Introduction
This evening we are talking about a new friendship. We will look at friendships in the world and the differences that can be found in Christian Friendships. I wonder how you define a friend? Perhaps you have 250 friends on face book, or you count your friends as those you work with or those you meet in the pub in the evenings. How many of those people – how many of any of the people that you may count as friends are really your friends?
Most of us live busy lives – with so much that we feel we have to do there isn’t the time for really getting to know someone. We can be so busy that the whole idea is lost to us. That’s not to say that we wouldn’t like to have more friends, and even to be a better friend to those we know. It seems that our society, the way we live makes it harder.
C.S Lewis, in his book ’The Four Loves’ said: “To the Ancients, Friendships seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it... It is something quite marginal; not a main course in life’s banquet; a diversion; something that fills up the chinks of ones time. How has this come about? Few value it, because few experience it. We can live and breed without friendship The species, biologically considered has no need of it [Some] may even dislike and distrust it.”
I’m not sure I entirely agree with C.S. Lewis. I do not believe that the modern world ignores it, I think most of the modern world misses it deeply, but doesn’t have the skills, and isn’t prepared to try to learn them.
Here are a few quotes about friendship:
"Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you." -- Elbert Hubbard
"A friend is someone, who upon seeing another friend in immense pain, would rather be the one experiencing the pain than to have to watch their friend suffer." -- Amanda Grier
"Friendship is a pretty full-time occupation if you really are friendly with somebody. You can’t have too many friends because then you’re just not really friends."
"Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend’s success." - Oscar Wilde
"I count myself in nothing else so happy as in a soul remembering my good friends." - William Shakespeare
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. - Psalm 24
Making friends can be very difficult. It is so easy to say or to do something that upsets the person you are befriending. Many years ago, back in the mid-seventies (some of you go back that far), and before I was a Christian I had a friend that I had made through work. He was from a Pakistani family, but had been born in London. I was slightly older than him, and had helped him look for and buy a car. We had spent time together fixing it and I was teaching him the simple parts of car maintenance – how to change the plugs, the oil, things like that. One day in a conversation, one of those offensive phrases from the past popped out of my mouth – it included the ’N’ word. It was not directed against him, but was spoken in support of him. He reacted angrily and never spoke to me again.
We seem to use the slightest excuse to cut people off, at any chance we take offence, even when none was intended. There can be no way back – the damage is done.
It is not part of God’s plan that friendships should be so difficult. He was concerned that Adam was lonely and so provided a companion. It is not good for the man to be alone. A little further on we read:
Ge 3:8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden.
God’s intention was that His creation would also be His friends. Adam & Eve hid from Him because their sin had allowed them to see that they were naked, and they were ashamed. The friendship with God was broken – even before He confronted them about what they had done.
Ever since our friendships have existed in the same state. It’s not just our friendship with God that is difficult, but also our friendships with each other. Our selfishness, our carelessness make it very hard for us to make and keep good friends. Our relationships with others are not what they could or should be.
Jesus came to put that right. In his death on the cross he made it possible for us once again to be friends with God. The effects of our sin are wiped away, and we are restored to the relationship with God that we should always have had.
Jesus, speaking to his disciples said “John 15:14 You are my friends if you do what I command.”
Amongst the twelve disiples there were some that were closer to Jesus that others. First there was John, who was most probably Jesus closest friend. Then there were Peter and James, who along with John were included in some of the more dramatic moments of Christ’s ministry – such as the transfiguration.
Genuine Love
The reading we had earlier gives us some insight into Christian Friendship, and what it might mean for us. It shows us how Paul valued his friends. Lets take a look at the people in the passage, who they were, and see what we can learn about Christian Friendship.
