Date: 8-9-09
Title: Imitating God Requires Mutual Submission
Bible Text: Eph. 5:21 –33
Subject:
Complement:
Main Idea:
Intro: ILL. One evening a preschooler, Kristel, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting. Kristel asked, "Daddy, you’re the boss of the house, right?" Her father proudly replied, "Yes, I am the boss of the house." But Kristel added, "’Cause Mommy put you in charge, right, Daddy?"
We have been learning from the Scriptures how we are to be imitators of God. Last week we saw that we imitate God as we love others, as we control our words, as we worship together, and as we expose the deeds done in darkness.
We have observed over the last few Sundays that God’s Word here in Ephesians has been directing us to live out our faith so others can see. We saw that we are not to blend in as Christians, but rather, we are to let our light shine forth for the darkened world around us to see.
Paul has been fervently writing down God’s Words for the church as the Holy Spirit has guided his pen across the page. He has been working on communicating to us how it is we can stand out as light in a darkened world. How we can be imitators of God. He sums it up with a sentence – “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
We next see that the primary place we can put this into practice is in our most intimate relationships. Our marriage partner and our children.
Let’s look at this together and see what we can apply to our lives.
In Paul’s day marriage had fallen short of the ideal. To the Jews who had a very low view of women, a man could divorce his wife for spoiling his dinner, walking in public with her head uncovered, or speaking disrespectfully about his parents. A man could even di¬vorce his wife if he found another woman who looked more attrac¬tive. Greek wives were to run the home and care for their husband’s legitimate children, but the husband found his pleasure and com-panionship elsewhere. In Roman culture, the marriage bond was on the way to a complete breakdown. It was not unheard of for a man to be marrying his 23rd wife, and she might be her 21st husband. Against this background, Paul calls us to a new purity and a new fellowship in the marriage relationship.
I. We Show Those Far From God How Awesome God Is As We Submit To One Another In Our Homes.(vss. 21-23; Philippians 2:3-8)
A. Submitting to one another shows God is in us. (v. 21;)
1. Submission to authority is distasteful to many people.
a) To submit implies for them a master who demands subservience.
b) Submission is something we expect of a dog but not another human being!
ILL. A survey was taken and the percentage of American adults who disagree with the statement: "A wife should submit graciously to the servant leadership of her husband": 69 Disagreement declines slightly (to six in 10) when survey respondents are reminded that the statement is taken from the Bible.
2. This attitude has permeated our culture and even the church.
a) But we must fight the selfish and prideful tendency of our sinful nature.
b) We are always pushing and striving to be number one.
3. The word used here in the Greek is hupotasso and was originally a military term meaning to arrange or rank under.
a) The main idea is one of relinquishing one’s rights to another person.
b) In other words, “it may be our “right” to say whatever we want to someone, but following this Scripture, as a believer, we can choose to not speak.
c) It might be perfectly in our right to put someone in their place and tell them they are wrong. But as Christians we can choose to hold out tongues.
ILL. I remember not long after Pat and I had started our family and our kids were young that we had some friends who were married but not yet with children. The wife would talk openly about what she would or wouldn’t do when she had kids. Referring to something we were or were not doing. Pat and I used to hold our tongues because we didn’t want to offend her even though we had every right to set her straight. We laughed because we knew that God would set her straight in due time when she had kids of her own.
4. We will stand out as Christians who are imitating Christ as we choose to relinquish our rights to one another.
5. This submission to one another is motivated by our love for Jesus Christ.
a) Our “getting along” with one another is a sign to those watching that we are different.
b) That God resides in us by the HS.
c) We stand out as unselfish just as Christ selflessly gave of Himself for us.
6. We submit to one another out of our reverence for Christ.
a) We submit to each other out of our knowledge of what Christ has done in submitting Himself to death, even death on a cross. (Philippians 2:3-8)
b) We mimic what Christ did for us in Hid ultimate submission.
7. Submitting to one another means.
a) Put others first.
b) Think about their feelings, desires, and wishes.
c) Keep minor things minor.
d) Be flexible.
Trans: Now lest this statement, “Submit to one another.” Become nothing more than a sound bite, or a pithy statement, or bumper sticker. God goes on to say here how we can very practically apply this mutual submission to one of the most crucial relationships we will ever have. Our home life!
II. Mutual Submission Begins With Ladies First. (22-24; Matt. 20:26-28; Gen. 3:16)
1. Wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord.
a) How are we to submit ourselves to Jesus?
b) Partially? Sometimes? When it suits us?
c) Do we play games with Jesus and just let Him think He wears “the pants” in our relationship to Him?
My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I’m the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
2. We are to submit ourselves totally to Jesus as Lord and master of our lives. Ouch!
3. Husband, verse 23 says, “You are the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church!”
a) It means that in the same way that Jesus is the head of the church you are the head of your wife.
