“Dear Old Dad”
(John 3:16)
June 21, 2009
Did you know that fewer long distance phonecalls are made on Fathers Day than Mothers day, not a big surprise. But did you know that long distance companies actually make more money on Fathers day because so many more of the calls are collect. Kids want to wish Dad a happy Fathers day, but as usual, they expect Dad to pay.
What has happened to Fathers in our culture? If you watch TV at all you’ll quickly see that Fathers are often portrayed as ignorant goofballs like Homer Simpson. There was a time when the role of a father was looked upon with respect, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that as fathers have lost a lot of their credibility in our culture over the past few decades, that our heavenly Father has as well.
Now the following isn’t meant to ridicule men, but it is a pretty accurate reflection of most of us.
“The Definition of a BBQ”
It’s the only type of cooking a "real man" will do. When a man volunteers to do the ’BBQ’ the following chain of events is put into motion: 1) The woman goes to the store. 2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. 3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill. 4) The man places the meat on the grill. 5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. 6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. 7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. 8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. 9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. 10) Everyone praises the man and thanks him for his cooking efforts. 11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.
I read this profile of a father: “a father gives his daughter away at a cost of thousands of dollars to a boy not good enough for her, so that he can have grandchildren smarter than anyone else’s. His kids have the youth movement; his wife has the women’s liberation movement; his employees have the labor union movement; and his government has the Tax Reform movement. The only movement poor dad has is the receding hairline and the expanding of his waistline, and the need to provide more and more to make ends meet.”
All right, maybe Dad’s don’t have it so bad, but I do think our culture has been hard on fathers and that is certainly not what our heavenly father would approve of. Men generally have been labeled as the cause of most of our society’s, and family’s problems, and if we try to defend ourselves, we are being disrespectful and aggressive. If we get angry we are abusive, if a woman gets angry it’s PMS.
I think many fathers have given up because they feel that they can’t win no matter what they do, so they throw themselves into the only area they feel competent – work. They would rather get yelled at for a while for never being home than feel incompetent for half of their life. What used to be the duty of fathers as head of the household has become unacceptable and seen as controlling, and now they flounder wondering how they’re supposed to be.
Thankfully there is still one source of instruction and encouragement for dads and that is God’s word.
First of all let me show you some of what God says about how we are to treat fathers. Remember these are not commands only for when the father deserves it. God never says do this if the guy behaves and thinks like you want him to. He just says do it.
Honor your father and mother - Ex 20:12
Anyone who curses his father or mother is to be put to death - Ex 21:17
Do not dishonor your father - Lev 18:7
Listen to your father who gave you life - Pr 23:22
And in the New Testament we are told to honor our fathers and mothers 5 times.
Now I have heard the arguments coming from the feminist movement that the Bible is a chauvinistic book that caused the society to become patriarchal and to suppress women. I am sure some men have used it this way, but I don’t believe any of these commands say anything bad about women or mothers, in fact mothers are included in some of them.
There’s also plenty about a husband and father’s responsibility:
We are to instruct wisely - Pr 13:1
We are to discipline in love - Pr 15:5, Heb 12:7-11
We are responsible for God punishing our children to the third and fourth generation because of our sin. - Ex 20:5 (Don’t think your private sin is not affecting your family)
We are not to exasperate or embitter our children – Eph 6:4, Col 3:21
Husbands are to fulfill their marital duty to their wives, and are to love their wives as Christ loved the church – 1Co 7:3, Eph 5:25, 28, Col 3:19
Be considerate and respectful of your wives – 1Pe 3:7
And behave and lead in such a way that our wives can submit to us as unto the Lord. In other words be the spiritual leaders, be connected with Jesus, and live as He says. That’s a heap of responsibility, and we do deserve some criticism for failing in these areas.
How many of our wives would feel comfortable submitting to us because they trust that we are being like Jesus. But the world, including our wives and children, need to realize that this is God’s recipe for being husbands and fathers, and wives and children.
Satan has thrown us so out of whack as families that we now consider what we are doing as normal and the right thing. If what we are doing the last 50 years is so much better than God’s way, how come we hear about so much more divorce, so much more abuse, so much more youth suicide? The feminist movement while valuable in many ways where there was abuse of power, has hurt families primarily by reducing the role and importance of fathers.
I am not saying we need to fight back, but as fathers we do need to stand up and say, wait a minute, God says I am important in the family and I’m going to follow his commands over those of the world.
So using God as our blueprint for being a father, I want to briefly pull out some wisdom from John 3:16. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”
I want to point out four lessons for fathers from this verse.
