How to Handle Your Neighbor’s Reputation
Exodus 20:16
Introduction
As we continue to go through the Ten Commandments, we find ourselves at the 9th Commandment which has to do with controlling One’s tongue. A very important, but extremely difficult task. James tells us that the tongue cannot be tamed, in James 3:1-8. However, Jesus reminds us that we can do all things through him, who strengthens us. Therefore, there is absolutely no excuse for a big mouth! We have an alter that is about 24 feet across. This should be sufficient space for just about anyone to lay their tongue on it and get it under control. Few people realize the awesome, destructive power of the human tongue. Because of a misspoken word, homes have been splintered, reputations shattered and lives literally destroyed and even ended. That little piece of muscle that lies in your mouth behind your lips can bless or bruise, heal or hurt, love or lambaste. It all depends upon how you decide to use it.
This verse deals primarily with one’s testimony in a trial setting. God says that we must never be guilty of lying on our neighbor thereby causing him to suffer. We are exhorted to always be truthful and absolutely honest when dealing with another person. As we consider some of what god has said about the tongue, may He help us to understand that every time we speak of another, we literally hold that person’s reputation in our hands. Today, I would like to speak for a few minutes on this thought, How to handle your neighbors reputation.
I. A Reputation is a Valuable Possession
a. According to the Bible, one’s “god name”, or reputation, is far more valuable than riches or expensive ointments according to Proverbs 22:1 and Ecclesiastes 7:1.
b. Your reputation determines the level of Respect you Receive
• No one puts much confidence in a person who is dishonest, deceptive, or otherwise living their life in a sinful, shameful manner.
o I really respect people about whom I never hear a negative remark.
• Jesus was such a man.
o Look what it says about Jesus in Luke 2:52, “And Jesus kept increasing in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.”
• We should do all that is in our power to see that we never allow our names to be associated with that which is disrespectful and shameful.
o It will undermine your good name and cause people to lose respect for you.
o Your life ought to be a beacon of integrity and decency.
c. Your Reputation Determines the Level of the Response you Receive
• Every Christian wants to be respected as a Christian and have their testimony be respected and responded too in a positive manner.
• The type of response that we can expect will always be determined by the kind of life others see us living!
• It has been said, “What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you are saying.”
• In other words, the world will never believe of integrity and decency.
d. Your Reputation is Important
• It is important because what people perceive you to be is usually a fair indicator of what you really are.
• You see, your reputation is what others think you are and character is what you really are.
• However, people can misread us and misunderstand us and cause us to be something less than we actually are.
• However, as a general rule, your reputation is a direct result of your character.
• In other words, men think the way they do about you because of the way they see you act and live before them.
e. Your own Reputation is Valuable
• Therefore, guard it with your very life.
• And pray that others do the same.
• Now, you cannot be responsible for what others do with your reputation, but you are responsible for what you do with theirs.
• Keep this in mind as we go forward with this message.
II. A Reputation can be Vandalized Publicly
a. It is a Serious Thing
• When we undermine the reputation of another by the words we speak, we are guilty of destroying that person respectability and credibility before others.
o We are guilty of doing unspeakable damage to a person’s life and ministry by the words we say about them.
• I remember reading of a woman who was guilty of gossiping about her pastor. She was convicted and went to him to apologize to him and to try and make restitution for her wrongdoing. The pastor graciously accepted her apology and then told her that if she wanted to make it all right again, that she should take chicken, kill it, pluck it, carry its feathers to the top of the highest building in town and cast its feathers to the four winds. When this was done she was to return to the Pastor. She carried out his directive and returned to him. He looked at her and said, “Now go and collect every one of those feathers.” She replied, in horror, “That is impossible!” He said, “So, it is impossible for you to take back all those things you have said about me.”
• Another pastor was having trouble with gossip in the church. Every time one of the female members saw the pastor’s car parked anywhere strange, she began immediately to spread the word that their Pastor was having an affair. There was no truth to her rumors, but she kept it up until the pastor, in an effort to stop her mouth, left his car parked in front of her house, day and night for a week. That cured the problem real quick.
• The words of a false witness can be forgiven, but they will never be forgotten by those who are touched by their poison!
o Eternal damage can de done to reputations and ministries.
o People can even wind up in Hell because of the lies of a foolish person.
o I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have absolutely no use for a gossip and story teller!
o I don’t think the Lord does either!
o Listen to the words of this poem:
The man who with the breathe lent him by heaven,
Speaks words that soil the whiteness of a life;
Is but murder, for death is given,
As surely by the tongue as by the knife!
b. It is a Sad Thing
• It is a sad day when one person thinks they have to repeat something on another.
• This is behavior that is hateful to God and demeaning to men!
