5 - Honor Your Parents
Exodus 20:12 - "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
Understanding what Honor means
Honor is Personal
Honor means giving Preference
Honor relates to Position
Honor must be Practical
Honoring Your Parents at Every Stage of Life
Giving Honor when we are Young comes through being Obedient
Giving Honor when we are Mature comes through living Righteously
Giving Honor when they are Aged comes through giving Care
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Introduction
This morning we are continuing with our series, God’s Top Ten. We have covered the first 4 commandments about
1. Having no other ‘gods’
2. Making no idols
3. Not taking the Lord’s Name in Vain
4. Honoring the Sabbath
And what all of those mean in regards to New Testament Christians who are not under the Old Testament Law.
Those 4 commands all have to do with our relationship with God and How to worship Him.
Today, we move on to the commands that have to do with our relationship with other people.
Turn with me to Exodus 20:12
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As we start the commandments that deal with how we relate to other people, we begin first with how we deal with one of our most important relationships, because how we deal with our close relationships will necessarily effect how we deal with others we are in relationships with.
So let’s read
Exodus 20:12
12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
Now as we have said, today, we are not under the law, but under grace, but we do recognize that there are principles found in the 10 Commandments that are often repeated in the New Testament that should guide us in how we conduct ourselves in life according to our relationship with Jesus.
Understand what Honor Means
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As we begin to look at this particular command, I think it is important that we understand what Honor means. We often use words so often that we fail to understand their meaning, so this morning, I want to look at what it means to honor someone and then how we might honor our parents at different stages of our and their life.
So, as we get started, I think it is important that we understand that
Honor is Personal
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We see in the Bible that things are not honored, but only people.
It is something one person does to another person. We really cannot honor ourselves, although there are people that try, it never comes across that way.
In Hebrews 5:4, as the author is talking about the Honor of being called to serve as the High priest, he says that “No one takes this honor upon himself; he must be called by God, just as Aaron was.” (Hebrews 5:4)
Honor is only honor when given by one person to another.
There may be times, however when a thing or place appears to be honored, like Moses honoring the place where the burning bush was, by taking off his shoes because it is holy ground, but the reality is that this is really honoring God who makes the place holy.
So Honor is something that is personal.
It can only be given by a person or God and received by a person or God.
Not only that, but
Honor means giving Preference
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This is a tough one in our society when we never want to seem like we give preference to someone over another, but the fact is that we should.
We will talk in a minute about reasons why we should give preference, honor, to one person over another, but it is important to understand that this is ok, to honor someone over another.
Sometimes we are so afraid of honoring someone above another because we do not want anyone to feel bad or be offended.
However, to fail to give anyone preference, and to treat everyone exactly the same, under all circumstances can actually be dishonoring to someone who deserves to be honored.
And honoring someone for some achievement of action, can help sometimes spur someone else on to greater things as they see the honor that someone else has received.
So, Honoring someone means giving them preference over and above others.
In the Bible, we see Paul tells us to “Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10)
We see God declare that “Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will disdained.” (1 Samuel 2:30)
Distinctions are made between people in the Bible and we need to make distinctions and honor some people above others at times.
In regards to our parents, we are called to honor our parents by giving them preference above some other people that may be part of our life.
Thirdly,
Honor is related to Position
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Sometimes, we honor a person solely because of the position that they occupy.
As Americans, no matter what party you are affiliated with or not affiliated with, we should honor the President of the United States simply because of the position that he holds. This does not mean you agree with him on every issue. It is, however, a recognition of the lofty position that he holds
In the Bible, we are told to honor our leaders, those in authority.
Peter tells us to “Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.” (1 Peter 2:17)
In Romans 13, Paul tells the Romans to submit to the authorities because God has ordained their authority. He goes on saying, “This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. 7 Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.” (Romans 13:6-7)
The position or authority someone has, at times demands we honor the person holding that position regardless of whether we agree with all of their decisions.
This is true in the family structure as well.
We are to honor parents not because they necessarily deserve it in their actions, but because of the position they hold, the position of parent.
So even when parents are doing their job poorly, we have an obligation before God to honor them, and thus bring glory to God.
We see that this command was a very serious command in the Old Testament.
Dishonoring your parent was punishable by death.
Exodus 21:17 - "Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.
Deuteronomy 21:18-21
18 If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, 19 his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. 20 They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard." 21 Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid.
In our Western, individualistic culture, this often does not resonate with us. We think that it must be the person and their conduct that merits honor.
