REMEDY
The Remedy for Bitterness
“Bitterness imprisons life; love releases it”
Harry Emerson Fosdick
(American clergyman 1878-1969)
Key Scripture: Romans 12:14-21
Icebreaker: During the Korean war a certain military unit had hired a local boy to cook and clean for them. Being a bunch of jokesters, these guys soon took advantage of the boy’s seeming naiveté’. They’d smear Vaseline on the stove handles so that when he’d turn the stove on in the morning he’d get grease all over his fingers. They’d put little water buckets over the door so he’d get soaked when he opened the door They’d even nail his shoes to the floor during the night. Day after day the young Korean took the brunt of their practical jokes without saying anything. There was no blame, no self-pity, no temper tantrums. Finally the men felt guilty about what they were doing, so they sat down with the boy and said, “Look, we know these pranks aren’t funny for you, and we’re sorry. We’re never going to take advantage of you again.” It seemed too good to be true to the houseboy.” No more sticky on stove?” he asked. “Nope.” “No more water on door.” “No.” “No more nail shoes to floor?” “Nope, never again.” “Okay” the boy said with a smile, “no more spit in soup.”
(Jeff Strite, sermoncentral.com)
Intro: Let’s be honest: sometimes people hurt us. We get put down, run down, and trampled on. And it becomes easy to want to get revenge. And it’s even easier to become bitter. But bitterness is a disease. And if we’re not careful, this disease of bitterness will creep into our hearts and ruin our lives.
-Someone said, "The more I get to know the human race, the more I love my dog." Dogs are loyal, dependable, eager to please, and quick to forgive and forget. Don’t you wish people were more like that? But sometimes no matter how hard we try to have a good relationship with someone, it doesn’t work.
-Hey, you know what? People are going to hurt you. And when people hurt us, we can respond one of two ways:
1. Get bitter.
2. Get better.
Scripture: Romans 12:14-21
14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited. 17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[d]says the Lord. 20On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."[e] 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
-I want us to talk today about how to keep bitterness from ruining your life.
(PRAYER)
How to Keep Bitterness from Ruining Your Life
-Bitterness doesn’t have to control you. Paul talks about the remedy for bitterness in those verses we read just a moment ago. The remedy is a counter-cultural command that raises us to a new level of living.
1. Bless those who hurt you. (vs. 14)
Statement: The first thing you can do to keep bitterness from ruining your life is bless those who hurt you.
Scripture: Romans 12:14
“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.”
-Now, of course, Paul wrote this to Christians who suffered sever persecution that we can’t even imagine going through ourselves. But the same principle applies for us when people hurt us.
A. Never stop praying for them.
-Jesus told us to pray for our enemies. Why? Because it’s hard to hate somebody and be nasty towards somebody you are praying FOR. And Jesus never said, “Pray ABOUT your enemies…” If I pray ABOUT my enemies, I’ll probably end up complaining about them…. Or worse, I’ll pray for God to destroy them. But Jesus said “Pray FOR your enemies…”
It’s very hard to pray FOR people who you dislike… very hard
BUT IT’S EVEN HARDER to pray FOR someone you don’t like…and then turn around and spit in their soup.
-You see – when you do this kind of prayer to God - when you pray FOR your enemies - it changes your heart. It frees you up from the bondage of your anger. And it frees you to serve God in a way that really honors Him.
B. Never stop forgiving them.
-This is hard, but Christ followers are called to something higher. Disciples of Jesus are to live at a higher standard than the rest of the world. Forgiveness is very, very hard for humans to do on their own. There are reasons not to forgive. To forgive means to absorb the pain of an offense. It means taking that pain which is insulated a little by the anger and bitterness that the pain caused, and acquitting the offense that is the cause of the pain, exposing it to the light of grace. Unmerited, perhaps undeserved, favor.
-There is a lot of mental and emotional work involved in forgiving someone. If you’ve ever tried to forgive someone a very real offense, you know what I’m talking about. There is a serious price to pay when the choice is made to forgive a person. Sometimes we can get use to being angry at a person or at people.
