Managing your Family
II Timothy 1:7
CHCC: August 2, 2009
VIDEO - The Perfect Family (available from Sermon Central)
INTRODUCTION:
How many of you had that kind of experience when you were getting your family to church? We’re starting a series today called iManage - and today we’re talking about Managing your Family.
The Bible talks about how important it is for us to Manage our Families well. In I Timothy, the Apostle Paul gave guidelines for church leaders.
When talking about Elders, he said this: “He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?)” I Timothy 3:4-5
Then Paul went on to give the same requirement for Deacons: “Deacons must be husbands of only one wife, and good managers of their children and their own households.” I Timothy 3:12 Notice how important the FAMILY is to God. It seems that managing our families well is of PRIMARY importance to God.
Today we’re going to talk about what it means to be a good manager of your own household. So, let me start by saying that the family in the video is NOT what we’re talking about! Managing your family doesn’t mean trying to get your family to act like some sort of “Stepford Family” where everyone looks and acts like they’re in a 1950’s family sitcom. I showed the video because some of us tend to think everyone ELSE in the church has that picture-perfect family … and WE’re the only ones with dysfunction.
I’m here to tell you every family is dysfunctional … because every family is made up of PEOPLE. But praise God you don’t have to manage your family on your own!
In the second letter Paul wrote Timothy, he talked about the home where Timothy grew up --- about how his mother and grandmother had taught him God’s wisdom. Paul went on to encourage Timothy not to be timid about leading the church.
He challenged Timothy to be a bold, fearless leader because God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment. (Holman Chr. Standard) II Timothy 1:7
This is a key verse for church leaders and for any other kind of leadership God calls you to do. Today I want to apply that verse to the way we lead our families. You can manage your home with confidence because God has not given you a spirit of fear, but the spirit of Power, Love, and of Sound Judgment.
1. POWER
We’ll start with POWER. This series is called iManage which is kind of a take-off on iPod and iPhone and so forth. But I want you to notice that it starts with a small i. That should remind you that the POWER is not yours --- the Holy Spirit gives you God’s own Power.
The starting point for leading a family is to realize that you are not perfect!
Which reminds me of what happened one Sunday. A family was driving home after church and they noticed little Johnny was sitting in the back seat crying his eyes out. Mom asked him several times what was wrong, but he just kept crying.
Then finally he sobbed, “The pastor said he wanted us to be brought up in a Christian home. but I want to stay with you guys!"
Even in the best Christian home, family life is like a wild roller-coaster ride. There are constant ups and downs … and unexpected twists and turns … and then just when you catch your breath you hit one of those crazy “Loops” and everything turns upside down for a while. Some days it’s all you can do just to make sure everyone’s strapped in … and try not to scream too loud!
(By the way, the last time I rode a rollercoaster was back when my kids were little … and I don’t have any desire to go back and do it over again! There’s a reason people need to raise kids while they’re young!)
When you’re in the middle of raising kids, always remember that the power to do it right comes from God … not from you. You’re going to have good days and bad days. Some days you may have all the patience and wisdom of a saint … then the next day you find yourself acting like the 2-year-old you’re trying to raise.
Don’t get caught in the trap of wallowing around in guilt over how you aren’t a perfect parent. Your kids don’t want or need a "perfect" parent. What they need is a parent who believes in a Perfect God! Let your kids know that God is the one who gave you the responsibility to raise them … that’s why they must respect and obey you.
I want to recommend a prayer Susan and I prayed while raising our kids. We asked God to do this for our kids: "Maximize the effect of the things we do right - and minimize the effect of the things we do wrong." Of course we usually thought of praying that right after we’d messed up. God answered that prayer for us. And He’ll answer that prayer in your family, too.
If the first step in managing your family is to realize YOU aren’t perfect, the next step is just as important: Your kids aren’t perfect, either! (I’ve heard that grand-kids aren’t perfect either, but I find that hard to believe…)
Susan and I had another prayer that I want to recommend. And this is one where we told our kids we were praying it. We asked God, "When our children do something wrong, please let them get caught immediately." Our girls didn’t like that prayer much, but they did notice that God answered it!
And when your kids do wrong, don’t make the mistake of trying to shield them from the consequences. Which brings us to the next point in the verse we’re looking at: God did not give you a spirit of fear but of power, and of LOVE …
2. LOVE
People can get the wrong impression of what it means to LOVE your children. Love is more than care and sympathy and nurturing. Love means doing what is in the best interest of the child. That often means giving your child rules and boundaries and consequences.
