How To Find Joy In Your Relationships
Here is a fact: God has made us to have relationships.
We can have a relationship with Him and we can have a relationship with other people. Since the fall of Adam and Eve – maintaining relationships have been a major struggle between man and man - and man and God.
One of the biggest causes of unhappiness in our world is strained relationships. Conflict kills happiness. There is a daily struggle to live in a world where there is no conflict. Whether it be nation against nation or family member against another family member to live conflict free is a struggle.
How do you handle the conflict? How do you strive for unity? Unity is a key ingredient for success and fulfillment in life. To have a successful business the employees must get along and work together. To have a successful football team the players must work together. To have successful government the congress and the president must cooperate. To have a successful family the members must work together. To have a successful church we must work together. Very little is accomplished in life by yourself. Very little is accomplished without cooperation. When there is unity there is tremendous power and potential. The problem is people don’t always get along – they don’t always co-operate. How do you strive for unity? How do you reduce conflict and increase cooperation?
In Philippians chapter two Paul talks about how to have unity and co-operation with others. Follow along with me as I read:
“Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.” Philippians 2:1-2 (NKJV)
Christians - we are to have unity in Christ. We are supposed to get along with one another. There ought to be fellowship among us. Paul says we are to be like minded. We are to show the love to one another – because Christ has loved us. We are to display mercy and grace – because that is what God has shown us. We are to put on the mind of Christ and if we did that we will be like-minded – in unity and harmony.
Unfortunately – unity and harmony does not happen very often. But Paul gives us in Philippians chapter two - five practical steps of finding joy through reduced conflict. The first step is found in verse three. Follow along with me as I read:
“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” Philippians 2:3 (NKJV)
Paul in this one verse gives us the first three steps of reducing conflict. Let’s look at these one at a time.
1. Stop having selfish AMBITIONS
I like the way the Message Bible translates this verse. It says:
“Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead.” Philippians 2:3 (MSG)
All too often we compete with people who are supposed to be on our team. What type of team will ever win if they a busy competing with themselves – rather than working together? Stop fighting one another.
As a child you may have been involved in sibling rivalries. You competed with your brothers and sisters and now you’re much older and much more grown up. But some of you are still competing with your brothers and sisters, trying to prove that you’re better. That may be your ambition in life – “Let the world see that I am better than my brother or my sister or my neighbor.” You’re an adult and you’re still acting like a child! You’re on the same team – you’re in the same family! Stop holding on to selfish ambitions.
There is an interesting passage of scripture found in First Thessalonians – follow along with me as I read:
“Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you.”
1 Thessalonians 4:11 (NASV)
What are the ambitions in your life? How are they driving your life? Are your ambitions causing conflict? Look at what James says on the subject:
“Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires (ambitions) for pleasure that war in your members?” James 4:1 (NKJV)
Our society teaches us instant gratification. When my needs and ambitions conflict with your needs and ambitions, we have trouble. We live in a very competitive world. If you want to have unity you need to check if you ambitions are selfish.
The second step in reducing conflict with other people is:
2. Stop having selfish CONCEIT
Let’s look again at verse three:
“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” Philippians 2:3 (NKJV)
How many of you like conceited people? Not too many.
Pride can affect us all. We should not do things just to show off our egos. An egotist is an "I" specialist. His “I’s” are too close together. He is full of himself. When this happens there is very little room for anyone else – including God. All he can see is himself. Self centered pride and arrogance is the result of conceit. The Bible says "Pride goes before destruction". The person who gets too big for his britches will eventually be exposed in the end.
Proverbs chapter thirteen verse ten tells us:
“Arrogance leads to nothing but strife.” Proverbs 13:10 (HCSB)
The first cause of conflict is competing ambitions. The second cause of conflict is personal pride – when I’ve got an ego and refuse to admit it when I’m wrong there is bound to be quarrels. If you could eliminate conceit you would solve most of the people problems in today’s world.
Now we get to a positive quality we should strive to attain.
3. Increase HUMILITY
Let’s read verse three again:
“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” Philippians 2:3 (NKJV)
The Holman Bible says it this way:
“Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3 (HCSB)
Paul says don’t put people down – lift them up. How? By treating them better than you would yourself. This is a radical concept. Treat others better than yourself? Yes! That is what the Bible teaches. It is the exact opposite of what our culture teaches. The world is full of people who think they are better than everybody else. We have elevated selfishness to an art form – a quality characteristic.
Paul tells us to decrease criticism because when you’re critical you’re thinking that you’re better than the other people.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself – but thinking of your-self less. Your focus isn’t on you – it is on others. Your focus is on other people. You are people centered – rather than self centered. The person that thinks he’s humble – isn’t. The humble person doesn’t even know it because he’s focusing on everybody else. The book of Proverbs tells us:
“A man’s pride will bring him low, But the humble in spirit will retain honor.” Proverbs 29:23 (NKJV)
We like to criticize and pick out faults of other people because it makes us feel superior. We think we build ourselves up by putting other people down. But the Bible teaches the exact opposite. If you want to decrease conflict in your life – decrease criticism – increase humility. Treat others better than you would your-self.
The third cause of conflict is when I fail to value other people, when I treat them with less respect than they deserve.
The fourth step to in reducing conflict with other people is:
4. Increase CONSIDERATION of others
Let’s now look at verse four:
“Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4 (NKJV)
The Message Bible says it this way:
“Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.” Philippians 2:4 (MSG)
Don’t just be interested in what is going on your life - but be interested in the lives of other people too. Look out for them. The Greek word for “look” is "scopos" from which we get the word "scope” – like the scope on a rifle. A Telescope – a microscope – both help you see things better. Care about the lives of other people. Pay attention to their needs.
Demonstrate consideration of others. Be considerate of each other. Watch out for one another. Take care of one another. Nothing I’m saying is new – but doing it is harder than saying it.
The fifth step to in reducing conflict with other people is:
5. Develop a Christ-Like CHARACTER
This next step is found in the next four verses. Let’s read them together:
“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.” Philippians 2:5-8 (NKJV)
Jesus is our model. Jesus is our example. If you want to know how to get along with people – even those who are hard to get along with – look at the example of Jesus. We are to put on the mind of Christ and develop the same attitude toward others that He had. What is this mind? What was his attitude? It is found in our verses.
Even though He is the very form of God – He didn’t demand His rights. He humbled Himself and became obedient to the Father’s will – even to the point of death. What death? Death of the cross.
Jesus had a servants attitude. Do you? How do you know if you have a serving attitude? Let me ask you, “How do you respond when people treat you like a servant? Do you get up-tight and demand your rights?” It that is the case you don’t have a servants attitude.
Jesus was willing to sacrifice Himself for others – are you? Most of us know John 3:16 but do you know 1 John 3:16? Let me read it to you:
“By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” 1 John 3:16 (NKJV)
This verse not only talks about the attitude of Jesus – but it talks about what our attitude should be. Have you got a servants attitude? Have you put on the mind of Christ?
It’s impossible to live a lifestyle of unselfishness on your own. It is human nature to be selfish – to only look out for number one. We all have that nature to do what we want to do. We are selfish – through and through. But Christ wants us to live different than that. He wants us to develop a Christ like character. He wants us to become like He is and He asks us to
"Let this attitude be in you that was in Christ."
Allow this attitude to be in you.
Allow Christ take control of your attitudes. Allow Christ to take control of your mind. Submit to Him. Follow Him. Give yourself to Him today.
(I want to thank Richard Warren for the sermon starter idea.)
