KEY INGREDIENTS TO MARRIAGE. Eph 5:22 -33.
SOMEBODY ONCE WROTE A BOOK ‘MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS WHICH REALLY SPEAKS ABOUT HOW DIFFERENT MEN AND WOMEN REALLY ARE. I THINK IT STANDS OUT THE MOST ON THE WEDDING DAY ITSELF.
THE BIG DAY ARRIVES AND THE HUSBAND TO BE WAKES UP, RELAXES MIGHT HAVE A FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST THEN GOES OUT AND HAS A ROUND OF GOLF WITH THE LADS AND COUNTS THE MINUTES UNTIL HE HAS TO BE AT THE ALTAR. THE WIFE TO BE ON THE OTHER HAND WAKES UP AND FROM THE VERY FIRST MOMENT IS PANICKING. SHE IMMEDIATELY BEGINS TO ORGANIZE THINGS, MAKING SURE THAT EVERYTHING IS DONE PROPER ORDER. IN HER MIND AS SHE TRAVELS IN THE CAR DOWN TO THE CHURCH SHE IS REPEATING EVERYTHING THAT SHE HAS TO DO. I’LL HAVE TO DO IS GO DOWN THE AISLE, GET TO THE ALTER AND SING A HYMN, SHE REPEATS THIS AS SHE MAKE HER WAY DOWN THE AISLE ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GO DOWN THE AISLE GET TO THE ALTER AND SING A HYMN – SHE THEN SHORTENS IT INTO THREE LITTLE WORDS AISLE ALTER HYMN, AISLE ALTER HYMN AND AS THE VICAR BEGINS TO WELCOME EVERYBODY SHE CRIES OUT “I’LL ALTER HIM!”
THAT’S SO TRUE ISN’T IT, ANYBODY WHO IS MARRIED WILL TELL YOU THAT OVER TIME, THERE HAS BEEN SOME MAJOR ALTERATIONS IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER. AND WHAT’S BEEN TRUE FOR THEM, WILL ALSO BE TRUE FOR YOU ..........AND ........ THE MORE SO BECAUSE YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN COUPLE WHO ARE BOTH BEING ALTERED TO BE MORE LIKE JESUS.
SO ON THIS HAPPY OCCASION I WANT TO BRIEFLY LOOK AT THOSE ALTERATIONS WHICH WILL TAKE PLACE AND SOME WHICH WE MAY HAVE TO LEARN ALONG THE WAY OF MARRIAGE.THE GREATEST ALTERATION HAS ALREADY COMMENCED TODAY AS YOU TOOK YOUR MARRIAGE VOWS UNDER THE SIGHT OF GOD.
1. KEY INGREDIENT1# TWO HAVE BECOME ONE FLESH - FOR WE ARE MEMBERS OF HIS BODY. 30 - 32 .
GENESIS: 2:18 -25 IN THE BEGINNING WHEN GOD CREATED ADAM, HE RECOGNIZED THAT IT WAS NOT GOOD FOR ADAM TO BE ALONE GEN 2:18 -21 SO HE CREATED ALL THE LIVING CREATURES, AND ADAM NAMED THEM, BUT FOR ADAM STILL NO SUITABLE HELPER WAS FOUND.
ONE WITH GOD: : SO GOD CAUSED ADAM TO FALL INTO A DEEP SLEEP AND GOD TOOK THE RIB OUT OF ADAM AND FORMED EVE FROM ADAMS RIB. THE FACT SHE WAS TAKEN FROM HIS SIDE SIGNIFIES THE ONENESS THEY SHARE FOR EVE SHARED ADAMS NATURE. NOT ONLY WITH EACH OTHER, BUT WITH THEIR IMAGE BEARER, BOTH SHARE THE IMAGE OF GOD.
