Introduction:
A. One day a man was seated at a table of an upscale restaurant.
1. The man proceeded to tie a napkin around his neck like a bib.
2. The maître d´ called the waiter aside and said, “Try to make that man understand, as tactfully as possible, that the way he is wearing his napkin is not done here.”
3. The waiter approached the customer and said, “Shave or haircut, sir?”
B. As you probably know from experience, confrontation is risky business.
1. Most of us don’t like to do it and so we try to avoid it at all costs.
2. We don’t like to be seen as the “bad guy or gal.”
3. When we confront someone, we run the risk of damaging the relationship.
4. We worry that the person we are confronting may get hurt or angry, and then what, right?
C. Why is it that admonition is so unpopular in our culture?
1. Probably because our culture is both radically individualistic and morally relativistic.
2. Since our culture prizes individual rights over responsibilities, and since our culture rejects universal, absolute moral standards, there simply is no basis for moral correction.
3. Add to that the way that pride gets in the way, and add to that the way that many dysfunctional people and families have abused confrontation and the way manipulative religious groups have abused confrontation, and it’s not surprising why we shy away from admonishing one another.
D. Nevertheless, in the face of our dislike of confrontation and its abuse by some, God says that it is necessary and can be very helpful.
1. Last week we emphasized the truth that we must learn to accept one another just as Christ accepted us to the glory and praise of God.
2. But like so many issues we see in Scripture, there is another truth that brings that one into balance.
3. The contrasting, balancing truth for “accept one another” is “admonish one another.”
I. What does it mean to Admonish One Another?
A. The Greek word for “admonish” is noutheteo, which literally means “to place on one’s mind.”
1. It is also translated “to counsel,” “to warn,” and “to instruct.”
2. It is part of a group of words that range from correcting the ignorant to rebuking the obstinate.
3. Admonition seeks to correct those who are damaging themselves and others by their wrong moral choices.
4. Biblical admonition is moral correction through verbal confrontation motivated by genuine love.
5. There is a whole spectrum of ways one might admonish, ranging form a gently raised question to a very forceful rebuke, what Nathan the prophet delivered to King David was somewhere in between the two.
B. Ultimately, there are few greater signs of our love for someone, than our willingness to risk rejection and broken relationship, because we confronted them for their own good.
1. Love demands that we not let anyone get away with wandering away from God and possibly losing their salvation.
2. Love demands that we hold each other accountable to God’s truths and the truth about ourselves.
C. If admonishment is done in the right spirit, with the right motive, using an appropriate method, then the person receiving the admonition will be better for it, and will eventually thank us for it.
1. A stronger and closer relationship can be the outcome of proper admonishment of each other.
2. Real Christian community cannot be experienced if there is only acceptance, encouragement and affirmation, there must also be a place for admonition.
3. That’s precisely what Paul envisions in Colossians 3:16, when he says, “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.”
4. Paul said something similar in Romans 15:14, “I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another.”
D. From these two texts, we see two important things that must be present for effective and helpful admonishment.
1. First of all, we must be characterized by goodness.
a. That speaks to our motive for admonition – our love for each other.
b. And that speaks to the overall direction of our spiritual life.
c. Admonition works best when the person doing it has their own house in pretty good order.
d. Obviously none of us are perfect, but as you might recall, Jesus said to take the log out of your own eye, before you attempt to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
2. Second, we must have a good grasp of God’s Word.
a. In Col. 3, Paul suggests that the Word should be dwelling in us so that we can admonish with all wisdom.
b. In Rom. 15, Paul suggests that we are competent to admonish because we have a complete knowledge of God’s Word.
c. Admonishment must be based on God’s specific will and ways, not on our person opinions.
d. This requires a good knowledge of God’s Word.
e. Truthfully, if we are not learning and growing in God’s Word, then we ourselves are in need of admonishment, right?
3. Therefore, we should be receiving not giving admonishment if we are not characterized by goodness and growing in the knowledge of God’s Word.
4. But those who are characterized by those two things should be ready and able to admonish when it is necessary.
II. How to Offer Admonition
A. There is no perfect formula for effective admonition, because it involves so many variables.
1. One variable is the fact that each person is unique, both the one doing admonition and the one receiving it. We all are different from each other.
