It’s easy to be misunderstood. Misunderstanding happens all the time. It is very, very easy to be misunderstood.
One way to be misunderstood is to be vague and hazy. Just mumble under your breath and utter ambiguities, and I guarantee that you will be misunderstood. Some of you are devotees of the mystery show, "Rumpole." Rumpole is a lawyer in a British courtroom, and he has a way of voicing unflattering opinions of the judges. But he always does it under his breath, with a carefully chosen mumble, and with words which can easily be switched around, just in the nick of time. The judge kind of thought he heard him saw, "Blithering old idiot"; but when challenged Rumpole explains that he really said, "Blizzard in the thicket.”
You can be misunderstood, if you like, by being vague and hazy.
Or, you can be misunderstood if you speak in formalities and technicalities. If you persist in using specialized, technical jargon, you can be misunderstood by us lesser mortals, who are not initiated in the ways of your world.
There was the lawyer in a personal injury suit, for example, who asked the plaintiff, "And is it true that you were shot in the lumbar region?" The answer came back, "No sir, we weren’t in the woods at all."
The follow-up question, "Well, sir, I understand you and the defendant were involved in an altercation". "Oh, no sir, he’s not my tailor."
Let’s try again, "But didn’t he shoot you in the fracas?" "Well, I would say it was about midway between the fracas and the navel!"
If you insist in speaking in technicalities, you can easily be misunderstood.
There are other possibilities, if you are interested in being misinterpreted. You can talk to people who are so woodenheaded and distracted, that they don’t really hear you. They hear you but they don’t hear you. Richard Nixon was shaking hands at an airport one day, and a little girl asked, "How is Smokey doing?" Nixon looked puzzled, and so an aide whispered in his ear, "Smokey the Bear, National Zoo". At that the president’s face brightened, he stuck out his hand, and grinned, "How do you do, Miss Bear?"!
It’s easy to be misunderstood, if you choose the wrong audience!
But what if you as a person are misunderstood? What if someone deeply, profoundly misunderstands you? Not just what you say, but who you are? What if you find that your motives are suspect and your character is called into question? What if they say that you are ineffective at what you are doing, and they devalue you as a person? What then? What do you do about it if you are deeply and profoundly misunderstood? You really don’t want that!
Jesus faced such a situation. Jesus was misunderstood. Jesus is the friend of the misunderstood because He Himself had to face so much misunderstanding.
In the passage of Scripture for today, there are two levels of misunderstanding which Jesus encountered. There are two different kinds of misunderstanding which He faced. Accidental misunderstanding and deliberate misunderstanding. Accidental and deliberate. I’d like us to see how Jesus responded to each of these.
Matthew 11:2·19
There are two levels or two kinds of misunderstanding in this incident: accidental and deliberate.
I
There is accidental misunderstanding. Accidental misunderstanding results from incomplete communication. It’s the misunderstanding that comes about because someone hasn’t communicated clearly and thoroughly.
John the Baptist was in prison. Not exactly a situation which allows for clarity. He is hearing rumors. All kinds of things are being said about Jesus, and some of them are disturbing. John doesn’t know what it means. And so John sends out a question, "Are you the one who is to come, or are we to wait for another?" "Jesus, are you really the chosen one of God, or do we have to wait for another several hundred years for God to keep His promises?" John didn’t know how to understand Jesus. Jesus was misunderstood; but it was the kind of misunderstanding that comes from incomplete communication.
Now I want you to look at what Jesus did with this misunderstanding. This is going to be very practical. No abstractions. Just a very practical lesson in human relationships.
A
First, Jesus brought other people into the picture. He brought in other people who could witness to what they knew and what they had seen and heard. "Go and tell John what you hear and see: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the poor have good news brought to them." Jesus’ strategy is to say to John’s friends, "Don’t deal in rumors. Just listen and watch, and then go tell John what you see and hear."
Sometimes people misunderstand because they have never opened their eyes or their minds to something new. Somebody else has to see it for them. When you feel you are misunderstood, because someone hasn’t heard the whole story, then find somebody else who can see the whole story and tell the tale.
B
Second, Jesus dealt with being misunderstood by getting down to the root of the thing. He got down to the heart of the matter. What does your question mean, John? What do you really want? Jesus puts it this way, "What did you go out into the wilderness to look at? A reed shaken by the wind? What then did you go out to see? Someone dressed in soft robes? Look, those who wear soft robes are in royal palaces. What then did you go out to see? A prophet?"
Jesus is asking, "Now what is your question really all about? What did you expect of me? Are you sure you know why you misunderstand?" What Jesus is doing is making sure that those who raise questions know why they are raising questions! He is determined that he will not be intimidated by those who do not understand. He is saying to John, if you do not understand me, then it could be my problem, in that I have not communicated clearly. But it could also be your problem, in that you aren’t sure what you want. You aren’t clear what you expect.
There’s a funny term that computer people use. The term is “WYSIWYG". WYSIWYG stands for "what you see is what you get." So you have to push people, sometimes, to figure out what they see. Because what they see is what they get!
When you feel misunderstood, ask them what they are really looking for.