ONE WITH EACH OTHER: EVE IS DESCRIBED AS A HELPER, EVE WAS IN NO SENSE INFERIOR OR 2ND RATE. THIS WORD MEANS THAT EVE SUPPLIES WHAT IS LACKING IN ADAM – THEY COMPLEMENTED EACH OTHER. WHAT HE LACKED SHE SUPPLIED, WHAT SHE LACKED HE SUPPLIED, THEY PROVIDED MUTUAL SUPPORT FOR EACH OTHER.
• MATTHEW HENRY ONCE SAID, “THE WOMAN WAS NOT MADE OUT OF HIS HEAD TO RULE OVER HIM, NOR OUT OF HIS FEET TO BE TRAMPLED UPON BY HIM, BUT OUT OF HIS SIDE TO BE EQUAL WITH HIM, UNDER HIS ARM TO BE PROTECTED, AND NEAR HIS HEART TO BE BELOVED.”.
ONE IN MARRIAGE: HERE WE HAVE THE FIRST MARRIAGE CEREMONY WHERE GOD THE FATHER BRINGS THE BRIDE TO ADAM V22 HE BROUGHT HER TO ADAM AND ADAM REPLIES WITH HIS POETIC VOWS OF NEVER ENDING LOVE TOWARDS HER: GEN.2: 23 THIS IS NOW BONE OF MY BONES AND FLESH OF MY FLESH, SHE SHALL BE CALLED WOMAN FOR SHE WAS TAKEN OUT OF MAN AND THEN GOD SOLEMNLY DECLARES THE MARRIAGE UNION WITH THE WORDS GEN.2.24.FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE UNITED TO HIS WIFE AND THEY WILL BECOME ONE FLESH.
TODAY YOU HAVE BEEN GLUED TOGETHER UNDER THE SIGHT OF GOD. YOU ARE NO LONGER TWO BUT ONE - WHAT EFFECTS ONE WILL EFFECT THE OTHER – ISN’T IT TRUE THAT MARRIAGE COUPLES OFTEN SPEAK ABOUT THE OTHER HALF, “WELL I CANT GIVE YOU AN ANSWER ON THAT TILL I SPEAK TO THE OTHER HALF” HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU HEARD A BEREAVED HUSBAND OR WIFE SAY, “A PART OF ME HAS DIED TODAY” FROM NOW ON YOU CAN NO LONGER LIVE AS THOUGH YOU ARE SINGLE YOU CANNOT LIVE FOR YOUR OWN INTERESTS BUT THE INTERESTS OF EACH OTHER,
ONE IN CHRIST TOGETHER EPH 5:31- 32: YOU ARE NOT ONLY PHYSICALLY BOUND TO EACH OTHER BUT SPIRITUALLY BOUND TO EACH OTHER IN CHRIST. TODAY DANNY AND LOUISE UNDER THE SIGHT OF GOD YOU HAVE BECOME ONE FLESH. THIS UNION YOU SHARE TOGETHER IS A PROFOUND MYSTERY - BECAUSE ITS ALSO A PICTURE OF THE UNION THAT CHRIST HAS WITH HIS CHURCH. WHICH IS SEEN AS THE BRIDE OF CHRIST REV 21:2
2. KEY INGREDIENT 2# A WIFE IS CALLED TO SUBMIT TO HER HUSBAND - AS TO THE LORD. V22- 24.
THIS IS WHERE DANNY IS RUBBING HIS HANDS TOGETHER AND LOUISE IS SQUIRMING. BUT NOT SO FAST BECAUSE IN V21 WE ARE ALL CALLED TO SUBMIT TO ONE ANOTHER OUT OF REVERENCE FOR CHRIST. FOR THE WIFE IT MEANS WILLINGLY FOLLOWING THE HUSBANDS LEADERSHIP IN CHRIST AND FOR THE MAN IT MEANS PUTTING ASIDE HIS OWN INTERESTS IN ORDER TO CARE FOR HIS WIFE
• AS SOMEBODY ONCE SAID, “THAT A MAN MIGHT BE HEAD OF THE FAMILY BUT THE WOMAN IS THE NECK AND THE HEAD GOES NO WHERE WITHOUT THE NECK.”
