Introduction:
A. Praise God for the great Friend Day we had last Sunday.
1. I was so encouraged by the number of friends that we had with us.
2. We need to keep in mind that friends are welcome among us every Sunday, so let’s keep inviting and bringing our friends and family with us.
B. Today we return to our Real Christian Community Sermon Series in which we are trying to become the church as it ought to be.
1. We’ve been studying the “one another commands” of the New Testament.
2. Today we are going to talk about “bearing with one another.”
3. Lord willing, in a later sermon we will talk about “bearing one another’s burdens.”
4. Even though those two commands sound similar, their meaning is really quite different.
5. To help someone bear their burden is to help them carry a burden, to help them manage their struggle – which certainly is an important thing for us to be doing.
6. Today, however, we want to talk about bearing with one another.
7. In this case, the word “bear” means to tolerate one another, to bear with them, to patiently endure their idiosyncrasies and weaknesses – which is not always easy to do – Am I right about it?
C. So I have some good news for us this morning, and I have some bad news.
1. The good news is that everyone who puts their faith in Jesus is going to heaven.
2. The bad news is that all of us have to travel there together!
3. I like the old saying that goes like this: “To live above, with saints we love, that will be glory. To live below, with the saints we know, that’s quite a different story!”
D. Sometimes we find it hard to get along with each other.
1. Like the story told of the little boy who was sitting on the front steps looking very upset when his father came home.
a. His father asked him what was wrong, and the boy said, “Well, just between us, Dad, I’m having trouble getting along with that wife of yours.”
2. I heard another story about a little girl who was being forced to eat alone at a small table in the kitchen as part of her discipline for disobedience.
a. As the rest of the family sat at the other table trying to ignore the young girl, they heard her pray, “I thank you, Lord, for preparing a table for me in the presence of my enemies.”
E. Satan doesn’t want us to get along with each other.
1. He wants us to become annoyed, upset and out of sync with each other.
2. Healthy relationships require hard work and a lot of grace.
3. Relationships are rather vulnerable and can rupture quite easily.
4. Our idiosyncrasies can easily become irritants and our unity can unravel.
5. This week I Googled “annoying people” and saw a website dedicated to listing the things that people do that are annoying.
6. Even though the website is called “101 Kinds of Annoying People,” the list now contains 129 things that people do that are annoying.
7. I’m sure the list could be longer than that.
F. How many of you have seen the movie called “The Fellowship of the Ring?”
1. Ben Farleman would be thrilled that I’m mentioning the movie.
2. On numerous occasions, he has encouraged me to do a sermon series about the movies.
3. The movie, The Fellowship of the Ring, is based on the first book in J.R.R. Tolkien’s three volume epic novel The Lord of the Rings.
4. The story takes place in the fictional universe called Middle-earth.
5. The story is about a young Hobbit named Frodo has been entrusted with an ancient ring that is an instrument of absolute power and corrupts whomever possesses it.
6. Frodo must embark on an Epic quest to the Cracks of Doom in order to destroy the ring.
7. Frodo gathers together a fellowship of friends to help him with this quest.
8. The motley crew is made up of hobbits, humans, a wizard, and an elf.
9. The group must not only fight external enemies, but must also deal with internal dissension caused by the corruption of the ring.
10. Along the way the fellowship is fractured by selfishness and abrasiveness, and the mission’s success is compromised.
11. You’ll have to watch the movie for the rest of the story!
G. Doesn’t that sound a lot like the challenges that we face as the fellowship of God’s people attempts to carry out our quest to do the Will and Works of God in this world?
1. We are forced to deal with external enemies and evils as well as internal ones.
2. That’s why we need to heed the instructions of Paul found in Ephesians 4:1-3.
3. Let’s read those verses again: “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” (Eph. 4:1-3)
4. Let’s spend the rest of our time this morning trying to understand and apply Paul’s commands.
5. There are four things that stand out to me about bearing with one another found in these verses.
I. Bearing with others is part of living a life worthy of our calling.
A. We are instructed to live a life worthy of our calling.
1. Jesus is the one who has called us and made our calling possible.
2. We must learn to live a life worthy of Jesus and the example He has left us.
3. When we look at the way Jesus handled and treated people, we see how he was able to bear with them.
4. Keep in mind that Jesus is absolutely perfect, and He puts up with all the rest of us who are absolutely imperfect!
B. As I mentioned earlier, bearing with people means to be forbearing, to show tolerance for, and to make allowances for each others faults.
