How To Really Enjoy People - Friendship Factors
Today we start a new series from the book of Philippians. Philippians is a personal book. It is also a practical book. It deals with a lot of the problems in life that we all face – day in and day out. Even though Philippians deals with problems – over and again the book tells us to express joy – rejoice – be glad. It is a positive book – with a positive attitude. The words "joy" or "rejoice" or "be glad" are used seventeen different times in this book. The title of this series is: "How to Really Enjoy Life".
In the first chapter of Philippians, Paul starts right off talking about relationships. That is because relationships are important. If relationships are bad – life is bad – life stinks. If relationships are strained – emotions are strained. Life in itself is difficult enough – but when you add relationship problems into the mix – problems just seem to compound. Problems with people can kill the joy in your life. Follow along with me as I read from Philippians chapter one:
“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace. For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ. And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.” Philippians 1:3-11 (NKJV)
Do you enjoy the people you’re around? Do you enjoy the people that you work with? Do you enjoy the people in your family? Do you enjoy the person that you’re married to? The Bible says in Ecclesiastes chapter nine and verse nine – in the Message Bible:
“Relish life with the spouse you love Each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is God’s gift.” Ecclesiastes 9:9 (MSG)
The problem I find is that many marriages are more a matter of endurance than enjoyment. We don’t really enjoy the people in our lives – we tolerate them – we put up with them – we endure them. God wants us to enjoy people.
What does it take to enjoy the people in your life? Here are four keys:
1. Be THANKFUL for the people in your life
Look at what Paul wrote in verse eight:
“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.” Philippians 1:3-4 (NKJV)
Not every memory in my life is a good memory. Not every experience in my life has been a good experience. I am sure it is the same for you. But I need to be thankful that God has placed people in life to help me grow. God is big enough to take the good stuff and work it for my benefit – but He is also big enough to take the bad stuff and work it for my benefit too. You all remember Romans chapter eight verse twenty eight don’t you? Follow along with me as I read:
“We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 (HCSB)
You and I could dwell on the negative. You and I could get stuck on the painful memories – but I would rather dwell on what I have learned from a person. Some people have given me negative examples to follow. I need to learn – how NOT to behave that way. Others have given me good examples to follow – I need to imitate them. But – I need to be thankful for all the people in my life – whether good or bad and learn from each of them.
Maybe you have, in your past, been hurt by a parent or a partner and you’re still holding on to that hurt. As a result you can’t enjoy them today. You’re still focusing on the bad and the negative. Learn to grow from the experience and move on. Learn to forgive. Thank God that you can learn from the good and the bad.
Also – try to find the good in people. I have hear wives say "He’s a good man, but ... " Anytime you hear "but" used in this way – it means the emphasis is on the negative and not the positive. Be grateful for what you’ve got! Mr. Perfect does not exist! Be grateful for the good in other people.
In verse five of our text – Paul was thankful for the Philippians loyalty. Paul says he is thankful for – “your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now.” Who has been loyal to you? Maybe it was somebody at work – a friend – a husband – a wife. Maybe they didn’t do anything really spectacular – but time and time again – when they had every opportunity to walk out on you – they didn’t. They stuck with you. They hung in there. When you were going through the bankruptcy – the crisis at work – the change in careers – they were there. When you were just being a jerk – they did not leave – they stayed with you. You ought to appreciate that! They haven’t left and they’ve had plenty of good reasons.
If you want to enjoy others, you’ve got to focus on their strengths and not their weaknesses. With some people it takes a lot of creativity. But you can find something good in everybody.
Point number two:
2. PRAY for the people in your life
Paul tells us:
“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy.” Philippians 1:3-4 (NKJV)
Paul prayed for the Philippians. How would you like to have the apostle Paul praying for you? Would that encourage you? Isn’t it encouraging when you know people are praying for you when they are remembering you? It is for me.
Folks – if you want a relationship to change from bad to good – start praying for the other person. This will do two things:
1. Change your attitude toward the person
2. Change them
Positive praying is much more powerful than positive thinking. People may resist our advice. They may reject our appeals. They may not listen to our suggestions. They may put a hedge around our help – but they are powerless against our prayers.
When you say to somebody, "I’ll pray for you" what do you say? Most people I have met will either say nothing or say, “Thank you.”
Paul tells us in verses nine thru eleven what he prayed for people. Follow along with me as I read:
“This I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.” Philippians 1:9-11 (NKJV)
Four things Paul prays for other people. You can pray these for people in your life and you can know that your prayer will be answered because this is what God wants in people’s lives - they are God’s will. They are in the Bible.
