As I read the New Testament one of things that becomes clear is that God knows that although He wants us to be living together in harmony,
that we will struggle.
So He gives us guidance, such as that found in Colossians 3:13-15
13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
And even though we maybe different Christ’s peace should influence how we live with each other.
1st Corinthians 12 highlights that even though we maybe different we should work together
and allow our differences to make us stronger and better able to reflect God’s love
in the very diverse community we live.
But unfortunately rather than using our differences to strengthen us
sometimes we allow Satan to use our differences to bring division.
So being different and having differences are not necessarily a problem, unless they conflict with scripture.
And when people with differences gather together it is almost guaranteed their will be disputes or disagreements.
Come to my house at tea time, and if I am charge of tea and only cook what I like I need to be prepared to listen to a complaints from everyone at our table,
not everyone likes spicey hot food like me.
And in particular a church that is living out Jesus’ approach to life of being welcoming church
that has a diverse range of people
and lives the reality of being a community of people who are both saints and sinners
will have differences of opinion and complaints.
But as God’s community
as people who not only receive God’s love but also share it
in otherwords as representatives of God’s community one of our roles is to encourage each other and build each other up.
As 1 Thesselonians 5:11 says
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.
God is very gracious to us,
spending a far bit of time in the New Testament
guiding us to live at peace,
to examine ourselves,
to be careful how we use our tongue
and He even gives us a process to deal with issues and complaints that we may have.
Before we look God’s approach to handling complaints in a healthy way.
It is helpful to understand what leads to complaints in our church and other groups we may mix with.
First of all we have the basic issue of sin,
people mess up and people think primarily of themselves.
We sin and people sin against us.
The reality is at the core of every complaint is sin.
It could be that someone has sinned.
It could be that we are raising an issue because we have a sinful attitude,
that is we want things our way, rather than God’s ways.
And it could be that even though our complaint may be legitmate
we raise that complaint in a sinful way, with the wrong motives and an approach that is sinful.
Remember the old saying two wrongs don’t make a right.
Well likewise justifying your sin because of another sin is also not right.
Another reason complaints occur is that none of us are the same.
None of us all like the same things.
God has blessed us with many different experiences, skills and gifts.
And unfortunately rather than using these differences to always build up and strengthen the church in Christ’s name,
at times we fall for Satan’s tricks.
We focus on our differences as reasons for their to be in conflict.
Another thing that leads to complaints is
when we think of ourselves above what we have agreed to as a community.
Our ideas, thoughts and position on a particular issue by itself may not necessarily be wrong,
but it is wrong when we are part of the Body of Christ
and yet put our position above that or in competition to the rest of the body
especially what we are supposed to be doing and what God has called us to do and be.
Complaints also arise because we often don’t understand the context God has called us to shine His light into.
As the church God has given us the privilege
but also awesome task of not just receiving His love,
but also representing Him and sharing His love with others in our community.
One of the interesting things about church history and the early reformation is that church will always be changing.
God’s love for us doesn’t change, but the way we communicate this love does.
The church throughout history is always looking at ways to bring God’s unchanging love into a changing world.
As a community we constantly need to look at how we can build bridges between generations, other cultures, various social groups and other people who are not like us so that they see God is a God of grace and forgiveness.
And occasionally that means recognising that whilst things maybe helpful for us personally they may not be helpful others.
Complaints will also occur when our loyalty to things or another person exceeds our loyalty to God.
I am yet to find a Christian who says they are not loyal to God,
but many Christians are more loyal to other things and other people than they are to God.
Think about the things that you believe are the most important.
These are the things that Satan will tempt to use separate you from God and other members of the church.
These are the things that Satan will try to use to deter you from receiving and sharing His Gospel.
And when are more loyal to things or people other than God, then something that is helpful and useful is becoming an idol.
Some common idols maybe:
A particular worship style
What you believe is right in church.
Your friendships
A particular ministry
What you or someone else has done or achieved
Money
The truth is most Christians rarely forget about God completely
but at times we allow other things and people
to have more influence over our decisions and how we live.
Complaints also occur when we fail to listen fully to God,
and recognise that God speaks both Law and Gospel to us.
