Justin & Marie
Sarah & Wes
Jesus and Toxic People July 5, 2009
Forgiveness
Matthew 6:14-15
Review where we’ve been – love & serve Toxic people; confront/engage Toxic people; know the Father’s love; when we have to break relationship…
Return to a sermon I preached nearly 10 years ago as my first message preached on staff at Runnymede
Pray the prayer together:
’Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one. ’
(for yours is the kingdom
and the power and the glory forever.
Amen.)
For if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
I recently saw a news item that was a follow up on a shooting that had happened a year before. An innocent woman was shot in the cross fire between two men. She become paralysed by the injury. The item was about the huge change in her life since the shooting. The thing that struck me most was her statement: "I haven’t forgiven them yet, but I know I have to, because if I don’t God won’t forgive me."
I could see the pain that she was in, I could see the life that she had lost, and I wanted to say, "No, God loves for who you are, you been greatly damaged, it’s all right!" But she knew the truth, beyond the emotion of seeing a terrible crime like this, the truth is, that unless we forgive those who haves harmed us, who have sinned against us, God will not forgive us.
She had two things true.
1) We must forgive to be forgiven.
Jesus says it in a number of places:
in Matthew 7:2
For in the same way as you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
in Matthew 18:35
``This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.’’(to be handed over to the torturers)
in Mark 11:25
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.’’
Paul says it in Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
James says it in James 2:13
because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!
It covers the New Testament. If we do not forgive those who harm us, God will not forgive us!
What is forgiveness?
Some people who have troubles with forgiveness think that forgiveness does not take the harm of sin seriously. But forgiveness does take it very seriously. Forgiveness does not excuse sin, it does not say "O that’s alright, your sin really wasn’t a bother, my stay in the hospital wasn’t that long, and I was able to catch up on my reading!" No forgiveness calls sin, sin, and in many ways it holds the sinner accountable for their actions. Forgiveness says, "you hurt me, and what you did was wrong, but I will not hold it against you, I will not try to get back at you and I will not hate you for it."
Forgiveness also initiates the process. You have most likely heard someone say, Or maybe you have said yourself "Ill forgive them when they come and say they are sorry." This is not God’s way God says "I forgive you, now will you accept it by confessing and repenting?" If we wait for a confession to forgive, most often we will be waiting a long time.
In his book "What’s so Amazing About Grace," Philip Yancey tells a story about a man and wife who one night had an argument about how supper was cooked, it was so heated that night they slept in separate rooms. Neither has approached the other to say I’m sorry or to offer forgiveness, and they have remained in separate rooms years after the argument, each night they go yo bed hoping that the other will approach them with and apology or forgiveness, but neither goes to the other. God’s forgiveness does not wait for repentance, it initiates and calls out repentance by offering forgiveness.
This is why some people have great difficulty forgiving people. Either they hate confrontation and don’t want to confront someone with their sin, so instead they stew in their unforgiveness and hate; not wanting to do the hard work of forgiveness.
Other times the seriousness of forgiveness shows up the pettiness of our grudges. When I was in university, I was talking with a friend and I was trying to decide whether or not to get my hair cut short, or let it grow long. After letting me natter on for awhile, he coyly said "Why don’t we pray about it" He was joking of course, but it was his way of saying that if it doesn’t warrant prayer, then it really isn’t that important of a decision is it? Some wrongs against us aren’t serious enough to warrant forgiveness. Some behaviour needs to be excused rather than forgiven. Accidents, mistakes, minor lapses in judgement, misunderstandings seldom need forgiveness, usually the just need to be excused. I know two elderly sisters who were in a car accident 20 years ago. Each blamed the other for the accident. The one driving said her sister was distracting her, and the sister said she was driving badly. Both of them should have said "these things happen" and got on with life, but instead of excusing each other, they have not spoken in 20 years!
Works religion?
You might say to me, "but isn’t God’s grace and forgiveness free? Aren’t you asking us to earn our salvation by forgiving those who harm us?
The answer is, yes, God’s grace is free, but it is not cheap. When God’s grace comes into our lives, it does not leave us as we were, it changes us. And one of the first changes that it makes is to give us the power to forgive. By forgiving others we are proving that we have accepted God’s forgiveness, and are living in it! If we refuse to forgive those who harm us we are showing that we have not really accepted God’s grace, and thus it is removed from us.
2) Forgiveness is hard
The other truth that The woman on the news knew was that forgiveness is hard. This woman was an athletic, vibrant young woman before the bullet paralysed her and changed her life forever. How could she forgive that?
It is not easy to give up our right to be hurt, to be angry to get back, to hate the other for what they have done. You may have had terrible things done to you by someone you loved and trusted, and they hurt you and broke your trust. You may have lost a great deal because of someone’s actions.
The Bible tells us the story of Joseph whose ten brothers first planned to kill him, and them because they lacked the fortitude to do that they sold him as a slave to traders who sold him to an Egyptian. Joseph went from slavery to prison, and then to a place in Pharaoh’s court, and finally to being in charge of all Egypt second only to Pharaoh himself. When famine drives his brothers to Egypt Joseph has his enemies in the palm of his hand. He plays with them for awhile, to see if they are still evil, but they are really more pathetic than evil, and just before he reveals himself to them to forgive them, we are told that he wept so loudly that the whole palace heard it. We are not told why he wept, but I imagine it was because what he was about to do was hard, and painful. By society’s standards he had the right and the power to kill them, but instead he embraces them, but it is not easy, it is hard.
It is not easy to forgive, but God in his grace gives us the power to do it.
We are able to forgive because God is in charge.
Joseph says to his brothers: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Genesis 50:20 NIV)
We are also able to forgive because God take even the things that were meant to hurt us, and he uses them for good if we let him.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 NIV)
We are able to forgive in the light of God’s forgiveness.
Jesus lets us know that if we refuse to forgive, then we really haven’t grasped our great need for forgiveness, or how much God has forgiven us, and thus in our pride, we have not truly repented, and God will not forgive us. But when we have our eyes on the cross, and the pain and suffering that Jesus went through in order to forgive us and cleanse us from our sin, is can appear pretty minor to forgive those who harm us.
Forgiveness is an act of faith - Yancey, "What’s So Amazing About Grace?" p.93 "At last I understood: in the final analysis, forgiveness is an act of faith. By forgiving another, I am trusting that God is a better justice-maker than I am. By forgiving, I release my own right to get even and leave all issues of fairness for God to work out. I leave in God’s hands the scales that must balance justice and mercy.
Just like tithing is an act of faith by which we are saying, "I might not be able to afford this, but God looks after my needs." Forgiveness is an act of faith, because we are saying, "if there is any punishment that is needed, or any giving of mercy, God will look after it just fine."
Paul says in Romans 12:19-21 "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." No, "if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
Conclusion
We must forgive those who have hurt us. because God commands it, because our own forgiveness hinges on it, but also because it is the best thing for us. When we refuse to forgive the bitterness grows like a cancer with in us and it eats away at us, causing stress and illness and great lack of joy. The only therapy for this cancer is the surgery of forgiveness.
When we refuse to forgive, we allow the sin that was committed against us to hurt us twice: once when we were first sinned against, and again by keeping us from receiving God’s forgiveness. We need to stop the pain and forgive.
Is there someone who you need to forgive? Is there someone who you haven’t talked to in a long time because of what they did? Is there some one who you refuse to trust because of what they did? Is there someone who you avoid like the plague, you won’t sit beside, someone for whom you just feel like spitting? Is there someone whom you are waiting for a confession from before you offer forgiveness? You must forgive them. Your own forgiveness relies on it.