• There are several ways in which people are guilty of using their tongues against another.
i. Slander
• Slander, is any communication of false statements injurious to a person’s reputation.
• We are guilty of slander when we knowingly lie about another person in an effort to harm their reputation.
ii. Lying
• “Lying is any false statement deliberately presented as being true.”
• Whether we admit it or not, we are all guilty of lying.
• Its no wonder when 675 of Americans do not believe in “Absolute truth.”
• It is said that 91% of us lie regularly.
• Most never make it through a week without lying and 1 out of 5 cannot even make it through one day without telling a lie.
• If you look at Exodus 32:24 and the life of Aaron, you will see that even men of God are prone to lie.
• Statistics say that people lie 925 of the time to save face and 98% of the time to keep from offending someone else.
• But, we have gone way too far when we tell things on others that we know are untrue.
iii. Criticism
• What I am referring to are statements made about another’s actions, ways and deeds in an effort to hurt their reputation.
o Constructive criticism is a good thing, but destructive criticism is right out of the pit of Hell.
• A lady was looking out her window, watching her neighbor hand her wash on the clothesline. As she watched, she remarked to a friend, “Our neighbor sure isn’t clean. Why, just look at those streaks on her laundry.” Her friends replied, “Those streaks are on your windows, not her clothes!”
• Sometimes, it is the sin in our own heat that makes us look for the evil in others!
o If the best thing you can do is criticize, you would do well to keep your mouth quiet!
iv. Tale-bearing
• Now this is the practice of spreading gossip and rumors about others.
• It may be that rumors are true.
• But, even that does not give us the right to tear down another’s reputation.
• If we learn a secret about our neighbor, then we had better tell no one but God.
• He knows how to deal with their need and with them.
• I will promise you that He knows how to handle the gossip as well!
• Gossip is always sin!
v. Insinuation
• Insinuating or hinting that something may be wrong in the life of another is also a problem area.
• When we are guilty of making people doubt another’s reputation, we are guilty of sin before the Lord.
• This is the tactic that Satan tried to use against Job, when he tried to turn Job’s own friends against him.
vi. Exaggeration
• Now this is an easy way to lie.
• We stretch numbers, statistics, etc., to make things look better then what they really are.
• What fishermen is there who has not been guilty of stretching the size of the one that got away?
• When we exaggerate, we are lying!
vii. Silence
• Silence can be a sin as well, did you know that?
• When we here an untruth told and we remain silent, we are guilty of the “slander of silence.”
• We become a party to the deception by not setting the record straight.
c. It is a Sinful Thing
• When we practice any of those methods in regard to another, we are guilty of sin before the Lord!
• In fact, God includes abuses of the tongue as three of the seven things he hates the most in Proverbs 6:16-19.
• Are you guilty of using your tongue to harm another? If so, then you need to repent of that sin and get right with God!
• When you use your tongue to attack another, you are opening up your life for the judgment of God!
• James was exactly right when he said, the tongue is the “World of iniquity.”
• The question today is what shape is your world in?
III. Reputations should be Vigorously Protected
a. Confront the Gossip
• We need to confront the gossip.
• Be quick to stand up for those who are being thorn apart by the mouth of a gossip.
• We are just as guilty as the one talking when we stand there listening and do and say nothing in our brother or sister’s defense.
• Be ready though, most gossips are sneaky, conniving people.
• They will be just as ready to turn their sharp tongue on you as they would on anyone else!
• In fact, if a gossip will gossip to you, they will probably gossip about you!
b. Closing the Guilty
• This does not mean that we condone sin in the lives of believers.
• It means, however, that we hesitate about bringing it out in the open.
• Many lives have been destroyed because people talked about others behind their backs and condemned them instead of praying for them and letting God work it out in His time and in His way.
• As usual, God has a word about this matter also, look at Proverbs 17:9, “he who conceals a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.”
c. Here is a good practice for living when it comes to what you will say or refrain from saying.
• We can form an acrostic from the word THINK.
• We should THINK before we speak of another.
T - Is it True?
H – Will it Help?
I – Is it Inspiring?
N – Is it Necessary?
K – Is it Kind?
• If what you have to say fails in any of these categories, then it is pretty safe to say that you would be better off not using your tongue for damage.
• A good habit to fall into is that of saying nothing about anyone unless it is good!
Closing
Are you guilty before the Lord this morning of using your tongue in a manner not pleasing to Him? If so, then I invite you to come to the altar and get that thing made right with the Lord. If you have been hurt by the long, wicked tongue of another, then I invite you to bring that injury to Jesus and let Him heal your heart. Every child of God needs to search his or her heart and determine for whose glory we are using our tongues. Let’s pray.
