Welcome everyone to We-Harmony.com. Every once in a while I feel like it’s important for me to talk about our relationships, because when Jesus was asked, what are the greatest commandments, the first commandment is to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and the second one is to love your neighbors as yourself. Well, I don’t think there’s a more important, human relationship that we have than the love relationships we have between a husband and a wife, boyfriend, girlfriend,...however the things going to work. Please don’t think this is just for marriage. This is for relationships, because we need to understand how to relate to each other. We’re going to use the Bible. We’re going to be in Ephesians 5. If you want to turn over there, we’re going to be talking about a very important passage from the Bible about what it means to be male and female.
You may not understand this, but we’re different. Here are the top ten things only women understand:
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats’ facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN
Did you know that men and women are wired differently?
Matthew 19:4 "Haven’t you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator ’made them male and female,’?
It doesn’t take being around the opposite sex very long to figure that one out. God wired men and women quite differently. Someone sent me some statements made between spouses and how we tend to hear things differently. Look at some of these on the screen.
Dr. Emerson Eggerich wrote this book, Love and Respect. I’m going to use a lot of stuff from it today. And he said it’s like men have a blue mega phone and blue hearing aide, and women have a pink mega phone and a pink hearing aide. And whenever you say something out of your blue mega phone and it’s heard in the pink hearing aide, it comes across differently than what it would if it was blue and blue.
On the screen
WHAT HE HEARD HIS WIFE SAY, "You’re way too stupid to be trusted driving alone in bad weather at your age."
WHAT SHE ACTUALLY SAID, "Drive carefully, dear."
WHAT HE HEARD HIS WIFE SAY, "Honey, why don’t you put your head in a vice & I’ll turn the handle until your skull explodes."
WHAT SHE ACTUALLY SAID, "Honey, why don’t you turn off the basketball game and let’s just sit and talk."
WHAT SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND SAY, "It’s your lot in life to stop whatever it is you’re doing in order to serve my every need!"
WHAT HE ACTUALLY SAID, "Honey, do you know if we have any more triple-a batteries?"
WHAT SHE HEARD HIM SAY, "Life as we know it will cease to exist unless you can alter the space-time continuum!"
WHAT HE ACTUALLY SAID, "Honey are you almost ready?"
WHAT HE HEARD HIS WIFE SAY, "I’m going to make you wish you were dead for the rest of the week."
WHAT SHE ACTUALLY SAID, "Tell me the truth, honey. Do I look fat in this?"
Look at verse 21, Ephesians 5:21; "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
That’s the place we need to begin in our relationships. As a matter of fact I’m trying to do this series so that it’s not just about marriage. This is about relationships period.
This series is for everyone. This information is stuff that Denise and I just really learned a couple of years ago, and I’ve never taught from it. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to do this series. It’s been so simple and so important.
But it starts here -- submit. EVERYONE SAY "I SUBMIT"
Ephesians 5:33, However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
You do realize that countless studies have now shown that a man’s greatest need in life is to be respected, while a woman’s greatest need in life is to feel loved. God is so amazing. He knows how we have been created and how we are supposed to work.
Can I just say something about the Bible? It’s always right.
We are just figuring out this respect thing 2000 years after God told Paul to put it down.
John Gottman -- University of Washington -- why marriages succeed and fail --
WE NOW KNOW WHAT MAKES MARRIAGES SUCCEED AND FAIL -- LOVE AND RESPECT
Hey -- the Bible said that a long time ago.
Husbands love -- wives respect.
Observations: Two distinct commands:
Now some of you are walking in here and you’re not Christians. You’re just kind of feeling the thing out. Let me just assure you of something. The Bible is always right. We interpret things. There are a lot of arguments. There are a lot of denominations that want to argue about different ways to interpret things. I understand that. Put all that aside. If you get down to the very essence of what the Bible says, it’s always right. Two thousand years later, we figured out that the Bible is right about this issue.
However -- if you are a believer -- THIS IS A COMMAND. This isn’t a suggestion.
NOTICE THAT THEY ARE DIFFERENT COMMANDS. GOD KNOWS THAT WE ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Command #1 is to husbands. Husbands are to love their wives:
Obviously this means -- at the very start --that you have to be able to tell her you love her.
