the second phase that we call dating. This is an interesting phase of any relationship. When you are just dating someone, how you “date” them is totally dependant on where you think the relationship will go. If you are just going out as friends with no romantic interest in each other, you do not always worry about where you go or how you are dressed – unless you’re dressing up just in case you see someone of interest while you are out with your friend. However, if you are dating someone that has “potential” then you put a lot more efforts into the actual date.
When you are dating someone that you’re really interested in there are many emotional pulls on you every time you get ready to go on a date. Some people are so stressed that they will change their clothes 3 or 4 times before settling in on the right outfit to wear. Some people spend hours think about what to wear and even more hours actually getting ready just so that they can always make the best impression. Everything must be perfect – from the hair to the makeup to the cologne to the shoes. Everything must say that you are interested in them enough to put your best foot forward whenever you are in their presence. The goal is to ensure that this date will not be the last date. During the dating phase we determine how much time, energy, mental capacity and finances we are willing to invest in this person. We also determine how much of ourselves we are willing to “give up” or share. What I mean by this is that we determine how much sensitive information about ourselves we are willing to share with the person. It is also during this stage that people will use the internet to do their own background search. Back in the day we did not have the internet and we had to resort to word of mouth from family and friends to get the background on a person. But that information was limited and sometimes wrong. Today through the use of the internet you can find out almost everything you need to know about a person for just $29.95.
Dating is a crucial stage in the development of a long-term relationship because spending time with the person you begin to pick up on little things that you did not know or could not find out through your background search. For example, during the dating phase you can see if they chew with their mouths open; how they treat the waiters and waitresses that serve them; do they pull the chair out and open the door for the woman if they are the male; and when they pay the bill is their credit card accepted? You can determine if when you are alone in their presence are they in the moment completely and giving you their full attention or are you just a part of other things they are focusing on at the moment. During this phase you can begin to pick up on how they think and some of their basic beliefs. You can determine if you visit their home, if they are neat or if they are slobs. All of these things and more you notice about the person the more time you spend with them. Every date is new and exciting because there is just so much to learn about this person. During the dating phase one of the most prevailing question that will be answered but never asked is “What’s in it for me?” We do not always focus on this, but it is always in the background, just lurking, waiting to come to the surface. The dating phase can be called the “investigational” phase as we are truly investigating one another, looking for the gaps.
The dating phase is not without its dangers. In our present society we have a lot of people who are “dating” multiple people and have several “friends with benefits.” This is the term we use when people have casual sex with people they are dating, sometimes even on the first date. There are many people who go out and bring a stranger home to their beds, skipping from the acquaintance phase to the benefits without ever becoming friends. Have you ever heard the term “one night stand”? The sex is not about an emotional, spiritual connection, but about a physical release. “Friends with benefits” means that you have all of the benefits without any of the commitments. You get the benefits without having to invest anything into the relationship. The problem is that having “friends with benefits” will actually make your future relationship with your spouse more difficult to establish. For example, if you take a piece of masking tape and place it on someone’s arm the tape because it is fresh will stick tightly. When you try and pull it off, it will come off, but not without some difficulty. Some of the hair, skin cell, dirt and oil that are on the skin will come off on the tape. There will also be a little pain when the tape is ripped off. This is the first time the tape was used so it did its job well. If you take this same piece of tape and stick it to another person’s arm, what happens? It sticks, but not as well as it did before. It does not stick as well because it has been used and some of the residue from the first person is still stuck to this tape and now it is not as effective on the second person. Pretty soon the tape will not stick at all once you get to the fourth and fifth person. This is what happens when you have several “friends with benefits.” It is hard to stop having multiple partners once you are married because you will become bored or you will consistently compare your spouse to someone else and they may not measure up completely thus giving you a reason to see fulfillment elsewhere. Then there are the emotional ties that continue to bind. You cannot look at celebrity news without seeing someone who has a “sex addiction” which can be translated as having many “friends with benefits” to the point that after they were married they could not stop – the pull was too great. One final point before I move on is this. Seventy to eighty percent of all cervical cancer is caused by a virus that is carried by males.