WE COULD BE IN DANGER OF GETTING A WRONG UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT GODS WORD IS SAYING TO US …. “IF A WIFE’S ROLE IS TO SUBMIT TO THEIR HUSBAND, WE WOULD CONSIDER A HUSBANDS ROLE IS TO RULE OVER THEIR WIFE.” THE FEMINIST MOVEMENT WOULD HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH THIS CONCEPT. AND MANY MALE CHRISTIANS USE THIS TEXT UNJUSTLY TO RULE OVER THEIR WIVES INTO SUBMISSION.
• THERE WAS ONCE A TYRANNICAL HUSBAND WHO DEMANDED THAT HIS WIFE CONFORM TO RIGID STANDARDS OF HIS CHOOSING. SHE WAS TO DO CERTAIN THINGS FOR HIM AS A WIFE, MOTHER, AND HOMEMAKER. IN TIME SHE CAME TO HATE HER HUSBAND AS MUCH AS SHE HATED HIS LIST OF RULES AND REGULATIONS. THEN, ONE DAY HE DIED—MERCIFULLY AS FAR AS SHE WAS CONCERNED. “SOME TIME LATER, SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER MAN AND MARRIED HIM. SHE AND HER NEW HUSBAND LIVED ON A PERPETUAL HONEYMOON. JOYFULLY, SHE DEVOTED HERSELF TO HIS HAPPINESS AND WELFARE. ONE DAY SHE RAN ACROSS ONE OF THE SHEETS OF DOS AND DON’TS HER FIRST HUSBAND HAD WRITTEN FOR HER. TO HER AMAZEMENT SHE FOUND THAT SHE WAS DOING FOR HER SECOND HUSBAND ALL THE THINGS HER FIRST HUSBAND HAD DEMANDED OF HER, EVEN THOUGH HER NEW HUSBAND HAD NEVER ONCE SUGGESTED THEM. SHE DID THEM AS AN EXPRESSION OF HER LOVE FOR HIM AND HER DESIRE TO PLEASE HIM.” I BELIEVE THIS IS THE SPIRIT OF SUBMISSION PAUL ENVISIONS IN THE CHRISTIAN HOME. [--JAMES S. HEWETT, ILLUSTRATIONS UNLIMITED (WHEATON: TYNDALE HOUSE PUBLISHERS, INC., 1988), P. 501].
A WIFE WHO SUBMITS TO HER HUSBAND – AS ONTO THE LORD IS SIMPLY RESPONDING TO THE LOVE BEING SHOWN TOWARDS HER - WHICH IS A COPY OF CHRIST’S LOVE FOR THE CHURCH V25 REMEMBER JESUS SUBMITTED HIS LIFE HEB 5:8 AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR HER. SO A WOMAN WHO SUBMITS TO HER HUSBAND IS NOT A 2ND CLASS CITIZEN. BUT BECAUSE SHE IS SO LOVED BY HER HUSBAND V25 SHE SIMPLY RESPONDS OUT OF LOVE.
THE WOMAN’S SUBMISSION TO HER HUSBAND IS A VISIBLE PARABLE OF HER SUBMISSION TO THE LORD V22, AND AS THE CHURCHES SUBMISSION TO CHRIST V24 …… AS CHRISTIANS WE SUBMIT OUR LIVES TO THE LORD BECAUSE HE LOVED US AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR US. THE CHURCH SUBMITS TO HIS HEADSHIP AND SO THE WOMAN SUBMITS TO THE MANS HEADSHIP, WHO IN TURN SUBMITS TO CHRIST’S HEADSHIP. AND THIS IS TO BE V24 IN EVERYTHING AND OUT OF RESPECT FOR HER HUSBAND V33.