Raymond clip
All right so just a little fun. We’ve got to get started right up front. Husband’s love your wives. What does this mean? The word love here is Agape Love. The same kind of word used to describe that Jesus died for us. Agape love that Jesus had for us as a matter of fact, Paul says in this passage, "Husband’s love your wives just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her." Husbands are supposed to love your wives. You’re not supposed to respect your wife. I mean you’re supposed to respect your wife, but that’s not the basic command here. There aren’t any greeting cards out there that say "I respect you "for your wife, are there? They are all about love; because that’s the way it’s supposed to go. If you’re a guy and you’re like "Now, I just don’t get why they need this love?" It doesn’t matter! It just doesn’t matter. You are commanded to love your wife, and to learn how to love your wife. Women need love.
It’s through love we show them their deepest need. We meet their deepest need. That’s what we’re supposed to do. Gene Appel says it this way: When Jesus wanted to reach out to us, what did he do? God came into our world and met us where we are. That’s why he was called Emmanuel - God with us. And guys if we’re going to feed and care for our wives, as Christ does the church, we’re going to have to get down off our high horses, and step out of our world of career and self importance, and step out of the world of sports, and enter the world of our wives, and nurture them and fill their soul.
Our wives are not impressed with how successful we’ve been, or how many deals we’ve closed or how much money we’ve made. What gets their attention is when we leave our world like the son of God did and we enter their world, and their sphere, and their interests, and their careers, and their hopes and fears, and we get involved with them.
I’m not going to spend a lot of time on this, because I’m going to come back to this later and show you how this whole thing works. Honestly I think we all get it. Whether we do it or not, guys get this. We’re supposed to love our wives.
Here’s the opposite side of this. This is what’s really weird. Wives are to respect their husbands. Literally, the word Paul uses here is "Great respect for your husband." Well, wait a minute Tim, aren’t we supposed to love and respect everyone? You bet. God commanded us to love and respect everyone. What Paul is saying here, if we will pay attention to it, is that the primary need of each one of the genders, of each one of the sexes is different.
Husbands are commanded to love their wives, because that’s their primary need. And wives are commanded to respect their husbands, because that is their primary need. It’s been right here in the Bible all the way through.
And the guys that are sitting out here right now are having a little light bulb moment go off in their head as they are realizing, "You know what? That’s really true." I really think respect is more important to me than love actually is. I can hear some of you men saying "Well, what about when my wife is not lovable. You know what about those days when she’s wearing a pointy hat and riding a broom? What am I supposed to do?" And you women are like, "How am I going to respect this Moron that I’m living with right now?" I understand that, believe me I do.
But you do things all the time that you don’t want to do. When the alarm clock goes off in the morning, are you going to do what you want, or are you going to get up and go to work? There are times when we need to do what we’re supposed to do. And I guess the bottom line of this deal is that Paul said, "These are what the commands are that you’re supposed to do in a relationship." You love; you respect.
This entire sermon today is based off this book that we found a couple of years ago, called Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerich. He’s a Christian writer, a Christian author with his a PhD, a psychologist, and also a pastor. And he kind of stumbled on to this idea, and he’s been spreading it around, and it’s amazing.
Here’s what he says: "If the husband is commanded to have unconditional love for his wife, then evidently, she truly needs love. In fact she needs love as much as she needs air to breathe." Picture if you would the wife having a air hose that goes to her love tank. When her husband steps on the air hose, it does not make her a happy camper. She needs him to get off her air hose. And wives please understand this. Husbands are stupid, and we step on your air hose accidentally. That’s usually where the whole thing starts, is it not? The husband does something he doesn’t even know that he was doing and he steps on your air hose.
Eggerich says "In counseling I tell the husband that when he sees the spirit of his wife deflate, he is stepping on her air hose. She is crying out "I feel unloved by you right now. I can’t believe you’re doing this to me." But Eggerich points out also that the husband needs respect just as much as he needs air to breathe. He has a big air hose that runs over to a big tank labeled "Respect", and as long as the air is coming through that, he’s doing just fine. But without it, we end up with a problem.
"We end up in the crazy cycle," Dr. Eggerich says. So, let’s just make this big circle here. I’ll use black. It’ll probably show up a little bit better. Here’s our cycle. We’ve got love up here, and we’ve got respect down here and we’re moving along the circle. Do you guys remember being in this perfect spot at some point in your marriage? Like the first 5 minutes of your honeymoon. Couple of places. You know what it’s like when you’re in a place where he’s showing you love, ladies and you’re showing him respect, and this cycle’s going really, really good. It happens.
