MAKING A HOUSE INTO A HOME--Colossians 3:18-25
Proposition: When Christ is really the Head of the home, each one’s love for the Lord Jesus and love expressed towards others in the family will turn any house into a home because of the attitude of those in the family.
Objective: My purpose is to challenge God’s people to let Christ make their house into a home by trusting and following Him.
INTRODUCTION:
Illus: A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl
in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies & her mother told her, "No." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, & the mother said quietly, "Now Jane, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don’t be upset. It won’t be long now." Soon, they came to the candy aisle & the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Jane, don’t cry - only two more aisles to go & then we’ll be checking out." When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum & burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there’d be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, "Jane, we’ll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home & have a nice nap." The man followed them out to the parking lot & stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn’t help noticing how patient you were with little Jane. It’s quite commendable," he remarked. The mother replied, "I’m Jane. My little girl’s name is Tammy."
Focus on the Family states: Family is the fundamental building block of all human civilizations. Marriage is the glue that holds it together. The health of our culture, its citizens and their children is intimately linked to the health and well-being of marriage. Illus: Thomas Hassin of Colorado sued his parents for $350,000 for mal-practice of parenting, claiming his parents botched their parenting caused him to need psychiatric help. What is the relationship between the family unit and other societal institutions? Is your family living in a house or a home?
Q. What is the difference between a house & a home? A. The difference is that in a house people live & just stay there but in a home people live by taking care of each other & they are always ready to help each other.
Paul knows that faith in Christ not only changes individuals; it also changes homes. Paul writes to believers & appeals to them to live for Jesus Christ. Also, he states how the renewed life affects the ordinary relationships of the household: wife & husband, children & parent, servant & master. The gulf between the several groups is here bridged by an altogether new understanding of the mutual need of each other & of respect one for another. Running through all he requires is an appreciation of the worth and value of the individual under God which Jesus Christ introduces into the world.
I. LOVE (v. 19) “Love…and do not be bitter”-- In a world where the character-istic role of the husband was one of absolute authority. Paul commands the Christian husband to express tender, wholehearted and sacrificial concern toward his wife. The measure of a man’s love for his wife is not seen only in gifts or words, but in acts of sacrifice and concern for her happiness and welfare.
1. The motive (v. 19a) “Love”— MARRIAGE IS MORE ABOUT GIVING THAN GETTING-- In a world where the characteristic role of the husband was one of absolute authority. Paul commands the Christian husband to express tender, wholehearted and sacrificial concern toward his wife. The measure of a man’s love for his wife is not seen only in gifts or words, but in acts of sacrifice and concern for her happiness and welfare. Present active imperative, “keep on loving.”
2. The manifestation (v. 19b) “your wives”— Husbands must love their wives with tender and faithful affection. Wives, like tender and sensitive flowers, may wilt under authoritarian dominance but blossom with tender loving care. So in a maturing marriage the husband exercises compassionate care and his wife responds in willing submission to this loving leadership.
3. The manner “do not be bitter toward them”—It is sad when one is polite outside the home but are rude and bitter at home. This word used means to make bitter which also means to produce a bitter taste in the stomach. “To embitter” means to render angry, indignant, to be embittered, irritated and to visit with bitterness, to grieve (deal bitterly with. Christian husbands are not to be "bitter" against their wives, thus expressing the absence of all selfishness, ill temper and inconsiderateness from their lives together and proving that a Christ like spirit actuates them.
Illus: A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150.” The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?” The man replied, “Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later He rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.”
II. LOYALTY (v. 18) “Submit…as is fitting in the Lord”— The basic idea is that of accepting one’s place or responsibility in life. The word suggests a readiness to be willing to give up some things for the sake of others. The term does not imply inferiority nor forced subjugation. This is fitting and appropriate.
1. Supportive “submit to your husbands”—“Submit” was also a military term describing lining up of soldiers under the commanding officer. The fact that one soldier is a private and another is a general does not mean that one man is better than the other. It only means that they have different ranks. And so we see that the idea is more the submission to the position than to the person.. One must not think of a wife’s being subject as synonymous with “slavery” or “subjugation.” The wife is not to dominate or to lead, but to follow her husband’s leadership as long as it does not compromise her loyalty to Christ. Her first loyalty is to the Lord Jesus and to the authority of His Word. Equality in creation but difference in function.
Under Jewish law a woman was a thing; she was the possession of her husband, just as much as his house or his flocks or his material goods were. She had no legal right whatever. For instance, under Jewish law, a husband could divorce his wife for any cause, while a wife had no rights whatever in the initiation of divorce. [Why? Because she was a thing, an object or possession.] In Greek society a respectable woman lived a life of entire seclusion. She never appeared on the streets alone, not even to go marketing. She lived in the women’s apartments and did not join her men folk even for meals. From her there was demanded a complete servitude and chastity; but her husband could go out as much as he chose, and could enter into as many relationships outside marriage as he liked and incur no stigma. Both under Jewish and under Greek laws and custom, all the privileges belonged to the husband, and all the duties to the wife. [William Barclay p. 192, 193]
2. Suitable “as is fitting”— The basic idea is that of accepting one’s place or responsibility in life. The word suggests a readiness to be willing to give up some things for the sake of others. This is fitting and appropriate. Actually no wife would be likely to object to submitting to a husband who truly loves her. It has been noted that the husband is not told to make his wife obey him. If she does not, he should take it to the Lord. The submission should be her voluntary act “as is fitting in the Lord.”
