Fireproof: Living With Your Spouse
From a message preached by Scott Kallem, Pastor of 3rd Baptist in Marion, IL
1 Peter 3:1-7
June 14, 2009 FBC, Chester Dr. Mike Fogerson, Speaker
Introduction
A Clip #3
B Marriage starts out as a romantic sleigh ride on a moonlit night, smoothly riding over the fresh snow. It’s living together after the honeymoon that’s the rough ride.
1 Although we’ll be in 1 Peter 3 today, understand he is continuing a thought from chapter 2.
a He had told his readers how citizens were to respond to an unjust king; slaves to unjust masters; & how Christ responded to His accusers.
b Key verse: 2:13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority...1 Peter 2:13 (NASB) “Submit yourselves” attitude
aa Hard, because we don’t like to give in!
bb The vast majority of problems in marriages (& church) is lack of submission (& abundance of pride).
2 Peter bridges into another area where submission is the key attitude, & that’s marriage.
a In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:1-7 (NASB)
b God has a blueprint for every marriage to follow, & each characteristic of the blueprint must be undertaken to have a God-honoring, God-guided marriage.
3 Let’s look at what these characteristics are as you discover about living with your spouse.
4 Pray
I Three essential characteristics for the wife to display:
A Be submissive in your approach (v. 1-2): In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
1 In the New Testament, submission was either compulsory or voluntary, & the verb does not immediately carry with it the thought of obedience.
a Submission is a voluntary unselfishness; seeking the highest good for your groom.
b Why? “So that...” (V. 1)
aa You’ll have a godly impact on an unbelieving husband, & believing husbands who are behaving like unbelieving ones.
bb Even though these husbands act stubborn, irresponsible, irritable, & tough to live with...they aren’t blind (v. 2: “as they observe”).
2 They are seeing the application of the Word of God in your life.
a You are not responsible for how your husband responds, you’re responsible for being obedient to God’s Word.
b I’ve seen lost men come to Christ because of their wives’ faithfulness to God.
B Be modest in your appearance (v. 3-5): Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands...
1 Peter adds an interesting twist in the marriage blueprint with “adornment”.
a Adornment (Greek-kosmos: world, space, universe, & all the beauty in it) is the physical appearance of the woman.
aa Ladies, he’s not saying not to wear jewelry, fashionable clothes, or have stylish haircuts & makeup.
bb He’s saying, I believe, how you dress sends a message about your marriage.
b What is the message you’re wearing?
aa (V. 4): but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. “Imperishable quality (divine, incorruptible, look like Jesus), gentle (meek), & quiet (still, peaceful spirit) WHICH is precious in the sight of God.”
bb What do people think of my nails, toes, jewelry, clothes, low-cut blouse, short skirt, tight jeans, high heels?
2 Is what you’re wearing precious in the sight of God?
C Be obedient in attitude (v. 5-6): For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
1 Peter gives an ancient example of obedience for contemporary wives to follow in the person of Sarah, Abraham’s wife.
a Sarah (& women like her) was holy because she “obeyed” Abraham.
aa She called Abraham “lord” (not LORD), and obeyed him because she was proud to be his wife.
bb Even though Abraham wasn’t perfect, she still followed him.
b Sarah wasn’t an angel, either!
aa She laughed at God, selfish/mean to Hagar, her servant...who simply did as Sarah had asked her to do.
bb If you look at anyone close enough, you’re going to find flaws/faults/cracks.
2 Peter is seeing the overall attitude of Sarah, & he sees her obedience.
a Wives, your attitude of obedience tells the tale of how important God/ your husband is to you.
b Obey: to listen, to heed, to follow.
Transitional Sentence: Clip #6
II Three characteristics for the husband to display (v.7): You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
A Live with your wife (live together/reside with)
1 Jesus said, “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
a You forsake all others, in comparison, to the union you have entered into with your wife.
b Just as she has brought herself into submission to you, you bring yourself into submission to her.
2 To live with your wife means to voluntarily give up your needs to meet her needs.
B Know your wife (in an “understanding” way)
1 Husbands, you are to know her fears, ambitions, expectations, what makes her smile...
a What are weak spots?
b Your job is not to exploit, manipulate them, but to strengthen her!
2 The Bible doesn’t call your wife the weaker sex, but rather the weaker vessel.
a She was made by a master Creator who designed her to be completed by you.
b Men, you’re saying, “That’s right! She needs me!”
aa Wrong attitude! Pride, ego, male-dominated household.
bb You are to complete her-ask yourself: “Do I complete my wife, or would she be better without me?”
C Honor your wife (and grant her “honor”)
1 “Honor” is an attribute of value bestowed upon another.
a Men, you are to put a price tag on your wife, & pay that amount with your attitude, actions, & affection.
b Let other people see how much you love her! Honor her!
2 Men, it’s not childish/sissified to demonstrate/vocalize your love to your wife (and do it in front of your boys)!
a Some of you take better care of your car, boat, clubs than you do your wife.
b Put her under a cover of honor, lift her up!
Conclusion
A (IL)
B Husbands, the foundation of your marriage isn’t your wife; wives, the foundation of your marriage is not your husband.
1 God is the foundation of marriage.
a Ladies, that’s how you can have a submissive approach, modest appearance, obedient attitude even if your husband is less than godly.
b Men, that’s how you can live with your wife, know her, & honor her even if she is less than godly.
c It’s not about him/her...it’s all about God.
2 Married couples, these characteristics are not optional, they’re vital.
a See the last part of v. 7: so that your prayers will not be hindered
aa Prayer is what gives marriage power to walk humbly before God, each other.
bb Prayer (especially for marriage) is powerless (hindered) if you’re selfish, non-submissive, etc.
b These characteristics are imperative to a strong married life/prayer life.
3 Can Pam & I pray over your marriage?
a Pam: wives, Mike: husbands
b Invitation
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