The problem is something happens. Let’s just say there’s a problem, right here. The husband does something. He steps on your air hose and all of a sudden you don’t feel loved. Then what do you feel like doing? You feel like not respecting him. And we end up in what Dr. Eggerich calls "The Crazy Cycle." Where you’re withholding love and she’s withholding respect, and it’s going around and around again. Is this sounding familiar to anyone? How many of you were in the Crazy Cycle at some point this week? How many of you came to church in the Crazy Cycle today?
Understand this. Does this not sound right? And so what happens is we do something to our wives. I’m just going to blame it on the guys every time here. I’m just going to be safe. We do something and our wives perceive that as not being loving, and so what do they do? When a wife doesn’t feel love from you, what is she going to do? She’s going to usually criticize you. She’s going to usually tell you about why she doesn’t feel loved, and it’s going to come across negative, and she’s going to criticize you. So what is the guy’s normal reaction? One of two things, either he’s going to be angry, or he’s going to just clam up. He’s going to stonewall. Now is this cycle sounding a little more familiar?
I heard a story about a couple who was having an argument about whatever. And they were giving the silent treatment to each other. The guy realized he had to get up early the next day to catch a plane. He never got up early, and his wife always got up early, and she always got him up. He didn’t even know how to use the alarm clock. So because he didn’t want to break the silence he wrote her a little note that said, "Please get me up at 5:00 a.m." He woke up the next morning at 7:30 furious he had missed his flight. Getting ready to yell at his wife, he looked over at the pillow next to him and there was a little note that said, "It’s 5:00 a.m. get up!"
Men are not equipped for these contests. Let me just help you to understand that. The problem is we end up on the Crazy Cycle, and we don’t know how to get off of it. And we don’t even know that we’re doing it. But a woman’s number one need is love, and if she doesn’t feel that love, she’s going to show disrespect. She’s going to criticize, and then he’s going to stonewall, and all of a sudden the cycle is going to go on and on and on. And the more the wife complains, the more the husband is going to withdraw. And the more they withdraw, the more the wife is going to complain. And you end up in the Crazy Cycle.
The more wives complain; the more husbands withdraw. The more husbands withdraw and stonewall; the more wives complain and criticize.
Men hear criticism as contempt. Women hear stonewalling as unloving. So when he feels disrespect what happens? Well, a couple of things happen, and this is interesting if you think about this. If a man feels disrespected at home, sometimes, he is going to go hang out with other people. He may even work too much. Now don’t generalize this. If your husband is working too much, it may be other reasons. But if a guy doesn’t feel respected at home, it may be that he feels respected down at the bar with his friend, or he feels respected out on the golf course, or at the basketball league, or he may feel respected at work, and he may just decide, "You know what? I’m feeling it there. I’m going to stay there." Who knew Rodney Dangerfield was a theologian?
Ladies it starts by you deciding that you are going to listen to Scripture and give your husband some R.E.S.P.E.C.T. So that’s what we’re supposed to do. How do you stop the Crazy Cycle? It’s pretty simple. Just remember this phrase. "You know what, honey that felt disrespectful. Did I say or do something unloving?" "You know what, honey that felt unloving. Did I say or do something disrespectful?"
And you can stop the Crazy Cycle. I mean it might take you into a deeper argument, but you can stop the Crazy Cycle. Let me give you some practical application. 1 Peter 3:12, he’s writing to wives whose husbands weren’t believers. He says, "Win them with your respectful behavior."
Let me start with the ladies, since I’m on this topic. Ladies how do you show respect?
Let me give you a little history of this R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Every week, we’re using a song to kind of use as our relationship building tool. And this week, and you need to get here on time, because we do that as a prelude. This week it was R.E.S.P.E.C.T. You know who made that famous, right? Aretha, do you know who wrote it? Otis Redding. It was written by a guy. Now, I know that the women’s movement used it, and I know that women stood strong, because you need some R.E.S.P.E.C.T. But it was written by Otis Redding to his girlfriend. Understand that. It was a song written about a guy, because respect is the deepest need of a guy. Obviously, his girlfriend didn’t get it, because Otis Redding next hit was Sitting on the Dock of the Bay.
