TEXT: 2 Timothy 4:1-16; various others in proverbs
TITLE: What to do with Loneliness - PAUL
SERIES: When Life Gets Messy…
TOPIC: Loneliness & Friendship
OCCASION: Burnside Christian Church, November 22, 2009
PROP.: Loneliness is how Satan wants us to live our lives; but God’s remedy for loneliness is friendship!
INTRODUCTION: Today we wrap up our sermon series called - when life gets messy. And what we’ve learned is that life’s messes makes our lives difficult.
This series has covered a lot of difficulties you and I face in life.
Such as:
1. Stress - JESUS
2. Failure - PETER
3. Negativity - ELIJAH
4. Discouragement - NEHEMIAH
And so that brings us to today.
Today’s mess that I want us to explore is the mess caused by LONELINESS.
To be alone. I believe it’s a legitimate fear of many. I believe firmly that loneliness is how Satan wants you to live. He wants you to feel isolated, cut off. But that’s not how God wants you to live! God doesn’t want you to be alone!
In fact, God has said when He created man that it was not good for man to be alone!
(Genesis 2:18)
What causes loneliness? To answer that question I want to look at the last part of the apostle Paul’s life.
Paul was in prison and was soon about to be put to death as he writes his second letter to Timothy - his partner in ministry, his son of the faith; his faithful friend. And it becomes obvious that Paul is lonely!
Our text starts out in 2nd Timothy 4
And for the apostle Paul, there were three causes to his loneliness that I want to quickly address.
1. First cause of Paul’s loneliness was the TRANSITIONS of life.
Life is full of change. And any change has the potential to produce loneliness.
You are lonely when you are born and you cry until you are cuddled.
The first school you attended was a lonely experience.
Getting your first job was a lonely experience.
Changing jobs can be a lonely experience.
Retiring is lonely.
The death of a loved one is lonely.
And now the apostle Paul was experiencing a transition in his life where he felt lonely. In verse 9 he pleads with Timothy to “Do you best to come visit me soon.”
He was facing the biggest challenge in his life and what did Paul want? His friends!
At all stages of life, loneliness has the potential to creep in. And what do you learn about loneliness? Loneliness, has very little to do with being alone. You can be lonely and yet surrounded a hundred people.
Loneliness has to do with a lack of relationships!
This leads me to the second cause of loneliness in life.
2. SEPARATION.
Paul wasn’t alone. He had other prisoners - guards. But he was lonely. He was isolated from friends and family.
Question: What is the most severe form of discipline for an inmate NOT on death row?
ANSWER: Solitary confinement.
Why is it such an effective form of punishment? Because people need people.
It was certainly true of Paul.
Right after he requests Timothy to come visit him in verse 9, Paul goes on to mention his best friends, but none of them were with him except Luke. Paul was in prison in a foreign country and he told Timothy - “I miss these people.”
And Paul’s loneliness was so deep and so real that three times in chapter 4, he is pleading with Timothy to come to him.
Vs. 9 & 13 Paul tells Timothy to ‘come”
Vs. 21 “Do your best to get here before winter.”
Paul wanted to put an end to the separation and as a result put an end to his loneliness.
Physical separation from those we love is painful. That is why there are tears at funerals. That is why there are tears when the kids go off to college or get married. Because things will be different.
Some separation we cannot do anything about, but some separation CAN be repaired! Some separation has been caused by conflict and so you’ve chosen to separate yourself from that person.
Many married people are lonely because there is a dis-connect from their spouse. They are living in the same house, but they are separated mentally, emotionally, spiritually. They want so desperately to be intimate again with their spouse and I’m telling you it’s not too late!!! You can repair the separation and end your loneliness!
So I ask: Who do you need to call? Who do you need to write a letter to? What needs to be said? Do it now while there is still time!
The third basic cause of loneliness is the one that causes the most pain…
3. REJECTION.
It’s when you have been betrayed or forsaken - abandoned in your time of need by those closest to you. Talk about loneliness.
This is how Paul felt. He was alone as he stood on trial before Nero. No one came to his defense.
You can almost sense the pain in his voice in verse 16.
“At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them.”
Rejection hurts no matter who you are. And if you’ve been divorced, cheated on, turned down for a job, cut from a team - however you’ve experienced rejection - you know the kind of pain that Paul experienced. And consequently, loneliness follows.
So those are the three basic causes of loneliness.
1. Transition
2. Separation
3. Rejection
That is what was causing Paul to feel alone.