Paul
Paul started life as Saul, and spent his early years persecuting the new faith. He experienced a powerful vision of Jesus on his way to Damascus to put some early Christians to death. After his conversion and a change of name Paul became the apostle to the gentiles (non-Jews). He made three great journeys around the Roman Empire speaking to people about Jesus, as a result of this he frequently found himself in prison. He represented the gentile Christians to the apostles, and argued the case for not trying to turn them into Jews. He kept in touch with the churches he had planted, and some that he was nothing to do with planting, by letter. Some of his letters have survived and make up part of our New Testament.
Our reading is a small part of a letter to the church at Philippi. Paul is writing to them about what it means to follow Christ, and letting them know that his stay in prison has been good for the spread of the gospel.
Timothy
Timothy had a Greek father and a Jewish mother. He lived at Lystra when Paul met him. Timothy and Paul became good friends quickly, and Timothy joined Paul in his mission to tell the world that Jesus was the Christ. You can read about Timothy in Acts chapters 16 and 18. Paul also mentions Timothy in most of his letters, some times as a co-worker, sometimes as a brother, sometimes as a son, sometimes as someone Paul will send to them to help them. In both the letters that Paul wrote to Timothy he is described as a ’Dear Son’, such is the closeness the two men had achieved. It looks as though Timothy was Paul’s troubleshooter – he is often sent to visit churches that are having problems. I think of him as a bit like Henry Kissinger – always travelling to some far away place to sort out some difficulty or other. Take a look at Phil 2:19-23; 1 Thes 3:6; 1 Cor 4:17;16:10 to see what I mean.
Paul says of Timothy, “I have no-one else like him – who takes a genuine interest in your welfare.”
There are plenty of people around Paul, but in them he sees only self-interest.
Epaphroditus
Epaphroditus is not so well known. He is only mentioned in this letter. He was a member of the Philippian church and had been sent as a messenger to visit Paul and take him a gift the church had for him. At some point on the journey he had become seriously ill. This may have been through over work. Whatever the cause Epaphroditus is more concerned with the worry he is causing at home, than with his own condition because reports of his illness have been received by the Philippian church.
Paul describes Epaphroditus as a brother, a fellow -worker and a fellow-soldier. The fact that he was ill but did not die was an example of God’s mercy on Him, but not only on him – Paul recognises Gods mercy for himself also, as he was spared the sorrow of loosing a great friend.
Paul’s Friends
Paul has chosen two friends who are different from the others around him, because they genuinely care for the welfare of others.
Gladstone said “Selfishness is the greatest curse of the human race” (Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (1868–74, 1880–85, 1886 and 1892–94)).
The ’big site of amazing facts.com’ tells us that the word ’I’ is the most commonly spoken word in the English Language.
People, it seems are mainly concerned for themselves. They may want friends, but they will not make friends successfully if their main aim is to satisfy their own ego’s, and to boost their own view of themselves.
Dale Carnegie in his book ’How to win friends and influence People’ said "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."
Christian friendship, the type of friendship shown to Paul and others by Timothy and Epaphroditus is based not only on an interest in other people, but a genuine concern for their welfare.
Common Interests
Another quote from C. S. Lewis
We picture lovers face-to face and friends side by side their eyes looking ahead...that is why those ...people who simply want friends’ can never make any. The very condition of having friends is that we should want something else besides friends. Friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice.
With Christian friendships the common interest is in the gospel of Jesus Christ, and in fulfilling mission given to us by Jesus. The core of that is the same for us all, but the details will be unique for each of us.
Christians share:
a love of God, and the love of God
a desire to be more like Jesus than they currently are
a commandment to share what they have in God with the rest of the world.
We have already seen that Jesus chose friends
Christian friendship is in a different league
they are more than sharing an interested
they provide unparalleled closeness
there is greater trust, security and openness
The term we often use to describe this is fellowship. Perhaps when you hear that term you think of the first book or film in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. A groups of characters (I can’t call them people) brought together to complete a difficult task. They throw everything they have into the effort and leave behind their normal lives for something more important.
