DDealing with Divorce
June 28, 2009
Mark 10:2-12
Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?”3 Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?”4 “Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.” 5 But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts.6 But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation.7 ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, 8 and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one,9 let no one split apart what God has joined together.”10 Later, when he was alone with his disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again.11 He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her.12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.” Mark 10:2-12 (NLT)
INTRODUCTION:
Much prayer has gone into the preparation of this sermon. More than most. Because the subject of divorce is a painful reality that has probably touched every person in this room in one way or another. It is a sensitive and painful issue, which calls for a careful balance between truth-telling and compassion. As lawyers often urge their juries, I hope you will listen to all of the evidence before you reach a conclusion.
“Reach down from Heaven and rescue me; deliver me from deep waters.” Psalm 144:11
Will you pray with me now?
"Lord, as we come to your Word, we pray that you will open our hearts and our minds, that we may understand your will, and live in your love. For we pray in the name of Jesus our redeemer. Amen."
A group of Pharisees came to Jesus, Mark says, to trap him, and asked what sounded like a simple question: "Is if lawful for a man to divorce his wife, for any and every reason?"
And just by asking, they placed Jesus in a very difficult spot. (I can relate).
On the one hand, there was Herod the Tetrarch. This was a different Herod from the one who tried to kill Jesus at his birth. What we need to know about this Herod is that he had married his sister-in-law, Herodias.
Now, marriage to your brother’s wife, while your brother was still living, was explicitly forbidden by Mosaic law.
You might remember that John the Baptist, never one for subtlety, went to Herod and told him this. And, as you know, John was beheaded for his trouble. Herod did not want to know what God thought of his adultery.
So, if Jesus denounced divorce, he risked the wrath of Herod.
On the other hand, if Jesus said that divorce was ok, he would seem to take away his credibility as a moral teacher.
Tough subject. Still tough today.
Even within the church, the discussion has been going on for centuries.
I. HISTORY
The law of God in Deuteronomy 24:1 describes divorce this way: "If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, (he may) write her a certificate of divorce, give it to her and send her from his house..."
What was this all about?
Well, before Moses, women who were divorced had no rights whatsoever. A certificate of divorce gave her at least some standing in the law, and (THIS IS IMPORTANT) the right to remarry.
By Jesus time, the debate was NOT about whether women should have the same right. The debate was about the meaning of the words "displease" and "indecent." There were two schools of thought.
The school of Shammai was very strict, and held that "something indecent" meant adultery and nothing less. The school of Hillel emphasized the clause "becomes displeasing to him," and said that a man could divorce his wife if there were anything he disliked about her – anything at all.
Needless to say, human nature and male pride made most people stick with the school of Hillel.
By Jesus’ time, divorce had become common, and women again had no rights in divorce. It wasn’t no fault, it was "women’s fault." The only grounds upon which a woman was permitted to divorce her husband were if he were a leper, a tanner, or a criminal.
It was a great situation for men. But Jesus was not satisfied with such a simple solution.
II. CREATION/MARRIAGE
Instead of talking about grounds for divorce, Jesus decided to talk about the meaning of marriage.
Matthew 19:4 6 (NIV) ""Haven’t you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator ’made them male and female,’ and said, ’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.""
We quote this verse at every wedding as a man and woman are pronounced husband and wife.
Imagine a piece of plywood. When they want to make a piece of plywood, they take two pieces of wood, each of which is relatively weak on it’s own, and with a thin layer of glue bond them together into one unit, warp against woof. They both retain their individual characteristics, but together they make something new.
Now, have you ever tried to take a piece of plywood apart? You can do it, but you can’t do it without tearing, and harming both of the original pieces.
Jesus is teaching that marriage, as created by God, is intended to be a permanent bond, with God as the glue that holds husband and wife together.
Marriage is intended to be an organic union of body, mind, and spirit. "What God joins together, let no one put asunder."
God’s math: 1 + 1 = 1
Jesus points out that the discussion of divorce must be founded on an understanding of marriage.
III. DIVORCE
But if that’s the way God intended marriage from the dawn of creation, then why did Moses permit divorce in Deuteronomy 24? This is the Bible. This is God’s law.
Jesus anticipates the question: "Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning."
"Hard hearts." The phrase was used often to describe the people of Israel when they would rebel against the Lord – when they would become stubborn, contentious, shortsighted, sinful. Do you know anyone with a marriage like that?
If fidelity and permanence is God’s intention for marriage, then divorce is God’s reluctant provision for the hard heartedness, the sinful nature of human beings.