Illus: A mother was concerned about her only son going off to college. She wrote the following letter to the college president: "Dear Sir: My son has been accepted for admission to your college and soon he will be leaving me. I am writing to ask that you give your personal attention to the selection of his roommate. I want to be sure that his roommate is not the kind of person who uses foul language, or tells off-color jokes, smokes, drinks, or chases after girls. I hope you will understand why I am appealing to you directly. You see, this is the first time my son will be away from home, except for his three years in the Marine Corps."
3. Sphere “in the Lord”-- Many couples are united in wedlock in a rosy fog of optimism. Blinded to the shortcomings, each sees only the other’s good points. But as the excitement of the new marriage wears off, they drift to the opposite extreme & view these same traits as faults. Someone has called this “reverse reasoning,” giving the following examples: “She married him because he was ‘strong & masculine’; she divorced him because he was a very ‘dominating male.’ He married her because she was so ‘fragile & petite’; he divorced her because she was so ‘weak & helpless.’ She chose him because ‘he knew how to provide a good living;’ she left him because ‘all he thought about was the business.’ He married her because she was ‘steady and sensible;’ he divorced her because she was ‘boring and dull.’”
Illus: Richard Moore of Derry, Northern Ireland, was just ten years old when blinded by a British soldier who fired a rubber bullet at him at point-blank range. He was on his way home from his local school. For as long as he could remember, Richard wanted to meet the soldier who shot him. Thirty years after the incident, he finally did. After discovering who the soldier was and where he lived, Richard wrote to him to get permission to visit, and then he met with him face-to-face, offering his personal, heartfelt forgiveness.
Here’s what Richard later said about the experience: "After that, something peculiar and wonderful happened. Something inside me changed, something paradoxical. I began to realize that the gift of forgiveness I thought I was bestowing on the soldier who shot me was actually a gift from God to me. It didn’t even matter whether the soldier wanted or needed forgiveness; the gift freed me, leaving me with a sense of serenity and blessedness. All through my boyhood my mother had wanted the impossible for me—that I would be given back my sight. I even woke up one night to find my dear mother on her knees, next to my bed, pleading with God. When I met the soldier and forgave him, I believe my mother’s prayers were answered. I was given a new vision, and my real wound, the one that needed healing more than my eyes, was healed."
III. LEADERSHIP (v. 20-21) “Obey your parents…do not provoke”-- Submitting to that which is heard involves a change of attitude, forsaking the tendency of the fallen nature to rebel against parental or Divine instructions and commands and seeking God’s will, not self will.
1. Admonition of expectation (v. 20a) "Obey your parents”—Here is God’s principle. All things means no exceptions (as long of course as what the parents are asking are within God’s will and walking in a manner worthy of the Lord and is not sin. Note that this relationship cannot be right unless first the husband-wife relationship is right. In the ancient world children were very much under the domination of their parents. The supreme example was the Roman Patria Potestas, "the law of the father’s power" which granted the parent the right to do anything he liked with his child - the parent could sell the child into slavery, could make him work like a laborer on his farm and even had the right to condemn his child to death and to carry out the execution! Such is the perspective of the depraved mind when the gospel of Jesus Christ is not enthroned therein! In pagan society, all the privileges and rights belonged to the parent and all the duties to the child.
2. Accomplishment of edification (v. 20b) “for this is well-pleasing”-God is well-pleased with such performance. God’s will is well-pleasing because you cannot add anything to the will of God and in any way improve it. You could not take anything away from it and make it better. God’s will is totally acceptable. And this is the attitude and actions Paul is calling for in children as well as in every saint in Romans 12 where he exhorts us
3. Attitude of encouragement (v. 21) “Do not provoke your children”--Give encouragement. Parents are not to demand so much of children, or to be so strict and authoritarian with them, that they feel hopelessly trapped in their inability to do what is commanded. Illus: Mary Lamb, "Why is it that I never seem to be able to do anything to please my mother?" Illus: John Newton said, "I know that my father loved me, but he did not seem to wish me to know it."
IV. LORDSHIP OF CHRIST (vvs. 22-25) “Whatever you do, do it heartily…for you serve the Lord Christ”-- What are some of the secrets of happy home life? The answer might be given in one word—Christ. Christ at the marriage-altar; Christ on the bridal journey; Christ when the new home is set up; Christ when the baby is born; Christ when a child dies; Christ in the pinching times; Christ in the days of plenty; Christ in the nursery, in the kitchen, in the parlor; Christ in the toil and in the rest; Christ along all the years; Christ when the wedded pair walk toward the sunset gates; Christ in the sad hour when farewells are spoken, and one goes on before and the other stays, bearing the unshared grief. Christ is the secret of happy home life.