That is very similar to what happens to us as Christians. The life we had before is left behind. Initially we join our new colleagues in our new task. Because of the nature of that task we quickly become friends. Soon after that the friendships deepen, we become much more concerned for the well being of those around us. We begin to trust them more, and be more open with them. Our openness and honesty help to build us and our new friends into an even closer unit. We have become part of the Christian Fellowship.
We have joined a new family. So terms like ’brother’ ( v25, tim 1 thes 3:2) and ’sister’ are used to describe our relationships. These terms have been hijacked by the world, - the communists, in particular - thinking that if they use the term, then people will somehow fit into the mould. That isn’t how it works. Our new family isn’t at all like the one you left. There isn’t (or shouldn’t) be any of the sibling rivalry’s that you may have grown up with.
Christian friendships are variously describe as
powerful
’a main course of life’s banquet’
enriching
rewarding
emotionally restoring
Common Vision
As I have begun to allude to Friendships also arise out of a common vision and goal for our lives.
In verse 22 of our reading Paul and Timothy’s shared vision is to do the work of the Gospel. The phrase ’he shared with me’ would be ’he slaved with me’ if a completely literal translation were used. Epaphroditus is described as a fellow worker. From Paul’s point of view it is clear that fellowship and mission go hand in hand. As we work together towards the common goal, as we work together towards the vision that Jesus left for us our friendships grow ever more. This occurs as we meet together to talk and to pray. However if these things (talking and prayer) become an end in themselves the group will eventually fall apart. There must be a purpose to what we are doing, and the purpose must be in line with the vision.
Those who work on the front line on various missions report that they make good friends really quickly. As part of my training I was required to join a Course in Christian Studies. Training for ministry was the main part of my mission at that time, and I have friends from the course that I still meet with.
If our churches are to succeed and to grow they will need all those involved to form close friendships at all levels, so that there is a great trust between us in all that we do.
Risks and Battles
Not everything in life is easy, and that is certainly true of the Christian life. Epaphroditus risked his life in the service of the gospel. The characters that formed the fellowship of the ring risked and lost their lives. Many missionaries have been martyred. All life is a risk, but as we take on the specific task that the Gospel requires of us there are some new battles to be fought. Courage will be required if we are to succeed in our task
In Acts 15:26 Paul and Barnabus are described as “men who have risked their lives for the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
Jesus said in John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. “
This may seem remote now, unless your calling is to a country where Christians are being actively persecuted – and there are many of them – but it is getting closer all the time. Reuters reports an increasing number of attacks on Congregations and Clergy. It is from a very low base, but has been increasing for the whole of the decade.
Epaphrodites is called a brother, a fellow-worker & fellow soldier. It’s an ascending scale from common sympathy, to common work, to common danger toil and suffering.
In any human friendship there are, of course, other risks. Primarily the risk of hurt, of being let down or of rejection by your friend. If we share Timothy’s genuine love for others it is a risk that we will be prepared to take.
We are called to extend our friendships beyond church boundaries – how else are we to pass on the good news. Last Monday, at the Everybody Welcome course, I was listening to the stories of how people were welcomed into Christ Church, some people have a gift of speaking to others in church, but how do we get people through the door in the first place. Every story that included this aspect included some friendship with another Christian. Some will come because they have made friends with the Baptism preparation team, or the Wedding preparation team. Some will come because their friends are there and are prepared to bring them into the church building and sit with them through the service. That was true in my case. Without that friendship, the invite, and my friend staying with me in the service, I would not be here today.
Conclusion
I have been trying to explain that Christian Friendships operate at a deeper level than friendships in the world in general, but I have not explained one of the major reasons why this is true. It is true that we have a common interest in spreading the good news. It is true that we have a common vision for a Christian World. It is true that we share in the risks and dangers – even if its only to our reputation – that those bring. It is true that we have the love of God to share. More even than all these things we have God himself present inside our own bodies, living with us – and so do our friends. We have a different nature to the world, a nature that helps us to be better friends to our friends. The power that the Holy Spirit brings, brings us together in ways that the world cannot understand.
