You might have heard the name Clara Barton before. After the Civil War, she helped organize the American Red Cross. One day a friend came up to her and reminded her of something awful that someone had done to her in the past. When her friend brought it up to her, she looked at her like she didn’t know what she was talking about. She acted like she had never heard about the incident. Her friend asked her, “Don’t you remember what I’m talking about?” Clara looked at her and said, “No, I distinctly remember forgetting it.” That’s the way forgiveness is, isn’t it? It seems like our minds are built in such a way that we only forget the things we’re supposed to remember. But if someone has hurt us or done us wrong, we can remember those things forever. But there is a difference in remembering them and holding on to them. Remembering is just a memory. We can’t do anything about those. They’re stuck in there. What we can do is let go of the bitterness and resentment that builds up around those memories. And the only way we can do that is with a conscious, ongoing act of forgiveness. That is what the key verse of this passage talks about in verse 13—forgiveness. What’s interesting is the context of that forgiveness. The context is in talking about the family. When we get to verses 18-21, it seems like we’ve been here before, doesn’t it? Paul already talked about those things in Ephesians 5. We looked at that passage a few weeks ago. When we see these words, “wives submit” and “husbands love”, we think that Paul is just copying things from the same playbook he’s used before. Is Paul just being one of those preachers that preach the same message over and over? Is that what’s happening here? That’s what it looks like, but it’s not. Yes—Paul is saying the same thing again. But this time, he’s saying it in a different context. This time he’s talking about family relations in the context of the forgiveness of Jesus. And he shows us how that forgiveness is supposed to play out in our families. This morning, as we look at this passage, we’re going to ask it four questions. Why do we need forgiveness in our families? What foundation do we build forgiveness in our family on? What will forgiveness in our family look like? And how can we get there? The first question is, Why do we need forgiveness in our families?
That might seem self-explanatory, doesn’t it? Families are made up of people. And people are going to mess things up. Most of the time the things we mess up are small things. We forget to take out the trash. We say something stupid that hurts our wife or husband’s feelings. We break the rules or talk back to our parents. We bring home a bad grade. We say something critical or biting or sarcastic that hurts our kids. We mess those thing up all the time. But sometimes we really mess up things in a big way. Porn, lust, adultery. Rebellion, strife, badgering, belittling. Families are made up of people. And one of the undeniable truths of life is that people sin. Romans 3:23 says that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. And when we sin, we not only sin against God, we sin against others. People say things like, “What goes on behind closed doors is private.” “As long as it doesn’t hurt anybody else, it’s okay.” Well, guess what? There are no closed doors when it comes to sin. Sin never affects only the person who commits the sin. Sin always impacts someone else. And here’s how it works: when you sin, the people it will impact the most are the people who are closest to you. By nature, that is your family. Let me be frank—men, if you think that your “private” lust is only impacting you, you’re wrong. Ladies, if you think that your attitude at home is only impacting you, you’re wrong. Kids, if you think that your sneaky rebellion is only impacting you, you’re wrong. There is no such thing as hidden sin. Scripture assures us that our sin will find us out—it will come to the surface. And the first place it will surface is in the home. That’s why our home is the first place we have to exercise forgiveness. God designed the family to picture His love for us. The husband is to love the wife in a way that pictures the love that Jesus has for His church. The wife is to submit to her husband it a way that pictures the loving devotion the church is to have toward Jesus. Parents’ love toward their children is to be a picture of God’s nurturing love toward us. And children are to obey their parents in a way that pictures our humble obedience toward the Lord. That is the design. That is what is supposed to go on in our homes. But there’s a problem. Sin gets in the way. And when it does, it mars and mangles the beautiful picture that God designed. And the only way to fix that picture is the same way that God fixed our relationship with Him. With forgiveness. Even while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. 1 John 2:1-2 says, “…if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.” And verse 13 of our passage says that, even in the way that Christ forgave you, you are to forgive others. That starts at home. Just as your personal sin impacts those closest to you the most, your forgiveness of them should be the greatest. Why do we need forgiveness in our families? Because we all sin. Our sin impacts our families the most. So, in order to be the kind of family that Jesus desires you to be, you need to show the same kind of forgiveness that He showed you. Unconditional, continual, and undeserved. Families need forgiveness. But how can that happen? How do we get our families from where they are to where they need to be? The only way we can have the family forgiveness we need is to build it on the right foundation. So the next question is, What foundation do we build forgiveness in our family on?