A man’s deepest need is respect. Women, this is why the Bible never says for you to love your husbands. The Bible never, ever tells you to love your husbands. It never does, why is that? Because that’s your natural inclination. I could ask any guy in here, "Does your wife love you?" And they would say "Yeah." Half of them would say, "She doesn’t like me right now, but I know that she loves me." Right? Because that’s the truth. We understand love, but what guys are looking for is respect.
Now if you were here last year, we had Shaunti Feldhahn, who wrote this great book, What Women Need to Know about Men, and we interviewed her here. She is a Harvard trained psychologist who has done a lot of research. She interviewed 400 guys, and she said "If you had the choice between feeling unloved or disrespected for the rest of your life, and those were your only choices which one would you choose?" And 74% of the guys that she interviewed said, "I would rather be unloved for the rest of my life than to be disrespected for the rest of my life." You look at affairs. You look at a guy who throws his marriage away, throws his life away, his kids away, and you wonder "what in the world was he thinking?" You look at the woman, and you think, "I don’t understand that. I don’t get that. What was the appeal here?" It might be that she got him with respect.
Matter of fact, Proverbs 2:16-19 talks about the Adulteress. How does she get a man? She gets him with flattery of her words, the Bible tells us.
We see this throughout the Bible. 2 Samuel 6:15-17King David was married to Michal. (Saul’s daughter.) She was a beautiful woman, and they had this great marriage relationship. And one day David went out and he felt compelled to dance before the Lord. And he danced before the Lord, and when Michal saw him, the Bible says "She despised him in her heart."
It was basically the end of the marriage, right there. She disrespected him in her heart. That’s why I don’t dance. That’s my reason right there. The marriage ended right there. To a guy saying, "I disrespect you. I don’t like or respect you." is like telling a woman "I don’t love you, I never loved you. I never will love you."
Dr. Eggerich said, "When I talk about respecting your husband, I do not mean being a doormat. Here’s my caveat. I understand this. I do not mean burying your brains or never showing leadership ability or never disagreeing in the slightest way. I do not mean that he is superior to you, and you are inferior in some way. Nor, do I want you to ignore your hurts and vulnerabilities."
Listen respect is an attitude. It’s a behavior. I don’t mean that you approve of their harmful behavior or their sinful habit. You may have to confront them, but you can do it respectively. If you are in an abusive situation, you may need to get out of that situation, but you could still do it respectively, and that’s only in a small percentage of cases. God knows what he’s talking about. That’s why he told Paul to write these words. It’s amazing what happens when we listen to the Bible. When wives respect their husbands and husbands love their wives.
One woman wrote to Dr. Eggerich. She has been married for 22 years, and she was just starting to understand the love and respect message. She said "I wrote my husband two letters about why I respected him. I’m amazed at how it has softened him in his response to me. I’ve been praying for years that my husband would love me and speak my love language. But when I began to speak his language, then he responded to me in the way that I wanted."
Dr. Eggerich uses the acrostic chairs to help the wife make her husband feel respected. It’s in your bulletin if you want to fill in the blanks. I want for you to be able to have this. This is really going to be important for you.
In the book, Dr. Eggerich uses the acrostic CHAIRS to help a wife make her husband feel respected:
Conquest -- appreciate his desire to work and achieve -- this is why it is so much more difficult on a man than it is for a woman when they lose their job.
Gen 2 -- God put man in the garden to cultivate it and keep it.
Guy’s first question to each other -- WHAT DO YOU DO?
Hierarchy -- appreciate his desire to protect and provide - Women have choices in our society.
Tim Allen said "men have two choices -- work or go to jail." Appreciate that even if you are bringing home more bacon than he is. I’m not saying that women shouldn’t work outside the home or that men shouldn’t work INSIDE the home.
When was the last time you thanked your man for protecting and providing?
Authority -- appreciate his desire to serve and to lead
Eph -- wives be subject to your husbands.
It’s not like the feminist’s worry, not like the chauvinist’s claim -- understand his God given desire and responsibility to lead. Not all guys get it.
A young husband, wanted to clearly demonstrate that he was the head of the house stormed into the house following work to confront his young wife. Pointing his finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law. Tonight you are to prepare me a gourmet meal and a sumptuous dessert. Then, when I’m done eating, you’re going to draw me a bath so I can have a relaxing soak. And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?" His wife responded, "My guess is the funeral director."
