In the middle of that list of what love is, Paul says that ‘Love – keeps no record of wrongs’ (v5). In other words what he is saying is that, as well as being patient, and kind and a whole host of other things – love is also forgetful! –‘ Love - keeps no record of wrongs’ Love is forgetful!
Now we all know that forgetfulness is generally something we all try to avoid. Forgetfulness is something we tend to consider as a ‘curse of old age’.
The forgetful couple
Did you hear about the married couple in their 80’s who were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, “Where are you going?” “To the kitchen for a drink,” he replies. She asks, ” Will you get me piece of cake?” The husband says, “Sure.” She gently reminds him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you don’t forget it?” He says, “No, I can remember that!”
Then the woman says, “Well, I’d like some strawberries on top. You’d better write it down because I know you’ll forget it.” The man replies, “I can remember that! You want some cake with strawberries.”
She adds, “I’d also like whipped cream on top. Now I’m certain you’re gonna forget that, so you’d better write it down ok.” Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down woman! I can remember that! Cake with strawberries! And whipped cream!” He then grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 30 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says, “Where’s my toast?”
I am not forgetful
Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the fridge, and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."
The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."
The third one responded, " Well, I’m glad I don’t have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I’ll get it!"
The curse of forgetfulness. Of course, it isn’t just the older generation that tends to suffer with forgetfulness – we can all be guilty of it and forgetfulness isn’t something that is usually thought of as a positive trait in someone’s character.
Have you ever said to someone you would ring them, and didn’t? Have you ever said to someone ‘don’t worry, I’ll do that, I’ll take care of it, I’ll make sure it happens’ – and didn’t. Let’s face it we are all guilty of operating on the level of ‘out of sight, out of mind’. We may have all the good intentions, we may have all the right motives, we may even have the desire - but they just don’t happen! And out comes the excuse, “I forgot.” And in our humanness we have forgotten to ‘do things’ and ‘say things’ more times than we care to remember.
Sometimes when we forget it causes pain to someone. Sometimes when we forget it creates mistrust between us and someone else. Sometimes when we forget it causes other people to doubt our honesty, to doubt our integrity, to doubt our trustworthyness. And they will stop relying on us to meet a need, to meet their need.
And that is why often we think of forgetfulness as a weakness, as a problem. And more often than not that is true. But there is a time when forgetfulness becomes an absolute necessity. Paul says that ‘Love – keeps no record of wrongs’ He says that love is forgetful.
That’s the challenge of the Christian faith. That’s the challenge of the type of love that Jesus Christ calls us to have for one another. Our challenge is to forgive and forget. We don’t keep records of wrongs. God does not keep that score in heaven and we’re not supposed to keep that score here. It’s the way of God and it’s the challenge of Christians.
But is it really possible? Is it possible to remember people without remembering their sin? Is it possible to remember people without remembering the wrongs that they have committed, against the world, against society, against you?
What do you think of when I say the name Brutus? – He was the one who stabbed Caesar.
What do you think of when I say the name Judas? – he was the one who betrayed Jesus.
What do you think of when I say the name Pilot? – He was the one who washed his hands and said ‘I’m going to let you kill him – I want nothing to do with it’.
What do you think of when I say the name Herod? – He killed all the babies trying to kill Jesus.
What do you think of when I say the name Hitler, or Stalin, Idi Amin, Sadam Hussein or Robert Mugabe.
We remember people we always remember the mistakes that they made, the hurts that they caused. A husband asked his wife, "Why are you always reminding me of my past mistakes? You told me you would forgive and forget." She answered, "Well, I don’t want you to forget that I have forgiven and forgotten."
That’s the way we are. We keep those records. Not only do we keep them but we make sure that they are written with parmanent ink – and in triplicate! It’s hard for us to forgive and forget. But love, true Christian love, keeps no record of wrongs. True Christian love is forgetful. Now it might not be easy – I’m not suggesting that it is for one moment - but it is possible.
Examples of:
Joseph and his brothers
I was thinking of some examples where ‘no records of wrongs’ had been kept and my mind went straight to the story of Joseph. You know if anyone ever had a right to hold a grievance against his brothers it was him.