2. Other variables include the seriousness of the issue under consideration, the history of your relationship, and the level of spiritual maturity, just to mention a few.
B. Nevertheless, there are some biblical principles that will help us to be increasingly effective in this area. Let’s get very practical as we consider these principles for effective admonition:
1. First, prayerfully prepare before hand instead of reacting impulsively.
a. We need God’s wisdom and strength and should never engage in spiritual activity without prayer.
b. Also, spontaneous admonition is rarely effective because we are often acting in anger or other emotion.
c. We should take the time to pray for the right attitude, perspective, wisdom, timing, and God’s preparation of the person’s heart.
2. Second, it goes without saying that admonition should be done with pure motives and the proper goal.
a. When Paul admonished the Corinthians he did so “not to shame you, but to admonish you, as my dear children.” (1 Cor. 4:14)
b. Admonition should not be done to tear people down or embarrass them, but to help them and build them up.
c. Paul wrote, “We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ.” (Col. 1:28)
d. Our goal in admonition should be to help each person to become mature in Christ.
3. Third, admonition should be done in private and face-to-face.
a. Jesus said, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.” (Mt. 18:15)
b. Privacy is important because it makes it easier for the other person to not react defensively, to save face in front of others.
c. Face-to-face is so important to ensure accurate communication.
d. The words we use are only a small part of what gets communicated.
e. Facial expression, tone of voice, posture, and gestures communicate more than our words alone.
f. So we should avoid admonishing someone via the telephone, or email, for those reasons.
4. Fourth, we should be direct and specific rather than vague, sarcastic and judgmental.
a. If we need to admonish someone on their parenting, we shouldn’t sarcastically say something like, “Boy, I can see that you’ve become a great parent.”
b. Rather, we should say something like, “I’d like to talk with you about how harshly I’ve seen you treating your kids lately.”
c. If we heard someone say something hurtful, we shouldn’t say, “I know you said that to hurt Bill.” That would be judging their motives, and we are not mind readers.
d. Rather, we should say something like, “Can we talk about what you just said to Bill?”
5. Fifth, we should ground our admonition in God’s Word.
a. We’ve already mentioned this, but let me add a few things to what I’ve already said.
b. Paul wrote, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness…Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.” (2 Tim. 3:16; 4:2)
c. Hebrews says, “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” (Heb. 4:12)
d. God’s Word has power to penetrate and convict and change a person like nothing else.
e. So we want to be sure that it is God’s Word that is presenting the truth and the call to change.
f. When we appeal to Scripture, we are making it clear it has nothing to do with us as individuals, we are all under the authority of God’s Word.
6. Sixth, we need to be as strong as necessary, but we should also be empathetic and constructive.
a. Being firm doesn’t mean we have to be harsh or haughty.
b. All of us are sinners, and we should be empathetic for that reason.
c. It also helps to be ready to encourage and suggest practical suggestions for change.
d. In Galatians 6:1, Paul suggested, “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.”
7. Finally, I would suggest that except in very severe situations, we shouldn’t insist on immediate compliance – we should give the person some time for reflection and for God’s conviction.
a. Often it takes some time to get past the initial bristling of our egos to be able to hear God’s voice.
b. If we are getting a lot of resistance and argument from the person we are admonishing, then it’s better to back off and say something like, “Why don’t you take some time to think and pray about this and then we can revisit this conversation.”
C. These principles won’t guarantee that our admonition is well received, but it can certainly make a big difference.
III. How to Receive Admonition
A. Just as there is a right way to offer admonition, there is also a right way to receive it.
B. First of all, we must welcome correction.
1. Proverbs 12:1 says, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.”
2. Proverbs 17:10 says, “A rebuke impresses a man of discernment more than a hundred lashes a fool.”
3. Proverbs 19:20 says, “Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.”
4. The person who wants to be wise and is wise will welcome admonition.
C. Second, consider the admonition as a course correction not a personal rejection.
1. Even in the best scenario, admonition is a little embarrassing and painful.
2. But for some of us more than others, it feels like a personal rejection and threatens our very identity.
3. This happens if we are unable to distinguish between our behavior and our identity.
4. We must learn to begin from a place of stability as persons – That stability comes from knowing that we are loved and valued as people for who we are, even if some of our behavior needs correcting.