1. Respect (v. 22) “Obey in all things your masters”-- For the most
part, children do not create problems; they reveal them. The measure of the child’s obedience is "all things" and the motive is to please the Lord. It is interesting that there is no express prohibition against slavery in the NT. The gospel does not overthrow social institutions by revolution. Slavery was an established institution in Paul’s day. There were sixty million of them and many of them were well-educated people who carried great responsibilities in the homes of the wealthy. In many homes, the slaves helped to educated and discipline the children. However, wherever the gospel has gone, slavery has been uprooted and eliminated. This does not mean that these instructions are therefore without meaning for us. All that is said here may very well be applied to employees and employers.
2. Relationship (v. 23) “do it heartily, as to the Lord”— Whatever is done should be done heartily (literally “from the soul”) as to the Lord and not to men. In every form of Christian service as well as in every sphere of life, there are many tasks which people find obnoxious. Needless to say, we try to avoid such work. But this verse teaches us the very important lesson that the humblest service can be glorified and dignified by doing it for the Lord. In this sense, there is no difference between secular and sacred work. Rewards in heaven will not be for prominence or apparent successes; they will not be for talents or opportunities; but rather for faithfulness. Thus obscure persons will fare very well in that day if they have carried out their duties faithfully as to the Lord. Two mottoes which are often hung over the kitchen sink are: “Not somehow, but triumphantly,” and “Divine service held here three times daily.”
3. Reward (v. 24) “You will receive the reward of the inheritance”-- The Lord is keeping the records at the present time, and everything done as to Him will command His attention. “The kindness of God will repay the kindness of men.” Those who have little of earthly inheritance will receive the reward of the inheritance in heaven. Let us remember this the next time we are called upon to do something that we do not like to do, whether in the church, in the home, or at work; it is a testimony for Christ to do it uncomplainingly, and to do the best possible job.
4. Responsibility (v. 25) “He who does wrong will be repaid”-- Paul is most likely think of an unjust master, one who oppresses his servants. Maybe a Christian servant has become weary of obeying his unjust demands. “Never mind,” Paul is saying, “the Lord knows all about it, and He will take care of the wrongs, too.” Slipshod service, cheating, loafing, or other forms of insincerity will not go unnoticed. There is no partiality with God. He is the Master of all, and the distinctions that prevail among men mean nothing to Him. If slaves rob their masters (as Onesimus apparently did), they will have to give an account to the Lord.
CONCLUSION: In closing, remember: (Words for the family)
1. A word to husbands: Love—This is God’s kind of love.
2. A word to wives: Submission—This is a voluntary choice.
3. A word to children: Obedience—This promotes order in the
home and family.
4. A word to fathers: Encouragement—This is better than
discouragement.
5. A word to slaves: Devotion—This is because of one’s
allegiance to the Lord Jesus Christ.
Illus: Jamie Bartlett tells, My husband, Mike, and I had been married
only a few months. We’d just had one of our first major arguments (over an issue so important I can’t even remember now what it was). In a fit of rage, I stormed onto our back porch and called my parents in Michigan, letting them know I’d be on the first flight out of Philadelphia. I expected them to take my side, to say: "Of course! Come home!" Instead, my father informed me that was not an option. "You’ve never told me I couldn’t come home! Why are you being so unfair?" I accused. "Jamie," he answered, "your gut reaction has always been to bail when things get difficult. Your marriage vows were for better or worse, until death do you part. I know you didn’t think the ’for worse’ part was going to come so soon, but it did, and you need to learn how to deal with it. You’re not welcome in our home under these circumstances. You need to work things out with Mike." After I hung up, I reluctantly grabbed my Bible and opened it to Genesis 2:24: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." As I meditated on this Scripture, I realized my impulse to run home whenever Mike and I fight is disobedient to God. Sticking with my husband isn’t a choice, or something I do only when I feel like it—it’s God’s will for my marriage.
I broke down in tears—but this time they were tears of joy for a father
who knew what was best for me and pointed me to God. I went inside, truly broken at the way I’d treated Mike. While my first instinct was just to walk past him, God reminded me that I couldn’t ignore the problem. So after a brief, internal tug-of-war, I sat down humbly and explained the phone conversation I’d just had. "I’m sorry I turned to my parents instead of you," I said. "From now on I promise I won’t try to run home when things between us get tough." I still miss my parents. Living at home with them made me feel safe, and some days it’s difficult knowing I’ll never have that same security again. But I’m learning that’s not necessarily a bad thing; in fact, it’s a good thing. Because when I leave my parents, I experience the joy that comes from cleaving only to my husband. And in doing that, I know I am pleasing God.
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