Title: Intimacy in Marriage
Text:1 Cor. 7:2-11
Introduction
This is part 3 of a 4 part series in Marriage. This sermon was given on Sunday August 23 by Tony Hamiliton who is the worship leader at Calvary Assembly of God
1. What is biblical intimacy?
Today we are going to talk about intimacy. This is an area that most people rarely talk about especially in the church, but God and His word have lots to say about it. When most people hear that word intimacy nowadays, they think of sex. But to God, physical sexual intimacy is only a part of overall intimacy. Intimacy is having a very close connection with another. This involves every aspect of the person; physical, emotional, intellectual; and spiritual. It is having detailed knowledge of the other person in all these areas. So, in our marriages, we need to really evaluate how well we really know our spouse.
So, lets see what the God has to say about intimacy in our marriages
Text: 1 Corinthians chapter 7:2-11 (NLT)
2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
2. How can you be more intimate with your spouse
A. Thru Cooperation
3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
One way to be more intimate in our marriage is by sharing, cooperating. When we got married, we were joined to our spouse. we left our parents and become one with our spouse. That means we are to share everything. its not 50 50 split, but 100% for both. In the verse, Paul is talking about how we belong to our spouses. He isn’t saying that one spouse owns the other one. He is saying that what is mine is yours and what is yours is mine. He is talking specifically about sex and our bodies belong to our spouse, but it goes deeper then that. Everything we have belongs to our spouse. We should now be one being, one body, one mind, one spirit.
B. Thru Commitment - faithful
10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
- Another way to increase intimacy with our spouse is thru our commitment to each other. A marriage is an exclusive relationship between 1 man and 1 woman. We see God’s design for marriage in Genesis, Adam and Eve. That is God’s design. The bible warns in many places about being unfaithful in our marriage and the devil so wants to destroy marriages. He will tempt you everyday. We are bombarded every day with tv, music, billboards, amgazine covers, websites, emails, and on and on. Sexual temptation is everywhere.
In Matthew 5 it says"You have heard that it was said, ’Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
In the book of Revelation, we see this warning,
But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."Rev 21:8
So, we need to stay faithful and moral with our spouse in intimacy. We really need to be aware and prayerful as couples in this area. So many marriages, even between Christians fall because the marriagge commitment fades and thats when Mr Devil comes in.
This brings us to our last point on how to be more intimate in our marriage.
C. Thru Communication
5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
- and the best way to increase intimacy in our marriages in to communicate with each other. We need to talk about everything. In the verse, Paul is talking about communicating about our sex lives, but its more then that. We need to talk about everything and I mean everything.
If our spouse is going to know every detail about us, then we need to share and talk with them. They should know absolutely everything about us. Our needs, our wants, our wishes, our goals and dreams. They should know our spiritual walk, they should be side by side with us. Never keep secrets from your spouse. This can only lead to the devil using them against our marriages. The devil wants to destroy our marriages and if we are not talking to each other, especially about things that we are struggling with, then the devil will just come in and use that. A marriage is a team and for that team to know where its headed and if we are on the right path, then we MUST talk to our spouses. Never be afraid or ashamed and always be honest. God gave them to us as a partner, as a helper. Use them in that role. No man can make it alone. Tak to your spouse about your sex life, about your finances, about your children.. everything. nothing should ever be off limits with your spouse. This takes time and work. But you need to do it. No marriage can grow without communication and the husband and wife cannot grow closer together with communication. This includes praying together. A couple that prays together, stays together.
God has created marriage so man would not be alone, but also so that we can understand our relationship with him better. when we have a more initmate relationship with our spouses, we can then have a more intimate relationship with God and vice versa. When we have a more intimate relationship with God, our marriages become more intimate.
For those of you who are not married we can apply the same points to having a more intimate relationship with God.
So how do we have a more intimate relationship with God. I belive that we can thru the same 3 things we looked at in our marriages to have a more intimate relationship with our spouse and apply it to our relationship with God.
A. Thru Cooperation - Involvement
- First, we need to be cooperating with God and not trying to go and do our own thing. We need to try and be in line with what God wants for our lives. We should be tring to decrease so God can increase. We need to get God in all of our decisions and plans. Whether we are married or single, God wants to be the God of your entire life, not just some. Following Jesus is a choice. We need to let oursleves go and let Jesus and the Holy Spirit take over. Easier said then done. We fight God everyday. We think we know what we want, we want to satisfy our earthly desires and thats not cooperating. God knows us already, but do we know Him. Are we praying daily, are we in His word daily, are we seeking his face daily. When we involve Jesus in our lives, we will have a more intimate relationship with Him.
B. Thru Commitment - Faithfulness
- Next, we need commitment in our relationship with God. If we want an intimate relationship with God, we need to show Him we are committed to Him. When we stay faithful to God, we tend to be praying and in his word and really seeking Him for what is best for our lives. But, then we drift away.. Lets look at the old testament and the isarealites. whenever they drifted away from God, they fell out of their initmate relationship with Him and bad things happened. When they came back to God, they were victorious, they had all their needs met, they were safe and they knew God. They were faithful and did what God wanted them to do. God wants us to stay faithful and commited to him. Our God is a jealous God. It says in Deuteronomy 4: 23-24 "Be careful not to forget the covenant of the Lord your God that He made with you; do not make for yourselves an idol in the form of anything the Lord your God has forbidden. For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God."
God is always faithful and asks us to stay faithful to Him. In good times and bad, we need to stay committed to His plan for our lives. He knows what is best for us and most of the time we do not understand why things happen, but we must stay faithful to our Lord and Savior. He stayed faithful to us even tho we are sinners and stray everyday. Commitment to God shows our love for Him and how we want to have an intimate relationship with. We want to draw closer to Him so he draws closer to us.
C. Thru Communication
- And finally what I think is the most important way to help grow our intimacy with God, communication. When we talk to God, we are talking to our heavenly Father. He knows us better then we know ourselves. When we open up that door of communication thru prayer, God is listening. God knows us so well, he knows what we are going to ask in advance, but he still desires us to talk with Him. He wants to hear from his children. And God speaks back, maybe not always audibly, but thru the Bible, thru others, thru circumstances. We need to be able to recognize His voice.
If you are not praying, you need to start. There is no correct form. Pray in your own words. just start talking to Him everyday. Make time for prayer. Just start with a few minutes. God wants you to talk to Him about everything going on in your life. Keep a prayer journal and see how he answers your prayers. If you want a more intimate relationship with God, this is it. Just like in marriage, this is the key. if you want God to speak to you, speak to Him. Pray, be in your bible and see what God wants to say to you.
I love this verse about praying to God and what he can do in Zechariah 13:9 "I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure, just as gold and silver are refined and purified by fire. They will call on my name, and I will answer them. I will say, ’These are my people,’ and they will say, ’The LORD is our God.’ "
In closing, we saw three things we need to have a more intimate relationship in our marriage and in our walk with God. With Cooperation, Commitment and Communication we will be able to grow closer to our spouses and to God and further away from the Devil and the things of this world.