But go to many eastern cultures and you’ll find that there is a respect for parents and grandparents and those that are older just for the simple fact that they hold the positions that they do. Now some take this to such extremes where they worship their dead anscestors, which is not good, but they do understand what it means to honor someone due to the position they hold.
So honor is related to the position someone holds.
Finally,
Honor has to be Practical
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To truly honor someone, it cannot just be lip service.
This was the problem for many people in Isaiah’s time between the people and God. They said they honored God, but their actions spoke otherwise and the Lord rebuked them.
Isaiah 29:13 - "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.”
To truly honor God or anyone else must come in practical or visible terms, not just some flattery that has no meaning behind it.
Transition
Ok, so we see honor is something that is personal, it gives preference over others, it is often related to position, and it is something that has to be practical, not just some words without meaning.
Ok, those are great principles, but when we are told to honor our parents, what does that look like in real life?
I want to tell you that, depending on where we are in life, it is going to look different at different stages of life.
Ok then, what does Giving Honor to our parents look like when we are young?
Giving Honor when we are Young comes through being Obedient
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Well when we are young, like still in school and living at home, Giving honor to our parents is going to come through our obedience.
“You need to clean you room, son.” Ok, mom.
“You need to get the lawn mowed today.” Ok Dad.
“I want you home by 11 pm.” That means you obey and come home by 11 pm.
We see Paul confirm the teaching of this commandment in the New Testament as he applies it specifically to minor children in
Ephesians 6:1-3
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother"-which is the first commandment with a promise- 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
Now, Paul qualifies this by saying, “in the Lord.”
We are never called to obey someone with an action that is in disobedience to the Lord.
As an example we see the Apostles disobey those who held positions over them, because what they wanted them to do was in disobedience to God.
They responded that "We must obey God rather than men!” (Acts 5:29)
Now, for those kids out there thinking, well, I know my parents said to be home at 11pm, but I think the Lord wants me home at 11:30pm so I don’t need to obey them, you are sadly mistaken, and when you are punished for disobeying, you will realize how mistaken you were.
For a parent to be disobeyed “in the Lord,” it would have to be something that is clearly forbidden by Scripture, like you are told to steal something or to engage in some sort of abuse.
In fact, in those circumstances, we honor our parents by disobeying, so they don’t wind up getting in trouble for their actions, so we still fulfill God’s will to honor our parents.
But as a young child, our primary way of honoring them will be through our obedience.
As we Mature
Now as we mature and our circumstances change,
we move out to live on our own, or
we get married,
how we give honor to our parents changes as well.
It is not necessarily through obeying their commands that we honor them anymore. We see that the Bible sees a change in circumstances for sure at marriage.
That is why it says “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife.” (Mark 10:7)
At marriage, we would now have other relationships that have a higher priority to that of our parents, but it still does not free us from the obligation of honoring our parents. It just takes a different form.
What does giving honor look like during this time?
Giving Honor when we are Mature comes through living Righteously
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Listen to what it says in
Proverbs 23:24-25
24 The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him.
25 May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice!
As you mature and live on your own, out from under the control of your parents, how you live your life reflects on them.
Honoring your parents when you are mature means living a righteous life according to the word of the Lord.
It is interesting to note at this point that there is a promise associated with this verse.
For the Israelites it was a promise to live long in the land that God was giving them.
Paul adapted this for the Gentile Christians that “you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
Now, in the Old Testament, this is not the only time this promise is given.
It is also given for following the whole law.
Deut 6:1-2
6:1 These are the commands, decrees and laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 2 so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life.
Why are following the whole law and the command to honor your parents linked by a similar promise?
That is because parents were given the obligation to teach their kids the ways of the Lord.
The verses that follow what I just read, say
6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)
Parents were to teach their kids the ways of the Lord so kids who honored their parents teaching would honor their teaching by keeping the commands of God.
Those children who did not honor their parents would not honor God either and would not live lives that reflected a righteous life in obedience to the commands of God.
So as we mature, we honor our parents by living a righteous life in the Lord.
Note to parents of young kids
Now, parents of young kids, this should be something that also encourages you to take seriously your responsibility in teaching and raising your kids in the Lord.
Now, we know that all of our kids will make mistakes at points in their life, but God also tells us in
Proverbs 22:6 - Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
The truth that we reap what we sow applies as a general principle to our raising of our children.
If we do not train them up and teach them the ways of the Lord, we are going to bring hardship and dishonor to ourselves when they mature and act in ways contrary to what the Lord wants because they have never been taught.
What we teach our kids when they are young, to a large part will be reflected by them in how they live later.
