Introduction:
A. In his book Lee: The Last Years, Charles Flood reports that after the Civil War, Robert E. Lee visited a Kentucky lady who took him to the remains of a grand old tree in front of her house.
1. There she cried bitterly that is limbs and trunk had been destroyed by Union Artillery fire.
2. She looked to Lee for a word condemning the North or at least sympathizing with her loss.
3. After a brief silence, Lee said these instructive words: “Cut it down, my dear Madam, and forget it.”
4. It is best to forgive the injustices of the past than to allow them to remain, and allow bitterness to take root and poison the rest of our lives.
B. For several months now, we have been studying the life of David.
1. I have tried to present David to you just the way the Bible does – as a real man who loved God, but often failed God.
2. In spite of all his sin and failure, David was still a man after God’s own heart.
3. And I think that one of the qualities of his life that made him such was his humility.
4. David’s humility will be on display today as we see it expressed in his forgiving spirit.
C. Let’s admit it, forgiveness is not easy for us, right?
1. Most of us would rather sit on a judgment seat than a mercy seat.
2. If someone has done us wrong, there is a part of us that would rather watch them squirm in misery than smile in relief.
3. But what we must come to grips with is the fact that God is a merciful God and He expects that we will be a merciful people.
4. Nothing good ever results from being unforgiving.
a. No matter how much a person nurses a grudge, it doesn’t get better.
5. Withholding forgiveness certainly has a negative effect on those who need our forgiveness, but it also has a dramatic, destructive, downward effect on our own lives.
D. So let’s take a look at this story from David’s life, and see what lessons we can learn for ourselves about the necessity and the beauty of forgiveness.
I. The Story
A. As we noticed last week in our sermon, David is at one of the lowest places in his life.
1. He had sinned with Bathsheba, and that set off a whole negative chain reaction.
2. Nathan, the prophet, said, “Your baby will die.” And it happened.
3. He said, “Your wives will be violated in public.” And it happened.
4. He said, “The sword will never leave your house.” And it happened.
5. He said, “Your family will turn against you.” And it happened as his son, Absalom, conspired against him and usurped the throne.
B. So King David quickly gathered up a few things and ran for his life.
1. While he was on the run, a number of his friends came to his aid, which was much appreciated.
2. Last week we talked about the difference that friendship can make in our lives, especially in times of need. We learned that friends are like sheltering trees.
3. But David’s friends were not the only ones who approached him at this low point in his life.
C. In that desperate moment, with guilt crushing in on him, a man named Shimei came out of nowhere to add to his misery.
1. The Bible says: As King David approached Bahurim, a man from the same clan as Saul’s family came out from there. His name was Shimei son of Gera, and he cursed as he came out. He pelted David and all the king’s officials with stones, though all the troops and the special guard were on David’s right and left. As he cursed, Shimei said, “Get out, get out, you man of blood, you scoundrel! The LORD has repaid you for all the blood you shed in the household of Saul, in whose place you have reigned. The LORD has handed the kingdom over to your son Absalom. You have come to ruin because you are a man of blood!” (2 Sam. 16:5-8)
2. We met several of David’s sheltering trees last week, and Shimei is no sheltering tree.
3. He’s a real scoundrel.
4. One man called Shimei “a reptile of the royal house of Saul.” (Alexander Whyte)
5. Shimei is the kind of person who kicks you when you are down.
6. He hits you below the belt, and when you moan he comes back with another blow.
D. While David was considering his response, one of his supporters stepped forward to give counsel.
1. The Bible says: Then Abishai son of Zeruiah said to the king, “Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and cut off his head.” (2 Sam. 16:9)
2. We will always have someone around that will say stuff like that – “Hey, you don’t have to take that…I mean, you’ve got rights…stand up for yourself…don’t let him walk all over you…get even…cut him off at the knees. Let me handle him for you.”
3. This is certainly a very real temptation.
4. Shimei has come at David at a very hard time, and he has not only thrown rocks at David, he has cursed him, and spoken lies about him.
5. In many respects, Shimei is way out of line, and somebody ought to put him in his place.
E. So David had a choice to make – he could be offended and become resentful and take revenge upon this man, or not.
1. The Bible tells us what David did: But the king said, “What do you and I have in common, you sons of Zeruiah? If he is cursing because the LORD said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who can ask, ‘Why do you do this?’ ” David then said to Abishai and all his officials, “My son, who is of my own flesh, is trying to take my life. How much more, then, this Benjamite! Leave him alone; let him curse, for the LORD has told him to. It may be that the LORD will see my distress and repay me with good for the cursing I am receiving today.” (2 Sam. 16:10-12)
2. David’s response has two very important parts to it.
3. The first is his recognition that he does not want to be like Abishai and the other sons of Zeruiah.
a. The sons of Zeruiah were all built with a very short fuse.
b. Every one of them carried a chip on his shoulder and were always ready for a fight.
c. David’s army commander, Joab was also a son of Zeruiah.