We build the foundation on the foundation that has already been built. This passage is part of a letter that was addressed to the church at Colossae. So that means that Paul was writing to a group of Christians. And as such, in verse 12, he called them “the elect of God.” Then he called them “holy and beloved.” When he said those things, he was drawing from everything that he had taught them in the letter up until this point. Colossians is a wonderful letter. Take a few minutes this afternoon and read through it. The book is laid out in 3 parts. In one of the most beautiful passages in the Bible, the first part tells who Jesus is. Colossians 1:15-20 says, “Who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature: For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him: And he is before all things, and by him all things consist. And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence. For it pleased the Father that in him should all fulness dwell; And, having made peace through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven.” So Paul starts off with this grand and glorious picture of Christ as Creator and Sustainer. He is pictured in all of His glory as Head of the church and reconciling all of creation to Himself. Full of glory and power and might. And then Paul moves from that glorious picture of who Christ is to what He has done for us. That is captured beautifully in 2:10-15: “And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power: In whom also ye are circumcised with the circumcision made without hands, in putting off the body of the sins of the flesh by the circumcision of Christ: Buried with him in baptism, wherein also ye are risen with him through the faith of the operation of God, who hath raised him from the dead. And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses; Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross; And having spoiled principalities and powers, he made a shew of them openly, triumphing over them in it.” Jesus Christ, God incarnate—creator and sustainer of the universe—stepped down from His throne in heaven—and came to die in order to forgive your sins. And when you come to Him in repentance and trust Him as your Lord and Savior, He brings you to new life in Him. Just as He was raised to life on the third day, He will raise you to walk a new life in Him. And in so doing, He completely and totally forgives all of your sin. Past sin, present sin, and future sin. It is as if all of your sin was written on a piece of paper and nailed to the cross at Calvary. Each sin that was written on that piece of paper was so covered with Jesus’ blood that it is now completely unreadable to Him. That is the foundation of your forgiveness. And if that is the way that you were forgiven, then you are able to forgive as well. If you are the elect of God, which simply means that Jesus has saved you—then you are holy and pure in Him. And when you are holy and pure in Him, you are beloved by Him. Therefore, because of who Jesus is and what He’s done for you, you have no choice but to lead out in family forgiveness. So, what foundation do you build family forgiveness on? The foundation of Jesus Christ. The foundation of who He is and what He has done for you. Jesus is your foundation. Families need forgiveness. And the forgiveness that families need can only be built on a foundation of Jesus Christ. So now the question is, What will forgiveness in our family look like?
The rest of verse 12 tells us. Notice what Paul says here. He says to these Christians in Colossae, “You have been saved—you are the elect of God. Because of who Jesus is and what He has done for you, you are holy and beloved. And because of who you now are in Him, this is how you need to treat each other.” And later on in verses 18-21, he puts the “each other” in the specific context of the family. What does family forgiveness look like? It looks like mercy, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering and forbearance. Look at that list of words again. Did you notice anything about them? Do any of them have anything to do with the one being forgiven? Notice that there isn’t anything there about repentance. There isn’t anything there about contrition. Nothing about saying, “I’m sorry.” Nothing about penance. Nothing about fixing damage done. That’s not to say that if you are the one who has done wrong that you shouldn’t do those things. You should. But if you are the one who has been wronged, you don’t wait for those things to happen before you forgive. Forgiveness is something that you have to initiate. Mercy, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering, forbearance—those are all action words. They are continual attitudes that we must cultivate in our homes. Mercy speaks of having a compassionate heart. Try to understand where the other person is coming from. Put yourself in their shoes. Kindness is being unselfish. It’s thinking about the others in your family first. It’s showing affection to them and just plain being nice. Sometimes we’re nicer to perfect strangers than we are to our own families. Show kindness to them. Humility is the act of consciously building up others in your family. So often we spend most of our time tearing each other down. Build one another up. Lift them above yourself. Show humility in your family. Meekness is not weakness. Meekness is strength under control. It is shown in self-restraint and self-control. You might have the power to manipulate or physically control—meekness will not exercise that power. Think about how each of those characteristics will play out in your typical family fight. How long is that fight going to last if you—whether you’re wrong or right—how long is it going to last if you put yourself in the other person’s shoes and really see where