Insight -- appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel -- (ladies, this is why we never ask for directions)
Do you appreciate his wisdom? Or constantly tell him how wrong he is? Wow -- do you want to start the crazy cycle? Do you want to get off the crazy cycle? Can you tell him that he is smart? Not smarter than you -- but that he has gifts and abilities in some areas that you find amazing.
Relationship -- appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship
I know you gals don’t get this -- but we like to be with you and we don’t have to talk.
One wife went deer hunting with her husband. So, they got up at 4:00 in the morning, and they went out, and they put up the tree stand, and they both went up in the tree. And they sat there for 5 hours and said nothing, because you can’t talk when you deer hunting. No deer came. They packed the gear up, they were on their way home, and the husband turned to the wife and said "That was awesome!" That was awesome, let’s do it again tomorrow. And she probably wanted to take a dive out of the deer stand half way through the day.
Titus -- older women should help the younger women to learn how to be friends "phileo love" with their husbands.
Sexuality -- appreciate his desire for sexual Intimacy.
Most marriage books will tell you that sexual intimacy is a bigger need for men than it is for women, but the truth is that it is symbolic of his deeper need for respect.
I Corinthians 7:15 - stop depriving one another -- so that Satan will not tempt you.
We talked about this last year in the sex series. This was the amazing thing that Shaunti found out in doing her research. How much the lack of physical intimacy was felt as disrespect by men.
Easy for women to say, "I love him, but I don’t respect him." What if that statement were turned around for her?
Here are some ways that you can show this respect that Paul commands you to:
Conquest - Your Husband Will Feel You Appreciate His Desire To Work And Achieve When ...
You tell him verbally or in writing that you value his work efforts
Hierarchy: Your Husband Will Feel You Appreciate His Desire To Protect And Provide When.
You praise his commitment to provide for and protect you and the family (he needs to know you don’t take this for granted). SEND HIM A RESPECT LETTER.
He Will Feel You Appreciate His Authority And Leadership When ...
You disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.
You give your reasons for disagreeing, but you never attack his right to lead.
Your Husband Will Feel You Appreciate His Insight And Counsel When ...
You recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.
Your Husband Will Feel You Value His Shoulder-To-Shoulder Friendship When ..
You tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).
He Will Feel You Appreciate His Desire For Sexual Intimacy When ...
You respond to him sexually more often and initiate sex periodically.
You don’t use sex as a tool to get him to be different.
Ladies it is not your job to keep your husband humble. The Lord can do that. Life will do that. It’s your job to build him up.
I always liked the story of a couple that really needed some more money to make ends meet. So he decided he’s going to ask his boss for a raise, and they didn’t know what the boss would say. When he got home from work that night, she could tell by the look on his face he got that raise. She kissed him on cheek and said you go change clothes and get comfy and come into the dining room, I’ve got something planned. And he came into the dining room and it was decked out with candle light and fancy napkins and music playing. And on his plate there was a little card on his plate that said, "I’m so proud of you. I KNEW you’d get that raise. You deserved it and this dinner is just my little way of telling you how much I love and respect you."
And she kissed him on the forehead and went into the kitchen to get the food and when she did, a card fell out of her pocket onto the floor. He picked it up and read it and it said, "I’m so sorry you didn’t get that raise. You really deserved it, but I’m still so proud of you and this dinner is just my way to tell you how much I love and respect you."
To the Guys ... How to love your wife
John Eldridge tells men, "A woman doesn’t want to be related to with formulas, and she certainly doesn’t want to be treated like a project that has answers to it. She doesn’t want to be solved--she wants to be known."
This takes an investment of time, which is tough for us guys because once we have married her, then we don’t have to do all that courting stuff, because she is ours right? Like going hunting, once we bagged the game, we move on. The problem is, our wife isn’t game, and it’s about a lifetime of learning who she is and what is important to her.
Like the ladies, some of you men are thinking, but I don’t feel like I love her.
Again, this isn’t about feelings. Scripture commands us to love our wives. It is really about trusting God. That is the way it works. When it comes to honoring God with our choices, don’t quit.
Dr Eggerich tells us guys that the acrostic COUPLE helps us understand how to show love for our wives. (this whole list will come up automatically)
"C" is for Closeness.
