INTRO: Franklin was a rebellious kid--even though his parents raised him with fair and loving discipline.
-His dad, in fact, was a well-respected leader--consistently listed among the top 10 "most admired" people in the country!
-When Franklin reached high school age, his mom and dad sent him to a private Christian boarding school--hoping that the moral and structured environment would have a positive impact on him. But instead, Franklin had a negative impact on his classmates: breaking rules; smoking cigarettes on the roof of the boys’ dorm; and sneaking into town to drink.
-After high school, Franklin’s parents enrolled him in a Christian college. But his drinking and fighting constantly got him into trouble. The school finally kicked him out after he disappeared for several days with a co-ed, in a private plane that he’d rented at an airfield where he’d been taking flying lessons.
-Franklin’s mom and dad tried everything to straighten him out. They even sent him to a Middle East country to work with some missionary friends who were building a hospital. Franklin did construction by day, and drank his private supply of scotch by night.
-Franklin was the epitome of a prodigal son. You’ve probably heard of his daddy--Billy Graham, the famous evangelist.
We’re in the fourth week of a 5-part series: I’ve Got a Secret.
-We’ve been taking a look at some of the major problems that people face--problems that they often keep secret, because of their pain and embarrassment.
-I know a lot of moms and dads who are broken-hearted by the problem of wayward kids. That’s today’s topic: parents who have children that are prodigals.
-Maybe I’m describing you. You have: a son who’s gotten kicked out of school, or who’s abusing drugs, or who can’t hold down a job; a daughter who’s moved in with her boyfriend, or who’s pregnant out of wedlock, or who has cut herself off from the family.
-You don’t know what to do about it. And you’ve been keeping it to yourself--because you feel like a failure as a parent.
One of the reasons that I told you about Franklin Graham is because his mom and dad had good reason to keep their prodigal son a secret--but they didn’t.
-In fact, in Franklin’s autobiography, Rebel With a Cause, he tells about the time that he needed some money from his dad.
He rode over to his father’s office on his motorcycle, long hair whipping in the wind. When he got there, Billy Graham was in a board meeting--surrounded by important people.
*But when Dr. Graham learned that his son had arrived--he invited him in and introduced him to each of the board members.
*Years later, Franklin wrote: I never forgot that feeling. My dad wasn’t ashamed of me.
-Billy and Ruth Graham chose not to keep their prodigal son a secret. That’s one of the reasons I told you Franklin’s story.
-The other reason is because it has a happy ending. Franklin is now a world-renowned evangelist himself, as well as the president of Samaritan’s Purse--a Christian relief organization that meets the physical and spiritual needs of victims of war, famine, disease and natural disasters around the world!
-There may be a happy ending to the story of your prodigal child--if not for your child, at least for you!
Let’s take a look at six biblical principles for dealing with a prodigal child.
-If you don’t need these principles for yourself--somebody you know may need them. So write them down. OUTLINE.
-Now--what famous parable of Jesus do you think we’re going to look at, to pick up these six principles?
-Luke 15: The Parable of the Prodigal Son.
-Prodigal, by the way, means wasteful. A prodigal child is one who throws away (2x) resources and opportunities and moral standards and wholesome relationships.
-READ vv.11-13.
*The younger son, in this story, was probably in his late teens. He was tired of living at home. He wanted his cut of the family inheritance so that he could move out on his own.
*Now, in this culture, an estate wouldn’t be divvied up until the death of the father. So the younger son’s request indicated that--as far as he was concerned--his dad was as good as dead. (Nice kid!)
*Well, the father gave him what he wanted--and the younger son took it, ran off with it, and squandered it. You see that word squandered, in v.13? It comes from a verb that means, literally, to toss into the wind.
*That’s what he did with his wealth. He wasted it. He threw it all away--which is how he got the title of the Prodigal Son. Verse13 says that he blew it on wild living. Verse 30 (if we look ahead) tells us that this included, among other things, prostitutes.
-What do you do with a son like this? Six directives for moms and dads of prodigals from this story.
#1 Reject False Guilt, Confess True Guilt
I’m reading between the lines, now. But I want to begin by making the observation that Jesus nowhere, in this story, blames the dad for the behavior of his prodigal son.
-What had the dad done wrong, to produce a son like this? Evidently...nothing!