Susan works in a middle school where she sometimes observes parents who are constantly making excuses for their child’s behavior. They’re arguing with the Vice Principal that it’s the teacher’s fault and the other kid’s fault and besides that the room’s too hot and the moon is full and so on and so forth.
These parents think they are showing LOVE for their child, but the fact is that when a child’s parents have protected them from consequences all through elementary school … by the time they get to Middle School their behavior is bordering on criminal.
Susan feels like telling them, “Hey, do you want little precious to get In School Suspension now or would you rather have him in JAIL five years from now … because that’s where he’s heading if he doesn’t get some discipline soon!”
I remember one thing we heard from Dr. James Dobson that really stuck with us while we were raising our kids. He said that every day your children will ask you TWO QUESTIONS:
• Do you love me?
• and Can I do whatever I want to do?
Every day, they need to hear a big YES and a big NO. In fact, the answer is BECAUSE I love you, you can NOT do whatever you want to do!
I remember taking a class at a community college where we studied a book called "Parent Effectiveness Training", by Dr. Thomas Gordon. His advice seemed to be that since you can’t be perfectly consistent anyway, the best thing to do is just let your children’s little “free spirits” roam free. Just stay out of your kids’ way, and they’ll figure out things for themselves without your meddling input.
I was in my 20’s at the time, and this was the latest and greatest child-raising advice of that day. But even though I didn’t have much experience with raising kids at that time, I knew I wasn’t going to go with THAT advice!
I was a youth minister back then, and I’d heard parents say things like, “I don’t want to influence my children’s religious decisions … I’ll leave it up to them to decide that for themselves.” Of course that was their lame excuse for not taking their kids to church. The truth is, if YOU don’t take the trouble to influence your kids, you can bet someone else will!
I like the story of a little boy who was asked if he believed in God. He answered, “Well, yes I do.” When asked why, he said, “Well, I guess it just runs in the family.” God designed the family to work that way. Your standards and values and your faith WILL have an eternal influence on your family.
When it comes to parenting, God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment. II Timothy 1:7
3. SOUND JUDGEMENT
The Holy Spirit gives us Sound Judgment … day by day … from one situation to the next.
If I could give you a step-by-step, foolproof blueprint for how to manage every family, I’d be a millionaire! There’s no such thing as a step-by-step instruction manual for managing your family because no two families are alike … and when God gives you children’ you quickly find that no two children are alike!
We have two daughters, and it didn’t take us long to figure out that what worked with one wasn’t necessarily going to work with the other! While they were growing up, Kaysha and Kimberly had two bedrooms that were separated by a short hallway.
I remember one night I heard Susan go from one room to the next. She told Kaysha, “Honey, don’t worry so much! Just study the questions a time or two, then close the book and relax. School work isn’t that important!”
Then she walked into Kimberly’s room and I heard her say, “Kim, open your book back up and find the answers for that test. Your school work is very important!”
I ought to explain Kim’s way of studying for a test. Earlier that evening we heard her reading through her study sheet and she read, “Can you name 4 major rivers in Texas?” She thought a minute, then said, “No,” … and then she just went right on to the next question.
The point is that no cookie-cutter approach is going to work with every family and every child. We need daily input from the Holy Spirit so that we manage our families with SOUND JUDGEMENT. One way God supplies us with sound judgment is through wise counsel from other Christians. I highly recommend that you take time to learn how to manage your family well.
There are all kinds of resources that can give you practical advice. We put some of these on the Sermon Notes part of your bulletin. Your family deserves the same kind of time and effort that you’re put into learning how to manage your career. You can find sound judgment that fits your situation so that you can manage your family well in every stage of life.
I recommend taking the time to read Christian books, listen to Christian programs, and attend Christian conferences that can help you do this most important task of managing your family well.
CONCLUSION:
One of the purposes of the Church is so that we can help each other manage our families in a way that brings glory to God. I can guarantee that your relationship with others in the church will help encourage you. God often uses our conversations to remind us of what really matters and to give us just the advice we need to hear.
I thought I’d end by sharing some advice from people right here in our church. I asked people to share with me something they thought was most important in how to manage their family. Here are some of the answers I got:
• Lean not on your own understanding.
• Don’t lower the standards your parents taught you.
• The best gift you can give your kids is to love your husband or wife.
• Togetherness - Pray together, eat together, etc.
• Discipline … Discipline!
• I’d say just this: Pray! … Pray, Pray, Pray and then Pray! (Let’s pray…)
