Marks of a True Friend
Ephesians 6:19-24
Intro: This is the final message from our series in the book of Ephesians. We’ve uncovered some gems along the way. In chapter 1, we learned about the blessings of being in Christ and how God’s life can be expressed through our lives. In ch. 2, we talked about living the A.D. life, which is a grace-filled life of transformation that affects the way we treat one another as family members together. Ch.3 revealed the mystery of Christ as God’s offer of peace to this whole world. Paul’s readers had received God’s offer, and Paul goes on in ch.3 to pray that they would receive inner strength and comprehend God’s love – even though it goes beyond comprehension. In ch.4 Paul said to treat one another graciously, building unity and staying in close relationship. He also gave practical ways to do life together by doing life with God – not without Him. Ch.5 taught us about imitating greatness, that is, loving the way He loves and giving up our own way of doing things. Then ch.5 took us through some practical ways to express love to our families (spouses, kids, and parents). Ch. 6 reminded us that God cares about our jobs, how we work and how faithful we are. The majority of ch.6 was devoted to applying the armor of God and finding what it means to us as we stand our ground against an unseen enemy.
-Christianity begins and ends with relationship, as we’ve seen throughout this study. So it is fitting that this final message is viewed in the context of relationships and how to be a true friend to those God has placed around us. Paul models true friendship and teaches about it. He also mentions a true friend of his with whom he is entrusting this letter and the mission to encourage the readers and fill them in on Paul’s situation and ministry.
-True friends can seem a bit scarce sometimes, but Paul gives us some clues to help us. It’s not so much about finding a true friend as it is being a true friend. Let’s take a look at Paul’s warm farewell to his Christian friends at Ephesus, and in the other cities where this letter may have been shared. Paul gives us clues that will help us become a true friend to those around us.
I. True Friends pray for one another (19)
19 Pray also for me…
-Paul has just told his readers that they need to pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers for all the saints (followers of Jesus). Now he becomes more specific and asks them to pray for him personally. He doesn’t ask them to pray for his release from prison or that God will meet all of his needs. Those aren’t bad things, and there’s a good chance Paul had prayed for these things at times. However, he wanted his church family to whom he was writing to pray that God would give him the words to say that would boldly portray who Jesus is and why the news about Jesus is good news.
-Paul had relationship and friendship with many other Christ followers in several different cities all around the Mediterranean. Friends don’t let friends go without being prayed for!
-What is your response when someone asks you to pray for them or for a need? Do you agree to do so? Do you follow through? I try to pray as soon as possible. If I do this, it often helps me remember to pray later on as well. Just don’t fall into the trap of saying you will pray, but not keeping your word.
-Friends pray for one another because prayer makes a difference. Something happens in our lives when we pray that does not happen when we do not pray. Prayer changes the person who is being prayed for. Prayer also changes the person who is doing the praying. We pray because we care, and we care because we pray! The more we pray, the more our hearts reflect the heart of Jesus, showing genuine compassion and mercy.
-Paul mentions prayer some 58 times in his writings. He asks his friends at Rome to pray: “Join me in my struggle by praying to God for me.” Romans 15:30. He told the Corinthians, “You help us by your prayers.” Corinthians 1:11 As I searched through Paul’s writings I found numerous places where he begged his readers to please pray for him and his companions that they would be able to get the message of Jesus out to all who needed to hear. Other prayers were urged for deliverance, but always within the context of being able to share God’s grace and offer of relationship with others.
-Do you pray for those you call your friends? If not, ask God to help you begin to do so on a regular basis. Prayer lists are okay if you need reminders. Just don’t let them become stale wish lists or impersonal pleas for assistance. God loves you and wants some face time with you each time you come to Him.
II. True Friends can’t keep quiet about Jesus (19-20)
19 Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.
-This was Paul’s passion. God had put the desire to proclaim the good news about Jesus to everyone who would listen. He faced a lot of obstacles and some fierce opposition, so he wanted prayer so he would fearlessly reveal the mystery of the good news about Jesus to others. He also indicated that declaring it fearlessly was an obligation. 1 Corinthians 9:16 Yet when I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, for I am compelled to preach. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!