At times in our life we allow the law to dominate over the Gospel
Two things occur when this happens,
we either become very down on ourself and can even get to a point of despair that we are not good enought.
Or become very judgmental,
always looking to criticise and judge others.
When this occurs we don’t help people see that God is about forgiving them,
and including them in His family.
Then there are other times when we don’t speak any law at all
we give the perception that anything and everything is permissible.
Such an approach fails to recognise the importance of Christ’s death on the cross.
And it also neglects us in helping us live as a community.
I find that one of the interesting stories in the bible is God giving the Israelites the Ten Commandments.
Now our school teachers before an excursion will tell students the rules,
however the Israelites were on a journey with each other for some time before God gave them the Ten Commandments.
And the reason God gave them the commandments was to help them live together as a community.
To love God and to love each others.
When we ignore God’s instructions we are simply saying Christ’s death on the cross doesn’t really matter
and we don’t really care about living together as a community.
The Good News is though God gives us some help in dealing with complaints.
Probably the most frequent scripture passage used by the Christian Community in this areas is Matthew 18:15-20
15 "If a brother or sister sins, go and point out the fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ’every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
18 "Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
19 “Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”
Two other important passages in this area are:
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Ephesians 4:29-32
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Also Luther’s Small Catechism offers some guidance…
The Eighth Commandment says
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour. Luther also pointed out that the bible says we are not to tell lies about others, betray or slander them or destroy their reputation. Instead we are to always defend them, speak well of them and interpret everything they do in the best possible light.
From these passages there are six things that help us deal with complaints not just in the church but also in our everyday lives:
1/ That even though God doesn’t like disputes He recognises that disputes and complaints will occur in our lives, and that we need help in dealing with them. He gives us this help through the scriptures.
2/ Forgiveness and love are essential goals in dealing with complaints. Everytime you are in conflict or have problems with someone keep in mind that you are aiming to love and forgive this person. That will change how you deal with issues.
3/ We should be careful that what we say and imply is based on facts and truth, not assumptions or gossip.
4/ Our approach to bringing up a complaint is important.
First it should be to an individual, either the person we have an issue with or the leader of a team if it is to do with a team matter or congregational issue.
We should not to wait for a meeting, especially a congregational meeting.
In fact congregational meetings should be the last avenue to bring up complaints, issues or any business.
If we don’t believe our complaint or issue has been dealt with appropriately we need to inform the person and then bring the issue up with the relevant team as a whole.
If it still has not been handled appropriately then it becomes a matter for the elected leaders, in our case the BCL
and then the congregation as a whole.
5/ We shouldn’t talk about people behind their backs and we shouldn’t listen to people who are doing this. Nor should we take on another person’s complaint and represent them. When someone has a problem with another person or part of the church it is important for their own spiritual health and that of the church that they bring these complaints up themselves. The anonymous complaints such as a few people have said or someone has said, are not helpful, they are gossip and Satan uses them to divide us and they rarely help us grow as individuals or as a community.
6/ Our motivation for raising issues is not to get our way and put others down but to encourage people, to build them up in love and help people and the church grow.
Scripture is quite consistent that God is constantly trying to build us as His community.
A community centred on Christ and his Gospel.
And the way we deal with complaints and differences is a way of reflecting who Christ is.
This affects not only the complaints we raise, but also how we raise them.
When we raise complaints in a Christian and loving way there are many good things that can happen.
God will often use our disgruntlement to help us and the congregation.
More often to help us.
When we take complaints to others;
• We can clarify the nature of the complaint and any misunderstandings.
• We can discuss complaints, discover why issues occurred or why things are happening.
• We allow people to defend themselves, explain their actions or provide another side of the story. Often we are not privy to everything and often we are not thinking of the big picture. As a pastor when I make a decision i often have to consider a wide range of people and issues.
• We are educated of why and how certain things are occurring or not occurring, and even what it means to be church in 2009 at Portland-Heywood Lutheran Church.
• We can get to know and appreciate each other far better. Such discussion often helps us build and improve our relationships.
Our aim as a Christian community is to live as God calls us to live. In Ephesians 4 we hear;
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit— just as you were called to one hope when you were called— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
And the way we live and handle difficulties is important as we head towards a year of evangelism
Listen to John 13 verses 34 and 35
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Let us pray