For the first 30 years of his life, the adversity he faced was incredible. We all know the story of how Joseph was the favourite of his father and was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers. How he worked as a slave for Potiphar. Then falsely accused of attempted rape by Potiphars wife he ended up in jail for two years. But through his ability to interpret dreams he managed to rise up over all his adversities, all his troubles, until he became second in command to Pharoah himself. And then the famine that is so intense that it brings Joseph’s family down into Egypt to purchase food years after he was sold into slavery by his brothers.
Here is a guy who has been isolated from his family for years, sold into slavery, tossed from pillar to post and imprisoned for unjust cause. And as his brothers (those who were the original cause of all his woes) stood in front of him – this was his chance to get even. This was his opportunity to get his own back. This was a chance to make them pay for what they had done to him all those years before. Revenge would be sweet. And we get to Genesis Chapter 50:20. This is it – pay back time ‘As for you, you meant to harm me, but God intended it for a good purpose, so he could preserve the lives of many people, as you can see this day. So now, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your little children.” Then he consoled them and spoke kindly to them.
Did you get that! He never rubbed their noses in it. “Regardless of how he was treated, in spite of unfair accusations, even though he was rejected, abandoned, abused, maligned, and forgotten, he refused to become resentful or bear a grudge or succumb to bitterness. Because love keeps no record of wrongs.
Often people are treated really unfairly and they get hurt by the actions of others. Others in their family, others in their workplace, others in their church, and some people never get over that hurt. Instead they grow bitter toward those people for the rest of their lives. But Joseph did not choose the bitter path. If anyone had a right to be angry and bitter it was Joseph. He had every right to punish his brothers like they did him. But he never. And I know that for some of you life has been unfair. People have been unfair, even cruel. People in your personal family, people in your church family. But don’t let bitterness and anger lay hold of your life.
Esau and Jacob
Was Joseph a one off? No!
In Genesis 32 we find Jacob preparing to meet his brother Esau. Now remember Jacob had tricked his brother Esau out of his birthright and stole his blessing. Because of that Esau wanted to kill Jacob. But Jacob’s mother found out about Esau’s plan and she arranged for Jacob to live with relatives far away. Now after many years had gone by God tells Jacob to go back home but he’s terrified that his brother Esau still wants to kill him. And all Jacob could think was, “What will Esau do to me?”
Jacob knew the pain and hurt that he had caused his brother by robbing him of what was rightfully his – and he also knew what he would do if the boot was on the other foot. And then in Genesis Chapter 33 it says, ‘Jacob looked up and there was Esau, coming with his four hundred men... (verse 4) And when he looks up he sees Esau coming toward him with 400 men. This is it! This is the end! Esau is obviously intent in getting his revenge – and who can blame him. But it goes on to say ‘ Esau ran to meet Jacob and (killed him – NO) embraced him. He threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept.’
The unthinkable happens - Esau runs to meet Jacob and when he gets to him he doesn’t punch him or kick him, he throws his arms around him and gives him a great big hug and kisses him and the two brothers wept for joy. Read through the story, and tell me, do you ever once see Esau bringing up the past? No! Forgiveness is also about forgetfulness. Because love, true love, real Christian love keeps no record of wrongs.
The Prodigal Son
Then we have the story of the Prodigal Son. We all know the story very well don’t we. Perhaps some of you have even experienced the story for yourself! You know if there is one thing that can cause more upset and heartache and discord and falling out than anything else in families – it is inheritance.
The younger son asked his father to give him his share of the estate. He wants his inheritance before the father is even dead (talk about rude – talk about hurtful and spiteful). So the father divided his property between his sons. The younger son goes off and squanders his wealth in wild living. When all was gone, when he had wasted everything, when he ended up in the pig sty – and they will always end up in the pig sty - he decided to return home and beg his father’s forgiveness. Fair enough he asked for a job as one of his employees. He did not ask to be reinstated as a son or to be given any preferential treatment.
But love keeps no record of wrongs and despite what he had done, despite the way he had treated and mistreated his father, despite the pain and suffering he had caused - his father kept no account of his son’s wrongs. All he wanted was his son back safe and sound. Perhaps one of the most heart wrenching pictures in Scripture is that of the father waiting, hour after hour, day after torcherous day, watching for his son to come home. “While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.”