1. There is no doubt about it – God wants us to love all people – even those ones who are hard to love.
2. And there is no doubt about it – some people are easier to love than others.
3. One minister I read about calls the difficult people in his life VDPs – very demanding people, or very draining people.
4. I’ve heard other people use the term EGR people – extra grace required people.
C. Now let’s make an important clarification – we are not talking about bearing with people’s sins.
1. We are not called to tolerate someone’s sins – sins must be repented of not tolerated.
2. Rather we are talking about extending grace to those who are wired differently than us.
3. We are called to endure the everyday frustrations of living closely with others.
4. This is a central part of learning to live a life worthy of our calling – it can’t be avoided.
5. We are called to love and value all people – those we like and those we don’t – those who are easy to get a long with, and those who are not.
II. Bearing with others requires humility, gentleness and patience.
A. Humility is such an important aspect of this, because in humility we remember that each of us are far from perfect.
1. Humility is a soberness of mind which springs from a true estimation of ourselves.
2. In all honesty, most of us have no idea how irritating we may be at times to others and just how much grace others extend to us on an on-going basis.
3. Pride says, “I’m the best thing since sliced bread – everybody likes me because there is no reason for them not to.”
4. Humility says, “I’m just as peculiar as the next person. We are all different. I want to know how I might be irritating to others so I can change.”
5. Humility says, “I won’t expect more from others than I expect from myself, and I know I’m not perfect and that we all have our idiosyncrasies.”
B. Coupled with humility we need to express gentleness and patience.
1. When we are tempted to be impatient with others, we need to keep in mind how patient God and others have been with us.
2. And with regard to gentleness, we need to keep in mind how we like to be treated – most of us like to be treated gently. Directly and gently can go hand in hand, but it’s tricky.
3. Focusing on a mantra of “be gentle and patient” could be very helpful.
4. I like the story told of the man who was at a supermarket and the baby with him in his shopping cart was screaming.
a. A woman nearby noticed that all the time the baby was screaming the man kept calmly saying: “Keep calm, Albert. Keep calm, Albert.”
b. Finally, in admiration for the man’s patience with the screaming child, the woman walked up to the man and said: “Sir, I must commend you for your patience with baby Albert.”
c. The man corrected her, “Miss, Actually I’m Albert.”
C. Another thing that helps me to be more patient with others is to try to understand where they are coming from.
1. The old saying goes something like “you’ll never understand a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes.”
2. All people are the way they are because of the experiences and difficulties of their lives.
3. Let’s cut people some slack and recognize that we seldom have the whole story.
4. It’s easier to be patient and gentle with people when we know and understand more about them.
5. Bearing with each other requires humility, gentleness and patience.
III. Bearing with others requires forgiveness.
A. Bearing with one another and having a forgiving spirit are synonymous concepts.
1. Look at what Paul wrote to the Colossians: “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Col. 3:13)
2. Unfortunately, some people carry grudges against others for years – how miserable and tragic!
3. And how out of character for a follower of Jesus.
4. How can a believer hold a grudge against someone when Christ has canceled their own debt of sin?
B. Forgiveness is one of those explosive subjects that we face.
1. Many of us have been deeply hurt by others and we don’t feel like forgiving them.
2. What we must realize is that forgiveness is not a feeling – it’s a decision.
3. If we waited around to “feel” like forgiving others, we may be waiting a long, long time.
4. That’s why forgiveness is a command and it is not based on feelings.
C. Forgiveness is an intentional release.
1. We may not be able to forgive and forget, but we can forgive and choose not to dwell on it.
2. Forgiveness is the intentional decision to not seek revenge.
3. Forgiveness is the intentional decision to not allow the incident to stand between us.
4. Every person I know who has a forgiving spirit chooses to do so, and everyone who has an unforgiving spirit also chooses to do so.
