Fireproof: Conflict-Source & Solution
From a message preached by Scott Kallem, Pastor of 3rd Baptist in Marion, IL
James 4:1-10
June 21, 2009 FBC, Chester Dr. Mike Fogerson, Speaker
Introduction
A In James Dobson’s book Love Must be Tough, he tells of a 6th grade teacher who gave her 30 students a writing assignment.
1 Each student was asked to finish this sentence, “I wish...”
a The teacher was expecting answers like “...I had a new bike, gaming system, a dog...”
aa She was shocked that 20 out of 30 students in the class made their response in reference to their own dysfunctional families.
• “I wish my parents wouldn’t fight.”
• “I wish my father would come home. I wish my mom didn’t have a boyfriend.”
• “I wish I got straight A’s so my dad would love me.”
• “I wish I had one mom & dad so the other kids wouldn’t make fun of me.”
• “I wish I had an M-1 rifle so I could shoot those who make fun of me.”
bb She was shocked at the level of conflict these children lived in.
B James 4:1a- What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? James 4:1 (NASB)
1 What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? 2 You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures. 4 You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: "He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us"? 6 But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, "God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble." 7 Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you. James 4:1-10 (NASB)
a James is addressing conflicts that lead to battered congregations, split churches; but his words apply just as well to abusive families & broken homes.
b The heart of conflict, whether with God or your spouse, is extremely similar.
2 Let’s look at two steps James gives for dealing with conflicts in our relationships.
I The fight is authentic (v. 1-5) What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? 2 You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures. 4 You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: "He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us"?
A James verified that external conflicts invariably arise from internal conflicts within each person.
1 In verse 1b, he writes the source of conflicts/quarrels is from “pleasures.”
a “Pleasures”, from the word hedonon, means the uncontrolled personal desires to fulfill every passion & whim that promises sensual satisfaction & enjoyment.
aa According to 2 Tim. 3:2-4, the origin of the desires to fulfill these pleasures comes from selfishness. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God...2 Tim 3:2-4 (NASB)
bb James says that it’s people’s desires (& pursuit of these desires) that put people at odds /in conflict with each other.
b This conflict was birthed in the Garden at the fall.
aa God gave the first couple everything they would ever need, & yet their selfish desire to have more destroyed all that.
bb The Lord God commanded the man, saying, "From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; 17 but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat , for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die." Gen 2:16-17 (NASB)
• They got what they wanted, but forfeited God’s will for their lives.
• Conflict arose!
cc James even says that selfish desires can taint a believer’s prayer life.
• “...ask not...”-don’t pray (after all, you don’t want God’s will)
• “...ask with the wrong motive...” (IL: praying for Lotto numbers)
2 It’s selfishness (or stubbornness) that causes the vast majority of the conflict in our churches, relationships, families, & marriages.
a In churches, where each person thinks their ideas are the only right ideas, & their ways the only right way; selfish ambition rules meetings, not spiritual submission.
aa They will never submit themselves to the will of God, much less the authority of the pastor or leadership.
bb Battered churches, split congregations
b Families are put in conflict when children are given reason to believe they rule the home, they call the shots.
c Marriages are put in conflict when the selfish desires of one spouse are elevated at the expense of the other.
aa Submission, modesty, obedience, live, know, honor...out the window when they come in conflict with what you want.
bb These wrong desires lead to wrong actions.
• Enter abuse, adultery, abandonment, addiction
• The conflicts in marriage always begin internally before they go external.
II The fix is available (v. 6-10) But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, "God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble." 7 Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.
A James told his audience that there were things they could do to decrease the amount of conflict encountered.
1 They were to live in a state of communication with God (v. 7-8a).
a There are a series of power words: submit, resist, draw near.
aa Submit is a position that yields itself voluntarily to Jesus as Lord.
• You can’t call Jesus Savior without submitting to Him as Lord.
• You buy into His Word!
bb Resist is a posture that stands against the enemy.
cc Draw near is prayer that allows you to constantly submit & resist (stay connected to God!)
• (IL) PDA’s, Blackberries, Ipods, all designed to stay connected to the office...what we need more is to stay connected to God.
• We stay connected with conversational prayer-just talking to God.
• From our inner man, all day/throughout the day about decisions, tough times, surprises, when angry or stressed out-stay connected.
dd Wake up praying, first thing & last thing.
• Hudson Taylor: “Don’t have your concert first & tune your instrument later.”
• Begin your day with prayer
b They were to live in a state of confession with God (v. 8b).
aa Cleanse your hands (outward clean), purify hearts (inward clean)
bb James isn’t saying beat yourself up over sin, feeling bad for a prolonged period of time; not saying call me and give me the latest dirt on yourself.
• When you become aware of something you did or said that was wrong...confess it & move on.
• He doesn’t want you miserable, wallowing in your failures.
cc If we admit our failures & ask for His grace & forgiveness, God delights in cleansing our hearts & restoring our relationship with Him.
• By confessing continuously, you’re reminding yourself you can’t do it on your own, your way is flawed...you’re a work in progress.
• You will also see your spouse through the eyes God sees you with.
2 (IL)
Conclusion
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Respectfully,
Mike Fogerson