D. Third, look for the truth in the admonition rather than looking for excuses to reject it.
1. This, of course, runs directly counter to our natural inclination.
2. When someone rebukes us, we instantly and creatively find reasons to discredit and reject their rebuke.
3. I remember an experience I had early in my ministry here at Wetzel Road.
a. After a service one day, I approached a visitor in the foyer who was very unkempt looking.
b. The person had a wild look to them: long straggly hair, a long goatee with stuff imbedded in it, tattered and smelly clothes.
c. When I introduced myself I discovered the person had such a severe stutter they could barely get their words out.
d. After telling me his name, the person said, “You are prideful.”
e. Immediately, I exploded inside…I thought a bunch of things including “How dare you!” and “Who do you think you are.”
f. Thankfully, God got a hold of me in that instant and I simply said something like, “Well, I will have to examine myself about that.”
4. I hope I can always quickly arrive at the right point when someone admonishes me.
E. Finally, when someone admonishes you thank them for loving you enough to admonish you.
1. Proverbs 27:5-6 says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”
2. Proverbs 9:8 says, “Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you.”
3. Just this summer, Bill Perkins spoke to me a few days after a sermon I delivered. He mentioned that I had said some things that he thought were in appropriate. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate his concern for this church and for me. I know he loves me, and I love him for keeping me straight.
4. I remember my mother taking me aside one day when I was a young adult and she was very concerned about someone whom I was spending a lot of time with and whom I was trying to emulate.
a. I listened respectfully, after all she was and is my mom.
b. Now I thought she was all wrong, but I took it to heart and told her that I would give careful consideration to what she said.
c. Over the course of time I discovered how right she was.
d. I have thanked her for her loving, concerned admonition on that occasion and on so many others.
Conclusion:
A. So, is it worth it to receive admonition with humility – even when everything within you cries out to reject it?
1. Is it worth it to admonish others – even when everything within you would rather turn a blind eye to it?
2. I guess it depends on what we value most.
3. If our highest priority is our own comfort, then it is definitely not worth it.
4. But if you value spiritual integrity before God and healthy relationships with others, then it’s worth every sacrifice we have to make.
B. Let me end with a story about faithful admonition that helped keep a great man on track.
1. Ulysses S. Grant was a 4 star general of the union forces during the Civil War and became the 18th President of the United States.
2. John A. Rawlins was Grant’s friend and fellow general, who became Grant’s chief of staff.
3. During the Civil War, no one was closer to Grant than Rawlins.
a. Ulysses S. Grant had a drinking problem, but he made a pledge to Rawlins that he would abstain from intoxicating liquors during the war so that he could carry out his duties.
b. On one occasion when Grant broke that promise, Rawlins pleaded with great earnestness that Grant refrain from strong drink, “for his own sake, and the nation’s great and holy cause.”
c. Rawlins’ advice was heeded, and Grant was not impaired by drink when his decision-making was critical.
4. Wounds from a friend can be trusted!
5. There stands today, in front of the Capital in Washington, a magnificent monument to General Grant.
a. He sits upon his horse in characteristic pose and is flanked on either side by stirring battle scenes.
6. At the other end of the mall and a little to the south of Pennsylvania Avenue is Rawlins Park.
a. There stands a very ordinary statue of Grant’s friend, John A. Rawlins.
b. There might be no monument to Grant had there not been the admonition of a faithful friend.
c. It was Rawlins, and his admonition, who kept Grant on his horse.
C. Let’s be faithful brothers and sisters in Christ, who learn to lovingly give and humbly receive admonition.
1. Not so that we can stay on our horse, but that we might stay on our course – the heavenly one!
Resources:
Building Up One Another, by Gene A. Getz, Victor Books, 1981
One Anothering, by Richard C. Meyer, LuraMedia, 1990.
“Admonish One Another,” by Gary DeLashmutt, www.xenos.org.