-That anger focuses us like nothing else in life, or so we think. We feed off that anger. So to forgive, to release that anger, really changes something very familiar in our life. Without that anger to focus on, we may not know what to do with ourselves.
-To forgive means to say, “What you have said or done has truly and deeply hurt me, yet though I feel the pain of what you have done, I choose to release you of penalty. You have earned and you deserve my anger but instead I release you from your guilt".
-That is the problem of forgiveness, and that is why many do not want to go there. The cost. The cost is too high. But you know what? I truly believe forgiveness is essential to being a genuine follower of Jesus. And it’s just as essential in building of a community of faith. It is not optional, it is not an add-on that I can ignore if it suits me.
Illustration: There’s a Spanish story of a father and son who had become estranged. The son ran away, and the father set off to find him. He searched for months to no avail. Finally, in a last desperate effort to find him, the father put an ad in a Madrid newspaper.
The ad read: Dear Paco, meet me in front of this newspaper office at noon on Saturday. All is forgiven. I love you. Your Father. On Saturday 800 Pacos showed up, looking for forgiveness and love from their fathers.
Statement: Forgiveness heals relationships. The truth is any relationship of any depth - from a friend you may not see often but always seem to connect well with, to your best friend, to the marriage relationship itself - all relationships thrive when there is an understanding that forgiveness is an important thing, an important value to both parties.
2. Genuinely “do life” with others. (vs. 15)
Scripture: Romans 12:15
15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
A. Be happy when others succeed.
B. Bear the burdens of those who hurt.
Statement: Now, which of those 2 do you think is harder to do? Would you believe that it’s harder to be happy when others succeed than it is to bear the burdens of those who hurt? You know why? Because it’s easier to share sorrow than it is to share joy because of our natural tendency to envy others. You see, when things are bad, when someone is going through something hard, it’s easy to come alongside them and feel sorry for them and empathize with them. It’s a lot harder to do the same thing when someone is having a lot of victories because we start feeling like we should have it as good as they have it. But Paul says that part of really being a community of believers is to come alongside people who are doing better than we are and rejoice with them.
3. Live in harmony with all people. (vs. 16)
Scripture: Romans 12:16
16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited.
-This is all about not letting discord creep into the church. In the church Paul wrote his letter to, there were all kinds of different people from different socio-economic classes. And guess what? The rich people tended to hang out with who? Other rich people. People from “the good side of town” tended to shun people from “the wrong side of the tracks.” Does that sound familiar? Because it still happens in churches all over the world.
-You would think we would have made more progress in this area in 1,900 years, but we really haven’t. People are still people. We still tend to hang with people who look like us, think like us, dress like us, etc. Part of that is only natural, but Paul is saying that we’ve got to at lease be willing to associate with people who aren’t like us in the church. How do we do this?
A. Keep a humble attitude.
-Paul says, “don’t be conceited.” Pretty plain language, huh? My momma would say, “don’t get too big for your britches, boy.” Same goes for you, Christian. Don’t get too big for your britches. Keep a humble attitude. Don’t think too highly of yourself.
B. Don’t take notice of every offense. (vs. 17)
-It’s also important to not take notice of every offense. Just let some stuff go. Let it roll off your back. Some people just don’t know better, so forgive them in your heart and move on.
Scripture: Romans 12:17
17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.”
-“Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.” What Paul is saying here is that others are watching you. Do what is right because there are non-Christians and fellow believers who are watching your conduct when you are tempted to repay evil with evil.
4. Be a peacemaker. (vs. 18)
Scripture: Romans 12:18
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
-So here, Paul goes on to challenge us even further. He challenges Christians to be peacemakers.
A. You can’t control the other person, but you can control you.
-The apostle Paul addressed that situation in Romans 12:18. Notice the phrase "as much as depends on you." He knew that some people problems may never be resolved. It takes two to quarrel and it takes two to reconcile. If you do your part and the problem remains, there is still a plan to follow. Don’t harbor resentment or retaliate with the weapon of silence. Just do as much as you can to make peace with the person and let God work out the problem. (M.R. DeHaan, Our Daily Bread)
-See, you can only do so much so don’t heap false guilt on yourself in your have done as much as you can to show kindness. Don’t be a glutton for pain. Just continue to be a peacemaker and move on.