4. The other thing that David recognized was his place under God.
a. David recognized that God may be in this situation. God may be using Shimei in some way to discipline David.
b. And if God is not in it, then God is the one who is in charge of revenge, and if David acts properly to this injury, then God can surely bless him for it.
5. So we can marvel at David’s ability to have the right perspective in the midst of all this.
6. David entrusted himself to God.
F. Now let’s jump ahead a few chapters in the story (chapter 19).
1. Some time has passed, and Absalom’s revolt has come to an end, as has his life.
2. Although this is not what David wanted for his son, Absalom’s demise has returned the throne to David.
3. As David marched back to Jerusalem the people turned back to David as their leader.
4. Now that David was back in power, Shimei was first in line to repent and ask for mercy, as well he should be.
5. The Bible says: Shimei son of Gera, the Benjamite from Bahurim, hurried down with the men of Judah to meet King David. With him were a thousand Benjamites, along with Ziba, the steward of Saul’s household, and his fifteen sons and twenty servants. They rushed to the Jordan, where the king was. They crossed at the ford to take the king’s household over and to do whatever he wished.
When Shimei son of Gera crossed the Jordan, he fell prostrate before the king and said to him, “May my lord not hold me guilty. Do not remember how your servant did wrong on the day my lord the king left Jerusalem. May the king put it out of his mind. For I your servant know that I have sinned, but today I have come here as the first of the whole house of Joseph to come down and meet my lord the king.” (2 Sam. 19:16-20)
6. Shimei was either a great actor, or he was very sincere!
7. He said three of the hardest words in the English language – “I have sinned.”
8. Do you remember whom else made a similar declaration?
9. Shimei’s words must have rung a bell in David’s mind – it had not been too long since he had uttered those same words to Nathan the prophet.
10. One of the keys we will discuss in a moment is that forgiveness comes easier when we remember times in our own past when we failed and were forgiven.
G. After what Shimei had said and done to him earlier, it would have been easy for David to be indifferent to his confession.
1. As Shimei lay there spread out on the ground before David, pleading for forgiveness, Abishai stepped forward again with some advice.
2. The Bible says: Then Abishai son of Zeruiah said, “Shouldn’t Shimei be put to death for this? He cursed the LORD’s anointed.” (2 Sam. 19:21)
3. Here we go again, right? You remember the old saying, “If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to approach every problem as if it were a nail.”
4. Abishai’s solution to every problem is “Kill Him.”
5. In essence, Abishai said, “He kicked you when you were down. Kick him back, kick him hard. Finish him off.”
H. Fortunately, David was a man after God’s own heart, and he thought differently.
1. The Bible says: David replied, “What do you and I have in common, you sons of Zeruiah? This day you have become my adversaries! Should anyone be put to death in Israel today? Do I not know that today I am king over Israel?” So the king said to Shimei, “You shall not die.” And the king promised him on oath. (2 Sam. 19:22-23)
2. Again David wasn’t swayed by Abishai, and so he pointed out again how different he was from the sons of Zeruiah.
3. With magnificent and merciful self-control, David extended forgiveness to Shimei.
4. David knew who he was – the King over Israel – and he didn’t have to demonstrate his power.
II. Application
A. What can we learn about forgiveness from David?
B. Let’s start with a definition – What is forgiveness?
1. Dr. Archibald Hart defined forgiveness as “surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me.”
a. That’s a good one…mull it over in your mind…forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me.
2. The Grief Recovery Institute offers a great definition for forgiveness.
a. They define forgiveness as: “Giving up the hope of a different or better yesterday.”
b. In many ways, forgiveness is about coming to peace about the past.
c. No matter what we do or how hard we try, the past cannot be changed – it can only be accepted and forgiven.
d. No mater how we may have been hurt, violated, betrayed, disrespected, abused, or abandoned – we have to give up hope that the offending past occurrence can somehow be different or better.
e. What has happened to us has happened to us – that can never change.
f. The only thing that can change is what we think about it, feel about it and what we do about it as we live in the present and move toward the future.
g. As long as we dwell on these things in the past and will them to have been different, we imprison ourselves to that unchangeable past and bind ourselves with the heavy chains to old emotional and physical scars.
h. God can help us let go of the past through forgiveness, regardless of whether or not there has ever been any apology, recompense, punishment or reconciliation.
