Do Not Commit Adultery
Exodus 20:14 - You shall not commit adultery.
Introduction
Slide
A cartoon offered this commentary on the 10 Commandments.
Moses is coming down from Mt. Sinai with the 10 commandments and says to the people, “I’ve got good news and bad news. First the good news. I got him down to 10 from 20. The bad news is that the one about adultery stays.”
Today, we are going to talk about the 7th Commandment found in Exodus 20:14,
“You shall not commit adultery.”
I think this is important to talk about in a day when biblical marriage is being assaulted in ways many of us could not have imagined. Today, you can even find websites that are for married people who are looking to have an affair.
There is even one site where, if you buy there premium package, they will guarantee you have an affair or your money back.
(http://www.ashleymadison.com/app/public/guarantee/detailsform.p)
The assault on the biblical concept of marriage in this country is troubling and if we are going to ever get to a point in our lives where we can truly experience the full life in Christ, we need to understand God’s plan marriage and the importance of monogamy in our marriage relationship.
To do that, I think it is important that we first understand
What Adultery is and why it is such a big deal and
What God’s plan for sex is,
so that we can truly view why He has given us this command and then talk about ways in which we can protect ourselves from becoming an adulterer and enjoying God’s plan for sex.
What is the Big Deal with Adultery?
Slide
Well, let’s understand what adultery is first.
According to Unger’s Bible Dictionary, Adultery is “the willful violation of the marriage contract by either of the parties through sexual intercourse with a third party.”
(from The New Unger’s Bible Dictionary. Originally published by Moody Press of Chicago, Illinois. Copyright (c) 1988.)
So Adultery is a sexual act with someone other than your spouse that violated your vows under the marriage contract.
Sexual relations were something that was recognized that consummated the marriage contract. It was the giving of yourself in such a way that this is meant to be lifelong.
So Adultery is a big deal because it is the breaking of
Slide
a covenant made with your spouse and
a vow made before God.
God takes vows seriously.
Deuteronomy 23:21-22 - If you make a vow to the LORD your God, do not be slow to pay it, for the LORD your God will certainly demand it of you and you will be guilty of sin. 22 But if you refrain from making a vow, you will not be guilty.
He expects us to live up to the vows we make before Him in His strength and power.
Listen to what He says in Malachi when the people had broken their marriage covenant with their spouse.
Malachi 2:13-14, 16 - Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. 14 You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant…16b So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.
So that is part of why Adultery is such a big deal. It is a breaking of a Covenant made with your spouse and a vow made before God and God detests that.
But I also think for us to understand why adultery is such a big deal, we also need to understand
God’s Plan for Sex
Slide
First, we need to understand from the outset that
God designed Sex to be Good
I think that sometimes people think that God really didn’t design sex at all and that it is something that is just sinful.
That is not true.
God did design sex and He designed it to be good.
Look all the way back at the very beginning.
Genesis 1:27-28, 31
27 So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
28 God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it…31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.
God created them male and female and told them to be fruitful and increase in number and it was good.
It is not like after God created man and woman, that it was only then that He realized how they were going to be fruitful and multiply.
“They are going to have to do what to have a baby?!?”
God, from the very beginning, designed how that reproduction was going to happen and created the male and female with all that they needed to make that happen.
Sex is not something that came about after sin entered the world.
God designed it and he designed it to be good.
James tells us that “every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights” (James 1:17)
Sex is a good gift from above that God designed for his creation to do.
So does this mean we should all go out and engage in this good thing?
No, because while God designed sex to be good,
He designed it to be good…
Within the bounds of Marriage
Slide
Ok, let’s go back to the beginning again.
In the second chapter of Genesis, after the summary view of creation in chapter 1, we see a more detailed account of the creation of man and woman in chapter 2.
Genesis 2:22-25
22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ’woman,’ for she was taken out of man."
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Notice in verse 24 it says that the man will be united to his wife and they will become one flesh.
That talk about leaving father and mother and becoming united to his wife is talking about a change in family, the beginning of a new covenant relationship between the man and woman as husband and wife.
And then it says they will become one flesh. That is talking about sex.
It is within marriage that God has designed sex to be practiced and enjoyed.
Listen to what Paul says
1 Corinthians 7:2-5
He says that “each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Paul recognizes that sex is a strong desire that God has put into both men and women and that depriving each other can lead to strong temptations.
