18Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.” 19So out of the ground the LORD God formed every animal of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every animal of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper as his partner. 21So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then he took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for out of Man this one was taken.” 24Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed. Genesis 2:18 - 25 (NRSVA)
A man went to see his doctor in an acute state of anxiety. Doc, he began, you gotta help me. I’m dying! Everywhere I touch it hurts. I touch my head, it hurts; I touch my leg, it hurts; I touch my stomach it hurts; it all hurts. You gotta help me, Doc; I’m dying!
After a complete examination the doctor said, Harry, I have good news and bad news. The good news is, you’re NOT dying. But, Doc, everywhere I touch…. Relax, Harry, you’re not dying, you have a broken finger.
In our world today marriage has been pronounced Dead on Arrival by a society with a broken finger. Marriage is not really the problem. The problem with marriages is what happens within poor marriages -- and the pain that results from the failure of so many marriages within our society. It is the broken-finger syndrome pressed against the backdrop of God’s good creation, marriage, the family and home.
Yet it is hard to argue with the facts – marriages fall apart in our culture more than they hold together. What is wrong with marriages in America?
More than twenty years ago, Josh McDowell, the popular preacher and minister to America’s youth, identified a major problem that attacks and ruins many peoples’ chance of ever having a happy marriage:
Another reason for where our young people are today is the lack of intimacy. A little over a year ago I debated the co-founder of Playboy on television for three hours. He agreed with me on this point. My statement was this -- we have not been through a sexual revolution. We have not. What we have been through in the last fifteen years has been a revolution in the search for intimacy. Most of our young people do not want the physical aspect of sex, they want someone who cares. They want to be able to care. They want intimacy. We have allowed our culture to dictate to us that the only way you find intimacy is through the physical -- and that’s an absolute lie!
One woman called me at a university. She said, ’Mr. McDowell, in the last five nights I’ve gone to bed with five different men. I got out of bed tonight and looked back and said to myself, ’Is that all there is to it?’ and she started crying. She said, ’Please sir, tell me there’s something more!’ I said, ’Yes, it’s called intimacy. It’s what the Bible calls ’the two shall become one.’" [1]
A very famous singer was asked why she hadn’t gotten married earlier, and she shared how when she was ten years old, her parents went through a devastating divorce. She said, "You know, it’s hard to believe a relationship can last when you’ve never seen one." [2]
What Josh McDowell has been telling us for years is the same thing our text says -- marriage is God’s way. Notice, please,
God knows our need for Relationship (intimacy)
God Knows Us
18Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone;” Genesis 2.18a
When God expressed that it is not good to be alone, He used a word that gives the picture of a branch separated from the tree, or a body part, missing from the body. We could paraphrase this; it’s not a good thing for the man to be alone, like a severed arm from its body.
God created us. He knows that He placed within our souls the need and desire to have relationships. We are made in His image, and the best description of the kind of intimacy God wants is the permanence and security of a marriage.
Someone once said that marriage is like a Jiffy store -- Not much variety, but at 3AM, it’s always there. God knows our need of the kind of intimacy we can trust and count on.
God Plans For Us
“….I will make him a helper as his partner.” Genesis 2.18b
God wanted to provide the opportunity for man to be fulfilled -- to have an intimate relationship that complements or completes him. The word comes from a verb meaning to surround, succor (nurture). This means that the woman God made was to correspond to the man. She is to fill up what he lacks.
God Shows Us
19So out of the ground the LORD God formed every animal of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every animal of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper as his partner. Genesis 2.19-20
The old story has Adam and God sitting in the garden. God is bringing all the animals to Adam for naming. When God brings the elephant, he says, What shall we name this one, Adam? Adam responds, I dunno, Lord, he looks more like an elephant than anything else.
Ad’am had his choice over all the relationships of the earth, yet nothing corresponded to his nature. No plants, birds, fish, or animals had a nature like his. God was showing Ad’am more than animals to name – the Lord was teaching him he was empty without relationship on a spiritual level. He was teaching him that intimacy is our foremost need. God left Ad’am alone in the garden, and it showed him his need for human intimacy.
All of Ad’am’s descendants are born in our spiritual aloneness. We are born into a world of sin, and we choose sin rather early in life. In much the same way that God showed Ad’am his need for human intimacy, God shows us our need for spiritual intimacy with Him.
Sin is separation - being severed from the God who craves intimacy with us...and we for Him. God said, It is not good to be alone. God knows all about our need for intimacy in relationships. The next step is obvious for a God who cares...