• MARRIAGE IS A TEAM SPORT. THINK OF A FOOTBALL TEAM: THE COACH MUST SPEND HOURS SCOUTING, PREPARING OFFENSIVE AND DEFENSIVE STRATEGIES, FINDING OUT THE STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES OF HIS OWN PLAYERS, AND MAKING A GAME PLAN IN ORDER TO TAKE HIS PLAYERS TO A GAME, BUT UNLESS THE PLAYERS SUBMIT TO HIS LEADERSHIP, THEY WILL NOT WIN. NEITHER THE COACH NOR THE PLAYERS CAN BE DONE WITHOUT, BUT NEITHER IS MORE OR LESS IMPORTANT THAN THE OTHER- THEY ARE A TEAM. AND SUCH IS THE CASE WITH MARRIAGE.
3. KEY INGREDIENT 3# THE MAN IS CALLED TO LOVE - LIKE CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH. 25 - 29
THERE ARE DIFFERENT GREEK WORDS FOR LOVE IN THE BIBLE WHICH WE WILL EXPERIENCE IN MARRIAGE THE FIRST ONE IS EROS – WHICH IS THE SEXUAL LOVE THE ONE THAT MAKES YOUR HEART MISS A BEAT. THEN THERE IS - PHILEO – WHICH IS THE FRIENDSHIP TYPE OF LOVE. THEN THERE IS SURGASE – WHICH IS FAMILY LOVE - THE LOVE WHICH BINDS US AS BIOLOGICAL FAMILIES AND THEN THE WORD - AGAPE WHICH IS A SELF GIVING TYPE OF LOVE – WHICH LOOKS BEYOND OUR FAULTS.
THIS IS THE WORD FOR LOVE THAT PAUL USES HERE.
• ITS SACRIFICIAL V25 GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER
AGAPE LOVE – CHRIST IS OUR EXAMPLE WHO GAVE HIMSELF FOR US, HE WAS WILLING TO LAY DOWN HIS LIFE FOR OURS. JHN 4:10 THIS IS LOVE NOT THAT WE LOVED GOD BUT THAT HE LOVED US AND SENT HIS SON AS AN ATONING SACRIFICE FOR OUR SINS.
THIS AGAPE LOVE FUNCTIONS THROUGH SELF SACRIFICE. THIS TYPE OF LOVE IS NOT A FEELING BUT IT IS VOLITIONAL. IT’S A RESPONSE, IT ACTS, ITS DEMONSTRATING LOVE TOWARDS ANOTHER BY ACTIONS. GOD DEMONSTRATES HIS OWN LOVE TOWARDS US WHILE WE WERE YET SINNERS CHRIST DIED FOR US ….ROM 5:6
………AS YOU HAVE ENTERED INTO MARRIAGE VOWS WITH ……… YOU ARE SAYING THAT YOU ARE PREPARED TO LOVE ……… WITH THIS AGAPE LOVE TO PUT THE NEEDS OF YOUR WIFE BEFORE YOUR OWN, TO COMFORT HER IN HER DISTRESS, TO HONOR HER IN HER ACHIEVEMENTS , TO CARE FOR HER IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, TO PROVIDE FOR HER IN POVERTY OR RICHES, TO BE FAITHFUL TO HER IN YOUTH AND OLD AGE, TO LOVE HER ALONE TO DEATH DO YOU PART.
• THE DATE WAS 11TH DEC 1936 THERE WAS A RADIO BROADCAST PUT OUT OVER THE NATION IT WENT SOMETHING LIKE THIS: “AT LONG LAST, I AM ABLE TO SAY A FEW WORDS OF MY OWN... UNTIL NOW IT HAS NOT BEEN CONSTITUTIONALLY POSSIBLE FOR ME TO SPEAK. I HAVE FOUND IT IMPOSSIBLE TO CARRY THE HEAVY BURDEN OF RESPONSIBILITY AND TO DISCHARGE MY DUTIES AS KING AS I WOULD WISH TO DO WITHOUT THE HELP AND SUPPORT OF THE WOMAN I LOVE.” THAT WAS THE ABDICATION SPEECH OF EDWARD THE 8TH WHO GAVE UP HIS MONARCHY FOR THE WOMAN HE LOVED. A GREAT SACRIFICE!