3. Ultimately, forgiveness is an act of faith.
a. By forgiving another person, I am trusting that God is a better justice-maker than I am.
b. By forgiving, I release my own right to get even and leave all issues of fairness for God to work out.
c. I leave in God’s hands the scales that must balance justice and mercy.
d. None of this is easy, but God makes it all possible.
C. What things can help us to learn to forgive? Let me suggest 3 things…
D. First of all, it helps to remember how much we have needed forgiveness.
1. All of us are sinners and have offended our Holy God, and have received His amazing grace.
2. All of us have also offended and hurt others, and have received forgiveness from them.
3. That’s why Paul taught the Ephesians: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Eph. 4:32)
4. Because we all have been forgiven, we should seek to extend that forgiveness to others.
5. King David, being well aware of his shortcomings, was able to be much more patient with the wrongdoing of others.
6. The proud, however, find it hard to forgive.
7. Those who refuse to recognize their own failures struggle to tolerate, understand, and forgive the failures of others.
8. So let’s be a people we are very aware of our own failures and sins, and appreciate the amount of grace that has been shown to us, so that we will be inclined to be more forgiving to others.
E. Second, it helps to understand where the offender is coming from.
1. It helps to try to see beyond the offense and try to understand what might have been or might be going on inside the offender.
2. So many times the offender is someone who has also been greatly wounded by others.
3. Inside that adult body we can see, there is often a scared, hurting little boy or girl who has not yet recovered from their own abusive experiences.
4. Then there are other times when someone offends us and they are just having a bad day.
a. It really didn’t have anything to do with us, we just came a long at the wrong time.
b. You’re familiar with the scenario that goes like this – the husband or wife has a hard time at work, comes home and takes it out on the kids, who in turn take it out on the cat.
5. And then there are also times when people offend us and that didn’t intend to offend us, and didn’t even realize that they offended us.
6. As Jesus hung on the cross, he was able to keep all this in perspective and so he prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Lk. 23:34)
7. Putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes often helps us objectify their actions and helps us to control our reactions.
F. Third, it helps to realize that extending forgiveness is what is best for them and for us.
1. Someone has said, “bitterness is like drinking poison hoping that your enemy will die from it.”
2. Or as comedian Buddy Hackett once confessed, “I’ve had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you’re carrying a grudge, they’re out dancing.”
3. In the end, when we don’t forgive others, we are hurting ourselves.
4. This teaching of Jesus is very sobering, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Mt. 6:14-15)
G. Forgiveness is so necessary for those who give it and for those who receive it.
1. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing.
2. It releases the heartache, the load of guilt, and brings an incredible feeling of cleansing.
3. It sets the stage for fresh starts and healing.
H. Near the end of Irving Stone’s powerful novel, Love is Eternal, about Mary Todd and Abraham Lincoln, there is a moving conversation between Mrs. Lincoln and the President’s bodyguard, Parker.
1. “Why were you not at the door to keep the assassin out?” she demanded.
2. With head bowed, Parker replied, “I have bitterly repented of it, but I did not believe that anyone would try to kill so good a man in such a public place. The belief made me careless. I was attracted by the play, and did not see the assassin enter the box.”
3. Mrs. Lincoln said, “You should have seen him. You had no business being careless.”
4. With that she fell back on her pillow and covered her face with her hands, and with deep emotion said, “Go now. It is not you I can’t forgive; it’s the assassin.”
5. Then Tad, who had spent that miserable night beneath his father’s desk said to his mother, “If Pa had lived, he would have forgiven the man who shot him. Pa forgave everybody.”
I. Our PA, our heavenly Father, is a forgiving father, and I want to be like Him – how about you?
1. William Arthur Ward, in his book, Thoughts of a Christian Optimist, wrote:
“We are most like beasts when we kill.
We are most like men when we judge.
We are most like God when we forgive.”
J. The necessity and the beauty of forgiveness.
1. Necessary and beautiful to receive.
2. Necessary and beautiful to give.
3. Many God help us to be receivers and givers of forgiveness.
Resources:
David – A Man of Passion and Destiny, by Charles R. Swindoll, Word Publishing, 1997.
David I, by W. Phillip Keller, Word Books, 1985.
I and II Samuel, David F. Payne, The Daily Study Bible Series, Westminster Press, 1982
First and Second Samuel, J. Carl Laney, Everyman’s Bible Commentary, Moody Bible Institute, 1982.
First and Second Samuel, Eugene Peterson, Westminster Bible Companion, Westminster John Knox Press, 1999.
First and Second Samuel, Walter Brueggemann, Interpretation, John Knox Press, 1990.
“The Revolutionary Power of Forgiveness” Sermon by Matthew Parker (SermonCentral.com)
“Overcoming Unforgiveness” Sermon by Todd Leupold (SermonCentral.com)