I. A Father Loves
“For God so loved the world”. We talked in depth about this divine love last week. Fathers, for us this love usually has to be developed or even earned, but not for God, He loved us completely and unconditionally right from the start, as we do with our children when they are born. But don’t drop the ball dads. Express it often in your actions and words, and don’t stop when they get older.
There are studies that show that fathers expressing appropriate love and affection to their teenage daughters will likely lead them to a healthier, happier relationship with their future husband. Our daughters tend to choose husbands that reflect their fathers, good or bad, so ask yourself how you want your daughter to be treated by her husband.
Maybe you didn’t have a father who was good at expressing his love. I guarantee you deep in his heart he regrets it whether he admits it or not. But no matter what relationship you had with your earthly father, your heavenly father will give you what he says he will and backs it up with actions.
Dads, don’t forget to show your children you love them.
II. A Father Gives
“God so loved the world that he gave…” God gave us his Son, we are to give our children to him. What do we give our children? I would suggest two main things besides our love: our time and our money. Both are important and they need both, and an abundance of one doesn’t make up for a lack of the other. You can’t pay for a lack of time with more money.
Choosing to be a father means choosing sacrifice. We give up stuff we like to do so that we can give to our children. There will be time for us, but for those years when you are actively fathering everyday, we give. Having said that, it’s OK to rest and spend time on your own, Jesus did it and the Father did it on the seventh day. But remember mom needs that too.
III. A Father Requires
Yes God gave to us, but it’s also very clear that he requires something of us: “… that whoever believes in him…” He doesn’t expect more of us than we can give, he knows our limitations as we should with our children. All he wants from us is to believe in him, again remembering that that word believe is accurately translated as trust and obey.
We are to require things of our children as well. To the degree that they are capable we allow them to have responsibilities. To make less work for us? No. But to teach them how to live and give. God doesn’t need us to do anything, and we don’t need our children to do anything, but we have expectations for their good as God has expectations for our good.
John Grisham illustration…
IV. A Father Prepares His Child for the Future
“… that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.” There it is, why we have requirements, to prepare our children for when we are no longer the main influence in their life.
God did all of this so that we could be with him forever, he desperately wants this and is willing to do anything to make it happen. He gave his Son on the cross. We need to be this desperate in teaching our children about Him, and how to have a relationship with Him. The best way to do this is to model God’s relationship to us, to our children. We stand as the Lord of our children’s life and it is a grave responsibility.
The Bible says that people don’t naturally try to find their way to God. God reaches out to us and our responsibility as parents is to show them how to accept God through Jesus, and show them the importance, and necessity of this relationship. Are we showing our children that every decision we make is done in consultation with the Lord?
Let me suggest three areas we need to prepare our children for:
1. The most important is spiritually. This is done best by modeling and showing them God working in your family’s life. Go to church enthusiastically because you want to. Read the Bible to them and let them see you read by yourself. Show them with your life that nothing is more important than your relationship with Jesus.
2. We should also help prepare them in the area of career. Help children identify and nurture their gifts, interests, and dreams. They may not be what you have in mind for them, and that needs to be OK with you. Most importantly we prepare them for the difficulties that will come, and support them fully as they enter adult life.
3. We should also prepare them for relationships. Take an interest in their friends, help them discern what a good friend is, what kind of mate to choose. Be involved in their relationships so they know you care. They may not always like it, but they will know you care. Again this is so important with our daughters who depend on us to protect them. Talk with their boyfriends, let them know your expectations in a loving and light way, the boy will then know that you care as well.
Marriage is tough, and our daughters don’t know the male species very well. Help your daughters understand the differences between her and men so she can be prepared. Teach your sons to treat women the way you would want your daughter treated.
Dad’s we have a mighty responsibility. And we can’t expect mom to make up for the areas where we are slacking. God made moms and dads for a reason, we have different roles and each one is an important piece of the overall puzzle. This isn’t a knock on moms, but kids listen to dad more, maybe because we talk less, they tend to take mom more for granted knowing that they are loved and nurtured, but they believe they have to seek it more from dads, and this makes them more vulnerable to us.
Our words and behaviours often have more of an impact. That’s not good or bad, just the way it seems to be. So we must pay special attention to how our words and actions affect our children.
Let me close with something by John Dresser from a book called “If I Could Do It All Again.” He shares 8 things that he would do differently if he could be a father again.
Good stuff. Dad’s love your children, give to your children, require something of your children, make them feel important, and prepare them for life. You are important, and have a huge responsibility, all the more reason to get closer to God and ask for his help. He is the ultimate parenting expert.