-Paul was so gripped by the grace of God that he could not keep quiet about it! Furthermore, Jesus Himself came to him and called him to preach the good news to the Gentiles. That didn’t mean that he left out the Jews. He loved his people, the Jews, and as he said in Romans 10:1: “Brothers, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for the Israelites is that they may be saved.”
-Paul spoke up about Jesus every chance he got. His prayer request to his readers was that anytime he opened his mouth, he would receive the right words to fearlessly make known the mystery (that which was hidden from the minds of many) of the gospel.
-Do you ever feel inadequate about explaining Jesus to people? Maybe this is a prayer request you could give to some of your friends: Pray for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly reveal who Jesus is and how much we all need Him.
-The truth is, if you truly care about another person, you won’t want them to miss out on the most important relationship they can have in this life or the next. Someone said, “Friends don’t let friends go to hell.” That may sound a bit harsh, but isn’t that part of the good news? God wants to be friends with us, not enemies. He wants us to know Him and find in Him the reason we were created.
-I’m not suggesting that we are to be pushy and obnoxious. However, let’s get ready and stay ready to give the clearest picture of who Jesus is and what He stands for. Most people don’t have a problem with Jesus. Guess who they have a problem with? Christians. That is so unfortunate. People get their perception of the Jesus we serve as they watch our lives. Our words are important and should convey the God of the Bible in all truth and power. However, if our hearts and lives don’t really match our words, then the news will not come across as good news. Rather, it will be seen as faulty news because it apparently didn’t work for us. That is how much of this generation validates truth – does it work? If not, then keep looking.
-Don’t keep quiet about Jesus. For the sake of your friends, speak it out, and as our next point shows, live it out!
III. True Friends serve one another (21)
21 Tychicus, the dear brother and faithful servant in the Lord, will tell you everything, so that you also may know how I am and what I am doing.
-Tychicus was a friend of Paul’s who was willing to do whatever Paul needed done in order to help him in his ministry. He was a true friend, called a dear brother and faithful servant in the Lord. Paul himself modeled servanthood in his ministry. He generally refused to receive pay or support for his work as a teacher and preacher so that nobody could accuse him of doing it for the money. He was a tentmaker and worked hard to help others in need.
-Jesus modeled servanthood best. He taught His followers about being a servant by washing their feet, doing the job that only servants did – the job none of His followers were initially willing to do. Some scholars believe that this scene of Jesus kneeling to serve His followers was what prompted what is seen as one of the first hymns of the early church. We can read it in Philippians 2:5-11 5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross! 9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
-Ultimately, we are serving Christ. However, we can find several places in the NT where we are instructed to serve one another. One of them is found earlier in Eph. 6. Look back up to v.7 - Ephesians 6:7 “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men.” Galatians 5:13 “Serve one another in love.” Mark 10:43 “…whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.”
-Your attitude can do more potential good or potential harm than your words. If you genuinely feel that it is beneath you to associate with certain people, then you’ve got some heart searching to do. Jesus wasn’t too good for anybody. He came for the sick and needy. If you feel you are above some of the menial tasks of life and ministry, you may need to reread the story of how Jesus did the work of a slave when He washed the feet of his followers. So, ask God to help you be a servant, showing true humility to those around you. Ask God where you can serve, but be willing to start small. I’ve heard several great leaders share about their humble beginnings. Some of them were ordinary hard workers who faithfully carried out their duties as unto the Lord, and God promoted them to places of great influence.
-By all accounts, Edward Kimball was really a normal man. He worked a normal job, and attended a normal church. He even faithfully taught a normal Bible study class.
One day a young man named Dwight visited his class. It was apparent Dwight didn’t know the Bible. One Saturday as Ed was preparing his Sunday school lesson, the Lord put a burden on his heart to visit the shoe store where Dwight worked and share the gospel with that young man.
-That day a Boston shoe clerk surrendered his life to Jesus. The clerk, Dwight L. Moody, eventually became an evangelist.
