INTRODUCTION
• SLIDE #1
• As we enter into week 5 of Fireproofing our Relationships, I want to talk to you about the second most important skill and action involved in successful relationships, friendships, and marriages. That skill is forgiveness.
• This may be one of the most difficult skills to posses because of the pain and hurt that that caused the need for forgiveness to be exercised in the first place.
• The truth about forgiven is… it isn’t easy. Because you never have to forgive someone for something that doesn’t matter. You never have to forgive them for helping you, making your smile or making you feel good. The only time you have to forgive is when you’ve been hurt.
• Have you ever known anyone who was so consumed by anger or hate that they couldn’t think rationally? It happens all the time.
• When we’re consumed by hatred, or even consumed by our hurt, Satan can outwit us. So I want to talk to you about forgiveness today.
• It’s been said that Adam and Eve were the only people who had a perfect marriage. But that was because Adam could never talk about the way his mother kept the house and Eve could never brag about all the guys she could have married.
• Jesus understood how important forgiveness was and to help us to understand, He shared with us the parable of the unmerciful servant.
• Turn in your bibles to Matthew 18:21-35
• We are going to look at this parable for the base of the message and we will build upon it.
• SLIDE #2
• Matthew 18:21-35(ESV)
• From this parable we see something very important to understand if we are going to be able to forgive others.
• SLIDE #3
SERMON
I. We are not called to keep score.
• PETER WANTS TO KNOW HOW HIGH TO COUNT; JESUS DOESN’T LIKE IT WHEN WE KEEP SCORE.
• In verse 21 Peter asks Jesus a question about how many times he needs to forgive another.
• The Jews of that day taught that you could forgive a brother as many as three times for an offense, but after the fourth time, there was no forgiveness.
• Peter knows Jesus’ heart of compassion, so he doubles the number and adds one. “Is seven times enough, Lord?” He asks.
• Jesus says, “Seventy-seven times.” – It’s an allusion to a statement by Lamech in the book of Genesis 4:24 that Lamech would take vengeance not seven times on someone who had wronged him, but seventy-seven times.
• Since no one can keep count for that long, it might as well be an unlimited number. When it comes to forgiveness, Jesus doesn’t want us to keep score; He just wants us to forgive.
• I want to reflect on a few thoughts from the passage before we go to the next point.
• Here’s the second observation. The word Jesus uses for “forgiveness,” is the Greek word “macrothumia.”
• Macrothumia is a great description of what takes place in order to grant forgiveness, because macrothumia is a compound word. It’s a word made up of two words. You know the word “macro,” don’t you? If “micro” means “small,” then “macro” means….” “Big.”
• “Thumia” sounds a lot like some words we have that have to do with temperature.
• The thing on the wall that controls the temperature in our homes is called the…? “Thermostat.”
• So, macrothumia could be translated as, “big chill.” Probably the best translation for it would be, “to set aside your anger.” Isn’t that a good picture of what happens when we forgive?
• TO FORGIVE LITERALLY MEANS, “TO SET ASIDE YOUR ANGER.”
• When we forgive, we set aside our anger. TEXT STORY
• A TALENT = 15 YEAR’S WAGES. This is a big sum.
• A DENARIUS = 1 DAY’S WAGE.
• THE SERVANT OWED AN OUTRAGEOUS AMOUNT TO HIS MASTER.
• 15 year’s wages times 10,000 = 150,000 years worth of debt.
• NO ONE BORROWS 150,000 YEAR’S WORTH OF PAY. THIS SERVANT MUST HAVE BEEN AN EMBEZZLER.
• NOTICE THAT THE KING IS WILLING TO FORGIVE AN INCONCEIVABLY LARGE DEBT, BUT THE SERVANT IS NOT WILLING TO FORGIVE A RELATIVELY SMALL DEBT.
• THE KING IS MUCH MORE ANGRY ABOUT THE SERVANT’S LACK OF FORGIVENESS FOR A FELLOW SERVANT THAN ABOUT HIS SIN AGAINST THE KING.
• THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN MUST FORGIVE.
• This is why Jesus, in the Lord’s Prayer, instructs us to say, “And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.”
• When Peter wants to know how many times we should forgive someone, Jesus tells him a story to help him see the heart of the Father. The story is about a king who sets aside his anger at an outrageous sum that has been embezzled by one of his most trusted advisors.
• When Jesus mentioned the size of the debt to his first century listeners, every one of them expected to hear that this man who be thrown into prison, or worse. And that starts to happen to him, until he asks for mercy.
• When the servant asks for mercy, the king sets aside his anger and not only grants his request, he goes one better.
• Instead of giving him time to pay back the debt—which, at 150,000 years, he could never do, the king cancels the debt. He forgives him.
• But, when this recipient of great forgiveness is asked to grant more time to someone with a small debt, he throws him in prison.
• This, the king cannot stand. He powers up his anger and has the man not only thrown into prison, but tortured for his sins.
• This leads to the next question for us this morning.
• SLIDE #4
II. Why should I forgive?
• There are four reasons we are going to examine.
• SLIDE #5
1. Because of the influence of Satan.
• I don’t want to give him a foothold in my life. When I harbor anger against a friend, that gives him a weak spot where he can come in and drill deep into me. I don’t want him anywhere near my life. So I want to forgive.
• SLIDE #6
• Ephesians 4:26(ESV) 26Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
• The principle is the same, if we let anger fester, it leaves an opening for Satan to get into our lives.