-If you’re the parent of a prodigal--reject false guilt. One of the reasons that you may be wrestling with false guilt could be that you’ve misapplied Proverbs 22:6 to your situation.
*Are you familiar with Proverbs 22:6? Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
*A lot of parents assume--based on this verse--that if a child turns away from God’s path, it must be because the mom and dad failed to train that child in the way he should go.
-Two problems with that interpretation of Proverbs 22:6.
*First: It treats this verse as if it were an ironclad promise. But do you remember what we learned about proverbs, back in our Text Messages series? Proverbs are not promises--they are statements about how life usually works.
So--if you train a child in the way he should go, USUALLY that child will stay on the right path. ALWAYS? No, USUALLY.
*Second: We need to keep in mind, when we’re interpreting Proverbs 22:6, what the Bible says about free will. Every one of us is free to disobey God--even our kids.
Parents can influence their kids’ behavior--that’s the point of Proverbs 22:6--but they can’t determine their kids’ behavior. (You see the difference?)
Remember what happened to God’s first two kids--Adam and Eve?
-Did they leave the right path? Does that mean that God was a lousy Father?
-Dr. Gary Chapman, a Christian counselor, says that everyone who comes into his office with personal problems--complains that they’ve grown up in a dysfunctional family. Mom and Dad messed up.
*Dr. Chapman then points out to these counselees that they may be right--but that we can learn from negative as well as positive examples. Children can’t blame their own waywardness on their parents’ poor performance.
-That doesn’t mean they won’t try! Don’t be surprised--if you push back on your child’s sinful behavior--to hear that it’s all your fault. You screwed up as a mom/dad. You didn’t come through like you were supposed to.
-An appropriate response to that sort of guilt tripping is: I probably DID fail, in many ways, as a parent. But Sweetheart--you wear your own face! (2x)
John Piper is a well-known pastor, author, Christian leader, theologian. But when his son, Abraham, turned 19--he left home with a rebellious heart.
-I recently read an interview with Abraham. He’s now in his mid-twenties. It took him five years to come back to his parents--and to God.
-Abraham says that when he left home, he pretended to have valid reasons for rebelling. But the truth of the matter was--he now says--I had great parents. I just wanted to drink gallons of cheap sangria and sleep around.
-Moms and Dads: If your kids have made sinful choices, keep in mind that the choices have been theirs. Reject false guilt. (Don’t blame your spouse, either, for the way that your kids have turned out.)
The flipside of this principle, however, is to confess true guilt.
-Proverbs 22:6 doesn’t say that we can determine our kids’ behavior--but it does tell us that we can influence it.
-So, what kind of an influencer have you been? Do you need to get on your knees and confess something to God?
*I’ve not been an engaged parent. Too much time at work--or, in front of the T.V.
*I’ve disciplined too often in anger. Or, I’ve failed to discipline as I should have.
*I haven’t been a good example when it comes to drinking--or watching movies with immorality in them.
*It took me too long to surrender my own life to Christ--so I haven’t been a spiritual leader in my home.
-Confess your parenting failures to God--and then confess them to your kids. If you have a prodigal child--it just may soften his/her heart, to hear from you: Honey, I’m really sorry for this or that. Would you forgive me? I want to be the mom/dad that God wants me to be.
#2 Exercise Tough Love
Back to Luke 15. READ vv.13-16.
-Let me ask you a couple of questions about this part of the story.
-First question: When the younger son wanted to take his money and spend it on wild living, what did the father do?
*He let the boy go. (2x) He didn’t chase after his son.
*And you can bet (LISTEN) that if the boy had wanted to continue at home while engaging in wild living--his dad would’ve shown him to the door.
*Moms/Dads: We’re not helping our prodigals by providing them with room and board--we’re enabling them. We’re supporting their behavior by putting a roof over their head.
*We need to say: Change your behavior--or change your address.
-Second question: When the younger son became so destitute that he was eating pig food, what did the father do?
*Nothing. He allowed the boy to experience the full consequences of his behavior. He refused to bail his son out.
*And the consequences were pretty bad. For starters, please understand that the Law of Moses prohibited a good Jewish boy from having anything to do with pigs. When Jesus got to this point in his parable--his kosher audience probably gasped. The son was feeding pigs. He couldn’t get any lower than that.
*Oh, yes he could. He was not only feeding the pigs--he was so hungry that he was also eating pig food. The pods, which are mentioned in v.16, were never consumed by people--unless they were starving!