This means both the good and the bad we teach them will be manifested whether we like it or not.
The Cat’s in the Cradle Illustration
I am sure many of you are familiar with the classic song, “The Cat’s in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin.
It is about a dad who has a son and really doesn’t have a lot of time to be around his son because “there were planes to catch and bills to pay.”
But regardless of that, the little boy loved his father and would say “I’m going to be like you, Dad.” Most kids love and look to their parents as an example of how to live life. You are modeling for them how to live. That is why the way they live later is reflective of you.
Anyway, by the end of the song, the father realizes that even though he did not make much time to be around teaching his son, he was still teaching him, even though it was not what the Dad wanted to teach him.
The song ends with the dad saying, “I’ve long since retired and my son moved away. I called him up just the other day. I said, ‘I’d like to see you if you don’t mind.’ He said, ‘I’d love to dad, if I could find the time. You see, my new job’s a hassle, and the kid’s got the flu, but it’s sure been nice talking to you, Dad. It’s been sure nice talking to you.’ And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me, he’d grown up just like me. My boy was just like me.”
We are teaching our kids all the time, by modeling life for them. As we live life, they will see both the good and bad. Make sure, parents, that you are teaching them good, because if we neglect that responsibility, we will certainly reap what we have sown.
Let’s teach them well, so we can receive honor as they live their life righteously.
Now the last stage of life I want to talk about is not so much our stage, as it is the stage of our parents life, and how we honor them and that is when our parents are aged.
Giving Honor when our parents are aged comes through giving Care
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Listen to what Paul tells Timothy concerning some of our family responsibilities.
1 Timothy 5:3-4, 8
3 Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. 4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God… 8 If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Wow, those are strong words from Paul.
We have an obligation as Christians to love people, and that love has to first be manifested to those that are close to us.
When our parents are growing older and less able to care for themselves, we honor them by making sure they are cared for.
This can take different forms for different families at different times.
Sometimes as parents age, they become unable to care for themselves. We honor our parents by making sure they are receiving the help they need.
That may mean taking them in to live with us.
That may mean going to their place and helping them with needs they have.
That may mean hiring a qualified person to be there so they are being cared for.
That may mean moving them into a qualified, caring facility so that you honor them by making sure they are receiving the care they need.
Understand that at this stage there are no easy answers and the best way to honor your parents may not be the same for another family in similar circumstances.
It is only through prayer and the guidance of the Holy Spirit that we can make the best decision to honor our parents in receiving the care they need.
But we are always called to honor them.
As we deal with how we are going to honor our parents the best way possible, we need to also realize that we are modeling the care and honor that we may someday receive from our own children.
The Story from the Grimm Brother’s fairy tales about “the Grandfather and His Grandson” illustrates how vital it is that we honor our parents through our care.
The Old Grandfather and His Grandson by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
Once upon a time there was a very, very old man. His eyes had grown dim, his ears deaf, and his knees shook. When he sat at the table, he could scarcely hold a spoon. He spilled soup on the tablecloth, and, beside that, some of his soup would run back out of his mouth.
His son and his son’s wife were disgusted with this, so finally they made the old grandfather sit in the corner behind the stove, where they gave him his food in an earthenware bowl, and not enough at that. He sat there looking sadly at the table, and his eyes grew moist. One day his shaking hands could not hold the bowl, and it fell to the ground and broke. The young woman scolded, but he said not a word. He only sobbed. After that they bought him a wooden bowl and made him eat from it.
Once when they were all sitting there, the little grandson of four years pushed some pieces of wood together on the floor.
"What are you making?" asked his father.
"Oh, I’m making a little trough for you and mother to eat from when I’m big."
The man and the woman looked at one another and then began to cry. They immediately brought the old grandfather to the table, and always let him eat there from then on. And if he spilled a little, they did not say a thing.
Accessed on 7/31/2009 at http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/grimm078.html
Conclusion
We always need to honor our parents.
We need to keep in mind that
As we honor our parents, we honor God.
As we honor our parents, we model how we ourselves will be honored as parents.
And, depending on our stage of life and theirs, the honor we give our parents will take different forms.
It comes through our obedience when we are young
It comes through living righteously when we are mature
And it comes through caring for our parents when they are aged.
Considering your circumstances of life, are you honoring your parents?
Let’s pray and ask God to help us always be able to glorify Him by honoring our parents.
Let’s pray.
Great help in preparing this message was gained from Bob Deffinbaugh’s message, “Between Child and Parent - Honoring Father and Mother” accessed 7/27/2009 at www.bible.org
