Family Matters II: Honoring God in our Relationships
Ephesians 5:21-33
Intro: Last week we talked about family matters, taking our approach from Ephesians 5:8&10 where Paul says, “Live as children of light” and “Find out what pleases the Lord.” How do we please the Lord in our relationships? We began by talking about our relationship with the head of the church family – Jesus. Then we talked about relationships with members of our church family. Paul wrote in v.21 – Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Then Robin shared about how wives can be in submission to their own husbands (not women submitting to men in general).
1. Understand who your husband is – each one is unique
2. Let your husband be the head of the home! Be a team, but let him lead.
3. Respect and honor your husband - Respect is so important to a man! A man connects respect to love so much so that he will actually feel despised when his wife is disrespectful to him. We learned that admiration is one of the deepest needs of a man.
-We ran out of time last week, so today we are going to focus on the husband’s role in the family and look at Paul’s counsel to the man of the house. A husband’s role is so important that it would do us all good to give our full attention to what the Bible says today. Jesus Himself is portrayed as the husband or groom of the Church. The Church includes everyone who puts their faith in Jesus, trusting Him to forgive their sins and to lead their lives. Some of us men may have trouble seeing ourselves as part of the Bride of Christ, but I like what one writer, C.S. Lewis said about that: “God is so masculine, that all of creation is feminine by comparison.” So we can learn from Jesus today what it means for a husband to take care of his bride because Jesus takes good care of His bride – the Church.
1. A godly husband submits (21, 24)
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ…. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
-Maybe you’ve heard that it takes a good follower to be a good leader. Well, if a husband is not following Christ and submitting to His leadership, then he is not likely to be a very good leader.
A. So a husband first submits to God, asking Him for His grace and forgiveness and committing to follow Him and obey Him in love. This is what we call salvation or conversion, or coming to Christ. It means giving up our own way of doing things and accepting God’s way of doing things as we follow His lead.
B. A husband also submits to other believers. We mentioned this last week, but v.21 says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This means we do not have to have our way all the time. This means that we value others and the insight God gives to them. This means that we are willing to say those words that might not come easy for some of us when we are wrong – I am sorry. Will you please forgive me? Sometimes it might mean that we make ourselves vulnerable to others, letting them see that we are not superhuman, but also letting them see that God is working in our lives.
-Submitting to other believers shows that we are truly submitting to Christ because we are submitting ourselves to His bride – the Church (one another). This is done out of respect for Christ – the same kind of respect a husband wants to receive from his wife. Jesus wants respect and admiration from us, and one way we do that is by submitting to one another and working together.
C. A third area of submission for his husband is to his own wife. This might sound controversial, but it fits very much with what Paul said in v.21 – Submit to one another. Husband, your believing wife is part of the bride of Christ to whom you are to submit. She has value as a unique human being and as a follower of Jesus Christ. She belongs to Jesus every bit as much as she belongs to you – actually more.
-What do I mean by this? Well, the best word I can come up with to describe it is consideration. As you seek to lead the family, are you considerate of her needs, her feelings, her thoughts, and her opinions? If not, then you are not submitting to her out of respect for Christ. Yes, you have the final say, but do you treat her as an equal partner whom God has gifted with grace, insight, and understanding? Sometimes a wife’s insight appears to defy logic, but it would do us good to find out why she thinks what she thinks and feels the way she feels. Some call it women’s intuition, others call it radar, but if you have any sense you will at least listen and try to understand.
2. A godly husband leads (23)
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
-Neither time nor success permits me to say all that needs to be said about the leadership of a husband. Husbands who lead the way Jesus leads are desperately needed in Christian families today. The good news is that it is not too late to start.
-As with any worthy pursuit, we should start in prayer. Lord, help me to take responsibility for my family and lead them closer to You. Help me to take responsibility for my wife and lead her closer to you.
-Again, we can only lead to the degree that we follow and submit to Christ. So begin to lead the way in prayer. Each day, pray for your wife before you begin your daily tasks. Pray with her that God will lead you both throughout the day. Spend personal time in prayer and in the word and help her find the time to do the same by taking care of the kids or doing whatever will help protect her quiet time with God.
-Lead the way in reaching out to others and sharing the good news about Jesus through relationships and the way you live. Lead the way in managing your finances in a way that pleases the Lord and puts Him first. Pay your debts on time. Be responsible. Be a good steward of the resources God has given you.
-You don’t have to be a control freak to be a leader. You just have to care enough about your wife to step out and be who God called you to be together. It’s not all about you and it’s not all about her. It’s all about the both of you as a team, serving the Lord more effectively together than you both could separately. Men, be the leader God has called you to be!
3. A godly husband protects (23)
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
-Obviously, only Christ is the Savior. However, there appears to be an implied parallel here. In what sense might a husband be a savior to his wife? If she was in danger, he would come running to her rescue to save her from harm. Nearly every husband who calls himself a man would not hesitate to protect his wife if someone attacked them or tried to harm them. God actually put a stronger anger drive in men for just this purpose – to protect and defend his family.