God meets our need for Relationship (intimacy)
God’s Provision
21So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then he took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for out of Man this one was taken.” Genesis 2: 21-23 NRSV
That which Ad’am needed most, was that which God was happy to supply. The rib has always caused a lot of speculation. One wag offered this conversation between God and Ad’am,
Lord, I’m lonely. I need to have some company here.
OK, Ad’am. I’m going to give you the perfect woman.
She will be intelligent, beautiful and gracious.
She will cook your meals, clean the Garden,
She will raise the kids flawlessly and never nag or speak an ugly word to you.
Wow! Sounds good.... But, what’s it gonna cost me?
An arm and a leg, boy!
Well, replied the man, That’s really steep -- what can I get for a rib? [3]
The word for "man" is "’iysh" in Hebrew. The word for "woman" is ishshah, meaning taken out of a man. Actually, Hebrew scholars say that "ishshah" (the woman) is almost inexpressible in English. (So they are!)
God’s provision was to give the ’’iysh (man) an ishshah (woman). The woman was taken out of the man, and brought to him. That is written in such a way as to imply that she was brought to the man to abide (stay forever) with him. This is the very first marriage ceremony. And God tied a good knot!
God’s Instruction
24Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2.24
Names mean something in Hebrew culture. Part of God’s instruction is a picture. This is the first time ’iysh (man) appears in the Scripture. Before this he was simply Ad’am (meaning ruddy or having color in the face). This suggests that man was not anything complete until there was woman.
This further suggests God’s purpose and program in marriage. It is the "leaving and cleaving" principle. It is my thesis this morning, gleaned from the Scripture that God’s whole program of life, and eternal life, revolves around the intimacy of relationships -- and the sacredness of that intimacy.
Leaving means loosening the ties of the nest of your upbringing. Cleaving, (according to a literal interpretation) means clinging to after catching by pursuit. For young people who get married it means stop depending on Momma and Daddy – build your own nest, work out your own problems. For the in-laws it means letting them leave and cleave…no butting-in or holding on.
The first six months Elizabeth and I shared a home together, we were 800 miles from either parents. It was the best thing "Uncle Sam" ever did for Mrs. Brownworth’s little boy! We were stationed at Fort Knox in the foreign land of Louisville, KY, far away from our childhood homes. I had to learn to care for my wife without the blessed advice (wanted or inflicted) by either set of parents.
That does not mean parents and grandparents have no part; in fact there is a tremendous responsibility to pray earnestly for your children and grandchildren.
Today, when Biblical marriage is all but forgotten, and so needed, our children need prayer and guidance as they’re growing -- that they will learn the type of mate for which to look. The television will tell them to look for the physical and material things. You must model the spiritual side of life. That means you must live it to teach it!
Genuine Biblical relationships are intimate relationships -- and it is always spiritual before physical!! God provides, instructs.... And if we do it his way, it always bears good fruit:
Relationship’s Fruition
25And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed. Genesis 2.25
The word ashamed is derived from a word that means to see the blood drain. When someone is startled or afraid, the blood drains quickly away from the extremities, and towards the inner parts. It is a physiological reaction to the stimulus of fear.
Adam and Eve had nothing to be ashamed (afraid) of; they were married by God himself. The Bible says they were naked. The word means there was nothing unknown or hidden from each other. Beloved, that is not a "formula for marriage" -- that is the result of an intimate relationship! Adam and Eve were one with each other and God. That is the basis for intimacy, for real life.
Intimacy is the missing ingredient in every empty relationship. We cannot replace intimacy with a new car, a new job or spouse. Intimacy cannot be replaced in a life or marriage by activities, self-help books – and certainly not by facebook.com or chat rooms.
Intimacy is a matter of honest relationship.
All intimacy, in marriage or any other relationship, begins in the heart of God. God has always offered relationship with those He created. In the garden Adam and Eve walked with God in perfect relationship. There was nothing to separate them. They were naked before God – all things known. Only rejecting that intimacy caused the relationship to break down.
It is that way with marriage as well. It is only when we reject the intimacy of honesty and genuineness with each other that our relationships fall apart.
Fixing broken relationships and restoring intimacy is not an easy thing. If you’ve ever asked your spouse for forgiveness, you can identify with that! But God has made a way to heal broken marriages and restoring the intimacy. It begins with forgiveness in Christ.
Do you want to be part of the most loving and intimate of all relationships? Accept Jesus today and learn what real relationship -- real intimacy is all about. It’s God’s way. It’s a good way. Make it your way. Amen.
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ENDNOTES
1] Josh McDowell, Quoted at Moody Founder’s Week, 1986
2] The Bible Illustrator, (Hiawatha, Ia, Parson’s Technology), 1620-1621
3] Martha G. Verlander, as quoted in The Reader’s Digest, February 1991, 82