So I want to spend the rest of our time talking about GOD’S CURE FOR LONELINESS. It’s simple. It’s a one word cure. FRIENDS.
You know I’m not sure why, but it seems as though the topic of friendship has fallen on hard times. There’s not a lot written about friends. There aren’t a lot of new songs about friends.
It’s just not a subject matter that gets a lot of attention. Romance on the other hand. Well, that’s a different story.
Romance is in every song. It’s in every movie. But somehow, we’ve overlooked friendship.
Four things we learn about being a good friend from Proverbs:
#1.
I. CHOOSE your friends
Proverbs 12:26 says, “26 A righteous man is cautious in friendship, [a]
but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”
The righteous are the ones committed to do what God wants! How many of you truly want to do what God wants you to do? If you have your ‘mental hand raised’ then you are considered righteous.
The righteous should choose your friends careful! Be cautious about who you call your friend.
A. The importance of choosing
Why should I be careful about choosing my friends? Because if you choose the wrong friends, you won’t be righteous for long!
You will be influenced in a bad way.
See if these sound familiar:
“Bad company corrupts good morals.”
“you’re never gonna turn out right doing the wrong.” And so often that fits into the context of choosing your friends…
“you’re known by the company you keep.”
All of these serve as warnings that the righteous should choose your friends CAREFULLY!
Now, while we are on the subject of it, it needs to be said that men should choose men to be their friends. And ladies should choose ladies to be their friends. That’s safest. That’s best.
And so you’re like - yeah, I’m all about that…
B. So how do you choose your friends?
4 words:
1. Eternity - choose friends who are going where you are going.
Your best friends should be born again, Bible believing, fully devoted, followers of Jesus Christ.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have friends who aren’t Christians. We should. But we should not let non-Christian relationships meet our friendship needs!
Yes, reach out. Yes, love others. Yes, be kind to everyone. But get your relationship needs met with People who are going where you‘re going - eternity!
Parents - if you want your son or daughter to grow with a greater spiritual depth than you have, it’s going to be at least difficult if not impossible for that to happen if your son or daughter does not have a Christian peer group! If their best friends and closest friends are not following Jesus, they are on the fast track to no-where-good-ville and it will be hard to get them back.
2nd word:
2. Affinity
Choose friends who are doing what you’re doing. It’s obvious that we like people who have similar interests that we have. But choose friends who have a greater purpose to this life than merely living for the weekend or living to get drunk.
3rd word:
3. Chemistry
Choose friends who are feeling what you’re feeling. Chemistry is a great thing. Not such a good subject in school to study - but it’s a great thing to ’hit it off’ with someone after only meeting them for a few minutes. And the Holy Spirit gives Christians a common chemistry! It’s truly an amazing thing!
4th word:
4. Loyalty
Choose friends who will be fighting what you’re fighting. We need friends who will be there for us in a bind.
ILLUSTRATION: We have this wooden framed thing that sits on top of our desk at home which reads, “A friend is the person who walks in when everyone else walks out.” Choose friends who are loyal!
That’s the first thing…
CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS.
Secondly…
II. LOVE your friends
Proverbs 17:17 - “a friend loves at all times. And a brother is born for adversity.”
I love this verse. That word adversity means trouble, hardship, difficulty, disappointments, personal failures. At all times!
This is the litmus test for friendship. A true friend loves you when life is hard. When you are facing your greatest adversary.
A. So How do I show love?
1st Corinthians 13:4-8 gives a clear picture of what the love of your friends should look like.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails.
And notice what prompted all this talk on love. At the end of chapter 12 (vs. 31), Paul states, “let me show you a more excellent way.” Excellent way to what? TO GET ALONG WITH OTHERS!
QUESTION:
B. Why is love a more excellent way?
You see, there are a lot of ways you can treat a person. You can tolerate them. Hate them. Avoid them. Ignore them. Why is love the most excellent way? Why?
ILLUSTRATION: apple. How many of you noticed the apple sitting up here? How many of you would like a bite of this? If Jesus were here, we could work all of that out.
As I look at this apple, what would be the loving thing to do?
Would it be, “Do you want this apple? Come and get it!”
Or would it be, “Here. Catch. You can have that.”
No. How about? “Your friendship means so much to and I want you thank you for your loyalty. And so here, eat this. It’s delicious. Juicy. Tasty. Good for you. Enjoy it.”
How many people think that’s the most excellent way to give that apple? DING! Because it’s the loving way!
And a lot of our relationships would be better off if we would spend our time, energy and efforts SHOWING them the most excellent way. And the most excellent way is the loving way!