4. Let’s look at Jesus’ example of headship!
a) Jesus had been explaining the contrast between how the world leaders want to demand submission of others by their title and their position. Jesus says about that:
Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave-- just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." - Matthew 20:26-28
5. In other words, our model of leadership and headship is one of leading as a servant and as one who is willing to sacrifice our very life for those we serve.
a) How many wives would have a problem submitting to a man who leads like Jesus Christ?
b) Submitting to a husband who loved you so much he would lay down and submit his life to death for you.
c) It would be easy!
6. But a word of caution ladies – you might be saying, “well, when he starts walking on water I’ll start being submissive!
a) Sorry it doesn’t work that way- The text doesn’t give such a loop hole.
b) It simply says to submit to your husbands leadership!
7. Now this goes totally against a woman’s sinful nature – part of the curse back in Genesis 3:16 was that a wife will want to rule over her husband.
a) The word there for desire is not sexual, it is a control issue.
b) The context at the end of the verse makes it clear.
c) Part of the curse is seen in our homes today as wives fight for the role of being head.
d) It’s natural as sin itself!
ILL. So, why did Paul tell wives to submit to husbands when they were in submission already? The clue is in the grammar. The verb "submit" is in the middle voice. Literally, it means "place yourself in submission." Perhaps you have been putting on a good show on the outside of being the good wife, but now you are given the choice of being a godly wife inwardly too. Now we are given this voluntary choice, this act of will rather than this legal requirement. Paul was after a heart attitude, a spirit of humility by choice, not coercion. Paul is pro-choice where woman are concerned: the choice to lay down our lives for our brothers, sisters, husbands, and children, because we have laid it down for Christ.
Richard Foster says, "[Paul] made decision makers out of those who were forbidden to make decisions." What an incredible opportunity for the Christian wife in Paul’s time. The letter to the Ephesians elevates the concepts.
8. That is why when we as Christians do it right with the husband and the father being the spiritual head of the family the world looks on in awe!
9. This is a big challenge to husbands and fathers too!
a) Are you spending time praying for your wife and children?
b) Are you reading your Bible with your children, leading them by example?
c) That is a father and a husband’s most important role.
Trans: Now wives, before you get upset and tune out because this is just too hard or too unreasonable. Let me ask you to be patient and look at the whole picture of this family portrait that God is giving us before you mentally bail out on this. Everyone has a part in submitting in this process! You are just first on the list!
III. Mutual Submission Means, “Husbands Submit To Your Wife.” (vv. 25-31)
A. Husbands love their wife as they submit their rights and their pride to death. (v. 25)
1. Sometimes the emphasis of this passage is entirely mis¬placed.
a) The basis of the passage is not one of control; it is one of divine love.
b) The ultimate example of submission is self-sacrificing love where a person submits themselves to whatever comes their way for the sake of another.
c) Paul describes the love that a husband should have for his wife as he compares this love to Jesus’ love for us and willing to die for us.
2. A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church.
a) Jesus loved the church so much that he died for her!
b) Husbands are to love their wife so much that they would give their very life for her.
c) Now, I know the wife has it hard because she is to submit to her husband but a husband is to die to self in his love for his wife!
3. In other words, a husband is putting aside his own agenda and making his wife’s agenda his primary concern.
a) A love that is sensitive to her needs.
b) A love that is self-denying.
4. Part of the problem with these verses is the language used.
a) The word “submit” is a word that carries with it a certain shock factor.
b) Women recoil at the word in the context of women submitting to any man, especially their husband. She knows his faults, his failures, she knows, perhaps better than anyone else, just how fragile he is behind his public façade.
5. We know that this, “who’s the boss” thing constantly gets in the way and the “s” word is black and white and one can easily tell if someone is submitting to someone else pretty easily.
6. But this idea of loving as Christ loved.
a) It sounds warm and comfy.
b) It doesn’t cause us to bristle or step back.
c) Besides who can really measure or tell if a man is loving his wife the way Christ loves the church?
d) I mean, I guess he is loving her.
7. Submission seems harder than being loving because one is concrete and the other seems more complex and vague, hard to pin down.
a) But the idea here is mutual submission where each person, husband and wife put the other person first out of love for Christ and each other.
b) The relationship in our marriage is a testament to the watching world of what the church is supposed to look like if done right.
ILL. It might look like this: A husband could say, “Honey why won’t you just do it my way and, for once, submit to my God given authority.”
Then the wife turns to her husband and says, “Sweet heart, why don’t you love me enough to die to your own self-interests and do it my way?”
Granted this line of thinking and talking will get nowhere. Probably end in a very ugly fight.
A guy was telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before. "But it ended," he said, "when she came crawling to me on her hands and knees."
"What did she say?" asked the friend.