A. Pray that they will grow in LOVE with Wisdom.
Paul says that he prays that their “love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment.” (verse 9)
All of us could use more love for one another – and also know how to show it in wisdom. Paul prays that love may abound – increase – with knowledge and discernment.
B. Pray that they may have Spiritual DISCERNMENT.
“that you may approve the things that are excellent” (verse 10)
One thing that people need is spiritual discernment. We all need to figure out what is good and what is bad. We need to find those things that are “excellent” – the best – superior - and hold them up as our standards of living. Everyone needs spiritual discernment in their lives – pray for that in the people you know.
C. Pray that they may grow in HOLINESS.
“that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ” (verse 10)
Holiness includes being honest – sincere – non-offensive – pure. Every believer should what these qualities in their lives – and we should pray for each other that these qualities be displayed in our daily living.
D. Pray that they will be spiritually PRODUCTIVE.
“being filled with the fruits of righteousness” (verse 11)
All of us should want to have a productive life – to make an impact on this world in a positive way. Pray for people that they will be spiritually productive.
Paul says if you want to enjoy people in your life, you first must be grateful for the good and then you practice positive praying.
Not only should you be thankful for the people in your life and pray for them – but you should also:
3. Be PATIENT with the people in your life
Most things in life take T – I – M – E. Positive relationships with people are no exception.
But Paul looked at people’s future and not just at their past. He looked at their potential and was patient with their progress. Look at what he says in verse six. Follow along with me as I read:
“He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6 (NKJV)
Paul says what God starts, God finishes. What God started in your life at salvation He will bring it eventually to completion. God does not leave things – half done. He brings it to completion.
Mankind is a great starter but a bad finisher. Man leaves unfinished symphonies, unfinished buildings, unfinished books, unfinished projects. Man doesn’t always finish what he starts but God always finishes what He starts. He does not make an unfinished flower or an unfinished star. He puts the finishing touches on everything He does and then He says, "It is good."
God began a good work in you. He is in the process of changing you into the image of His Son – Jesus Christ. He is not going to give up on you. He will complete what He started. In spite of my hangups, my faults, my bad decisions, my sins – God is still working in my life. In spite of all the circumstances that I face in life – God is going to finish what He started.
That is true of your life too! You are going to make it! The Bible says that one day when you get to Heaven you’re going to become just like Jesus because you will see Him as He is. And that’s the goal. God starts what He finishes.
But – we need to be patient with the progress.
If God is not finished with you – how can you expect Him to be finished with the people around you? We need to be patient with people’s progress. To enjoy people we must allow for growth and for development. We should all be able to say:
I am not the person I used to be.
I am not the person I want to be.
But I am a person that is allowing God to change me!
Change takes time. I am growing and changing. Allow God to change your life too. Be patient with me – I am not perfect. But I’ll make you deal – if you are patient with me – I’ll be patient with you – because you’re not perfect either. We are not finished yet – that does not happen this side of Heaven. On this side of Heaven we are still being changed – we are still in the process – we are still growing. Let’s give enough room for growth.
4. LOVE the people in your life
I have discovered that if people are not on my heart – the get on my nerves. Peter tell us this:
“Above all things have fervent love for one another, for "love will cover a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8 (NKJV)
You can put up with an awful lot of stuff – if you love the person.
Love begins with understanding. Maybe you don’t know the background of the person you are having problems with – find out. Maybe he or she is tons better than he used to be ten years ago – and they are in the process of working some things out. Hear their hurt. Listen to their problems. Find out what makes them tick. You cannot love someone you don’t understand. You need to understand the moods of the people you are around. If you know they are having a bad day – perhaps it’s not the best time to confront them. Love chooses the right time – with the right words. Listen to what Paul has to say about love. Most of you may know this passage:
“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 (NKJV)
Folks – here is fact. It is easier to talk about love – than it is to live it. But that does not take away the fact that we are to practice love. Listen to what John says in First John:
“By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” 1 John 3:16 (NKJV)
Jesus loved us so much that He gave His life for us. Shouldn’t that make us strive to love other people? Life is too short to not enjoy the people in your life. If you don’t learn to enjoy the people that God has placed around you in your life you will be miserable. As Paul begins this great book about joy he starts off by talking about how we can enjoy people. People will rob your joy unless you learn how to respond to them the way Jesus did.
(Thanks to Richard Warren for the sermon starter idea.)