they’re coming from? How long is it going to last if you answer every charge that comes at you with kindness? What do you effect do you think it will have on your next argument if you quit trying so hard to have your way and you humbly purpose to let the other person have their way? What do you think will happen if you meekly refuse to exercise your authority or your power or your manipulative emotions? How long do you think the typical family fight will last if you do those things? Not very long. But those are not the only things that family forgiveness looks like. It looks like more than just mercy and kindness and humility and meekness. Because sometimes, you’re dealing with more than just a typical spat. Sometimes you are dealing with some deeply rooted, serious issues. Sometimes you’re dealing with habitual sin and besetting sins. What does that kind of forgiveness look like? It looks like longsuffering. It looks like forbearance. Those are hard words. Longsuffering is continually dealing with something over and over and over and over again. It is dealing with a wound that seems to never heal. Forbearance is closely related to that. Forbearance is basically putting up with a situation that doesn’t seem like it’s ever going to get better. It’s saying that I’m going to stick with you and keep showing you mercy even though you don’t deserve it. I’m going to be kind to you even if you continue to return meanness for my kindness. I’m going to continue to humbly place you above me even if you try to walk all over me for it. I’m going to continue to meekly show restraint in how I deal with you. I will deal with you from a position of love rather than a position of power. That’s what forgiveness looks like. The problem is, we don’t like what it looks like. I am offended by Jesus’ command when He said that if someone hits me in the mouth, that I’m supposed to offer the other side for him to hit as well. I don’t like that. I don’t mind showing mercy to people who are worthy of mercy. I can be kind to people who are nice people. I can fake humility okay sometimes. I can show restraint when I’m in charge and everybody’s doing what I want them to. But what about when things break down? What about the ones closest to you hurt you more than you can even imagine, much less describe? What if your family hurts you in a way that shakes you to your very core? Can you show mercy then? Can you be kind then? Can you still lift them above yourself? Can you still show restraint? There’s only one way you can. And that brings up the last question. How do we get there? How can we have the kind of forgiveness in our family that this passage is talking about?
Paul gives us six things we need to do to have that kind of forgiveness in our family. First, you must submit to the lordship of Christ. Verse 15 tells us to let the peace of God RULE in our hearts. When a person rules, that means that He is in charge. Is Jesus in complete control of your life? I’m not talking about the rest of your family right now. I’m talking about you. Is Jesus completely in control of your life? Is He ruling every aspect? Next, you must be thankful to God, as it says at the end of verse 15. We ask God for things all the time, but how often do we simply come to Him to thank Him for who He is and what He’s done for us. If you need reminding of that, go back and read the first 2 chapters of Colossians. Be continually thankful to God. Next, if you want to have forgiveness in your family, you must let the Word of God dwell richly in you. How would you describe your Bible reading? Casual, devotional, rare? Do you know what this means in verse 16? It means that you devour the Bible. It is your daily bread that sustains and nourishes you. It lives in you in a rich and dynamic and powerful way. So much so, that God’s Word is part of you. Does that describe your relationship with God’s Word? Next, you must be actively involved in a local church and be willing to be held accountable by it. That’s what verse 16 means by the emphasis on teaching and admonishing one another. Willingly staying away from the corporate gathering of the saints of God is not an option. The members of Charles Stanley’s church will not hold you accountable to living a Christlike life. They will not recognize stumbles in your life and help lift you back up. They will not minister to you and you can’t minister to them. Do you want to have forgiveness in your family? Then you will not forsake the assembling of yourselves together as the habit of some is. Not only will you be actively involved in a local church, you will actively participate in all forms of corporate worship. Verse 16 talks about singing with grace in our hearts to the Lord. Lifting our voices to the Lord in Psalms, hymns and spiritual songs as a gathered body of believers. When you fail to do that, you are tearing out part of the path that will lead you to having a forgiving family. Finally, verse 17 sums up the list. What do you need to do to have family forgiveness? You need to live it. Whatever you do. Wherever you go. You need to live like Christ. Do all in the name of the Lord Jesus. If Jesus can’t endorse something you’re doing in your life, you shouldn’t be doing it. It’s as simple as that.
So here’s the last main question I’m going to ask you. What will it take to make you have a heart of forgiveness within your family? The need is surely there. People in your family need you to forgive them in the same way that Jesus forgave you. Has He forgiven you? The price has already been paid. Have you accepted it? Repent from your sins, turn to Jesus in faith believing, submit to Him as Lord of your life. When you do, He will lead you down the path of family forgiveness that those you love the most desperately need. Will you let Him do that this morning?