B. Never seek revenge. (vs. 19)
Scripture: Romans 12:19
19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord
.
-For the Christian, there are problems with trying to "get back" at someone. We lower ourselves to the level of the person who irritates us. This makes us vulnerable because we violate the principles of faith and love. Revenge appeals to our lower instincts.
-But we are called to the high strategy of being like Jesus, amen?
(Our Daily Bread)
-Paul talks about leaving room for God’s wrath, here. And some Christians like to think that this means that God’s gonna zap their enemies. But that’s not right thinking and it’s definitely not the right attitude to have towards other people. Remember all the way back in chapter 1 of Romans when Paul talked about the nature of God’s wrath? How is God’s wrath revealed in our lives? By God “giving us up.” By God letting us have our way. By God letting us do what we want to do. By Him just sort of taking His hands off of our lives and saying, “Have it your way.”
-So Paul tells us here in chapter 12, “be a peacemaker as much as you can and don’t take revenge because if your enemy keeps going the way he is going, God’s going to eventually pour out his wrath on them by just letting them have their way.
-Now, some of you have people in your lives that have hurt you but you would love to see them turn their hearts over to God and you keep trying to make that happen. And you just keep getting hurt over and over and over again because you feel like it’s your job to save them. Listen, it’s not your job to save them. It’s God’s job. But let me tell you what you can do:
5. Go the extra mile to love your enemies. (vs. 20)
Scripture: Romans 12:20
20On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
A. Give them nothing but undeserved kindness.
-Wow. Now let’s be honest. That’s just not natural. To give nothing but kindness to someone who has hurt you goes against our human nature. But going against our human nature usually means that we’re being more like Jesus. And Paul says that by being like Jesus with our enemies, by going the extra mile to love them, it will have more effect on them than any revenge we could have sought to take out on them.
B. Overcome evil with good. (vs. 21)
Scripture: Romans 12:21
21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
-Do you remember the prayer that Jesus made while He was on the cross? Anybody know what He said? (“Father forgive them, for they know not what they do?”)
-Forgive who? Who was Jesus praying for? (His enemies)
Why would He pray that kind of prayer? Because, the reason He was up on the cross, was to die for His enemies
-Romans 5:10 tells us “…when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son…!”
-You see, when Jesus died for you… YOU were His enemy. And when Jesus died for you… He also died for YOUR enemies as well!
-And if we want to reach our community, our church to grow...to deepen in our commitment to God, to deepen our roots in Christ. To do that, we need to go where God’s Word takes us, even if it smarts a bit.
-When we forgive others it is evidence that we get how much we’ve been forgiven by God. When we forgive others it helps us to know that we get the importance of the forgiveness we ourselves have received from God.
Conclusion/Invitation
-At its best, the church is a healing community. That’s what we want for Millville Avenue. We want this place to be a healing community where all attenders are doing life together and encouraging each other praying for each other.
-So this week, I want to give you a challenge. What is making you bitter? Who do you need to forgive? I want you to think of one person, just one, who you can go to this week and offer them forgiveness for something that they’ve done to you. Maybe it’s something that they’re doing right now. Maybe it’s coming from an ex-spouse. Maybe it’s coming from a grown child of yours. Maybe a coworker who you don’t speak to anymore. Get that person in your mind. And go to them, and live this message this coming week. Bless them. Do life with them. Live in harmony with them. Be a peacemaker with them. Go the extra mile to love them. And watch as God melts away the icy bitterness that has held your heart captive.
-It always comes back to Jesus. If you don’t know Him on a personal level, it you’re letting Him have control of your life, you can’t beat bitterness. You can’t stop its destructive effects on your life. You can’t offer someone true forgiveness because you don’t know what true forgiveness is in your own life. These altars are open, and
