Date: 3-12-00
Title: What God says about Child/Parent relationship
Bible Text: Eph. 6:1-4 & others
Subject: What does God’s Word have to say about the relationship between Children and Parents.
Complement: Parents must take authority, children must honor & obey.
Main Idea:
Intro: We continue today hearing how it is we can be shining examples for Christ. The key we are told to being people who show a dark and troubled world what freedom and light look like is mutual submission. Loving one another so much that we put the needs and concerns of others before self. This “other-minded-ness” is the crowning testimony of love. God’s love for us and our love for others.
This is to be observed in all our relationships. Especially our marriages as we saw last Sunday. Today we look at another important relationship which is ripe with opportunities for us to live in such a way as to demonstrate all that we have in Christ.
Today we look at the relationship between parents and their children.
This is important because there are many ideas bouncing around today that run contrary to what God desires.
Three things weaken, undermine, and threaten to destroy the family today. One is our sinful nature of which every person is born with. Our selfish, me centered perspective passed on to us from Adam and Eve. Second is the Satanic World system in which we live. Because God’s plan is to build, strengthen, and protect the family, Satan’s plan is to undermine, weaken, and destroy it. By every means possible Satan strives to lower the moral standards and values so as that the family can’t function any longer as God designed. Thirdly, is the perverse influence of humanistic philosophy. The push is toward a philosophy that alienates parents and children. One popular speaker at a well known and respected Secular College said that he looks forward to a world where there will be no schools, no families, and no parent-child relationships. He says, “To free the child we must do away with parenthood and marriage, we must settle for nothing less than the total elimination of the family.”
For years, one of the major goals of Marxist socialism has been to liberate children from the home and make them wards of the State. A child out of the home will not be taught any moral, religious, social, patriotic, or political standards or attitudes that are contrary to what the state wants.
These factors are constantly at war against the family and the parent-child relationship. In just four short verses God’s Word shows us how we as Christ-followers can experience the freedom and joy of our respective roles in such a way as to honor God and receive His blessings.
Let’s look together at them:
I. Children Honor And Glorify God And Their Parents As They Submit. (Eph. 6:1)
A. Children are a gift from God. (Psalm 127:3-5)
1. From the things we read and see on TV one might almost conclude that for some, children are a burden or curse rather than a gift and a blessing.
a) Babies are aborted before they are born because they are viewed as an inconvenience.
b) We read every day of children being left neglected and abused.
2. The Word of God says that children, those addressed here in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, are a gift. (Psalm 127:3)
a) Children are a heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
b) As a matter of fact God’s Word says the more you have the more your blessed! (Psalm 127:4-5)
c) This tells us that when we hear of someone having another child say their 5th or 10th for that matter.
d) When we roll our eyes and say, “Oh, that poor woman”! Biblically we need to know in our hearts that children are a blessing from God even if they are a lot of work!
e) Even if they can cause gray hair or loss of hair, or drain the energy from a mom and dad like a new toy drains batteries.!
Trans: So we see that children are a blessing, a gift! We also know that this is not Pollyanna, put your head in the sand wishful thinking. Buck up and smile moms, don’t you know, having and raising children is a gift and blessing from God! Say that to a mom who has chased preschoolers all day and you could lose an eye as she hurls a Lego at you! The good news is that God’s Word gives us a user’s manual on raising them appropriately. It doesn’t guarantee ease and simplicity, but it does provide valuable help in raising our kids God’s way! Let’s look and see how we do that here in Ephesians 6.
B. Obeying parents is God’s plan for Blessing.
1. The Greek word here translated “children” is tekna at it is not only referring to young children, but to all offspring.
a) Now we saw last week in 5:31 that when children marry they are no longer under their parents authority to the same extent that they were prior to marriage.
b) Still, special respect and concern for parents should continue on for as long as they live.
c) The child who is properly brought up to obey and honor his or her parents will always be sensitive to their parents wisdom and counsel.
2. The word obey here is hupakouo and literally, means “to hear under”.
a) That is to “listen with attentiveness” and to respond positively to what is heard.
b) Children are to put themselves willingly under the words and authority of their parents.
c) The word is a military term that would apply to a soldier in obeying his orders.
d) Basically it means, “children, do what your parents say."
3. Proverbs 6:20 says, “My son, keep your father’s commands and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.”
a) Its whole theme is this: A child must learn the most important lesson of all, to be an obedient child.
4. Notice, this is not a simple exhortation to children to obey, much as we might find in a pamphlet or booklet on parent-child relationships written from a secular point of view.
a) Rather it is very specific and has the added statement, “In the Lord.”
b) The key to this entire command is “in the Lord.”
5. This phrase, “in The Lord” is not saying that Christian children whose parents aren’t believers in Jesus Christ don’t have to obey!
a) This is not so much a reference to a parent’s spiritual status before God as to a child’s motive for being obedient!
b) This “in the Lord” phrase refers to God’s intended role for parents and children.
c) That the entire family be under the umbrella of being in the Lord.