-In England in 1879, DL Moody awakened an evangelistic zeal in the heart of Fredrick B. Meyer, pastor of a small church. F. B. Meyer, preaching to an American college campus, brought to Christ a student named J. Wilbur Chapman. Chapman, engaged in YMCA work, employed a former baseball player, Billy Sunday, to do evangelistic work. Billy Sunday held a revival in Charlotte, N.C. A group of local men were so enthusiastic afterward that they planned another evangelistic campaign, bringing Mordecai Hamm to town to preach. During Hamm’s revival, a young man named Billy Graham heard the gospel and yielded his life to Christ.
-Be who you are! Be ordinary, but be willing to serve in an extraordinary way – faithfully and with joy. The heroes in God’s kingdom are not the televangelists or the mega church leaders or the presidents or chairmen. The heroes in God’s kingdom are the faithful people like you who do the ordinary in an extraordinary way. It is the people who are willing to step up and teach a class or take out the trash or provide snacks for the kids or teens we minister to. The unsung heroes are those who pitch in to fix things, who help a neighbor, or secretly bless someone in need with a box of groceries. The heroes are those who see something that needs done and they do it to the best of their ability.
-We wouldn’t be where we are today at CLC without those who have given countless hours to prayer. Those who have called kids and bused them in, often picking them up with their own vehicles – any way to get them here to discover Jesus. Some have invested hours in study and preparation so they can make a difference to their students. Some have planned dramas and Christmas programs, expending all their time and energy preparing for something that is over in 30-minutes. Why? So someone could hear that God loves them. Some have swept, mopped, or vacuumed the same floors hundreds of times, blessing every pair of feet that has brought in dirt and debris. Some have tidied, straightened and organized the same areas over and over again, thankful that there is enough life going on in our little church family to stir up the dust a little.
-True friends serve one another with joy and humility. Friends, keep up the good work. You’re doing great! Keep serving God and one another in love!
IV. True Friends encourage one another (22)
22 I am sending him to you for this very purpose, that you may know how we are, and that he may encourage you.
-Paul cared enough about his readers to send a messenger to them to let them know he was really doing alright. He didn’t want his readers to worry about him. But beyond that, he really wanted to encourage those who received his letter. Tychicus was there to represent Paul to them. Besides Ephesians, Tychicus is mentioned in Acts, Colossians, 2 Timothy, and Titus.
Colossians 4:7-8 7 “Tychicus will tell you all the news about me. He is a dear brother, a faithful minister and fellow servant in the Lord. 8 I am sending him to you for the express purpose that you may know about our circumstances and that he may encourage your hearts.”
-We can all use a little encouragement. We can encourage ourselves in the Lord, but it sure is nice when friends can encourage one another. To encourage someone is to help them find the courage to do or be something. It is to lift their spirits, giving them hope for better things yet to come. When someone encourages us, it reminds us that we are not alone. Encouragement may help us realize that our current difficulty is only temporary and that it will pass. Whatever our lot, we can all use encouragement.
-So, ask God to help you be an encourager and speak words of life and hope to your friends and to those who need it most. And that is how Paul closes this letter out.
V. True Friends speak God’s best over one another (23-24)
23 Peace to the brothers, and love with faith from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 24 Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.
-Peace – shalom, wholeness, completeness, health, welfare – to the brothers (and sisters), friends and family members who also love the Lord.
-Love – God’s unconditional, unchanging, relentless agape love
-Faith – faithfulness or trust
-Grace – God’s favor and kindness that is not earned or deserved
-These are the kinds of things we can speak over one another, as friends and family members who live in close relationship with God and with one another.
Conclusion: Much more could be said about true friendship, but I hope you get the sense of what it means to come alongside someone and be there for them through thick or thin. God wants us to have good friends around us and wants us to be a good friend to others. However, you probably won’t become the kind of friend you need to be unless you make friends with God first. The Bible says we can love because He first loved us. If we receive His love and allow it to change our hearts, then we will be healthy enough to share that life with others through friendship. Are you a friend of God?
-If so, how are you doing in your friendships? Are you praying for your friends? Are you sharing the life of Jesus with them? Are you willing to serve them, encourage them, and speak God’s grace and peace over them? That’s what real friends do! It takes time, effort, and proximity, but with God’s help, you can be the kind of friend He wants you to be.
And now may the LORD bless you and keep you, may his face shine on you and give you peace in your coming and going. And when you walk out those doors, remember that God goes with you. And if God is for you, who can be against you. Amen.