-But physical attacks are only one area where protection might be needed. Think about other areas of life. A husband can protect by providing for his family. There is financial provision, giving a sense of security. There’s the spiritual provision we spoke of, closing off any opportunities for Satan to invade the relationship. There is emotional provision, showing affection and concern, letting her know how valuable she is. Perhaps there is even mental provision, giving opportunities for her to take classes or earn a degree, or do whatever it takes to learn something she is interested in.
-A husband might protect his wife by helping her dream big and develop herself into the wonderful person God created her to be. Protect her from settling for the status quo. Help her to thrive, not just survive.
-There are men who walk out on their wives, leaving them completely unprotected and not provided for. The Bible has some very strong words for the man who does not provide for his family. Husbands, don’t leave your wife or family unprotected or without provision.
4. A godly husband loves (25-27)
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
-This love is called agape in the Greek and is the highest form of love, coming straight from the heart of God. It is unconditional love that is not performance-based or emotionally driven. It is sacrificial love- giving of oneself. One commentator indicates 3 other kinds of love a husband may have for his wife: a love of passion (eros), a love of satisfaction (stergo), and a fondness or affection (phileo). All 3 of these are to be saturated with the agape love that is described in 1 Cor. 13 – unselfish, humble, patient, kind, not rude, not self-seeking, filled with hope. This is the kind of love that never fails. Husbands, show this kind of love to your wives, just as Christ shows it to the Church.
5. A godly husband takes care of his wife’s needs (28-30)
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- 30 for we are members of his body.
-Tender vs. rough; Considerate vs. Careless; Nourishes vs. Stifling growth; Helps grow vs. control & dominate; Cherish vs. treat harshly (Col. 3:19)
-At some point, we would hope that a husband would ask himself the question, “What is my wife’s greatest need?” Maybe he should ask his wife. Maybe he should become a student of his wife and really get to know how he can best love her and help her grow and flourish. There are several good books out there that can help us, guys. One common thread that I’ve found in nearly all the marriage and family books I’ve read is that one of the greatest needs a wife has is security. One marriage expert identifes a woman’s 4 top needs as security, communication, touching (non-sexual), and romance. He also gives 5 strategies for a husband to get on track, meeting the needs of his wife: Listen, Date, Gifts, Discover, and Remember. There is something about listening that validates a person and makes them feel appreciated. Dating is now more important than when you were courting. Back then you may have been trying to win her heart. Now that you’ve got it, how are you taking care of it? Keep your love alive by spending time together – just the 2 of you doing something together. Giving gifts is another important way of expressing love to your wife. It doesn’t have to be a diamond, it just has to be from you. Discover what your wife’s likes and dislikes are. Don’t assume that you know. Ask her about her favorite flower, color, song, activity, etc. Get to know her for the wonderful person she is. Remember, esp. the big 3: birthday, anniversary, and Valentine’s Day. If you make these special, many of your blunders and faults will be overlooked – Love covers a multitude of sins. [Adapted from Darrell Causey]
-Husbands, your wife is a member of Christ’s body, which He takes good care of. Are you taking good care of Christ’s body? You both are members together of Christ’s body. Take good care of each other, just as Christ does.
6. A godly husband is united to his wife (31-33)
31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery-- but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
-Never forget: You are in this together. It’s not you and your mommy anymore. You and your wife are to be united as one. United or joined means to glue to, or to cleave to. This is from Genesis 2:24 after Eve was formed from one of Adam’s ribs. I like to use these words in wedding ceremonies: “At creation, the woman was not taken from the man’s head to dominate him, nor out of his feet to be under him, but out of his side to be equal with him, from beneath his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him.”
-Men, God wants you to be glued to your wife, not the TV! He wants you to be close to her! He doesn’t want you to live like 2 single people who happen to be married. No, he wants you pulling together. In Corinthians Paul uses the example of a yoke to describe how God wants a husband and wife to be together, going in the same direction, helping the other be all they can be. Furthermore, the marital bond takes precedence over every other human relationship, not to be dissolved at the whim of man.
-The literal meaning of becoming one flesh is a reference to sexual intercourse, which is declared holy by God when kept between husband and wife. Then Paul says this is a profound mystery – but says he is talking about Christ and the church. Apparently, what Paul is getting at is the fact that marital oneness, often expressed sexually, is the closest comparison we have to the oneness that Christ has with His bride, the church. The love Jesus has for the church is so great it is a profound mystery. He loves us!
Conclusion: Husbands, are you following Christ’s lead, loving your wives, helping them grow and cherishing them? Jesus is taking care of His bride. If you’ve not yet received His love or accepted His proposal, just know that He is still loving you, waiting for you to come to Him and be united with Him as part of His family.
