Words matter - they matter a lot. In order to uncover the processes that destroy unions, marital researchers studied couples over the course of years, and even decades, and retraced the star-crossed steps of those who had split up back to their wedding day. What they discovered is unsettling. None of the factors one would guess might predict a couple’s durability actually does: not how in love a newlywed couple says they are; how much affection they exchange; how much they fight or what they fight about. In fact, couples who will endure and those who won’t look remarkably similar in the early days.
Yet when psychologists Cliff Notarius of Catholic University and Howard Markman of the University of Denver studied newlyweds over the first decade of marriage, they found a very subtle but telling difference at the beginning of the relationships. Among couples who would ultimately stay together, 5 out of every 100 comments made about each other were putdowns. Among couples who would later split, 10 of every 100 comments were insults. That gap magnified over the following decade, until couples heading downhill were flinging five times as many cruel and invalidating comments at each other as happy couples. "Hostile putdowns act as cancerous cells that, if unchecked, erode the relationship over time," says Notarius, who with Markman co-authored the new book We Can Work It Out. "In the end, relentless unremitting negativity takes control and the couple can’t get through a week without major blowups." (Adapted from U.S. News & World Report, February 21, 1994, Page 67.) Words matter - they matter a lot.
They matter to the preacher and religious teacher and to the Christian too! If we read the scriptures carefully, we find that it is clearly taught that the standard of judgment for church leaders is higher – and rightly so because the reality is that souls are at stake! We see it in Jesus’ words to the religious leaders of his time. You see it as Paul rebukes and exhorts teachers – even Saint Peter! And we see it expressed clearly in today’s Epistle Lesson in James. Let’s read together:
Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. (James 3.1-2, NIV)
What we say - how we speak - what words we use with others matter. That is why Saint James cautions people who desire to exercise leadership in the Church. Words can encourage, words can destroy. If we use words wrongly as we exercise care of souls, the consequences can be enormous! That is what St. James is writing about.
It surprises me at the confidence with which some folks approach the task of leadership in a congregation. Souls are at stake. Scriptural integrity is absolutely critical when we speak in the church. And so St. James urges care when teaching. Part of the problem to which this speaks is that we tend to be pretty well convinced that we know what is best and often push our thoughts on others. When we think about it, doesn’t that convey an attitude that is arrogant? Often this manifests itself as a propensity to speak often and self assuredly – and without a clue that by doing so, we place ourselves under stricter judgment.
This leads St. James into a series of exhortations about “the tongue” – that is, our tendency to speak in a way that isn’t helpful to the task of caring about the souls of others. The sort of speech that James is condemning is gossip, arrogant pronouncements, words that hurt others and words that are simply untrue or spoken as if they had the authority of Scripture, when in fact, these are only opinions.
When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. (James 3.3-6, NIV)
In 1987 James Gleick wrote a book about chaos – yes, chaos! In his book, Gleick explained Chaos Theory. Basically, Chaos Theory attempts to explain what appears to be randomness by modeling chaos mathematically. (If you like science or math, get this book!) One of the concepts that has come out of Chaos Theory is something called “The Butterfly Effect”. Here’s the quick and simple explanation of that: A butterfly flapping its wings in China will affect the air currents around it. Then, those tiny air currents will affect the air currents around them, which affect larger air currents around them. Little by little, the small air currents created by the butterfly will grow to affect the weather for us! (same principle applies in pneumatic and electronic instrumentation).
Well, just as that teeny weenie flapping of the butterfly’s wings is purported to affect weather systems, little things can have a huge impact. The examples that James uses are the bit that is used to control the much larger horse or the rudder that is used to steer the huge ship. In the same way, St. James tells us that the tongue – the words that we speak – can have incredibly huge effects on other people. And so the underlying exhortation is to control that little beast called the tongue. Use it for good – not to set the world on fire!
Taming the tongue is an uphill battle. It’s beyond what we can do without the help of God. James writes:
All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. (James 3.7-8, NIV)
While we have the capacity to tame and subdue much of nature, we are helpless to tame the tongue! The challenge of taming the tongue isn’t one that we can manage by ourselves! It is almost as if the tongue is directly connected to our sinful nature. When St. Paul wrote his famous verse, …For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God… (Rom 3.23) he sets the stage by listing a number of the sins that are driven by the sinful nature. Among these, he speaks to sins of the tongue when he writes:
Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive. The venom of asps is under their lips. Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness. (Romans 3.13-14)
Here, Paul is making the point that this type of sin is so rooted in our sinful nature that the only thing that is able to redeem it is the Lord Jesus Christ. It is after making this case that Paul begins to speak about the restoration that Jesus has won for all of us through his death and resurrection! It is that gift of God that will permit us to over come that seemly untamable tongue!
Even as Christians, we have problems with controlling what we say, don’t we? It is a tough thing to do. So James all the more speaks to our relationship with God as he tells us about how our life in Christ should look like vis-à-vis our speech. Let’s read together:
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. (James 3.9-12, NIV)
Here’s a few of perspectives that might make this point clearer: 1) If we were UNBELIEVERS, then a tongue that is unbridled would be consistent. It would speak to our lack of connection to the transforming power of Jesus Christ. 2) But when we misuse our words and speak in ways that aren’t consistent with our identity as God’s children, how we manage our tongues speaks volumes about the KIND OF RELATIONSHIP we have with God! It’s important to make sure that we keep this little, yet powerful member of our body under control because, 3) The tongue has the power to INFLUENCE the lives of others!
In fact, the Scriptures are even more clear about how we are to speak to and about others. In the EIGHTH COMMANDMENT, God tells us, “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.” As Martin Luther explained this, he said: What does this mean? “We should fear and love God so that we do not tell lies about our neighbor, betray him, slander him, or hurt his reputation, but defend him, speak well of him, and explain everything in the kindest possible way.” There is no way around it – what we say – how we use our tongue – matters!
A pastor going through a difficult time in his life responded by joining a group of colleagues in regular meetings. They helped each other out and prayed for each other. One of the things that they purposed to do with each other is to support each other so that they would not sin against the Eighth Commandment by using words in gossip, untruthfully, or to intentionally cause pain for other people. So they came up with a little mnemonic to do this, the word THINK:
T -- Is it TRUE?
H -- Is it HELPFUL?
I -- Is it INSPIRING?
N -- Is it NECESSARY?
K -- Is it KIND?
(From "A Passion for Preaching," by Alan Redpath)
Listen friends, we need God’s forgiveness for the times we have used our tongues to hurt others. At the Cross of Jesus, we find overflowing grace and forgiveness for this. But more than that, we need God’s Spirit to help us control our tongue. And at the same Cross, we find the life-changing power to help us overcome the sinful tendency to use or tongues to hurt instead of to heal.
One of A. W. Tozer’s most well known truisms teaches that if there is a roomful of pianos, one does not tune one piano and then another to that piano, and then a third piano to the second and a fourth piano to the third and so on. Before long, the tune will fade and the last piano to be tuned will actually not be in tune. The idea is to tune all pianos to the same standard – a tuning fork, that way all pianos will automatically be in tune with each other.
The same truth applies to us, beloved. If we each tune our tongue to Christ, we will automatically be in tune with each other, dear friends. May God the Holy Spirit sanctify and consecrate our tongues that we may use them to praise our God and serve each other with words that encourage, help and inspire. In the name of Jesus, Amen!