But Jesus, knowing the sinful nature of human hearts, knowing that we’re always looking for a loophole when it comes to our own sin, want’s to drive home again that this provision is NOT part of God’s design. Jesus continues, "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
I’d like to take a look at the broader context of that statement.
Earlier in Matthew, in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus dealt with a lot of difficult subjects. He spoke about anger, and said that anyone who is overwhelmed by anger is in effect guilty of murder, because they have committed murder in their heart. The penalty for murder was death.
He spoke about lust, saying that any man who looks at a woman lustfully is guilty of adultery, having committed adultery in their heart. The penalty for adultery was death.
And who hear is not guilty of both these sins? But Jesus was not suggesting that we set up gallows on every street corner.
Jesus point was to uphold God’s high standards of love - standards of which each of us falls short.
His point in divorce is the same. It is never God’s will, for it always is the result of people who fall short of God’s high standard for marriage.
And divorce is certainly not a gateway for men (or women) to seek greener pastures. There’s no way that divorce is a license for skipping out on one marriage because you’ve met someone else – someone who you imagine will fulfill all of the desires your current spouse fails to live up to! Is someone considering divorce so they can marry someone else? Make no mistake. That’s nothing but adultery, pure and simple.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18 (NIV)
Survey of those who had been seriously considering divorce.
Five years later, revisited. Some had divorced, some had done hard work to stay together.
On repeat survey, those who had done hard work and stayed together rated their lives as happier than those who’d taken the divorce way out.
Five years later, couples who stay together are typically happier than those who divorce! More specifically, the vast majority of those who rated their lives unhappy before divorce, still rated themselves unhappy after their divorces, five years later.
On the other hand, among those who rated their lives and marriages unhappy but who stayed married, two-thirds of unhappily married spouses who stayed married reported that their marriages were happy five years later.
In addition, the most unhappy marriages reported the most dramatic turnarounds: among those who rated their marriages as very unhappy, almost eight out of 10 who avoided divorce were happily married five years later.
If you are facing difficulties in your marriage, make a decision to do your part toward reconciliation.
-Love Dare
-Counseling (Christian)
-Prayer
Nevertheless, in God’s mercy, God made provision for our hard hearts and sinful nature. Provision for marriages which may not only fall short of the ideal but miss it entirely.
Jesus points out one specific example: adultery. Marital unfaithfulness so clearly destroys the fabric of a marriage.
I believe that the same can be said of some other situations. In marriages where there is constant fighting and anger, where the pain of being together causes nothing but bitterness in a person’s heart, divorce may indeed be the lesser of two evils - better than daily committing murder in one’s heart.
In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul suggests that Christians married to unbelievers should try to stay together, but may ultimately find it best to separate rather than remaining miserably and unequally yoked.
BUT only when you’ve done everything in your power to bring healing/reconciliation.
Certainly God does not will you to stay in an abusive marriage, for that is no marriage at all. Let me repeat this, because it is important: If you are in a marriage where you are being abused, IT IS NOT GOD’S WILL for you to stay and suffer degradation or physical battering. That is a violation of the very essence of what God created marriage to be.
* If you are divorced, hear this loud and clear: God loves you and desires to heal you.
God hates when a marriage ends in divorce – but God hates all of the ways in which all of us fail to live up to his perfect design for creation. Divorce should always and only be the solution of last resort. It is never good, but it is sometimes in our sinful world it is the best that two people can do.
Our God is the God of love and healing. Whatever your past, your slate is clean at the moment you accept the forgiving grace of Jesus Christ.
He is the healer of the brokenhearted. He is the one who bandages their wounds. 4 He determines the number of stars. He gives each one a name. Psalms 147:3-4 (GW)
In that light, I believe that there are times, when human weakness has led to failure in one marriage, when in God’s grace God provides a second chance. Remarriage must always be accompanied by careful, deliberate, prayerful reflection and repentance.
The rate of failures for second marriages is almost twice that of first marriages! I believe that is largely because too many people divorce too easily. When people divorce too easily, they carry the same sin that destroyed their first marriage into the second, third, and so on.
This is a difficult teaching, and very personal. I don’t pretend that in this short time we’ve more than scratched the surface of what can or should be said.
If nothing else, the subject of divorce should challenge us in the church to focus more energy and more ministry on the positive need to build strong marriages, and to provide genuine caring help to those who’s marriages may be in trouble. That’s the best solution to the problem of divorce.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
NEXT STEPS:
Memorize Jeremiah 29:11
Take “The Love Dare”
Pray for my relationship with ___________________
Accept God’s forgiveness and healing
I pray that each of us may strive to uphold God’s high ideals, and embrace God’s grace to bring healing in broken lives.
Amen.