The husband replied, "She said, ’Come out from under that bed, you coward!’"
But what if both husband and wife took these verses seriously to heart. Then the conversation would sound like this, A wife says, “You know what honey, you’re the leader of the family, so let’s do it your way.” And the husband responds, “Oh sweetheart, no way, doing it my way is not important to me. What is important to me is you being happy and so I want to do it your way…
Now this sounds mushy and even a bit sappy. But if we could capture the heart of this paradigm shift in our thinking and acting toward one another, the words would take care of themselves.
B. A husband is to love his wife even when she refuses to reciprocate. (25)
1. This is done willingly by a husband as Christ willingly laid down His life for the Church.
a) This means that husbands go out of their way to love their wife and do so willingly.
b) Not begrudgingly with an attitude.
c) Jesus chose to love the church, we need to choose to love our wife.
2. Notice that Jesus loved the church even though it has a tendency to not submit to Him too well.
a) Husbands we love our wife whether she submits to us or not!
b) Just because she isn’t being biblical in her approach to the marriage doesn’t let husbands off the hook any more than a wife can forget about being submissive to her husband if he isn’t loving her enough!
c) Both these actions of love and submission are independent and not based on the other partners works.
C. A husband is to love his wife with a sanctifying love. (26-27)
1. This love is to bless both God and a husband’s wife as this unconditional love cleanses and permits a wife to be everything God wants her to be.
a) The love Jesus had for the church was that He was willing to die on a cross for the church.
b) The results of that action is that we are sanctified, that is “made right” with God so that we can have a relationship with Him.
c) Jesus’ work, His dying to self on the cross made it so that we are presented to God the Father by Jesus Himself and this makes it possible for us to be in relationship with God.
d) Jesus’ love makes it possible for you and me to be all that God wants us to be!
2. This sanctifying love that a husband has for his wife does the same thing!
a) As we love our wife this way it makes it possible for her to flourish as a human and to be the whole person that God wants her to be!
3. Notice the contrast from what immediately comes to our mind with respect to submission resulting in this wilted, toiling, defeated woman who is her husbands slave, maid, cook and lover.
a) Rather, when a wife submits Biblically to her husband and a husband submits Biblically to His wife, the benefits of his love exhibited this way is that the wife is presented as one of great value and radiance by her husband.
4. This love empowers the wife to fulfill the plan God has for her.
a) The love a husband is to Biblically have for his wife enriches the wife as he cherishes her as a treasure.
5. Sanctifying love cleanses the relationship and removes anything that would be detrimental to their relationship.
a) This is a love that overlooks the blemishes, the mistakes, the errors and the shortcomings.
b) A love that is blind to all that is wrong and only sees what is right and beautiful.
D. Husbands, love your wives with a satisfying love (w. 28-33 ).
1. Husbands are to treat their wives as part of their own bodies. (28)
a) This isn’t referring to some stare in the mirror and flex your muscles kind of love for your own body. That would be very fleeting and dependent solely upon your manly physique.
b) No, this love is with regard to our self preservation, the idea of “saving our own skin”.
c) Typically we don’t do things to our own body to intentionally hurt ourselves.
d) Rather, we do what is safe and good and healthy for our bodies.
2. Husbands are to love and care for their wives. (29)
a) Where we treat them with special attention, and health and take care of them.
b) A nurturing love.
3. Husbands are to love their wife as the priority of their love. (31-33)
a) A wife is to be a husband’s first love with regard to things of this earth.
b) His wife comes before the children and even before mom, and dad and the in-laws and out-laws!
c) A man and woman leave their primary love toward their parents and now, as husband and wife, direct it to each other.
d) Paul admits that this is a bit of a mystery even to him but he comes back and he emphasizes again in verse 33 – the relation between a husband and wife is of mutual loving submission.
Conclusion: Fireproof is the story of Caleb and Kathryn Holt, a couple that is considering divorce after seven years of marriage. In one last attempt to salvage their marriage, Caleb’s father asks Caleb to try a 40-day experiment he calls The Love Dare. Caleb agrees. In this scene Caleb (Kirk Cameron), a firefighter, has reached the half-way mark of the experiment. He calls his father (Harris Malcom) to talk about how things are going. Caleb explains that the night before, he had prepared a candle-light dinner for his wife. Her only response was, "I don’t love you." Perceiving that his son is about to give up on The Love Dare, Caleb’s father comes to visit, and the two decide to go for a walk. Along the way, they come to a clearing in an area where church camp is held. There’s a wooden cross and some tree stumps for seating. With Caleb seated on a stump, his father questions him: "Caleb, if I were to ask you why you were so frustrated with Kathryn, what would you say?"
Let’s watch this portion together:
Elapsed Time: DVD, chapter 16, 00:57:01 – 00:58:38