• A second reason to forgive is:
• SLIDE #7
2. For your own betterment.
• I want peace in my life, not bitterness. When I refuse to forgive someone, I suffer far more than they do.
• The truth is, when you refuse to forgive someone, they own you. You hesitate to go anywhere where you might encounter them. Your blood pressure goes up every time you think about them.
• The reason we don’t want to forgive is because we want to hurt the other person, when the reality is, we hurt ourselves far more by our refusal.
• The third reason to forgive is:
• SLIDE #8
3. You are not perfect either.
• Compared to the person who’s offended you, their debt might be 150,000 years. But yours is at least 100 days. Isn’t it?
• If there were two lines to stand in this morning, one for those who need no forgiveness because they’ve never hurt anybody, wronged anybody, wounded anybody, and one for those who have hurt others, which line would you stand in?
• We all need forgiveness, so we all want to be forgiven. How can we withhold from someone else that which we hope to be given by someone else?
• Reason #4
• SLIDE #9
4. Christ forgave you!
• The Bible says that the last thing Jesus said while He was dying on the Cross was, “It is finished.” That phrase is just one word in Greek: TETELESTAI. The word means, “PAID IN FULL.” If a Greek merchant writes that across the bottom of your bill, you owe no more debt.
• Jesus knew He was going to do that when He made up this parable. He knew He was going to be the one to forgive your unpayable debt by paying it Himself.
• He FULLY FORGAVE YOUR DEBT!
• This leads us to our next question.
• SLIDE #10
III. How do I forgive?
• We are going to look at four things we can do to help us down the path of forgiveness!
• SLIDE #11
1. Make a decision to forgive.
• If you wait until you feel like forgiving, you’ll never get there. Being hurt is an emotional event, and emotions don’t heal by themselves. They heal with the help of your will. First, make a decision to forgive. Later, your feelings will follow.
• You will not forgive until you decide you are going to set aside your right to be angry.
• Secondly:
• SLIDE #12
2. Say the words- At least to yourself.
• There is something tangible that happens in your heart when you release someone from the wrong they have done to you.
• It starts with your will, so even if you don’t feel like it, once you make the decision, say to yourself, “I forgive him,” or, “I forgive her.” Your feelings will follow.
• You don’t have to say the words to person who had hurt you, I just said the words aloud, to yourself.
• Sometimes we make forgiveness far too complicated by stirring up the water under the bridge.
• The best kind of forgiveness forgives and then lets the past stay in the past.
• SLIDE #13
3. Forgive completely!
• FORGIVE – put your anger aside, put your hurt, your resentment, your right to revenge aside.
• Don’t use the occasion as an opportunity to reopen an old wound, restart a previous war, or score points by appearing superior because you were the one who was big enough to forgive first.
• SLIDE #14
• Colossians 3:13(ESV) 13bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
• Forgive just like Jesus forgave. How did Jesus forgive?
• Did He forgive begrudgingly? Partially? In a way that made Him look good? Did He set up conditions for forgiving you? Did He wait until we deserved forgiveness?
• SLIDE #15
4. Forgive repeatedly!
• When you forgive, realize that you may have to forgive the same offense more than once—not because the offense needs to be forgiven multiple times, but because you need to set aside your anger multiple times.
• How often did Jesus say to forgive? 7? No seventy times 7!
• Let’s look at a final issue. I think that one of the reasons we have a hard time forgiving is that we do not understand a couple of things.
• SLIDE #16
IV. Misconceptions concerning forgiveness.
• I am going to tread a bit lightly here because I do not want to be misunderstood. These two things if not understood can keep us from wanting to forgive.
• SLIDE #17
1. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting.
• When someone hurts you deeply, your brain records that. It’s there, you can’t forget it. You just, “macrothumia,” lay it aside.
• You can forgive and still not allow yourself to be put in the same position again.
• This does not mean that you drag it out of the closet at will.
• You may NEVER totally forget it, but you CHOSE to lay aside the anger, and other unhealthy things associated with the issue.
• SLIDE #18
2. Forgiving doesn’t mean trusting.
• When someone comes to me and says, “My husband has a drug problem, but he wants to reconcile with me.
• He wants me to forgive him. Or a husband will say, “My wife has an alcohol problem but she wants me to forgive her and get back together.”
• To both of them, I say, “That’s good. “You should forgive him or her.”
• Often they’ll say, “But he’s done this so many times, I can’t trust him.”
• To which I’ll say, “That’s good too, you shouldn’t trust him.”
• How can you forgive if you do not trust?
• When you forgive, you release, you lay aside. But this does not mean you do not make one accountable. If you blindly trust, the issue will return.
• Here’s an important distinction: FORGIVENESS MUST BE GRANTED, IT CAN’T BE EARNED. TRUST CAN’T BE GRANTED. IT MUST BE EARNED.
• SLIDE #19
V. Love Dare Challenge #5
• Each of the Love Dare challenges so far has been something you’ve had to do at home. Today’s LOVE DARE CHALLENGE can be accomplished, or at least begun to be accomplished right here, right now.
• Do this with me for a minute. Take one of your hands and clench it into a fist. Is there someone in your world that you need to forgive? That lack of forgiveness is what you’re clutching right now. Make a decision to release it. Open your hand and say quietly out loud, “I forgive you.”
CONCLUSION
• That seems too easy.
• Forgiveness is not as complex as we try to make it.
• If you have trouble, remember Jesus!
• Realize you are setting aside the anger, revenge and all the other harmful things when you forgive.