You know there’s a scripture that says ‘Love covers a multitude of sins’. That’s because Love keeps no records of wrongs. Love is not resentful. Love holds no grudges. This father was more concerned about his son being home safe, than he was about the money.
Of course, for the older son it was more difficult. He did keep a record of wrongs – every last sordid detail of his brothers misdemeanours was recorded and he resented his brother’s return. He begrudged his father’s joy. He did not love his brother. He loved his own record more. But love, true love, real Christian love does not keep a record of wrongs. NO matter how stupid the other person has been, no matter how hurtful they’ve been, no matter how much pain and damage they have caused – true Christian love, waits, with arms held open wide – waiting for reconciliation to take place.
Jesus Christ
But of course, the greatest example of all of a love that keeps no record of wrongs, has to be Jesus hanging on the cross of Calvary. Despite the betrayal of Judas, despite the desertion of the disciples, despite the denial of Peter, despite the beatings, despite the bruises, despite the pain, despite the jeers and the taunts, despite being nailed to cross, despite your sin, despite my sin – he cries out ‘Father forgive’.
In Hebrews 8:12 says ‘I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more’; Hebrews 10:17 God says ‘Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more’. That’s the way God is. The great missionary E. Stanley Jones said ‘God buries our sins in the sea of His forgetfulness and puts up a sign that reads, "No fishing." He forgets our sins and remembers them no more.
God told the prophet Hosea – ‘Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loved the Israelites, though they turn to other gods’.
Time and time again, over and over in Scripture we see this timeless truth demonstrated, enacted, lived out ‘ Love – keeps no record of wrongs’.
Now, it is important to understand something here. Something I just want to clarify. God never puts a stamp of approval on evil and sin. It was wrong for Joseph’s brothers to sell him into slavery and lie to their father that he was dead. It was wrong for Jacob to decieve his father and steal is Esau’s birthright. It was wrong for the prodigal son to take his inheritance and waste it on wild living. It was wrong for Hosea’s wife to be an adulteress.
These things were wrong, they were sinful, they were evil. They caused heartache, they caused grief, they caused pain. But in it all and through it, God was able to work for good. What was it Joseph said to his brothers? ‘you meant to harm me, but God intended it for a good’. You may not understand how or why people have done what they have done. You may not understand what possible good can come out of the pain and hurt that has been caused – but remember this – ‘Our God is able’. Before you give up on God because of the hurt and pain you’ve been caused by others understand that ‘He is able’ and he is in the process of bringing out great possibilities through your experiences.
Conclusion
"Love ... keeps no record of wrongs" (v. 5) - that means, it doesn’t hold any grudges, nor does keep a list of the names of the people who have hurt you.
I heard a story about a man who had rabies long before a cure had been invented. He was taken to the local hospital and the doctor examined him, ran some tests, and broke the bad news to him.
He said, "I’m sorry but you have contracted rabies and there’s no hope for you. We can keep you comfortable during your last days, but that’s all. I suggest you write out your will and set your affairs in order."
The man asked the doctor if he could have a writing pad and started writing. When the doctor returned several hours later. He caught the man still writing and said, "I’m glad you took my advice. It’s good to see that you’re working on your will."
The patient looked up and said, "Will? This isn’t my will. This is a list of people I’M GOING TO BITE BEFORE I GO!"
But love isn’t like that. Love lets the past die. Love does not seek for justice even though it is in the right. Love wants to wipe the slate clean and start all over again. What is important to love is that it is possible to make a new beginning. “Accounts may go unsettled; differences remain unsolved; ledgers stay unbalanced. Conflicts between people’s memories of how things happened are not cleared up; the past stays muddled. Only the future matters. Love’s power does not make fussy historians. Love prefers to tuck all the loose ends of past rights and wrongs in the bosom of forgiveness – and pushes us into a new start. Letting go of the past and beginning here, now, where we are, to move again toward a reconciled life is one of the hardest things any human being is ever asked to do. Love is the power to do that.” (Smedes, Love Within Limits, p.71)
But the Apostle Paul puts it, quite simply, ‘Love – keeps no record of wrongs’.