Seventy to eighty percent of all cervical cancers are caused by the human papillomavirus (HPV). This virus is carries and transmitted by men who have multiple sexual partners. Other risk factors associated with the development of cervical cancer include cigarette smoking and using birth control pills. Now consider this, if a woman is a non-smoker and does not use birth control pills for any reason, the primary way she could ever develop cervical cancer is by having sex with a man that carried the virus and the more men she has sex with the more her chances increases that she will be exposed. So ladies understand this, if you are a virgin when you get married, but you marry someone who has had many “friends with benefits” you can be exposed to the virus and years later, develop cervical cancer. However, if you are a virgin when you marry and your spouse is a virgin, the chances of you eventually developing cervical cancer are less than 5%. That is something to think about. But let me get back to my point. The many “friends with benefits” erodes the stickiness (the strong bond that keeps a marriage together) that should develop between couple when they later marry. If you are dating and thinking of having friends with benefits, think of the masking tape and the increase risk of cervical cancer.
The dating phase, when used properly, is important to be able to determine more about the individual you are considering having a long term relationship with. The cost increase during this phase as you spend more time with the person; you give more mental capacity to thinking about the person; you give more finances to the development of the relationship and finally you begin to give more of yourself emotionally and spiritually as you begin to open up to this person that has entered your life. Well the same happens with our relationship with Christ. Some of us have known Christ for years but we are still in the dating phase. We are still asking Christ out for dates as we attempt to figure Him out. Consider this example.
II. Are You The One
Matthew the eleventh chapter records the following: “Now when John, while imprisoned, heard of the works of Christ, he sent word by his disciples and said to Him, ‘Are You the Expected One, or shall we look for someone else?’ Jesus answered and said to them, ‘Go and report to John what you hear and see; the blind receive sight and the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, and the poor have the gospel preached to them, and blessed is he who does not take offense at Me.” (John 11:2-6)
John was in prison, yet he was being kept up to date on those things that Jesus was doing. At some point while he was in prison, he sent two of his disciples to Jesus to ask Him if He truly was the Christ, the one that had been foretold of and whom they were expecting. John was Jesus’ cousin and thus knew of the calling on his life. However, for some reason, while he was in prison, He needed some assurance that Jesus truly was the Christ. We must remember that John was not around Jesus, he was off doing his own thing as God had directed Him. When Jesus heard the question that was asked by John, He could have gotten offended that John would even ask Him such a question. But again, John was not one of Jesus disciples who walked with Jesus everyday – but only heard through others what Jesus was doing. Instead of being offended, Jesus answered John’s disciples, but not directly.
Remember during the dating phase it is about getting answers – investigating the person. When you’re dating someone of interest, you expect them to ask you questions to better determine who you are. You expect them to ask some difficult questions as they consider what they may potentially invest in this stage of the relationship. It is also expected that the person may have something to hide and therefore may not be totally honest and transparent in their response. Jesus could have easily answered John’s question and sent the disciples on their way, but that is not what He chose to do. He chose to “prove to them” who He was based on the prophecies that had been foretold of the Messiah. He told John’s disciples to go back and report to John not what they were told, but basically what they had witnessed for themselves: the blind receiving sight; the lame walking; lepers cleansed; the deaf hearing; the dead being raised; and the gospel being preached to the poor. Jesus wanted them to report to John the proof, not just His answer. No one was doing what Jesus was doing and Jesus wanted John to know without a shadow of a doubt that He was truly the One. Jesus allowed John’s disciples to “date” Him, to observe what He was doing so that they could know for themselves who He was. After John’s disciples left, Jesus spoke very highly of John and stated the following: “Truly I say to you, among those born of women there has not arisen anyone greater than John the Baptist!” John believed in Christ and in his heart I believe he knew Jesus was the one. However, because he was not always around Jesus, he wanted to be sure. When we date someone, we may have a feeling in our hearts as to who the person is, but sometimes we want to be sure. So we ask the difficult questions as we spend time with the person.
As I stated earlier, some of us are in the dating phase with our relationship with Christ. We have so many options available to us in the forms of other religions that we are still seeking to find out if Christ is truly the one. We are dating Him but we have not made the step to say He is the one and only one. We are asking the questions but we are not fully accepting the answers. We are investing some of our time, but since we are not fully committed, we are selective as to the time we give Him. Although outwardly He is the only one we are dating routinely, on our inside, our hearts are still available for other opportunities. Remember back to when you were dating someone but you were not committed. Remember how easy it was for someone else to come along and get a date with you and your rationale was “we are free to date others” even though you may only have been dating the one person lately. This is the mentality that some Christians have about their relationship with Christ. They will go through the motions and accept Him until a better offer comes along. Sometimes that better offer for them is the Muslim faith. Sometimes it is no organized religion at all. Sometimes the better offer is not another religion or faith, but just a desire to not be a part of anything. These are all possibilities during the dating phase.