6. We saw in Eph. 4:22 that a wife is to is to submit herself to her husband as unto the Lord.
a) A wife submits herself to her husband for the sake of Christ.
b) She allows her husband to take his leadership role in the home so as to honor Christ.
c) The husband, in turn, submits to His wife as Christ loved the church so much to die for her.
7. It is the same here with the child to the parent.
a) Children are to obey their parents, for Christ’s sake.
b) Children are to obey, not because this is what their parents want, so much as because this is what the Lord Jesus wants.
8. Obedience is their responsibility to Christ.
a) They cannot possibly fulfill their desire to belong to him, and to reflect his life, unless they are willing to obey their parents.
b) This is the foundation upon which the apostle puts the Child/parent relationship.
C. God deems Biblical obedience as right!
1. The word here for “right” is Dikaos and it refers to that which is correct, just, or righteous. To that which is exactly as it is meant to be.
a) For children to obey their parents is exactly how it was all meant to be.
b) Why, because everything God commands is exactly how things are meant to be.
2. This fundamental truth is for all of us today!
a) If we obey God we will experience blessing.
b) If we disobey God, we experience trouble.
3. But the apostle puts his finger directly on this, and says, "This is the supreme thing, it is the right thing, it is in accordance with reality." It’s the only way to make your home run right.
4. Respect for parents is so important to God that He instructed Moses and God’s people to make disrespect of parents punishable of death.
Exodus 21:15 (NIV)
15 "Anyone who attacks his father or his mother must be put to death.
Exodus 21:17 (NIV)
17 "Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.
Trans: Now, in Verses 2 and 3, the apostle moves on to press deeper into this subject. He says the same thing again, but he goes behind the actions to the attitudes.
II. Obedience to one’s parents brings them honor.(2-3)
A. Everyone wins when we do things God’s way.
1. He says it is not only important to obey, but to obey in such a way as to honor your father and your mother.
2. The attitude of obedience is exceedingly important.
a) We know, of course, that it is possible to obey with a heart seething with disobedience and hatred.
b) It is possible to obey with any icy coldness which is perfectly correct in its action, and perfectly wrong in its attitude.
ILL. Like the young child who rebelliously refuses to obey their parents command to sit down. The consequences of their rebellion brings a sore behind as they finally relent and sit down. Then with a defiant look they say, “I may be sitting down on the outside, but on the inside I’m still standing up.” This week I asked folks on facebook about obedience issues and one mom wrote me about her solution to children rocking back on their chair at the dinner table and having the child have to stand and eat and I laughed because I remember having to stand and eat my dinner a couple times!
c) It is possible to give obedience with a deceptive compliance that looks like willingness, but inwardly one is waiting for an opportunity to revolt or to break over the lines.
3. Remember in Matt. 21:28-31 the story of the two sons.
a) Both sons were disobedient here!
b) It is just that one was honest enough to be up front and speak what was in his heart.
c) What makes the other son worse is that he put on a good show on the outside but was disobedient on the inside!
4. Jesus, once again, wants the heart!
a) The outward action without the inner attitude is only going through the motions.
b) As parents, as God’s people, we need to be working on the heart attitude.
5. Honoring parents encompasses providing for them when they can no longer care for themselves.
a) Just as parents provide for their children for 20 or more years.
b) Their children are to return the favor and spend whatever time or money is necessary to care for their aging parents.
B. The result of an obedient heart is a promise of blessing on one’s life.(Ex. 20:12)
1. When God first introduced His written law in the form of the Ten Commandments, the first law relating to human relationships was, "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. - Exodus 20:12
a) The promise is that it may be well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth,"
b) In other words, obeying your parents and bringing honor to them blesses their life and yours as a child!
c) This promise is not some fortune cookie gibberish.
d) God’s word is never shallow.
2. It simply means that willing obedience, is going to bless the socks off the children who obey.
a) But reluctant, rebellious obedience injures you, and can even drastically shorten your life.
b) It can cause serious physical disturbances.
ILL. Modern doctors and psychologists agree that a bitter and resentful heart produces acne, causes ulcers and loss of appetite, upsets digestion, impairs the use of the mind, causes allergic reactions such as asthma or fainting spells, makes the skin break out in hives and blisters, and causes many other kinds of serious physical disturbances.
3. That is why the Word of God promises that honoring your father and mother will actually mean a lengthening of life and will certainly make the life we do live much more enjoyable.
Trans: It is clear that it is absolutely essential that children learn to obey their parents willingly. Nothing is more important.