D. Forgiveness is very difficult – and is impossible without God’s power.
1. Forgiving someone who hurt you may be the hardest thing you will ever do.
2. Here’s a cute story I came across about a man who was trying to cross the street one day.
a. As he stepped off the curb, a car came screaming around the corner toward him.
b. The man tried to hurry across the street, but the car swerved toward him.
c. So he turned around and headed back toward the original side, and the car changed direction and headed toward him again.
d. The man was so scared he just froze and stopped in the middle of the road.
e. The car barely missed him and screeched to a stop next to him.
f. The window rolled down and there sat a squirrel in the driver’s seat.
g. The squirrel said, “See, it’s not as easy as it looks, is it?!”
3. Forgiveness is not as easy as it sounds either.
4. In truth, we can’t do it without God’s help. God is love and God gives us His love as a fruit of the Spirit.
5. Forgiveness is an expression of God’s love.
E. Another important thing to keep in mind is that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same.
1. Some Christians feel bad about themselves because they think they haven’t truly forgiven someone because they haven’t been reconciled with that person.
2. Here’s the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation: Forgiveness requires one person to offer grace, but reconciliation requires one person to offer grace and the other to receive it.
3. God unilaterally offers grace and forgiveness to all people through Jesus, but not everyone accepts that grace, and therefore, not everyone is reconciled to God.
4. I like what Paul said in Romans 12:18, “if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
5. We must forgive people and move on whether or not they admit that they need our forgiveness and accept it.
F. Let me say one more thing about forgiveness – it is good not only for the offender, but it is also good for the offended.
1. Lewis Smedes said: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner was you.”
2. Bearing with others requires forgiveness.
IV. Bearing with others preserves unity among believers.
A. Look at Ephesians 4:3 again: “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
1. Patience and forbearance, forgiveness and peace are not automatic - they involve deliberate acts of the will and all kinds of effort.
2. But they are certainly worth the effort for the good of the church and for the sake of unity.
Conclusion:
A. What are some practical steps we can take in order to bear with one another in love?
1. First of all, we can take a good look at ourselves and make an honest list of our own weaknesses and idiosyncrasies.
a. Honestly looking at ourselves will make us more tolerant of others.
b. I like the story that Nancy Altic sent me this week.
1. A young couple moved into a new neighborhood.
2. The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the wash outside.
3. “That laundry is not very clean,” she said. “She doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.”
4. Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
5. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.
6. About one month later, the woman was surprised to see nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: “Look, she has finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her?”
7. The husband said, “Actually, I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”
8. Let’s try to clean up our window before we are too hard on others.
c. And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.
2. Second, we can make a list of those with whom we have difficulty relating.
a. Then we can ask ourselves why we struggle to relate to them.
b. What is it about him or her that makes us annoyed or angry?
c. Are these things just a matter of personality quirks? Are they simply preferences? Is it because they are too much like us?
3. Third, we can pray about the situation.
a. We can ask God to help us to see people from His perspective.
b. We can ask God to change us. We can ask God to change them.
c. Prayer makes the difference, doesn’t it?!
4. Finally, we can make an effort to act appropriately toward the person.
a. If need be, we can let go of a grudge and forgive them for the thing they have done.
b. We can try to better understand who they are and why they are the way they are.
c. We can look for some way to act positively toward the person or serve them in some way.
B. There is a wall poster that reads: “Involvement with people is always a very delicate thing…It requires real maturity to become involved and not get all messed up.” How true!
C. In one Peanuts cartoon, Lucy said to Snoopy: “There are times when you really bug me, but I must admit there are also times when I feel like giving you a big hug.”
1. Snoopy replied: “That’s the way I am…huggable and buggable.”
D. That’s all of us…huggable and buggable.
1. May God help us to bear with one another in love!
Resources:
Building Up One Another, by Gene Getz, Victor Books, 1981.
“Bear With One Another” Sermon by Brian Bill, SermonCentral.com
“Forgiving Others” Sermon by Alan McCann, SermonCentral.com
“Bear with One Another” Sermon by Jonathan McLeod, SermonCentral.com
“To Err is Human; To Forgive Divine” Sermon by David Dykes, SermonCentral.com