Why didn’t the father intervene? Was it just that he didn’t know how bad off his son was?
-No. This was a savvy dad. He knew the score. He was allowing his son to experience what some have called the law of sowing and reaping.
-Here’s how the Apostle Paul sums up that law (Galatians 6:7, 8): Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
-We reap what we sow. And we’ve got to allow our kids to reap what they sow. If we keep bailing them out, if we keep taking their side against authority figures, if we keep protecting them from the consequences of their behavior--they will never change.
-Last Mother’s Day, Judy Hampton spoke at CCC. Judy has written a book for parents of prodigals, called, Ready? Set? Go! She knows what she’s talking about--because she herself has had a wayward child.
*For years, Judy and her husband tried to fix their prodigal.
*Listen to what she says about that effort: As time passed, however, we found ourselves jeopardizing OUR financial future to dig our prodigal out of one hole after another. We bought cars, fixed cars, paid for insurance, cosigned for loans, lent money, paid traffic tickets, and covered counseling. The revolving door to our "rent free" house appeared to spin out of control. But nothing changed...
-Nothing changed--until Judy and her husband started exercising tough love. They let their prodigal go. They let their prodigal experience consequences.
#3 Saturate Your Mind With God’s Word
This won’t change your prodigal--but it will change the way that you look at your situation.
-You see, we tend to look at bad circumstances--like having a prodigal child--as being out of control. The truth is--they are out of our control. But they aren’t out of the control of a sovereign God.
-We may be wringing our hands, moaning what can we do? But God is not wringing his hands moaning what can I do?
-How do we know that God is in control of our situation? The Bible says so--and it says a lot of other important stuff about God that we need to know in order to navigate the storms of life.
When Judy Hampton and her husband encountered their prodigal, they decided it was time to become more familiar with the Bible.
-They began to study it--on their own, and in small groups.
-They came across promises and characteristics of God--that brought them peace and security.
- Judy writes: As I began to grasp the sovereignty of God, I began to rest in it. I no longer had confidence in myself--but was filled with hope that God had allowed everything, including a prodigal, to do a work in me.
#4 Pray!
Let’s go back to Luke 15. READ vv.17-20a.
-An interesting transition occurs in v.17 of Jesus’ parable. Up to this point in the story, we’ve been looking at things from the external perspective of a narrator. But in vv.17-19 we’re allowed to listen in on the internal thoughts of the prodigal son.
-Jesus’ move from external perspective to internal thoughts is very deliberate. He wants us to understand that--although, nothing has changed on the outside of this boy’s life--something has changed on the inside.
-He’s come to his senses, v. 17 says. He wants to go home. He’s humble--ready to repent.
-What has brought about this change of heart? The consequences of the pigpen have had something to do with it--no doubt--but a lot of prodigals choose to stay in the pigpen. What makes this prodigal different?
The parable doesn’t say--but I’ve got a good guess, based on what the rest of Scripture teaches.
-I think that this boy’s dad was praying for him. Prayer is the only power I know that can cause somebody else to change on the inside.
-The Bible says that we’re all engaged in a spiritual war--it’s good vs. evil, in each of our lives. And in the lives of our kids! How do we win this kind of a war?
-READ II Corinthians 10:3-5.
*If our kids are caught in the middle of a spiritual war, how do we win that war--according to this passage? Not with clever arguments. Not with parental pressure. Not with secular therapy.
*Paul says that we need divine weapons--weapons that have the power to demolish the enemy’s evil strongholds, and recapture our kids for Christ.
-Prayer is one of those divine weapons that Paul is alluding to here. In fact, in Ephesians 6, after Paul describes six pieces of spiritual armor that God gives believers to wear, he drives home the importance of prayer.
-I think that the dad in Jesus’ parable prayed his son home. And it probably wasn’t whining prayer that did it--it was prayer filled with praise and thanksgiving to God. (I praise you for your sovereignty, God. I thank you for working in my son’s life.)
John Piper, the pastor I mentioned earlier, whose son--Abraham--was a prodigal for five years, says that he prayed again and again and again for his boy, throughout the course of every day.
-Well, one day a friend of Abraham sent him an email. And in the email was a reference to a verse in the NT book of Romans. Just one verse.