III. Parents Must Submit To The Overarching Need To See Their Children Mature To Be Godly Adults. (Eph. 6:4)
A. Proper parenting means mutual submission.
1. This whole section of Scripture is under the umbrella of 5:21 above.
a) "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
b) Therefore, if it is true that children are to subject themselves to their parents by obeying them, it is equally true that parents are to subject themselves to their children’s spiritual, emotional, and physical growth and
well being.
2. Parents must be responsible in raising their children.
a) This means they obey God in raising their children with honor and respect just as children are to show the same.
3. This means parents are not to exasperate their children.
a) It has been pointed out that this word translated Fathers could well be translated Parents because it includes both the father and the mother.
b) It is also true that the emphasis is laid largely upon the father, for it is his responsibility as to what the children become.
c) That is sobering, is it not, fathers? But it is true.
d) Mothers may enforce policy but it is the father’s task to set it, and to see that his children are raised properly.
4. There is nothing that is more dishonoring to the spirit of Christianity than the attitude adopted by many fathers: "It is my job to make the living; her job is to raise the children."
B. Fathers lovingly submit to their children by deliberately avoiding the things which make a child rebel.
1. The KJV translates this, "Do not Provoke them to anger."
a) The word for anger here is not the common word which describes irritation or temporary upset, for obviously in any home even proper discipline can sometimes make a child angry.
b) Children are not mature, they do not always react as they ought, and even necessary discipline will make a child angry.
c) This word is not saying anything against that.
d) The word used here means "anger which results in a rebellion."
2. Another way, then, to put it is, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to the place where they completely lose control and break out against authority."
3. There are two things which cause rebellion in children and provoke a child ultimately to rebel against his parents: Indulgence and harshness.
a) These two things are the negative of the two things he instructs the father to do.
b) Bring them up in the training and the instruction (or the exhortation) of the Lord."
c) The opposites of these are indulgence and harshness.
d) Those are the things which provoke a child to wrath.
4. During the last century the father was often considered a tyrant in his family.
a) Children had to toe the mark and often had very little contact with their parents in a loving relationship.
b) Consequently there was a breaking out against this.
5. In our day it is the other way around. We have swung to the extreme of indulgence.
a) We give our children everything and let them have their own way, let them raise themselves.
b) But notice that the word says, "Fathers...bring your children up." Do not let them bring you up.
ILL. We are much more apt to hear parents trying to reason with their children than our parents before us.
6. There is a balance that is to be had.
a) A sense of discipline without unreasonable force that brings exasperation!
b) A parent does the hard work of raising their children.
c) This is not benign neglect and or micromanaging.
C. Parents can bring up their children biblically with godly training and instruction.
1. Training here means the discipline to work at something till you get it right.
a) It requires putting limits and parameters in place for our self-indulgent children.
b) The limits which parents set for their children are like walls that bring security and display real love.
2. Proverbs 13:24 is a verse that speaks of discipline and the fact that a parent who refuses to give guidance really doesn’t love their child.
Proverbs 13:24 - He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
a) As a matter of fact it says such a parent down right hates his son.
b) With all the propaganda being spouted today about parents being careful not to bruise a child’s self-esteem, we find that the word of God says that discipline, giving a spanking when deserved actually promotes a healthy child.
3. As the author of Hebrews tells us in his rhetorical question, “what son is not disciplined by his father?”
4. When we talk of instruction we see a word that has about it the sense of nurture.
a) Like a plant, we provide loving care so as to see strong growth.
b) This requires both time in specific instruction and just plain time together with our children.
ILL. Charles Francis Adams, 19th century political figure and diplomat, kept a diary. One day he entered: "Went fishing with my son today--a day wasted." His son, Brook Adams, also kept a diary, which is still in existence. On that same day, Brook Adams made this entry: "Went fishing with my father--the most wonderful day of my life!" The father thought he was wasting his time while fishing with his son, but his son saw it as an investment of time. It is never a waste of time to be with our children!
5. Nurture means time spent with our children teaching them the important things in life.
a) Proverbs 22:6 - Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
b) Our children need to see us and hear us teaching them things about God…it doesn’t happen by osmosis!
c) We can’t expect the church to train them up for us.
d) If we do this, the Bible promises that they will not depart from it!
Conclusion: It was BILLY GRAHAM who said: Children will invariably talk, eat, walk, think, respond, and act like their parents. Give them a target to shoot at. Give them a goal to work toward. Give them a pattern that they can see clearly, and you give them something that gold and silver cannot buy.
These verses today, last Sunday, and next Sunday all point to mutual submission. And the recurring theme is that we are to submit to one another as we submit to Christ.
As we close today let me ask you? How are you doing submitting to Jesus Christ in your life?
Is He your master today? Like a child, do you come to Him and humbly obey Him?
Jesus said, Let the little children come to me. He meant all of us. This passage of Scripture today is not just about parents raising their children. In the context of the verses around it we find that all that we are learning here in Ephesians 5 & 6 is about allowing Jesus to be Lord of our lives. All areas of our lives!