Married people should not put themselves in that position. They should recognize that the physical union is a special gift that God has given to married couples to enjoy and to further the human race.
It is something that when shared with your spouse helps to foster a deep intimacy and bond in this union.
Not for the Unmarried
This is also why those who are not yet married should refrain from sex. When your body is given away outside the bounds of marriage, you are creating a bond with that person with no real commitment.
Have you ever had those shoes with the Velcro straps?
Well Velcro is made to attach and then pull apart and then reattach.
But after a while, the Velcro doesn’t work to good anymore in attaching what you want attached.
Sex is like that. When it is given to different people over and over again without the commitment of a marriage relationship, it is like attaching something and pulling it apart so that it gets to the point that it doesn’t do a very good job of uniting what you want united.
Sex, after it has been given away so many times, is no longer that special something that helps a couple bond together and unite together deeply in true intimacy.
Instead it has become Instead of being something that is like Velcro and no longer does a very good job of helping bond the relationship together.
God has created sex to be good and enjoyable within the bounds of marriage to that one person we have committed our whole lives to and within those bounds, it pleases God when we enjoy the good gift he has given us.
There is one more boundary that God sets in his word that I feel we should talk about because it is being assaulted within our society.
God designed sex to be good within the boundary of marriage…between 1 man and 1 woman
Slide
Look at Jesus’ words in Matthew 19:4-5 where he repeats some of what we have read in Genesis.
Matthew 19:4-5 - "Haven’t you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator ’made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?
God made them male and female and the male and female are to unite in marriage and become one flesh, experience the intimacy and joy of the sexual relationship.
It was never designed to be something for a male and a male or a female and a female. The design of our bodies can tell you that, but we also see the truth of this throughout Scripture, in both the Old Testament and the New Testament.
Listen to what Paul says about those who were turning away from God and His commands.
Romans 1:25-27
25 They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator-who is forever praised. Amen.
26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men,
According to the Word of God, homosexuality is not a lifestyle choice, it is a sin.
It is not the unforgiveable sin however. It is a a sin that can be overcome like other sins.
Like the sin of adultery, like the sin of premarital sex, it is a sin that can be overcome.
And just like I believe we as Christians need to stand against websites and people that will say that adultery is ok and seek to promote it in a way that encourages others to accept it as a choice for people, I think that we need to stand strong against those who try to say that homosexuality is a legitimate lifestyle choice for those who want it.
And while we need to stand against the normalizing of such sin, we need to be reaching out in love and offering those who are caught up in sexual sin, the hope of forgiveness and the strength to overcome this sin, through a relationship with Jesus Christ.
So whether you are having an affair, or had an affair, or you feel trapped and enslaved by some sexual sin that you don’t feel you can overcome, know that there is hope through Jesus Christ. I don’t want to kid you and say it will be easy to overcome, but I will tell you that it will be worth the effort and suffering in the short run, so that you can live life to the full in the long run.
So no matter if
If you are single and have been engaging in premarital sexual relations, or
If you have been having and affair, or
If you are practicing homosexual relations,
you can overcome those sins by the power of Jesus Christ and find the fullness of life through a relationship with Him, whether that means living a life of celibacy or in a marriage relationship with a person of the opposite sex who is also a Christian.
How do we do that? How do we overcome these sins or avoid them altogether in this world that bombards us and assaults biblical marriage?
Well, we see through Scripture, that God has given us His word to help us have victory over sins like adultery.
God’s plan for Victory
Slide
Maybe you have been sitting here this morning thinking this doesn’t really apply to me, so I don’t really need to know how to overcome this.
I would caution you to be alert to how Satan operates and also to remember the words of Jesus as he spoke about this command in the Sermon on the Mount.
He said in
Matthew 5:27-28
27 "You have heard that it was said, ’Do not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Last week I quoted this verse from Jesus and it applies this week as well.
Jesus said in Matthew 15:19
19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. (from New International Version)
If we are going to have victory over sin, victory over adultery or any sexual sin, then we have to guard our hearts.
Victory over Adultery or any sin is going to start when we
Renew Your Mind
Slide
Romans 12:2
2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.
How do we renew our minds?
By filling it with God’s word.
Psalm 119:9-11
How can a young man keep his way pure?
By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.
As we read and store God’s word in our heart and our mind, we come to know His promises to us. We learn that He is a god who has come to give us life, not just a miserable life and existence, but the full life.