-Abraham says that he decided to take a look at that verse in its context. So, he bought a 40-ounce can of Miller Beer and a pack of cigarettes--and started to read through the book of Romans.
-By the time I got to chapter 10--Abraham concludes the story--the beer was gone, the ashtray needed emptying...and I was a Christian.
-There’s only one way to account for that kind of a transformation--Abraham’s daddy was praying for him.
#5 Keep An Open Door
READ vv.20b-24.
-How come this dad saw his boy--v.20--while he was still a long way off? Because he’d been praying for his son’s return. He’d been hoping against hope for this day.
-The dad’s response to his son’s homecoming in Jesus’ story is amazing. He ran to the boy, wrapped him in a bear hug, and covered him with kisses.
*One Bible scholar writes: No Middle Eastern father would have greeted a wayward son in this way. This dad was breaking all protocol.
*And it gets better. The boy is given a new robe; a ring--probably with the family seal on it (he was back in the family); sandals--for the kid whose extreme poverty had most likely left him barefoot; and a feast with a fattened calf--meat was rarely consumed at meals in 1st century Palestine. It was reserved for religious holidays!
What a welcome! What a dad!!
-For several hundred years after Jesus first told this story, it was never referred to as The Parable of the Prodigal Son. You know what it was initially called? The Parable of the Gracious Father or The Parable of the Father’s Love.
The hero of this story is a father--ultimately, a heavenly Father--who keeps an open door to a child that’s willing to repent and come home.
How do we, as parents, keep an open door to our prodigals? Let me pass on a few tips that I picked up from my reading on this topic. (Most of these come from the interview that I read with Abraham Piper.)
-Tip #1: Be gentle in your disappointment. Be sure to communicate that what concerns you most is that your child is destroying herself--not that she’s breaking your rules.
*Don’t expect your child to behave like a Christ follower if she’s not!
-Tip #2: Listen--especially when your child is ready to talk (which most often is late at night).
*Train yourself to not react to words you may not want to hear. This is the only way that you’ll know what your child is thinking!
*Listening is not condoning.
Tip #3: Take an interest in your child’s pursuits.
*You went to his soccer games and band concerts when he was 10--what can you do, now that he’s 20, to show that you still really care about his interests?
*Don’t diss his friends. While you’re worrying about their bad influence on him--their parents are worrying about his bad influence on their kids.
-Tip #4: Connect your child with other Christ followers.
*Abraham Piper: A lot of rebellious kids would do well to hear that they’re being fools--but you’re probably not the one to tell them.
-Tip #5: E-mail your child.
*When you come across something in the Bible that encourages you, or helps you love Jesus more--write it up in a couple of lines and send it to your child.
-Keep an open door. Ask God for a heart that’s ready to forgive--especially if your heart has been routinely trampled underfoot by your prodigal.
#6 Personally Move On
I like the way that Judy Hampton makes this point in her book, Ready? Set? Go!
-She says: The greatest thing you can do for your prodigal is to live the most godly, wonderful, exciting, joy-filled, abundant Christian life as evidence of your relationship with Christ. Your life can testify to the fact that there is no happier life, no more fulfilling life than the one found in abiding with Jesus daily. In time your prodigal will see that in you.
-Do you hear what she’s saying? What do you do if your prodigal remains a prodigal? You get on with your own life. What has God called you to?
-Maybe, if you’re heart-broken about your prodigal--God would want you to roll up your sleeves and get involved in our youth ministry. Why not pour yourself into kids who are interested in following Christ?
*That’s what Ruth Graham did, while Franklin was sowing his wild oats. She started a Bible study for college-aged students. Many of the young men and women that she invested in were friends of Franklin! (Hey, if HE wasn’t going to respond--she’d work with those who would!)
-Maybe you ought to volunteer for Kids’ World--catch these children while they’re young. Maybe you ought to help out at a Crisis Pregnancy Center.
-Personally move on! God has a job for you to do.
As we close today--some of you have prodigals. We’d like to pray for you. I’m going to invite you to come to the front...
-Some of you have dear friends--fellow parents--who have prodigals. I’d like you to come, and get prayer for them.
-On the other hand--some of you are prodigals--it’s time you made peace with your parents. I’d like you to come... Some of you have friends at school who are prodigals. I’d like you to come, and get prayer for them.
-One last category. Some of you are prodigals, with regard to God...