Number one. She needs you to be close to her. Genesis 2:24, for this cause will a man leave his father and mother and be united to his wife.
I don’t know why men don’t get this better, but human beings are supposed to be face to face. That’s the way that it’s designed. They did infant research with little kids, little babies. They did research with them - between the difference between guys and girls. They walked up to these little, tiny babies’ cribs, and they had these people standing around them. Every one of the little girls looked up and made eye contact in this experiment. Every one of them looked up and made eye contact. And just smiled back and made eye contact with the humans that were there. They went up to the little baby boys’ cribs. Every one of them looked up and made eye contact until they saw the ceiling fan. I’m not making this up. That’s a legitimate psychological test. Guys are not going to pay as much attention. She needs you to be close to her. One guy said "I hold my wife’s hand everywhere I go that way she can’t shop." I mean whatever works. Closeness. C is for Closeness.
"O" is for Openness.
She wants you to open up to her. Not being secretly mad at her.
Colossians 3:19 says "Husbands love your wives, and do not become embittered against them."
The wife wants to talk about their daily marital problems that you’re having on a daily basis, and for the guys he’s like, "Man, if we have this many problems, we must have big problems." No that’s not true, she just wants to know that everything’s open and everything’s out there.
"U" is for Understanding.
Don’t try to fix her. Just listen.
1 Peter 3:7, Husbands live with your wives in an understanding way.
She wants you to just listen. Don’t go into fix mode just listen. Just understand that will show her love.
"P" is for Peacemaking.
She wants you to say "I’m sorry."
Matthew 19:5-6, Jesus quoted the Old Testament Scripture in Genesis, where there are no longer two but one, and then he adds "What God has joined together, let not man separate."
That means it’s going to take work. Your troubles in marriage are going to be natural. You’re going to be different than each other. Just stay off the air hose, and make sure you come back and make peace with her. She needs to have that peace making. That shows her love.
"L" is for Loyalty.
Look this is really important. Divorce should not be an option. She needs to know that you are committed to her. Your wife is your companion, and you made a covenant with her in.
Malachi 2:14 says. You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
She needs to know that.
"E" is for Esteem
She wants you to honor and to cherish her.
1 Peter 3 says, husbands grant her honor as a weaker vessel.
Some people... feminist movement said, "Oh that shows that the Bible says that men are stronger and the women are weaker." That’s not what this is about. I have fine china in my house and I have a Chicago Bears plastic mug. When I drink coffee out of the Chicago Bears plastic mug, I’m not real careful with it. When I drink, well, I don’t ever drink out of the fine china, but if I ever did drink out of the fine china, I would be careful with it. It’s why I never use the fine china; I don’t want to have to. But if I was going to, it’s the difference between the woman being the fine china in your life that you honor her and you respect her.
Some suggestions out of the book:
You’re wife will feel close to you when you hold her hand, when you hug her, when you are affectionate without sexual intentions, and when you go out of your way to do something for her. Your wife will feel you were open to her, when you share your feelings, tell about your day, your difficulties, and when you pray with her. She’ll feel you’re trying to understand her when you don’t try to fix her problems unless she asks for a solution. When you don’t dismiss her feelings, no matter how illogical they may seem to you. She will be assured of your loyalty when you speak highly of her in front of others. You don’t look at other women, when you’re not critical of her in front of the children. She will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others, and open the door for her, and teach the children to respect her, and to honor her. I talk about these affairs for men, but have you ever looked at a woman, and wonder why she’s with such a goofy looking guy. Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett, you know, those kinds of things? It’s probably because he was a guy that was able to show her love.
Love your wives, respect your husbands.
When it comes to love and respect, Jesus set the ultimate example.
Philippians 2:3-5 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition and vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself. Each of you should look not only to your own interest, but to the interest of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."
Some years ago on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson an 8 year old boy from West Virginia and who was rescued from a coal mine was a guest. Through their conversation it became obvious he went to church a lot, so Johnny asked him if he attended Sunday school the previous week. He said yes and Johnny asked him what he learned? We learned that Jesus was at wedding, he turned water into wine. The audience laughed. Carson held a smirk back and asked, "Well what do you think we are supposed to learn from that?" The little boy thought and said, "I guess if you’re going to have a wedding, you ought to ask Jesus to come to it."