YOU SEE WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN HE WILL GIVE UP MORE THAT HIS OWN LITTLE KINGDOM FOR HER BUT GIVE HIS VERY LIFE BLOOD AND JESUS CHRIST IS OUR GREATEST EXAMPLE.
• IT’S A LOVE WHICH IS SANCTIFYING V26 TO MAKE HER HOLY YOU WIFE IS SET APART AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER IS ONE OF NURTURING GREATER HOLINESS TOGETHER.
• ITS A LOVE WHICH IS SUSTAINING V29
A COUPLE MARRIED FOR 15 YEARS BEGAN HAVING MORE THAN USUAL DISAGREEMENTS. THEY WANTED TO MAKE THEIR MARRIAGE WORK AND AGREED ON AN IDEA THE WIFE HAD. FOR ONE MONTH THEY PLANNED TO DROP A SLIP IN A “FAULT” BOX. THE BOXES WOULD PROVIDE A PLACE TO LET THE OTHER KNOW ABOUT DAILY IRRITATIONS. THE WIFE WAS DILIGENT IN HER EFFORTS AND APPROACH: “LEAVING THE JELLY TOP OFF THE JAR,” “WET TOWELS ON THE SHOWER FLOOR,” “DIRTY SOCKS NOT IN HAMPER,” ON AND ON UNTIL THE END OF THE MONTH. AFTER DINNER, AT THE END OF THE MONTH, THEY EXCHANGED BOXES. THE HUSBAND REFLECTED ON WHAT HE HAD DONE WRONG. THEN THE WIFE OPENED HER BOX AND BEGAN READING. THEY WERE ALL THE SAME, THE MESSAGE ON EACH SLIP WAS, “I LOVE YOU!”
REAL MARRIAGE IN THE REAL WORLD IS TOUGH AND AT TIMES YOU WILL NEED MUCH GRACE TOWARDS EACH OTHER BUT GENUINE AGAPE LOVE SUSTAINS THROUGH ALL CIRCUMSTANCES AND GROWS AND BLOSSOMS INTO EVER INCREASING DIMENSIONS OF LOVE FOR EACH OTHER.
CLOSING PRAYER.
ALMIGHTY GOD, OUR LOVING HEAVENLY FATHER, PROTECT AND BLESS THIS YOUNG MARRIED COUPLE. DEEPEN AND STRENGTHEN THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER DAY BY DAY. GRANT THAT BY YOUR MERCY NEITHER OF THEM WILL EVER SAY ONE UNKIND WORD TO THE OTHER.
FORGIVE AND CORRECT THEIR FAULTS, AND MAY THEY CONSTANTLY LEARN TO FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER, SHOULD ONE OF THEM UNCONSCIOUSLY HURT THE OTHER. MAKE THEM AND KEEP THEM SOUND AND WELL IN BODY, ALERT IN MIND, TENDER IN HEART, DEVOUT IN SPIRIT. O LORD, GRANT THEM EACH TO RISE TO THE OTHER’S BEST.
WE PRAY YOU WILL ADD TO THEIR COMMON LIFE SUCH VIRTUES AS ONLY YOU CAN GIVE. AND SO, O FATHER, CONSECRATE THEIR LIVES AND THEIR LOVE COMPLETELY TO YOUR WORSHIP, AND TO THE SERVICE OF ALL ABOUT US, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHOM YOU HAVE APPOINTED THEM TO SERVE, THAT THEY MAY ALWAYS STAND BEFORE YOU IN HAPPINESS AND PEACE; THROUGH JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD. AMEN.
AUBREY VAUGHAN @ www.cbcommunity.co.uk