LOVE YOUR FRIENDS!
3rd thing…
III. PROTECT your friends
Proverbs 16:28 - “A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.”
What Solomon is warning us about is this - Be on the guard against this particular type of person who is perverse - they are sick. This isn’t the kind of wide eyed, drooling pervert…this is a person whom you can’t spot by looking at them. They are subtle. And their number one goal is to separate friends.
A lot of times, this person is not apparent right off. But they plant little seeds between friends that grow into weeds and separate. Like weeds between the cracks of cement so are these type of people.
And notice what type of friends they separate: BEST friends. This verse is here as a warning for those who want to protect their friendship!
A. What kind of strife does this person plant?
1. Bad reports. Reports that may or may not be true. But the ultimate goal is to make the person look bad. Have you ever noticed that the phrase: “It’s none of my business…” is often followed by the word “but”. Bad reports happen in the parking lot, over coffee, on the phone, over the internet…
2. Exaggerations - A kernel of truth expanded into something. Yeah, there’s some truth…but not much!
3. Motive assumptions - It’s when people think they know why a person did what they did or what they are thinking. “Do you know why she did that? Do you know why she acts that way? Do you know…no I don’t know - do you?
B. So How do I protect my friends?
Proverbs 17:9 - “He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the
matter separates close friends.”
Two things
1. Stop the repetition
Things travel pretty fast through the sour grape vine. When it gets to you, put a stop to it! ESPECIALLY WHEN IT’S YOUR FRIEND!
Question - when bad reports come to you, do they stop with you?
Are you the person who STOPS and CUTS and this is going no further, or do you help them travel along? Or are you a conduit? If you are, then you’re a lousy friend.
Be a good friend. Don’t talk poorly about your friends. Don’t allow others to talk poorly to you about your friends.
The second thing you can do is
2. Let love cover sins
Because sometimes the bad report will be 100% true! What do you do then? You cover the sin - You say, “Wow, my friend was wrong. But I still love them.” Let your love for your friend cover the sin.”
THAT’S HOW YOU PROTECT YOUR FRIEND. BE A GOOD FRIEND PROTECT YOUR FRIENDS.
And lastly…
IV. CORRECT your friends
The most difficult thing to do is to correct your friend. It’s MUCH easier and more comfortable to ignore the wrong.
But notice what it says in Proverbs 27:6
“ Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”
It’s friends who say what needs to be said - because they love you enough that they want what’s best for you!
QUESTION:
How do you say what needs to be said?
A. IN LOVE!
Even when you say what needs to be said in love, it’s going to hurt your friend. There’s a right way and a wrong way to correct your friends and if they are your friends, you’re going to be gentle but firm. You are going to be tactful but truthful.
Also,
B. Choosing the right time
Go to them in private. Go to them immediately. Go to them at the right time!
And finally
C. With the right tone.
CONCLUSION: Friends are God’s cure for loneliness. But to have good friends - you’ve got to be a good friend.
1. Choose your friends
2. Love Your friends
3. Protect your friends
4. Correct your friends.
You say - “well that’s a big job, I don’t know if I can do all of that?” To which I respond, “You’re right. You can’t. You can’t be the kind of friend you need to be on your own. That’s why I want to share one last proverb with you as I bring this morning’s message to a conclusion:
It’s Proverbs 18:24b “…there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
Now Solomon didn’t have this in mind when he wrote it, I’m sure; but you and I know who we have seen in Proverbs 18:24 - it’s Jesus! You and I know that we have Jesus Christ who is the ultimate friend. You and I don’t have the capacity to be the friend that God wants us to be without the strength and grace of Jesus Christ! We will at times let our friends down - and fail our friends. We will disappoint our friends. I know I do. I’m not the example I need to be. I’m not the friend I need to be.
Do you know why some friendships dissolve or come to an end? Because one person in the friendship is asking of their friend, more than they can give. And the friendship breaks apart.
The one friend you can NEVER ask too much of is Jesus Christ. Jesus knows our deepest needs. His resources are unlimited, he’s always available, his provision knows no end.
Remember the hymn: WHAT A FRIEND WE HAVE IN JESUS. All our sins and Griefs to bear. What a privilege it is to carry - everything to God in prayer.
Jesus - there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. And if you don’t have Jesus living in your heart, then I’m guessing you are lonely. We are going to offer a time of decision for you to accept Jesus Christ as your friend but more importantly as your Savior. If you have not yet made that decision, what are you waiting for? Won’t you come forward as we stand together and sing!