Some of us are trying to have a “friends with benefits” relationship with Christ, but it is not about sex, but about blesses and getting what we want. We love the thought of being blessed because of our relationship with Christ as long as we do not have to change anything about our lives, we do not have to commit to Him. There are so many people that believe this is the way to live. Remember the story from last week with the Samaritan woman? It was only after the others within the city spent time with Christ that they accepted Him as the one. This is why we date; we attempt to determine if this person is the one. In the natural, the “friends with benefits” relationships are never totally honest. You never fully reveal your inner most thoughts, desires, needs and wants. You enjoy the physical relationship and the freedom to come and go as you please with whomever you please. Spiritually it is similar.
The “friends with benefits” relationship with Christ also contains elements of dishonesty; lack of trust and selfishness. On the outside we may seem fully invested in the relationship, but on the inside we have unspoken doubts, needs and wants. We enjoy the benefits of being blessed and “highly favored” and grace and mercy. However, because our relationship with Him is just a dating relationship, we can accept all of the benefits and remain as we are. This is where the dishonesty and lies come in. Jesus knows how we feel about the relationship we are in with Him and He does not consider Himself you friend with benefits. Consider this story.
III. Buying The Benefits
Acts 8:18-20 records the following: “Now when Simon saw that the Spirit was bestowed through the laying on of the apostles’ hands, he offered them money, saying, ‘Give this authority to me as well, so that everyone on whom I lay my hands may receive the Holy Spirit.’ But Peter said to him, ‘May your silver perish with you, because you thought you could obtain the gift of God with money!”
Let me tell you a little about Simon. If you read the verses starting at verse nine of this chapter you will find that Simon was practicing magic before he accepted “starting dating” Christ. He accepted Christ through the preaching of Philip because Philip came to town performing real miracles unlike what Simon was doing. So when the people began to accept Christ through Philip’s ministry, Simon also accepted Him. Later when Peter and John came to town, they began laying hands on people that they might receive the Holy Spirit. When Simon saw this, he tried to “buy the right” to do the same. Again, he was looking for the benefit without having any commitment to Christ. He had just accepted Christ and immediately he wanted something from Christ that would elevate him in the eyes of the people. This is what many people do today in their “friends with benefits” relationship with Christ. They want to be a member of the famous large Churches where the important people are members so they can say they go to the same Church. They want Christ to answer all of their prayers but they are not so committed as to spend any time with Him. They want only good in their lives and as soon as something bad happens they turn their backs on Him. Does this sound like people you may have known? A “friends with benefits” relationship is as prevalent in the Church as it is in the world – just a different spin on it but the results are the same. As there is no commitment there is truly no real relationship.
Are you in a dating relationship with Christ where you are still trying to figure out if He is the one? Do you find yourself doubting what you have been taught through organized religion about what it means to have a personal relationship with Christ? Are you finding it difficult to believe that Christ knows you better than you know yourself and He is waiting for you to give Him the chance to prove Himself to you? Do you find yourself getting excited about spending time with Christ only to allow man to interfere with the time? If you are in a dating relationship with Christ, it is time to get committed. What will it take for you to fully commit to Him? What did it take for you to fully commit to your spouse? What did they have to prove to you? What do they have to do ongoing to keep you committed?
If you have not totally committed to Christ, ask yourself why? Ask yourself what do you need to know and understand in order to do so? What is missing from the relationship that is causing you to doubt if He is the one and only that you should be committed to. What will it cost you to become committed to Him? Are you willing to give Him your time and mental capacity? Are you willing to open yourself up to Him understanding that He already knows your most inner thoughts and fears? What are you willing to pay to be in a marriage with Jesus?
Next week we will continue with the third phase of building a lasting relationship and that phase is the boy/girlfriend phase. This phase is the first phase of the commitment process. Something to think about for next week – if you boy/girlfriend could not be faithful to you while you are in that relationship, will they be faithful later?
May God bless and keep you.