And as we know and understand God’s word and are able to renew our mind, then we are better able to
Resist the Devil
Slide
James 4:7 tells us to “Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you.”
The devil is going to come at you and seek to lead you into sin.
But as God’s word stored in our hearts and mind, we are equipped to resist His temptations by refuting his lies with the truth.
2 Corinthians 10:5
5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
We take the thoughts that Satan will lead us to and we take them to Christ.
When Satan says, you will be happier if you have an affair, you resist Satan and refute his lies with the word of God.
Adultery won’t make you happier. Adultery leads to destruction.
Proverbs 6:32 - a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself.
When Satan says that you can look at pornography and it is not like having an affair, remember what Jesus said that if you look at a person lustfully, you have committed adultery in your heart (Matthew 5:28).
Do what Job did. He said in Job 31:1 that he "made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.”
Commit before hand and recall that when Satan attacks.
Even though Satan’s words will sound good, we need to remember the Scripture.
Proverbs 5:3-5 tells us – “the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; 4 but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. 5 Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.”
Resist the Devil and he will flee. Resist him with the word of God and refute his lies with the truth of God’s word.
Now while these previous 2 things can be done to help anybody dealing with any sin, there is one final thing that I want to talk about that will help us have victory specifically over committing adultery in our marriages. And that is to
Rejoice in True Intimacy with your Spouse
Slide
If you want to read of 2 people who are rejoicing in true intimacy with one another, read the Song of Solomon. There is a love and an intimacy with one another that includes sexual intimacy and a deep and abiding love for one another.
This is the kind of intimacy that the Lord wants all who are married to experience.
But how?
We all want that, but the realities of life seem to get in the way of that.
I want to give a few practical tips to husbands and wives this morning to help those who are married to be able to experience this intimacy.
First,
Husbands, realize that sexual intimacy is only a part of True Intimacy
Slide
If you believe that it is through having sex that you are truly going to be able to experience this intimacy you are mistaken.
To experience true intimacy is to share yourself completely with your wife.
That means you need to be talking with her and not just debriefing each other or exchanging information.
You get Joey to Soccer practice. I’ll pick up Janey from dance.
We’ll meet back home later for McDonalds
That is exchanging information.
You need to be sharing what is going on in your head.
What do you think and feel about how life is going?
Do you have hopes and dreams for the future?
Not only do you need to be communicating and sharing what is in you, but you need to be finding out what is in her.
Become a student of your wife.
Learn what she likes and plan that activity.
Think creatively to be a blessing to your wife and truly share yourself with her and experience true intimacy.
Guys that means turning off the TV
Spending time focusing on here without the distractions of the TV, your phone, your email, etc.
Wives, realize that sexual intimacy is really a part of true intimacy.
Slide
If you want to experience true intimacy with your husband, realize that sexual intimacy is really a part of that.
For 99% of the wives here if not more, your husband is very visual and sexual. The sexual relationship you have with your husband is necessary if you are truly going to experience deep intimacy.
Just as you want your husband to be a student of you, be a student of your husband. Communicate with him about his likes and dislikes.
You initiate and plan times of physical intimacy. Don’t just be open to when he wants to experience those times, initiate it just as you would like to have him initiate and plan the things you would like to do. It means he is thinking about you.
You initiating and planning times of physical intimacy means that you are thinking about him and that is going to continue to lead to and foster continued deepening intimacy as a couple.
Conclusion
For husbands and wives, it means thinking about the other person and finding out what they like and doing that.
Our focus needs not be so much on resisting the temptations to commit adultery.
Yes we need to know steps to overcome those temptations, but when we have fostered true intimacy in our marriages, the temptations for adultery will be much less and we will experience a deeper and fuller life.
And while I think that applying some of these things even for a person who is not a believer in Christ will still be helpful in their marriage, it is only through a relationship with Jesus Christ that we will be able to have the strength to follow God’s ways and experience the fullness of life He has come to give.
That relationship starts by receiving Jesus Christ as your Savior.
You do that by confessing your belief in
who He is,
that He is God, that He is the Christ, the Lord of all, and
what He did,
that He died for your sins and
rose from the dead and
offers forgiveness through His shed blood and
eternal life to all who receive Him.
If you would like to receive Jesus as your Savior and begin a journey of life with Him and experience deeper intimacy with your spouse, then let’s pray now and if you need to receive Jesus as Savior, just confess your belief to Him.
Pray.