C
So: Jesus handles accidental misunderstandings by getting somebody to see the scene for themselves, and by probing down to the heart of the matter. And then He does something else as well. There is a third strategy. He affirms His questioner. He expresses appreciation for John and for what John has done. Jesus does not contribute to the misunderstanding by doubting the integrity of his questioner. He affirms John. "This is the one about whom it is written, ’See, I am sending my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way before you.’ Truly I tell you, among those born of women no one has arisen greater than John the Baptist"
Do you see what Jesus is doing? He is saying, "John, you have a right to your questions. You are still my friend, I still value you. Even though you have your doubts, that’s all right. I do not write you off. You are a child of God. I affirm you."
So there you have, in a nutshell, how Jesus handles accidental misunderstanding. Get your witnesses, get to the heart of the business, and affirm the questioner. That will normally clear up ordinary misunderstanding.
II
But then there is the second kind of misunderstanding. And this is the tough one. This is the hard case. This is deliberate misunderstanding. The situation where everything you do, everything you say, is willfully misinterpreted and misrepresented by someone. The kind of place where your character is called into question and your reputation for truthfulness is on the line, where they just won’t trust you. Deliberately, willfully misunderstood. What do you do with that?
Jesus grieved because of that. It was painful to have someone question His every move and doubt His every action. What did He do about it? What could He say to those who just chose to be out of synch?
Again, two or three things that you can take home and use. Very practical strategies.
A
First, notice that Jesus put the burden for deliberate misunderstanding right back on those who had created the burden. Jesus did not accept the responsibility for making people happy, He did not accept the burden for making them feel good. He just named the issue, and told them they were the ones with the problem, not Him:
"To what will I compare this generation? It is like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling to one another, ’We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we wailed, and you did not mourn.’’’ Jesus is saying, "You have chosen not to pick up on the clues. I have provided what I could provide, but you didn’t pick up on it. I have said what I could say, but you just have not responded. You have chosen not to participate. And I cannot make you understand. If you will not pick up on the cues, then I cannot make you understand.
The first strategy in dealing with folks who deliberately misunderstand you is to put the burden of proof right back on them. Remind them of what you have done and why you did it, but then leave the problem in their laps.
I know how hard this is to do! Some of us are inveterate fixers. We have to make everybody feel good, make everybody happy. But I think I am finally about to learn that won’t work. That’s a formula for disaster. We need to learn from Jesus to put the ball back in the other fellow’s court. "Sir, if you don’t understand, I have done what I know to do; the problem is yours, and not mine. If you are unhappy with me, then maybe you made yourself unhappy." Put the burden of proof back on those who will not understand.
B
The second strategy Jesus uses in dealing with being misunderstood is to remain true to Himself, true to His own calling, true to His God. Jesus knows that sometimes other folks want you to be what they want you to be, but that, ultimately, you must be yourself. You must be who you are authentically. True to your own calling.
"For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ’He has a demon’; the Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ’Look, a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’"
That’s what they call a lose-lose game. John came with his style, and they didn’t like that. Jesus came with a totally different style, and they didn’t like that either! Some people are impossible to please. Some situations are no-win situations. And so what we must do is to be authentic to wha1 God has called us to be.
They called Jesus a friend of tax collectors and sinners, as if to discredit Him. But that is exactly what He was and what He is! Jesus is the friend of the misunderstood because He is true to Himself. He. He knows what it is to be misunderstood because He took up with the lowlifes and the unredeemable and the problem children and the outcasts. He took up with all the wrong people. He consorted with the misunderstood.
They weren’t wrong about Jesus. They were right about Him when they said He was the friend of sinners. Of course He was! Indeed He was! It is not that they had their facts wrong; they had their facts exactly right! But they chose to put Him down for being what He was, and He stood tall and strong, whole, authentic, real.
And that’s why He can be my friend and your friend. Because He stood up to be what God had called Him to be. And though they chose to misunderstand, thought they chose to write Him off, He did not waver from His calling. He is the friend of each of us who is put down, He is the friend of the friendless, He is friend of the impossible. He is the friend of the misunderstood. What a friend He is! What a friend we have in Jesus!
C
But, He concludes, in the end, "Wisdom is vindicated by her deeds." What one does, who one is, in the end will be made clear. And they will see, in the end, eventually, who we are. It may be at or after our funerals. But they will see it. "Wisdom is vindicated by her deeds."
Oh, they misunderstood our Jesus, sometimes by accident, sometimes deliberately. And one day, choosing to misunderstand Him, they arrested Him. But there in that garden, He stood His ground, true to Himself and to His God. At the trial, they chose to misunderstand Him, they called Him a traitor and a rabble-rouser. But standing in Pilate’s judgment hall He stood His ground, true to Himself and to His God. Up a stark and terrible hill they marched Him, hanging Him between two common criminals, choosing to misunderstand Him, choosing to think of Him as the scum of the earth. But even on that Cross He stood His ground true to Himself and to His God.
Sweet little Jesus boy, they didn’t know who you was.
And that’s why He is my friend and your friend. That’s why He is the friend of the misunderstood. For three days later, "Wisdom was vindicated by her deeds," What a friend we have in Jesus! What a friend. What a friend. What a friend.
